How far I'll go
by Linneagb
Summary: Three new children arrive at the dumping ground late one night. They are close and nothing like the dump have ever seen before- or are they? They stand up for each other, but when something backfires exactly how far are they ready to go to keep each other safe?
1. Beginning of the end

**I know, I know, I know. Another story? Sorry but I just couldn't leave this idea be…**

 **MiniMay is my own character and is portrayed by Maya Le Clark, Gabe is made by GleeJunkie007 and is portrayed by Tommy Knight. Libby is made by x snow-pony x and is portrayed by Sophie Texeira**

 **Enjoy…**

I pushed down a pack of sandwiches down my jacket pocket. Looked around and swore down my breath when I saw policemen coming into the station. They walked over to the clerk by the desk and started talking. It didn't seem like they'd finish sometime soon so I decided to take the shot, made sure the sandwiches weren't visible from the outside of my pocket. And then tried to seem discreet while I moved towards the doors.

And froze when the alarms by the door went off by the not paid sandwiches.

I turned towards the police, for some reason they had frozen too. Then everything happened very quickly. And while I tried to remember the way back to the girls through the pouring rain. I could hear the policemen coming after me- quickly.

I heard the policemen shouting after me again, but didn't mind it and only continued running when I heard them shouting at me to stop. I passed around a corner stomping the ground in each step I took while the rain poured over me. I then ran into an ambush road and jumped over some garbage bins.

"Sch." I shushed the two that had as good as become my sisters. "Be quiet."

Just as I had whispered that last I heard the policemen's voice as they neared our hiding place. Libby was so cold she had started shaking and her jaw shivered up and down hacking her teeth towards each other. I quickly put my hand over her mouth and held her chin still while we could all three hear footsteps and voices of the policemen who had caught me stealing from the gas station.

"Where did he go? Did you see him Jones?"

"No…" I froze and hold my breath. "It's like he just went up in smoke…" The policeman named Jones sighed. "Come on Mitch. Let's just go back to the station and get something to eat. The gas station can do without what he took."

I breathed out when I could hear the footsteps move away from our hiding place. Then pulled up a pack of three double sandwiches from my bag and opened it and handed each sandwich to the girls by each side of me.

Libby was shaking cold she was hacking turns and couldn't have eaten and chewed if she tried. And if that wasn't enough suddenly the light from the street lights flickered and turned off. The soaking wet street on which we sat was left all dark and I could hear Libby's moving as she pulled up her torch from her pocket and tried to wind it up for it to light. She was as good as hyperventilating but in the movement I could see her hands were shaking too much to get a good handle of the torch to spin.

"Hey, it's okay." I moved away from the girls. "Come here." I lifted MiniMay to sit close to Libby and pulled my jacket off and pulled it around them. Around the both of them I could just barely close the zipper while I pulled the torch light from Libby's hands. "It's okay…" When the torch finally was turned on I could see the fear shining from the girls' eye as they looked up at me.

These two girls, MiniMay and Libby were the two most important things in my life. I had never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved them. And when they looked up at me, with scared looking eyes I just wished I could have given them the protection and safety they needed.

I reached for my backpack, it had a blanket in it so maybe…

I sighed and threw it onto the ground again. It didn't matter- it was soaked wet. Everything in there that wasn't wrapped up in plastic bags was just as soaking- and ruined. And while I chewed on my sandwich and shivered in my thin hoodie I tried to come up with an idea.

"Look guys…" I kneeled in front of the girls. "…I'm going to walk for a bit and see if I can find something… something warm okay?" I looked up towards the main street, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able find anything smaller than an elephant in this darkness. "But just stay here okay? I'll be right back so just stay here and be quiet."

Leaving the girls on their own always hurt, I was always afraid something might happen to them before I returned. Or something happening to me before I had the chance to. But just with the thought that if we stayed here we might as well freeze to death I ignored Libby reaching her hand out to me and walked out to the main street.

"Well, well…" I had barely come out of the ambush when I felt someone grabbing me. "What do we have here?"

 **This is a very short introduction. But I can't wait to show you the rest.**

 **I put up a video on Youtube- a couple of years ago I and x Snow-pony x was talking about that when they show Tracy Beaker returns (as far as I know they still only show the first series over and over) they've dubbed it to Swedish. So I watched a bit and recorded a couple of minutes with my phone. In the beginning there are mostly Mike and Gina talking, but there are more towards the end and the voices are sooooooooooo annoying. It's not great quality and you might want to turn your sound up a bit. But if you search for 'Swedish Tracy Beaker returns' on YouTube you should find it if you want to see.**

 **Random fact**

The jacket Gabe has is a picture on on the polyvore edit I made. It's actually almost the same jacket as I have myself. Except mine is white and Gabe's is black.


	2. Three to the price of one

**Thanks to GleeJunkie007, x snow-pony x, Maleeha and fanatic1234 for reviewing on the first chapter.**

 **Mike POV**

"So…" I put a bag with clothes down on the floor and looked around the attic that we had… kind of made into a room. It was still the attic and the whole house was full of boxes and things that had been here earlier. But with everybody sharing right now Joseph had mentioned the idea and now we ended up with moving from his room up to the attic.

There might have been a reason for all of this right now though. Joseph shared with Finn and he had probably wanted the attic to himself. Or at least that he'd get his own room somehow. But the attic seemed perfect for a teenager who needed his own space a bit away from the others and with that our newest member was just moving his (still quite few) belongings one set of stairs up.

"Actually…" Alex stated and looked around. "This is quite cool. I'm really liking this." He slumped down into the bed we had bought new, carried up the stairs in boxes and then put together to one piece once it was upstairs. "Thanks Mike. I know Joseph actually wanted this for himself but…"

"But it suits you better than him and Joseph and Finn are fine sharing. And if someone who shares can take your old room we will take care of in the morn…"

"MIKE THE PHONE IS CALLING."

"It's almost ten PM. Anyway, goodnight I need to check what it is." I ran down the stairs and caught the phone before it had stopped ringing. "Ashdene Ridge Michael Milligan."

"Mike… It's Sarah."

"Oh hello." I slumped down into the desk chair to talk to the social worker. "What gives us the pleasure?"

"Sorry I'm calling this late. But we just got in this group of three children. One boy who's a teenager and two younger girls. They have been around the streets for God knows how long running from the police. But I was thinking maybe I could take them to yours. So they'll at least get a warm bed to sleep in tonight. And if they need to go somewhere else we'll sort that out in the morning?"

"Of course you can bring them here Sarah. And of course, if it's needed they can stay here too. We've got room. We just made the attic into a room for one. Alex has got it so we have one spare room… Can you tell me a bit more?"

"Well, they won't tell me their names. But there's a boy at fourteen, and two girls at nine and four."

 _I should have known by the way Sarah said the children wouldn't tell her their names that these children were trouble._

"HOUSE MEETING."

Sometimes when that shouting needed to be done I missed Gina and her voice.

"At this time of day?" May-Li was just about to end her shift. I didn't know what to answer so I just shrugged and was grateful when she took over partly. "Joseph. Alex is in the attic can you go get him?" I tiredly made my way to the kitchen, quickly going through the rooms and what would be the best options for everyone. "Finn, can you go get Archie. I think he went to bed but everyone needs to be around."

When there was that thunder of everyone coming towards the kitchen I kind of wished they would move in slow motion so I'd figure how to deal with some protesting.

"There'll be three more kids arriving in an hour or so…" I started, dragging out on it as long as possible still trying to find another solution. "The boy will be taking the spare bedroom…"

"That's not fair." Just as I had figured someone (in this case, Dexter) protested loudly. And I was way too tired to deal with that, even more so when Dexter continued. "He's new here and I, Archie, Joseph and Finn have been sharing rooms for ages. Why does he get his own right when he comes here?"

"Because…" I held up my hands to silent any more protests. "Because I have a choice and I don't want to put anyone more than necessary in rooms with people they don't know. As for the girls I don't have a choice. But the boy is the oldest and a teenager so he's probably the one in the biggest need of his own space…" I glanced over all of the girls. "Candi-Rose. I think the older girl will share with you. It's about an hour until they get here so I'll help you move back Kazima's old bed back next to yours. Is that alright?" Candi-Rose shrugged.

"I don't mind sharing."

"Good and…." I glanced over the group of girls again. Floss would probably kill me, and the other girl if I made her share with someone and she had things spread all over her room. "…And…" Toni and Billie already shared. So the choice was in between Sasha and… "Jody. I think you will be the best for her." Jody shrugged, she didn't seem to care much. Or she just knew that sometimes in this place you'd need to make sacrifices- like your own space, to make a good living. "The youngest is only four years old so I want and trust you to set a good example and care for her. Oh and I'll come and help you taking the bed back to your room…"

For making the attic into a room for Alex we had had to put all the boxes away, they had been put- and most of them still were in the hallway. I swore under my breath crossing between carton boxes on my way to find Kazima's old bed and…. Oh. There it was

While the younger children went to bed (even though it was bedtime for the older ones too someone had to help me with the beds and putting together the pieces of Kazima's old in the same room as before) and I left the putting together part to Toni and Billie (who actually had told me they knew a bit about these things) I somehow thought we had a bit of time.

Loads of time to move another bed into Jody's room for the youngest girl.

Well, it wasn't until I heard the doorbell I realized they were here and that we didn't have a lot of time.

"Hello…" I was met by the door as I already knew three kids. Two girls and a boy. "Gosh, come in and don't stand out in this rain." I stepped away from the door to let them come in and glanced over the four of them. Learnt how the boy threw with his head to get the fringe out of his eyes, how the little girl looked shyly around her as if she was ready to run away at any second, and of how the middle one- the older girl wouldn't let go of the boy's jacket as if she was afraid he'd disappear if she let go.

"Mike…" Sarah began. "…These three have been found roaming the streets for God knows how long. Back at the services they could have each shower and some new clothes so they're warmed up. But we thought it would be the best if they didn't have to spent the night at the social services or a police station. Anyway… This is Mike who I told you guys about. He's the head care worker so you'll be meeting him here today and tomorrow before I come back tomorrow and sort some things out. Now…" Sarah seemed to hesitate and not really knowing what to say. "Mike is really nice and there's nobody I'd trust more than him to be able to take good care of you. But it would be a good thing if you did tell me your names, or at least something to call you by. We can take the details in the morning."

"I'm Gabe." The boy told me, almost politely. And by the look on Sarah's face he had probably not said it before. Not to her at least. "And this is Libby…" The older girl, obviously had some Asian in her. "…And MiniMay. I'm fourteen, Libby's nine and MiniMay's four. What more do you need to know?"

My first intention was to ask the usual about what they liked or how they had ended up together or something like this. But when Sarah yawned, and Tyler passed me to go off to bed I was reminded it was way past bedtime. Also for these children.

"You must be very tired. So how about Sarah comes back in the morning and I'll show you to your rooms. Or is there anything else I need to know first?"

"What we know for sure is that none of them are related by blood so to speak." Sarah had to make a pause to yawn yet another time. "We don't know how but they have all ended up on the streets and found each other. They have moved around a bit tricking the bus drivers into giving them a ride. Then some police noticed them here. And they… they kind of tricked the police to believe they had left the place. Gabe here walked onto the main street and the rest is history. But you won't run away now will you?" Sarah looked sternly to the three young children.

"I don't care as long as we stick together."

"Hey… ehm… Gabe…" Sarah seemed insecure and tired and had to rub her eyes and make a pause before she did anything else. "Why don't you let the girls speak for themselves for a minute?"

"Libby could." Once again, Gabe answered before any of the girls had the chance to. "But not MiniMay… she doesn't speak."

Almost as to show Gabe was right, MiniMay lifted her hand and stuck her thumb in her mouth. Gabe just shrugged while MiniMay glanced over me- up and down and up and down. And it really seemed as if she wanted to make her own voice heard. Still, she was still as a wall and met my eyes with hers one last time before she looked away.

"I think..." I started. "…I think…" I kneeled in front of the youngest girl who backed away towards her 'brother'. "Hey pumpkin." I said as softly as I possibly could. "There's no need for you to be afraid. My name is Mike and I work here. There are several children here whose parents can't care for them. And they might seem scary, and everything may seem scary right now. But everything's alright and there is nothing to be afraid of."

This far, Gabe had only said the most important and none of the girls had said a single word. But in the way that MiniMay looked into my eyes, Gabe protectively held each hand on the girls' shoulders, and the way Libby held a hand wrapped in the fabric of his jacket told me more than words ever could.

These children weren't going anywhere without one another.

"Well..." Sarah started when nobody else had said anything. "You have all three gotten to eat and drink. Showered and gotten into clean and warm clothes. There are more things to be sorted out but we figured I'd come back in the morning and we can take it then rather than in the middle of the night." The children didn't say anything, but when Sarah looked to me I nodded. "I'll be leaving now. See you in the morning. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Sarah." I smiled after her. "See you tomorrow." I locked the door after her and turned to the children who were still holding onto each other. "You, my young man." Gabe seemed to have let go of the somewhat politeness with Sarah. Because he only continued glaring at me despite my try to make him smile. "Well, anyway. It's way past bedtime. You will have your own room, but you girls will move in in each room with other girls."

"Why can't we just all stay in one room?" Gabe almost shouted angrily at me. "The one I'm going to have. The girls wants to stay with me."

"There are rules that girls and boys can't be put in the same room for safety reasons." I told them as calmly as I could. Gabe was old enough to get what kind of reasons. "I'm sorry but that's the way it is and I can't change it."

"Are you kidding me? I'd never touch them."

"I don't believe you would." I tiredly suppressed a moan. "But rules are rules. And needs to be followed…" I showed them to come after me through the hallway. "This will be your room Gabe. Look here girls." I gestured to them through the door to Gabe's room. "He's right here, right down the hall. But you cannot share room because for your own safety girls and boys cannot share. And we haven't got any more empty rooms right now. We will sort it out in the morning more, but you my lady…" I turned to Libby and opened the door to hers and Candi-Rose's room. "Will share with her." I smiled when I saw Candi-Rose had finished putting up a bed for Libby. (and as far as I could see she, Toni and Billie had put it together correctly. So hopefully Libby wouldn't end up on the floor before the morning came) These children made me so proud. "You two can get to know each other. But just get to bed as soon as possible because it's really late and you…"

MiniMay seemed so tired her eyelids were almost closing, but she seemed afraid when I took her away alone from Libby and her eyes shot open wordlessly when I showed her through the hallway.

"And you sweetheart will share with…" I opened the door and saw that one temporary bed had been fixed with some pillows from the sofa and bed sheets. "…Jody. Don't worry, we'll put up an actual bed for you in the morning. Jody, can you borrow her some T shirt or something… you need some sort of pyjamas sweetheart. Is there anything else you need right now?"

As Gabe had stated. MiniMay didn't say a word, and made no intention that she wanted to.

"Come in here." Jody showed the younger girl into their room and I crossed my fingers it would work. "We didn't have time to get a bed in here. But I fixed one for you and it's really soft. If you want to…"

The door closed behind them, and the last thing I saw before it clicked was MiniMay's brown eyes still searching for the two people that she had come here with.

 **Random fact**

Actually. When I first planned this story MiniMay was the only child coming in. Then I realized it would probably make a boring story with only her…Which is why I asked x snow-pony x and GleeJunkie007 to send in characters. Only with a few details that I needed for the story.


	3. We go together

**Thanks to GleeJunkie007, Maleeha x and fanatic1234 for reviewing.**

 **I put up two new one-shots in the Tracy-Beaker- fandom. The first one is called 'don't dream it's over' and the second 'this I promise you'. I hope some of you could consider reading it and like it and maybe if you would like leave a tiiiiiiny little review.**

 **Mike POV**

"Mike." I stood and made breakfast for myself in the morning the day after the three runaways arrives when Jody suddenly hurried into the kitchen. "MiniMay is gone." I had just taken a bite of my sandwich, now swallowed it wrong and ended up having to run to the sink not to spit it over the whole counter while I coughed so I almost threw up. "Oh… sorry." Jody patted my back. "Should have waited another mi…"

"Mike." Suddenly Candi-Rose came hurrying too. "Libby's not in her bed."

Well… Then it wasn't too hard to guess where they all were.

I showed the girls to be quiet and waited for a minute until I had stopped coughing before I sneaked up the stairs quietly not to wake anyone up, through the hallway we went and I carefully knocked on the door and opened the door to Gabe's room.

And like I thought…

On the bed, squeezed together laid all the three kids side by side. The girls who laid on either side of Gabe were fast asleep under each of his arms he had laid around their shoulders. And their slow, deep breaths told me all about how safe they felt. Gabe himself was awake and looked up on me, Jody and Candi-Rose while I nodded, then carefully closed the door after us- I'd have to have another talk with the three of them on why they couldn't share room later during the day.

It was not like I hadn't expected this to happen anyway. Only God would tell how many times it would happen in the future. And if the rules weren't against me I would for certain let the three share. But trying to force those thoughts away and in some way beating myself up for the fact that I couldn't break the rules like that I reached for the coffee jar in a cupboard and started making my own breakfast.

"So what do you like having for breakfast" I turned to the three new when they, like I had expected came down for breakfast in group. "We have cereal and cheese and eggs and all kinds of them. What do you like?"

"No thanks." Libby's words were barely more than a whisper and she looked around her behind her fringe as if she was ready to run at any move too much. "I'm good."

"She doesn't eat breakfast." Gabe stated before anyone had the time to ask anything else. "And MiniMay doesn't speak. How many times do I need to tell you that?" He glared at me.

"Do you want some of this?" Candi-Rose gestured to a smoothie blender she liked to use every morning while Libby walked past. "I had trouble eating breakfast too. But it's better when I don't have to chew it." Libby shrugged. "It's nothing dangerous, just banana and yoghurt and stuff." Libby looked up on Gabe who shrugged and turned to make himself a cheese sandwich.

"Maybe… I'd like to try a bit."

Candi-Rose smiled, and I couldn't help but smile too. Sometimes it were in the little things when I could see my children help each other. And she turned back to the mixer for a minute and then poured up her smoothie in two glasses and handed one to the new girl.

"Here you go."

"Thank you." Libby answered only barely loud enough to hear and sipped from the glass. "It's really good."

I turned back to my own breakfast and for a moment didn't mind much about the kids. Although I was always ready to join in whatever conversation or break up some whatever fight. This breakfast, everybody seemed to fascinated by three new kids arriving at once during the night to mind much about anything.

"Candi-Rose…" I looked up and felt a frown form in my forehead when I saw the distress in the expression of Libby's face and moves only as I finished my own breakfast. "…Why is the smoothie pink?"

"Because I like pink- everything that's pink!"

"No." Libby was starting to seem hesitant. "For it to become pink you'd need to put something in it that makes it pink. What?"

"Well… There isn't actually that much in it. It's yoghurt, banana, cinnamon and strawberries."

"STRAWBERRIES?"

That came from Gabe and not Libby herself. Libby only crouched where she sat and pulled her knees up. She obviously wasn't feeling too well.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Libby's allergic to strawberries. Gosh couldn't you just tell all you had in it and we wouldn't have to go through this?"

"I didn't know." Candi-Rose seemed to almost want to cry. And I could understand her- Gabe wasn't being nice at all. And I decided to take over before she actually did start crying.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Well how do you prepare oneself for hours of barfing you idiot?" Gabe asked rudely. "Hey…" He turned to Candi-Rose with a bit of a nicer tone. "Do you have a hair band or something to pull her hair back?" Gabe was obviously the most practical of the kids, while he helped Libby- who was now sweating with an afraid expression on her face, up and past the kids. Candi-Rose nodded and pulled off the band she had in her own hair. Then helped Libby to get it on. "We'll be in the bathroom in case someone needs us."

"Hey." I stood up as soon as I registered what Gabe had said. "It'll be better if you go to your room Gabe. I'll get you a bucket and some towels." Libby was already holding her arms tightly wrapped around her stomach. "Go to your room Gabe. It's only for the day." Gabe nodded and led Libby out the room. I went to get a bucket from under the sink, but was about to learn exactly how soon those allergic reactions started when, on their way up the stairs I heard Libby gag and throw up.

As quickly as I could, while hearing more gagging and the children making disgusted noises I grabbed the bucket and a roll of paper towels. In the stairs, after what felt like hours I could hold the bucket under Libby's chin- although just as I could it seemed as it had stopped.

"I'm sorry…" Libby whimpered and with tear filled eyes. "I didn't mean to…" Her breaths went slower and more fitful again while she lowered her chin into the bucket and gagged again, but this time without being able to bring anything up. "I didn't mean to."

"Shush." I said gently. "It's okay. You can't help it. Here." I carefully lifted Libby up and took a big step not to have to step in the vomit, Gabe could walk on the side and just as we continued the door opened and May-Li came in. "Oh thank God… Can you clean this up May-Li? Libby has allergies and I feel like I should go and… help." May- Li nodded and pulled her jacket off.

"Don't worry about it Mike. I'll take care of this. Feel better Libby."

I didn't put Libby down, I was unsure whether she could stand on her feet anymore, the fingers on one of her hand held tightly onto the edge of the bucket, and the other hand held just as tightly onto Gabe's. Gabe was for sure going to have some bruises, and her knuckles were all whitened.

"There we go." I put Libby down on Gabe's bed. "I'll check if any of the girls has some other clothes that you can borrow." I stood up quickly, Gabe sat down next to Libby and glared at me while he grabbed the bucket and Libby started gagging again.

"It's okay, it's okay. Just relax Libby." Gabe put all his concentration to the younger girl next to him and I backed out of the room. I closed the door after me but the sounds of those painful heaves were ringing in my ears while I continued down the hallway.

What I wouldn't do to take any of these children's pain.

With a deep sigh I sat down by the table where everybody were now silently finishing off their breakfast.

"She'll be just fine." I looked down to my side where MiniMay, just as silent as ever was chewing on her banana. "She and Gabe are in Gabe's room. But we should probably leave them two some privacy. But when Libby feels better you can meet them again." MiniMay looked up at me, her eyes meeting mine. But still didn't say a word. "And you don't have to worry here. All these people are really nice. And no one will hurt you."

MiniMay only looked up at me, her eyes meeting mine in that almost creepy way that she had looked at anyone and everyone (except for Libby and Gabe) ever since I knew at least. She put the last spoon of a yoghurt into her mouth and then slid down from the chair before she almost ran out of the room.

"Ah-Ah." I followed her and she stopped in the stairs. "I think you should leave Libby and Gabe alone for now. Is there anything Libby don't need right now it's an audience and you already know the rules. Try and get to know the others a bit yeah?"

"Hey Mike."

"Oh… Hey Sarah." I jumped when I heard a new voice behind me. Oh, ehm… Look Sarah. We've had a bit of a problem. We accidentally gave Libby some strawberries to eat and we didn't know she was allergic. So can you come back tomorrow, and we'll pretend as if today never happened because today did not start off well… And…"

"I do know that look on your face Mike." Sarah interrupted me calmly. "And what do you think I would do? Take away your license for accidentally causing this or… put girls and boys in the same room. Because mistakes do happen and if it's only for today…" Sarah looked behind me and to MiniMay who sat in the stairs. "…Then it's okay. And I'd let MiniMay be with her friends rather than being with a girl or a boy."

MiniMay didn't let wait for it, when I turned back to Sarah I could hear her moving and then her small shape moving quickly up the stairs and down the hallway. I still wasn't so sure about this, even though I knew that there was no way we'd be able we would, or even should keep these three away from each other.

"It seems today is a bad day." Sarah said and smirked slightly. "I'll come back tomorrow by lunchtime. You can do this Mike."

I wasn't so sure exactly what Sarah meant with 'this'. And that morning I wasn't so sure if I wanted to know. But if 'this' meant the most quiet day ever in the dumping ground (And I wasn't so sure if I liked it being like this) and loads and loads of paper work. Then I guess 'this' wasn't too hard actually.

Life just seemed to go on at the dumping ground like it always would. Gabe, Libby and MiniMay had closed the door behind them in Gabe's room. And despite knowing the rules I couldn't have the heart to tell them at least the door needed to be opened. A few times in the morning I could hear Libby throwing up again, and either I or May-Li went to give them an empty bucket and clean out the one they had. Other than that we just stayed away.

"Excuse me?" I knocked on the door towards dinner time and then opened it. "It's time for dinner and you three didn't have any lunch. You should come downstairs and have something."

Gabe looked to the other two, first to Libby who still seemed pale, and then to MiniMay who as usual didn't say anything but only watched.

"Come on… When eating we can find something new and clean for all three of you to wear."

"FINE!" Gabe shouted. "We'll be there in a minute." He threw his blanket over the three. "But you don't have to stand there and watch us." I nodded and then left. I didn't expect much to happen. But when I came into the kitchen I bet my heart skipped a beat when I suddenly heard a loud thud and a bang in the stairs and then…

"MINIMAY."

I turned on my heel and gently pushed some children away to get to MiniMay who laid on the bottom off the stairs holding her head in her hands with Gabe kneeling right by her. She had obviously fallen, but not said anything, not even screamed when she lost her balance as most other people would.

"GO AWAY." Gabe shouted as I tried to come closer. "I can take care of this. Go away…" While MiniMay sat up, with tears in her eyes but seeming fine Gabe turned back to her while Gabe talked to the crowd that had gathered behind him.

"Go away."

"Here let me see." I kneeled by MiniMay and reached my hand out to push her hair away from where she had hit the stairs. "Are you okay?"

"She doesn't speak. And if she doesn't speak to me how do you think she will to you?" The fact that Gabe let me come close enough to check where MiniMay had hit her head was a surprise to me. "Can't you just leave us alone?"

"Come on…" I stood up and waved away the group of children that had gathered by the stairs. "She will be just fine. They need space only. Come on, into the kitchen- all of you."

"You too." I heard behind me from Gabe who looked up glaring at me. "Especially you."

"You'll know where to find me if you need me." I followed the children into the kitchen. And tried not to take it personally of how rude and everything I did wrong- or so it felt. Bad day for us all this! "Do you need some help putting up on your plate Archie?"

"No thank you…" Archie reached up for the big spoon. "…I can do this on my own. Whoa." Barely had Archie tried to put up stew on his plate when he dropped the big spoon, right on his already filled plate and it landed upside down on the table. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'll clean it up." He sat down on his chair (he had been standing to reach) while I stood up and got ready to help him.

"That's fine Archie. Accidents happen." I suppressed a sigh and sent him a slight smile. "You guys keep on eating, Jody can you help Archie." Jody nodded and reached for the plate and the stew. "Thank you guys." I smiled at them- sometimes it really was in the small things that made my heart fill up with pride for my children. Small things, even if it was just helping the younger ones putting up food without dropping the plate.

"Are you okay?" When I sat back down the three new kids came into the kitchen finally, MiniMay still had tears shining in her eyes. And I didn't really expect an answer- which I didn't get anyway. But I did know the look in children's eyes when they were in pain and she didn't look like it.

"She's fine." Gabe snorted. "More fine than Libby anyway."

"What do you like best Libby?" May-Li stood up. "I think we should have some soda that could help calm your stomach down. So coke or 7-up?" For a minute I expected Gabe to answer for her. But Gabe seemed concentrated on putting up food for MiniMay and Libby hesitated for a second before she almost whispered her answer.

"Coke please."

"Do you want something to eat? I'm not sure this kind of stew would be the best. But we could make oatmeal or a sandwich or something that would be nice."

"Only coke will be fine for now."

"Okay." I smiled at her and tried to ignore Gabe's glare. "Well if you change your mind you can tell me, or you just come after dinner. At any time you like. And that goes for you two as well." I waved towards Gabe and MiniMay. "We don't want any of you to go hungry do we?"

"It's still good you don't have any worse reactions." I was pretty sure Jody put an end to my babbling on purpose. "When I had only been here for a few months they almost killed me with a cake."

I rolled my eyes at Jody. Then noticed the look on Libby, Gabe and MiniMay's faces and quickly swallowed to be able to explain to them what Jody meant.

"Jody was allergic to something that was in the cake. We didn't know, she didn't even know herself and then stuff happens. But now we do know you're allergic to strawberries we'll make sure not to give you anything with strawberries in it again. Do you have any other allergies that we need to know off?"

"MiniMay doesn't." Gabe answered as usual. "Not that we know off at least. But I'm allergic to mint so if I use regular toothpaste I'll die. I'm also allergic to oranges but I can have one of those every once in a while without any problems."

Gabe kept on eating and I slowly glanced over him and the girls on either side of him silently. For a moment I wondered where they came from and what had brought them here today. What had kept MiniMay from speaking? Made Gabe so rude and Libby seeming so afraid of anything and everything?

In the middle of my thoughts I barely noticed the three had gotten up and left the table. But when I did notice they had I did notice they had left their dirty dishes on the table. And with a sigh I stood up to get them- I could just as well!

For anyone new at the dumping ground I could always get it was a hard change to come through. Whether you came with friends or not. So I decided to leave Gabe, Libby and MiniMay alone for the afternoon and evening. If we needed to talk about something we could take it with Sarah along too in the morning. And I told the other children to leave them alone too.

First when the children started going off to bed I realized I would have to sooner or later. So I walked through the hall knocked on the door to Gabe's room. One other might say I should make MiniMay and Libby go back to their own rooms and beds. But I sure as hell wasn't going to do that after this long day. There would be tomorrow too, and the day after that, and the day after that…

I wasn't surprised when I found the three similar to how we had found them this morning. On the bed they laid, side by side with Gabe in the middle. This time Gabe sat up but both Libby and MiniMay had fallen asleep. Libby leaning back against his shoulder and MiniMay across his lap. None of the girls moved when I came in and had to suppress a sigh. But Gabe glared at me enough for all of them, if only glares could kill. And I certainly didn't even have to hear what he wheezed in between his teeth not to wake the girls up.

"I hate it here."

 **Random fact**

Anything (which isn't much) I know about selective mutism I get from Torey Hayden's non-fiction books. And I hope I can make it work even though I don't have any personal experience of it.


	4. Room for two

**Thanks to GleeJunkie007 for reviewing.**

 **Mike POV**

"Hello." The day after Libby had those allergic reactions, and the mysterious three had arrived Sarah had finally made her way to our dumping ground. "How are you today Sarah?" I led her into the office, I sat down in my office chair and she sat down on the couch. "And what is looking like will happen to these kids you brought here the other night."

"Well…" Sarah seemed hesitant while she picked up some papers from her bag and riffled in them. "I'm good, thank you for asking. But about Gabe, Libby and MiniMay. When they came here there was still a thought that it might be temporary. But it's looking as if they might have to stay here. But if I know you right that is not a big deal."

"Big deal and big deal," I smiled towards Sarah who still looked distressed. "What am I supposed to do? Chuck them out on the street? There is a Swedish saying I heard about, it says that if there's space for heart, there is space for ass." None of us could help but laugh. "And I think that suits quite well. Is there something else? Any news about where they come from?"

"No." Sarah riffled more in her papers. "We do know they have been on the streets. But they could just as well have come to that point last week as ten years ago… But, until we know or something changes. We do know that they have the best home they could ever have here at Ashdene Ridge. And that they could even if they have to share rooms. I know you'd like for each kid to have their own space." I nodded, Sarah knew me well enough to get it without me saying anything. "And if I could give you one house big enough then I would. Because there's nobody who deserves it more than you do. Now tell me. How are these three mysterious kids we have no idea who they actually are doing? Do we know who they actually are yet?"

"Well. MiniMay still haven't said a word and…" I gave a deep sigh. "…I just have this really weird feeling about who she is and how she ended up here. But Libby's allergic to strawberries. She had a reaction and Gabe thinks they were better off on their own and hates this place. So with the thought that their here still only their first few days… Oh, and in the evening MiniMay is sharing with Jody and Libby with Candi-Rose but during the night they always go to Gabe's."

You'd think that after my almost thirty years as a care-worker I'd have seen and heard everything about all kinds of children. Have gotten used to everything and nothing would even surprise me anymore. It was just that these three mysteries were just that… mysteries. And I couldn't help for that to annoy me. While every single piece of what had happened to them that we knew off (which wasn't worse) was sent back and forth between me and Sarah during that meeting.

"So do you think that will help the girls feel safer in their own room? Because you know girls and boys cannot share rooms together."

"Yeah I know." I gave a deep sigh. "But telling them that over and over again just kind of breaks my heart when they over and over again ends up going to Gabe's room at night. And I don't know how or even if we should keep them, from doing that. I mean how long have these three kids been just… these three kids and… God… I don't even know what to do about them. I just want to help them more than I want anything else. But I just."

"I know." Sarah interrupted. "I feel it too."

For a moment we just sat there, Sarah was looking to her hands as if she'd never seen anything more interesting in her life and I was left spinning back and forth in my desk chair. And we both must have been quite far away in our own thoughts because we both jumped when suddenly Sarah's phone started calling loudly.

"Social services this is Sarah McKinley… Yeah… Uh-huh… I'll be right over. Sorry Mike but I have to go. Good luck with all of this. Call me if there are any problems. And whatever happens, I know you, and you're doing great."

Five minutes later I sat with a notebook and a paper over me. With the names of the kids and who they were sharing a room with in front of me. As if that would make it easier for me to decide who would have to share a room from now on. And neither of the choices just didn't seem right. We couldn't put three in one room. And Floss… just no. And Ryan… just no. Joseph and Finn were already sharing, as well as Dexter and Archie. Alex had his own room in the attic but there was a reason I had moved him up there to have his own space. Billie and Toni already shared…"

When I came into the living room what felt like a million years later it was with a deep sigh. And still not certain I had made the right choice.

"Jody, Sasha. Can you come with me to the office, please?"

The two teenagers came after me. And even though knowing Jody didn't mind sharing anymore. And Sasha not being half as easily annoyed as it was when she got here I just couldn't help but feel weirdly nervous.

"Hey guys." I tried to drag on it when we came into the office, sighed while Jody and Sasha made their way into the office and Sasha closed the door after them. "Look. I've come to a decision to be made and… I think that with these new kids, Gabe, MiniMay and Libby. Of course, as you know I can't let them all share. Even though both of the girls have so far ended up in Gabe's room during the couple of nights they've been here. But I think it would give the girls some safety and privacy if the two could share. But then somebody else who has been here since before will have to share to make a spare room. And I was thinking that the best option would be if you Jody, moved in with Sasha."

I looked from one of the girls to the others. While they first looked at me and then to each other. I didn't exactly expect for one of them to throw a fit over this. After all, they were both among the oldest children here and knew what needed to be done in times like these.

"Isn't there anybody else who can share?" Sasha finally asked. "Like Floss and Candi-Rose?" I raised an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe not. Well hello there new roommate." Sasha held out her hand and Jody shook it and I drew a relieved breath. "Chill out. What should we do? Scream, shout and punch you until you let us have our own rooms?"

"No, of course not. I trust you guys. I'm just always afraid I'm going to do this one day and it's not going to work at all. Like that time when you just got here, Jody. And we made you share with Carmen." Jody shivered with the memories. "Yeah, I know. But things changes. People change. And you guys are friends. And as teenagers I know you would need and want your own space. And if I could I'd find a place big enough for everyone to have their own room. And as we still haven't moved in an extra bed in Jody's room. I think it would be the best if we move the one that Libby's been using into your room Sasha."

"Okay," Jody interrupted. "I don't care about my own room. But I still want my own bed."

I couldn't help but smile. "I'll make sure we just move over your bed then. Is there something else you're wondering about? Or can I go upstairs and talk to Gabe and the girls?"

"Go talk to Gabe and the girls. We'll ask Alex and Ryan to help us move Jody's bed."

The thought hit me about what these girls had been like when they came to Ashdene Ridge (Or Elm tree house which it still was when Jody came). I hadn't been there myself to see it, but Gina had told me seriously how Jody had laid trying to sleep under the kitchen table because she couldn't share after all the terrible things her brother and his friends had done to her.

And then Sasha who had been kicked out of God knows how many places before she came here. And then how close she had been after being taken from here too and all of that anger. If she had gotten her own room then and I would have taken it away from her she would have blown up the whole house in a pure anger rage.

Sometimes, what the children did that made me fill with pride was to simply be themselves and see them changing over the years.

I couldn't help but wonder if we'd see some change in the mystery three and what in that case.

"Okay, you guys." I knocked on the door to Gabe's room where they all sat on his bed watching a movie on a phone that Gabe held onto. "First of all," I said as calmly as I could. "Whose phone is that?"

"Mine." Gabe snorted. "Why? Do you think I stole it? That I shouldn't have a phone because I lived on the streets? Because I had it before then. But I hadn't even had the time to charge it for a while until today."

"Okay, okay, okay." I held up my hands. "I get it. And no, I don't think you stole it. I trust you. But if you could come to the office." Gabe looked to his side and the two girls he always had next to him. "Just let them continue watching that video…." Gabe rolled his eyes, but obeyed. "I'll bring him back in no time. And I've got a surprise for all of you. Including you, Gabe."

Gabe rolled his eyes and turned to walk in front of me out of the room and down the hallway. I had to suppress a sigh. Whatever had happened to these mysterious three kids I barely even dared to think about. And tried to force that feeling away with that now, at least, when they were here we could treat them in the way they deserved.

"We are thinking." I sat down in my office chair. "We can rearrange your room a bit now you've moved into it. And also, Jody and Sasha are moving into Sasha's room so Libby and MiniMay will be able to have one room to themselves too. Now for your know. As you know we don't exactly like that MiniMay and Libby always come into your room at night. But we still get that you're doing it. So we have found you a bigger bed than what most others get around here. Now, I bought it from a friend so it's not new. But this doesn't mean that you can go on like this forever with the girls coming into your room. It's just so that as long as you do that you won't be at risk of falling out or something like that."

"Fine, whatever."

"We have loads of buckets with leftover painting and rolls with wallpaper that haven't even be used. So we'll start with going to the att… garage. Until just a few days ago all things were in the attic. But now Alex lives there…" Gabe gave a deep sigh. "Alright, alright. I'll show you to it then."

I showed Gabe outside and to the garage. Here was a great big mess after moving all the things from attic in here. But I did find the spot where we had put all the pain and rolls of the wallpaper. Sure there was something in here for Gabe.

I watched him look around for a minute. He lifted the lid from a few of the paint buckets. I backed towards the door at first. Then turned to leave him here in the garage, he could maek up his mind about which color he wanted for his walls.

"I'll just go inside for a bit." I turned to go away. "I'll be in the office if you need me?"

"Hey Mike. Can I have this color?"

"That was fast…" I walked back to him. "Now," I looked down into the bucket with a bright green color. "Are you sure you're ever going to be able to sleep in a room with that color on the walls?" Gabe raised an eyebrow- these kids and their silent ways. "Well. You're the boss. You can take that upstairs and this…" I grabbed another bucket. "This is the same color. I'll go to the store and get rollers and everything. Oh, and can you show the girls out here too. They can pick whichever they want for their room too and we can do both of the rooms in the same day."

Two days later we were all finished with the covered clothes and everything. I, Gabe, Candi-Rose, Sasha, Billie, Floss, Dexter and Ryan were in here. And May-Li, Jody, Joseph, Finn, Tyler, Toni, Alex and Chloe were in the girls' room with the wallpaper they had chosen. The needed furniture was moved into the hallways right outside and everybody were wearing paper overalls over their clothes.

"Okay… Gabe, you start it. It's your room after all." The thought flashed by that the girls kept on coming in here every night. But pushed it away, I could deal with that later. "I hope the girls like their room too. And they should. Libby really liked that wallpaper and MiniMay really liked those framed pictures with things from the beach that we bought. She likes the beach right?"

With the roller in his hand Gabe seemed to something close to smiling for a second. But it must have been for a second because my vision only passed him before I looked away. And when I looked back it was gone. As a shadow that had just passed by for a single second.

And then, with that roller covered in bright green painting he turned away from me. And there once again, it was as if an invisible wall went down in between us. And he was no longer there for me to reach.

 **There are polyvore edits on my polyvore for the characters and what the kids' new rooms will look like. I am Linneagbffn and you'll find it in the collection "How far I'll go"**

 **Random fact**

Well this is a boring filler chapter. But I do finally have some ideas on how to continue this story (I've had the plans on how to end it all along. But now I have ideas on what will happen next XD) So it shouldn't be as long between the chapters now. I can't promise anything as I have a lot of stories going on, but some of them are almost finished so…

 **See you next time. The ones who review will get a shoutout.**


	5. Mystery three number one p1

**Thanks to GleeJunkie007, Maleeha x and "Guest" for reviewing.**

 **Answer to guest review:** 1\. I don't really plan when I'm going to update the story next time until right before I start it or something. Even then I don't know how long it will take me to finish it and 2. Keep in mind that when you anonymously answer questions in reviews there is no way for me to answer them before I put the next chapter up.

 **Gabe POV**

"Gabe." The first night after the whole dumping ground had helped out to fix my and the girls' rooms I woke up from someone calling my name and shaking my shoulder. "Gabe?" I looked up, it was Libby. Fixed up rooms or not, I had expected this so I started moving over on my bed so Libby could get up next to me. "You need to come to our room. MiniMay is crying and I can't get her to stop."

It took me a couple of seconds to realize what Libby had said. Then I quickly got onto my feet and hurried out of my room and to the girl's. Half expecting for MiniMay to be asleep deeply and silent as usual.

"MiniMay?" I came into the room, well. Our little friend really was crying. "Mini…" I walked over and sat down on the edge of her bed and rubbed her shoulder. "It's okay? Did you have a nightmare? It's okay. I and Libby are here with you and we're all safe here."

MiniMay didn't react to what I was saying and I wouldn't be sure she had even heard it. But then, suddenly and over while I had barely understood what happened…

"I want daddy and Michael."

I froze, I, Libby and MiniMay had spent as good as every second together for the past month. And neither I nor Libby nor anybody else that I knew off had heard MiniMay speak. At all or ever. And there they were- five words, in a broken voice filled with tears. And if we only knew anything about them.

"Who's Michael?" Libby looked up questioning at me but I couldn't do nothing else then shrug while I continued rubbing MiniMay's back and she just cried. "Do you mean Mike? It's alright MiniMay, Mike will be back here in the morning." MiniMay only cried more and buried her face in her pillow. "Isn't it Mike you're talking about? Mike Milligan?"

It was like she had never said or done anything at all. MiniMay only kept crying into her pillow and didn't mind us. I looked up on Libby as if she'd know what to do, but she looked about as helpless as I felt. And with that I continued rubbing her back and Libby held her hand while sobs shook her over and over and over.

The sobs finally started slowing down, going slower and quieter as MiniMay cried herself to sleep. She turned her head and rolled over on her side. Her cheeks were stained wet and swollen. But at least she was sleeping. Even though that didn't help the feeling of helpless for me and Libby.

"What are we supposed to do now?"

"You can go to sleep Lib." I scooted over on the bed so I could lean against the wall. "I'll stay up." Libby made a pause, then laid down and pulled the covers up to her chin still watching me. "Don't worry, I've stayed up all night loads of times. I'll be fine. Goodnight."

Libby didn't look too happy with what I had told her. But at least she closed her eyes, turned on her other side and fell asleep. It was true though. I had stayed up all night loads of times. But that was when I lived with my mum, and that was a long time ago.

To the sound of Libby and MiniMay's slow breaths I could feel a lump rising in my throat and tears in my eyes. Annoyingly I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand and forced the lump down my throat again. I hated crying!

But all of the time that had passed and here we were…

I sniveled, leaned my head back against the wall and forced the memories flashing through my head away.

At least I had been used to staying up all night.

I just couldn't help it when I fell to the side at the foot by MiniMay's bed. These girls were more precious to me than anything else. So no way I was leaving them alone even for one night when something was obviously up. But I just couldn't keep my eyes open and half lying against the wall and one foot still towards the floor I fell asleep.

"MiniMay? Libby?"

The first thought that hit me when I woke up was about how stupid I was that had just fallen asleep. What could have happened tonight? Had they been scared for something? Stupid Gabe. You promised Libby you'd stay awake and…

"Are you up already?" I checked the watch on my phone. MiniMay was still asleep but Libby laid on her bed watching me. "It's not even… ow…" My body was sore and aching from the weird position for hours. "It's not even six A. M. I'm going to go back to my room before Mike or May-Li comes and notice I've been here tonight." I stood up stiffly. "Ow, ow… We'll pretend that we have all been in our own, separate rooms tonight. Don't worry about MiniMay, I'm sure she's herself in the morning and it will be like nothing happened tonight. You can go back to sleep."

Just as I was on my way to close the door to the girls' room I could hear something from the direction of the staff bedroom. May-Li must be up, and as quietly as I possibly could I ran down the hallway, into my room and closed the door behind me before she had any chance to notice I had been up and to the girls' room.

With every stumbling step I took towards my room I just wanted to be in my bed and lie down. The only position right now that wouldn't hurt every little piece of my body. And I could do with another couple of hours of sleep before reality was starting for today and over again. '

Then, at the moment I fell onto my bed and only laid there panting tiredly and staring down into my pillow. I realized there would be no more sleeping for me tonight. I had already let them down once, I needed to stay awake and be ready for when they would a couple of hours from now.

Well it was not like I would be able to anyway if I tried.

I took a sketch book and a pack of pencils I had lying on the desk. I hadn't been drawing at all in so long. But once I put the pencil's age to the paper in the book on my lap I was gone for the world. I had been practicing my drawing since I was little, ever since I was living with my mum and her boyfriend. He was an artist and had given me some things for Christmas.

The whole weeks of what was left of those Christmas holidays I was in my room. Drawing, drawing and drawing. And ever since then I was caught.

I could have been sitting there all day. But as I could hear May-Li come up in the morning, and then the rest of the kids in the house starting to get out of their rooms, having breakfast and going around I put my things down under my covers.

It wasn't that my drawings were all secret or anything. It certainly wasn't a secret that I did draw, I could do it anywhere at any time.

The secret was more the photo I'd been sketching off and held in my hand.

Or more like the guy in the photo. If I didn't want my whole life to change or things changing for Libby and MiniMay nobody could know who he was.

"What do you say about this?" I asked to my stuffed sloth by my side. "How much trouble have I gotten into this time? A whole lot? Geez. It's so much I'm talking to a stuffed animal…" I mumbled to myself and kicked my covers off. "…And…." Before I had the time to do anything I could hear music of a stupid Disney song playing through the hallways of Ashdene Ridge. "And didn't Floss finish listening to that song yesterday? Ugh. And now I'm talking to myself too."

"Gabe?" There was suddenly a knock on my door and I could hear May-Li's voice. "Are you awake? Can I come in?" I answered yes, May- Li opened the door widely and smiled at me. "I thought I heard you talking. But of course, talking to oneself gives the best answers. Libby's up just so you know. Now, did it help having your rooms fixed up in the ways you guys wanted it. Or have the girls been into your room tonight?"

"Nope." I said with a smile. "The girls have slept in their own beds tonight. Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom."

I didn't have a dresser or a wardrobe in my room, at least not yet. So like I had to sit on the bed and do drawing I had clothes in neat piles on the floor for when I picked out my clothes for the day.

Well. I thought when I could hear May-Li leaving. I wasn't lying to her- the girls had slept in their own beds tonight. Only I had been there too and Libby had been in my room to get me when MiniMay was crying.

"We could get you a dresser or a wardrobe if you want to." Suddenly Mike was standing in my doorway just as I pulled a hoodie on and was on my way to get to the girls. "So you won't have to keep your clothes on the floor like that. Or what do you say?"

"I don't really care. But I would like a chair to my desk so I won't have to sit on my bed and… draw or write or whatever I feel like."

"Chair for your desk, I think we've got one in the garage. I'll go and check now. I guess you want to go and check on the girls. Good job all three of you with staying in your own rooms…"

Mike hurried out of the room. I could hear someone banging on the door to the bathroom shouting someone had been in there for ages. So I just closed the door to my room and moved away from the window and I could change right where I was before I went back to the girls' room. Because something told me something would be up after what MiniMay had told me and Libby tonight.

Already before I stepped out of my room I could hear Floss's playing that goddamn song loud through the hallways of Ashdene Ridge. But when I went to the girls' room I hadn't exactly expected to find Libby standing in the doorway and watching something. And what I really hadn't expected was when I ended up next to Libby watching MiniMay, usually so absolutely still and quiet, seeming afraid to make a single move too much… Dancing and moving to the music.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that MiniMay had done this dance before. There wasn't a hesitation or stop in her move that spoke about improvising. And both I and Libby were still, almost troll bound by our little friend moving so beautifully to the music. If we had only known…

How on earth had MiniMay learnt to dance like this in her only four years? And who had taught her?

Then, towards the end of the song she reached her arms out in front of her. She hadn't spotted me and Libby in the door. But it was almost like she thought somebody was there with her because she moved her fingers as if she wanted somebody else to take her hands.

And there, it was finished.

MiniMay didn't move an inch while the song ended or afterwards. She just froze like that, with her arms stretched out as if she was waiting for someone to take her hands. I thought I might as well so I walked over and took her hands in mine. But just as I had the time she let go and crawled up on her bed hanging her chin.

"What's wrong MiniMay?" Libby walked before me into the room and sat down next to MiniMay who had taken a position of one insecure with hugging her knees and leaning her cheek against her knee. "You're a very good dancer. Why didn't you tell… Why didn't you show us any sooner? Who taught you that?"

Libby silent when she realized she had asked one of the questions that MiniMay would have to speak to answer. And while she had said a few words tonight. None of us wanted to startle her or make her insecure about anything.

"You must have been dancing since you were little?" I took over from Libby. "Since you learnt how to walk or something. It's probably physically impossible to be as bad at dancing as I am but… Maybe you could teach us some time? If you want to of course."

MiniMay wasn't crying this time. But this I and Libby would remember as the second time MiniMay spoke. It would be a while before she did it again and changes would have been before that. And by then we would also get some answers to the questions that rose to what she said now. And still it was only the exact same thing she had said tonight.

"I want daddy and Michael."

 **This chapter is told from Gabe's point of view. MiniMay is crying and she's saying she wants her daddy and someone named Michael. Gabe has been used to staying up all night but that didn't work too well nowadays. Even though that's something that comes from his life before. But it's been a while since then. Then MiniMay is obviously a very good dancer and once again she says she wants her daddy and Michael.**

 **Song playing:** How far I'll go- Auli'i Cravalho

 **Random fact**

I'm having some trouble with how to write this story so things won't work out too fast. But there's a risk it might anyway. But I think I might have found a way to make it work.

 **See you next time. The ones who review will get a shoutout.**


	6. Real names

**Happy new year everybody. Here is a brand new chapter for you all. I hope you like it.**

 **Thanks to Justice237, GleeJunkie007 and Fanatic1234 for reviewing.**

 **Mike POV**

In the morning, a couple of weeks after the mystery three had showed up at the dumping ground I walked into the living room. If these three were going to stay here there would have to be some meetings with the school and everything.

It probably wouldn't be a bother. The care kids always went to the same school and the people at the school were used to kids coming and going every once in a while from this place.

So current plan. Talk to the mystery three about what they would be doing when they started school. It was only a couple of months into the term so it wouldn't be a problem for the school. How Gabe especially would react to having to go there would be a whole other story.

"Whatever. I don't care."

Gabe barely looked up from the drawing he had on his lap when I told him what I needed. Libby seemed gone in the TV show her and some others were watching and MiniMay was as quiet as she always was.

"You…" I was a bit thrown off and had forgotten all about what I should say. "You don't care?"

"Not really no." Gabe finally looked up, then nodded to Libby and MiniMay. "As long as we're together I don't care if I so have to work with…" He hesitated a bit. "Well whatever terrible jobs there are in the world. If we're there together then it's okay."

I couldn't help but smile. I wasn't so sure if it would show to be all good but Gabe did for sure love these two girls. And I knew only in the way he looked at them that he'd walk through hell and earth if it was to protect them.

"We were thinking that instead of just starting on another normal Thursday or someone. We'll call the school up and everything. Don't worry, they're used to children coming and going because of this house. And then you can go there after the Mid-term holidays. Unless, of course something changes before then and messes something up. The thing is also Gabe… If you are going to go to school. We are going to need your full names."

Gabe finally looked up from his drawing and up at me. And for a few seconds he only looked into my eyes and… well. He just stared.

"I wouldn't hope for too much."

Yeah, that was something more of what I had expected.

"You don't have to tell us now." I gave Gabe a slight smile. "But when you do I didn't want it to come like a flash from clear skies. I have to go and do some paper work now. But you know where I am if you need anything."

I sunk down into my office chair and rubbed my forehead. All of the children had me distressed one time or another. But there was something in this Gabe that I couldn't quite put my finger on. And I didn't know whether I should meet it right on or run from it for both mine and Gabe's own sake.

RING.

I flinched and looked up when the phone started ringing. Quickly I grabbed my phone and put it to my ear.

"Mike?"

Well. It might be a good thing if I took the office phone and not my own cellphone for once.

"Ashdene Ridge this is Mike Milligan. How can I help you?"

"Mike. It's Sarah. Look. We have had some calls from…"

"FIGHT."

I was startled by a shout from the hallway. And stood up and tried not to stutter when I had to run away as quickly as I could. My God these kids!

"I have to go. Stay on the phone, I'll be back in a minute."

I put the phone upside down on the desk so the call wouldn't cut out and then ran into the hallway where Gabe and Alex looked as if they might be competing on who could get the hardest hit on each other. Just as I came out Gabe hit Alex so hard he hit back towards the living room doors and fell to the floor. But not late to get a payback Alex was on his feet and had grabbed Gabe and punched him up towards the wall.

"STOP IT." I managed to grab Gabe around his stomach from behind. "STOP IT. STOP THAT NOW."

Gabe was still struggling when I pulled him away, and I could see Tyler and Jody pulling away Alex in the other direction while Jody was helping me.

"IF I SEE YOU TOUCHING HER AGAIN." Gabe suddenly shouted so the saliva spurted from his mouth. "YOU'RE DEAD. OKAY? IF I SEE YOU TOUCH HER THEN I'LL KILL YOU. I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU TOUCH HER AGAIN."

"THAT'S ENOUGH." I held Gabe back. "CALM DOWN. ALEX. QUIET ROOM NOW. AND YOU…" I turned to Gabe that I was still holding back. "Calm down."

We could suddenly hear sniveling from the space under the stairs. And when I turned there I could see Libby crouched there while MiniMay was right by her trying to comfort Libby in her own, silent way. And I could feel that Gabe finally stopped struggling against Jody and I. Then got out of our grip and hurried over to Libby who had crawled onto her feet and hugged Gabe tight burying her face in his shirt.

"It's okay." Gabe embraced her back and rubbed her back. "It's okay. I'm not going to let him touch you again. And if he does…"

"Don't fight Gabe." With tears rolling down her cheeks she looked up. "Don't fight. Please."

Looking down on Libby something in the aggressive expression on Gabe's body seemed to run off when he let go and looked back down on her. He gave a deep sigh and then ran his fingers over a cut in his eyebrow and a bleeding nose.

"You're bleeding."

"Gabe. Come with me into the quiet room. May-Li is getting the first aid kit. You two…" I looked to Libby and MiniMay. "…I'll be right there with you. Come on Gabe." I grabbed his shirt when I led him into the quiet room and then backed away staring from one teenage boy to the other day.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? All of you stay in here. I have to talk on the phone for three more minutes. So NOBODY of you MOVE. BEFORE I GET BACK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

I didn't get a single answer. But seeing the way Gabe and Alex staring in two different directions. Tyler in between them and May-Li coming back with the first aid kit I walked back into the office, slumped back into my chair and grabbed the phone again.

"Sorry Sarah. You know what it can be like around here. Now, what did you say?"

"That's okay. But Mike. We have had some calls from the social services in Dover. And more calls need to be done. To make sure this is nobody who is abusive or trying to find someone who… Look Mike. There is a man who's been contacting the social services in Dover. He left his four-year-old twins to be with their mum. Then she ran off with the both of them and if that wasn't enough one of them disappeared before he finally managed to find her again. All details haven't been worked out and figured yet. But it seems she was the abusive and wanted to be in control."

"Wait… Four year olds…"

"His children are named Michael Maynard and Meredith Marie Maynard."

 **Well. This Michael we have heard about before haven't we?**

 **Random fact**

The name MiniMay is actually taken from Anne with an E/ Anne of the green gables. I had just watched Anne with an E on Netflix a bit before I started this story and that's where this idea came from.

 **See you next time. The ones who review will get a shoutout.**


	7. Mystery three number one p2

**Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing. And for an idea that he shared with me.**

"Now…." When I had finished my call with MiniMay's social worker I went back into the quiet room where May-Li was cleaning out a cut Alex had hit up across Gabe's eyebrow while Gabe seemed to be trying to get away. "Gabe. Sit still." I turned to MiniMay and Libby, who as usual had stayed close to Gabe. "And you two. You're grounded. Both of you."

"For how long?"

"Until I say it's done." I was starting to hear how annoyed and stressed I sounded. I just needed to get this over with. "What do you two think you are doing?"

"I didn't even do anything." Alex protested loudly. "I was talking to Libby. Then I said that you're not the only ones who have lived on the street. I wouldn't think it's something for little girls because life out there is rough. And suddenly Gabe was all over me. Why should I get punished?"

"Stop that or I'll double that time for the grounding."

Alex glared back at me. But silent at my threat of a harder punishment. And both of the boys sat silent while May-Li packed together and I waited until they were done to turn to MiniMay again and realized what would be most important right now.

"Can you come with me into the office MiniMay?" She froze and fear shined in her eyes. "It's okay. It's nothing dangerous. I just need to talk to you and…" Libby and Gabe reacted too. "…I need to talk to only you for a minute. Okay?"

MiniMay froze for a second. Then slowly, and quietly followed me as if she was afraid that if she made a single move or sound too much I would get angry and hurt her. I made sure not to make any sudden moves that might scare her when I followed her through the door between the quiet room into the office and closed the door after us.

"Now." I waited for her to crawl up into the sofa and then sat down in my chair again. "For all children who live in a place like this there is something called the social services. They work with you children to make sure to keep you all safe. There are social services in loads of towns and places all over the world. Now the social services here have gotten a call from the social services from another town. Another town called Dover. There has been a man there who's looking for his daughter. Somebody named Meredith Marie Maynard. Is that you?"

Of course I hadn't expected a verbal answer from MiniMay. She hadn't said a word since before she came here and she didn't seem to have any intention to say anything at all in the future either. But of course- as for any child, I could see the answer in her eyes and the way she looked at me.

"MiniMay." Not to scare her I still used her nickname. Then I stood up, then kneeled in front of the young girl so I wouldn't seem too big and scary for her. "I know you don't want to talk. But if your dad have been trying to hurt you or your brother. Then it's very important that you let us know." MiniMay still didn't say a word. She barely seemed like she had heard what I had said. "Maybe if that helps. Do you want me to get Libby and Gabe too so they'll know too?"

Maybe I didn't expect an answer at all.

Then suddenly, barely big enough to at all be noticeable MiniMay bobbed her head up and down in a nod. It only lasted for a second- but it was definitely there and I didn't have to walk far to get the two. They were both waiting for their youngest friend right in the hallway.

"Come in you two." I went back to sit in the desk chair and Libby and Gabe came to sit down. Gabe laying his arm around MiniMay's shoulder in a comforting move. "I just had a phone call from your social worker Sarah. She told me that there is a man named who has been trying to find his daughter. This man have got two children, twins, but when they were with their mum his daughter just seemed to disappear. And he's searching for his daughter whose full name is Meredith Marie Maynard. And we're thinking that might be MiniMay"

All the three mysteries callously looked back at me. But what was going on in their minds I could only imagine. They were obviously, all three of them working very hard not to tell anyone about who they really were.

"If someone is at risk of getting hurt… Either you MiniMay, or one of you, or anybody else- then it's very important that you let an adult know about it. Then we can deal with it and make sure everybody's safe. Okay? I do get that it seems scary to tell somebody else what has happened when it's been only you three for so long. But you're not supposed to be alone when you're children. And you don't have to be alone anymore now."

When there was a sound from outside he office I was interrupted and looked outside. Memories flashing by about how all of the children had ended up here and what they had been like when they first arrived. Jody who had been left alone who had been trying to escape and eaten every chocolate biscuit that could be found in the house. Chloe who had fallen out a window all of that time ago and finally been reunited with her brother. Toni and Billie who for so long had barely had anything except for each other…

With all of these children and all that had passed by under my watch. I knew I could barely imagine how many children I, and my co-workers had helped together. But still, even after everything. A new child with a new kind of problem just made me feel so helpless.

And seeing the three in front of me only staring back at me… While I could hear laughing from upstairs.

This wasn't the way children were supposed to be.

 **Someone in Dover is looking for his daughter, who we heard about in the last chapter. And it really does seem like it's MiniMay. But now Gabe and Libby knows too so maybe they'll have something to tell about it.**

 **Random fact**

I've had the names and portrayers for this mum, dad and twin brother planned since the beginning of this story. Their names are Angela, Alistair and Michael. And they're portrayed by Naomi Watts, Haaz Sleiman and Jeremy Maguire.


	8. Mystery three number two

**Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.**

 **Libby POV**

"Libby" At night, the night after that fight and news about MiniMay I woke up from someone shaking my shoulder. "Libby, wake up." Gabe stood right next to my bed, whispering and shaking my shoulder to wake me up. "Libby. We've got to go."

"What?" I rubbed my eyes drowsily and pushed myself up. Then noticed it was still dark outside and the clock was on two thirty- a. m. "It's in the middle of the night." Gabe turned and went to MiniMay's bed and started shaking her too. "What are you doing?"

"Shush."

Gabe turned to me and shushed when I raised my voice just above a whisper. Then kept shaking MiniMay's shoulder until she drowsily woke up and, without a word looped questioning up at him.

"We've got to go." He said again. "Don't you get it? The phone calls from this whoever in Dover is only the start. If we let them continue and just stay away and let them do what they want. They're going to split us up. I'm never going to see any of you again and you won't see each other." I still hadn't moved from my bed and Gabe noticed and froze. "Look. I made a promise to myself and to you. Whatever happens I'm going to look after you. And if they take you- either of you away from you I won't be able to. And who knows what will happen then. Now come on. Get your clothes on, pack your things. We have to leave."

"Leave?" I turned and put my legs over the edge of the bed. "Where are we supposed to leave? We live here now."

"I don't know." Gabe said, took MiniMay's bag and packed some of her clothes in it before he threw a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie to her that she drowsily changed into before he threw me my backpack. "Get changed into something more and then come downstairs. And be quiet."

"But where…"

"We need to get away from here. I'm going to go pack some food so we have something to eat." In the next second Gabe was out of my and MiniMay's room and I was still as confused.

Slowly, and while changing into warm clothes instead of a pyjamas and then packing I put together what Gabe had said. Leaving? But where? And why? Because there was someone searching for MiniMay?

"Now come on." I still did as I was told and when Gabe was back I had packed what clothes and money I had. The rest I could leave- I only needed what would be relevant when we were out on the street in the middle of the night. "Come on. Now." I took MiniMay's hand and we walked out of the room and down the stairs with tiredly, heavy steps. "Be quiet or you're going to wake someone." Gabe grabbed my jacket and threw it to me. Then took MiniMay's and helped her get it on before he lifted her up on his hip. "Now come on." He unlocked the door and we walked out the door into the pouring rain.

I knew I had to think of something to say. But I couldn't think of anything and just followed in Gabe's footsteps helplessly.

"Gabe…" We were only down the driveway and in the same block when I came up with something. "I don't think we're supposed to do this."

"What are we supposed to do then? Stop asking so much."

"I don't know but… When we saw MiniMay get pushed out of the car. There was a woman. I saw her doing it. A woman did it and there was a boy who shouted at her not to. This man who is searching for her now is just that… a man. It's not the same person. And he has a little boy. Mike told us that."

"Do you think that means anything?"

"Min… If you would only speak."

MiniMay was just as silent as ever. And with the way Gabe looked at me I kept following him with fast footsteps to keep up down the street, turn, down another. Further and further away from the dumping ground. Further and further away from…

"Gabe. I really don't think we're supposed to do this. Where are we supposed to go?"

"I don't know." Gabe stopped abruptly. "But we need to get away before they send MiniMay away from us. Libby. Do you want MiniMay to be with someone who hurts her? Someone who pushes her out of the car again? Do you want to stay with someone who hurts her? Or stay at Ashdene Ridge for the rest of your life? We've got nobody except for each other."

With the only sound being heard after the sound of Gabe's voice echoing out being the rain scattering towards the ground and everywhere else I looked from Gabe to MiniMay who he held towards his side on his hip. Maybe it was true- but maybe it wasn't.

"If my mum was here she'd know what to do."

"But your mum isn't here right now, is she? Nor my mum. Nor MiniMay's. We can't care for those right now. They'd never care for any of us anyway. Or we wouldn't have been in this position today. We did end up here for a reason you know. It's because none of them ever ca…"

"MY PARENTS ARE DEAD."

Gabe's silence after my frustrated shout had me remembering I actually hadn't ever told him that. Whenever it had been brought up I had said I didn't want to talk about it. And thinking about that I didn't know Gabe's story either.

What made me start it I did not know, but I did. And I dropped my backpack by my feet then pulled my jacket off and laid it around MiniMay's shoulders as good as it was possible. Then picked up my flashlight from the backpack and handed it to Gabe.

"Take care of each other okay." I closed my backpack and pulled it on again. "But you'll have to do it without me..." I sighed and tried to ignore the lump in my throat when I backed away. Then only barely managed to squeeze out any sound past it into a whisper. "Bye."

Before I could change my mind I span on my heel and hurried back down the streets. We had only turned twice since leaving so it shouldn't be too hard to find. What was hard though was not to turn back and see Gabe walk in the other direction, away from me and the life we had had.

Then suddenly there was a feeling somebody was watching me. I figured maybe Gabe had come after me and that was it. But when I turned around I could see a man- and he was a lot taller and bigger than Gabe.

I sped up my pace and crossed the street. Tried to seem discreet so the man wouldn't see that he scared me. But when I turned around again, my heart beating hard but still hoping that he'd kept walking down the other side of the street. Or maybe walked down a driveway and into a house.

No. He was still behind me. He must have crossed the street too. And I could see he had started jogging.

Those were the only things I saw of him before I turned around, back towards the dumping ground and ran. For all my life was worth I ran as fast as I could. Through the dark and slipping on the wet asphalt I ran for what felt like a million miles. And I tried to keep my concentration here instead of on the man. Instead of having just left Gabe and MiniMay to themselves.

If there only was another way.

I didn't stop running until I ripped the door open at Ashdene Ridge and ran inside. Then stopping in the hallway, shaking with both cold and fear I realized I still didn't know what to do. But even inside, I couldn't help to look over my shoulder and without taking my shoes or backpack off I hurried into the quiet room and hid under the table.

Still hyper ventilating and shaking I laid there under the table for what felt like a million years. It probably wasn't more than ten minutes. But during those ten minutes pictures kept on flashing by in my head. Pictures of what would happen if the man came up to Ashdene Ridge and came inside? Had I locked the door after me? What if he waited outside until someone came out? What would he be able to do to them? Who would he get?

Then where were Gabe and MiniMay? Where were they supposed to go? What if that man went after them? What if Gabe put MiniMay down only for a second and searched for something in his bag? A second would be all it took for someone to come and grab MiniMay and take her away. What could that man do? What could anyone do?

What would be there? Waiting for them in the dark? Maybe something much more than having a life in a care home where people actually cared?

I knew what I had to do. But it would be failing on Gabe's trust. What if I did and he'd never be able to trust me again? Or anyone?

But what if someone else was there? To hurt him? Maybe even worse?

With tears streaming down my face and into my collar I crawled out of my hiding place. Then, without a thought or a look to any window I ran out of the quiet room and up the stairs and to the staff bedroom where I didn't mind knocking until I went inside. There was no time. Maybe I didn't even have a single second to spare.

"Mike." I tried first. Then when he wouldn't wake up at the sound of my voice I leaned over and shook his shoulder. "Mike… please don't be dead." When he didn't move I just couldn't help it. "MIKE."

"Yeah." Mike flinched awake, opened his eyes and sat up. "What's going on?" He frowned, obviously saw me crying and held out his arm for me to come and hug him. "Libby?"

"My real name is Isabel" I said, before I had the time to stop myself. Then made a pause. What was I supposed to do now? I was going to let Gabe down after everything. And he'd been there for me, when nobody else cared. Could I really? Was I supposed to?

" _If someone is doing something that isn't right_." I could suddenly hear my mum's voice in my head as clearly as if she'd been standing right next to me- alive and well again _. "Something that hurts someone. It is very important that you tell me, or dad, or a teacher. Or any other adult. You're a child- you're not supposed to deal with hard things on your own. And you don't have to."_

"Isabel Chau." I started again and then spoke fast, without taking a break. "My parents are dead. They died carbon monoxide poisoning a night when I was over at a friend's. I was with my friend at first. But people kept telling me they were sorry. Then there was a funeral and everybody were so sad and telling me all at once they were sorry for me. I couldn't stand it. So I ran away. I met Gabe at a bus station. We hid in the baggage of the bus for an hour or so, then got up and ran before anyone had the time to catch us. Then we did it again, and again. Then we were in Dover. And we were walking along a road. Suddenly a car stopped, we thought someone would grab us so we stopped to turn and run. Then we saw MiniMay be pushed outside. She only told us her name and how old she was. Then Gabe made up her nickname and we told her to only use that… We did go here by bus. We only were for a week or so before the police caught us and brought us here."

Now when I had told everything that had happened until before we came here I realized it was too late to change my mind to change anything. Either I'd have to tell what Gabe had done tonight or Gabe could be lost forever. Gabe and MiniMay.

"Gabe was scared when there was someone looking for MiniMay. That there was someone who wants to hurt her. He was taking us to the bus station. But I didn't want to. I left. I ran back, I want to stay here. But I don't want anything to happen to Gabe or MiniMay neither. Please Mike. I don't know where they are. We've got to find them. Either way it's better if we're here than I and Gabe on the street and MiniMay with someone who hurts her. Please Mike. We've got to go out and search for them please."

Mike froze for a second. Then almost flew onto his feet and grabbed a sweatshirt and shoved his feet into a pair of slippers standing by the bed.

"I want to come with you." I got up too and ran after him. "But I don't know where they are…"

"Jody…" Mike hurried into Jody and Sasha's room and shook Jody awake. "Jody. I have to go. Can you just stay up and make sure everybody are safe?" Jody sat up and nodded drowsily. "Thank you. Now come on Libby." Mike took my hand and we hurried down the stairs and outside and into his car.

"Where do you think they went?" Mike asked me while he was backing out of the driveway. "Libby… Isabel… Where do you think they went?"

"I don't know…" Sobs was still shaking all of me and I couldn't even think. "Are there buses this time of night? Because if there are they probably went to the bus station."

Silently Mike skid out of the driveway and hit the gas pedal when he drove down the street. There was nothing else for me to do than to peer out the window. I didn't see much anyway, tears were blinding my sight still.

"I'm sorry Mike."

"You did the right think Libby." I could feel Mike reaching out and stroke my hair slightly. "Kids are not supposed to be out on the streets alone. It was very brave of you to come back and tell me all about it. Hey. In the morning- can you tell me more about what happened to your parents and everything? I know it's hard but…"

"THERE THEY ARE."

Just as Mike pulled over by the bus station I could see Gabe. Still holding MiniMay by a bus that had just pulled up. Mike pulled over behind the bus and I was the first one to get out and walk up to Gabe and MiniMay.

"Gabe." Mike laid a hand on my shoulder when he came up behind me. If he hadn't been there I wouldn't be able to. But with his hand on my shoulder it was as if he gave his strength to me and I could tell the truth for the second time tonight- this time was even harder.

"I told Mike. I told him the truth. At least everything I know of it."

For a while the time seemed to have stopped around us. Gabe stared at me and Mike, we stared back and MiniMay was as good as asleep wrapped in my jacket and leaned against Gabe's shoulder.

Maybe Gabe was too little to carry her like that. He wasn't very tall. And it seemed to be getting harder and harder for him to hold her.

"Come." Mike had let go of my shoulder and walked over to Gabe and lifted MiniMay. He then turned to the bus, where the baggage space lid was open and showed Gabe to come with him and take a look. "Look." Mike pointed into the baggage space in the bus. "Lay down in there. I know you have before. But what happens when the bus driver have to brake- hard and fast. Or a car comes driving into the side of the bus. I know you have been there before but you could break your necks. You could get killed."

Gabe still seemed in loss of what to do. But of course, as we all knew he'd never put either me or MiniMay in danger. Then what was he supposed to do when someone might be able to take MiniMay away from us to take care of her.

"Look. We have got the social services both here and in Dover and I will get every social worker in the whole country to work with your case if that's what it takes. We will make sure you guys, all three of you, are safe and well-cared for, whatever it takes. Riding in the back spaces of buses, roaming the streets at nights. That is not safe."

Then at last Gabe moved. He stiffly and tiredly walked to Mike's car and got into the back seat. At first he took MiniMay from Mike's arms and lifted her into the middle seat and then got in himself. I didn't know what to do even. It wasn't exactly rocket science but I just didn't…

"Get in the car. On the other side. We're going home."

Mike obviously wasn't angry, only tired and stressed out. I would have preferred someone shouting at me and been angry rather than in silence going back while I was left to nothing but my own thoughts when I got into the back seat and could do nothing else than wait and go along until we were back to where we had just left.

"Are you angry?"

Gabe didn't answer me. He just sat with his arm around MiniMay's shoulders and looking out the window while Mike drove us back to the dumping ground. He actually didn't seem like he had heard me at all.

"Gabe? Are you angry?"

He still just wouldn't look at me.

"Gabe?"

 **Gabe tried to run away when someone's been searching for MiniMay in Dover. Take Libby, whose actual name is Isabel and MiniMay with him to run off and be just them three again. But Libby did the right thing and went back to tell Mike everything. They are now going back to the dumping ground. Oh, and Libby's parents are dead so she can't exactly go back to her old life.**

 **Libby's parents are named Brian and Stephanie. They're portrayed by Jing Lusi and James Anderson. There are several celebrities named James Anderson, so if you use google. Try "James Anderson holby city" and you'll find the right pictures. Or even both of their names at once or "Holby city Tara and Ollie" and you can find pictures of them both together.**

 **Random fact**

When Libby ran back and told Mike everything I tried to write it to make sense. Like she couldn't just fail Gabe's trust and tell everything right away. I tried with that man following Libby to give a reason off why she would literally be scared into telling something.


	9. Early morning talk

**Thanks to Justice237 and x snow-pony x for reviewing.**

When we came back to Ashdene Ridge after getting Gabe and MiniMay at the bus station I sent then all away to get dried off and into something warm while I sent Jody back to bed. And made hot chocolate to warm them up.

"Here." When they came into the kitchen like I had asked them to I put three steaming cups with hot chocolate on the table. "Drink, it's warm."

Libby sat down on the edge of the table, MiniMay next to her and Gabe on her other side. None of the kids were silent and seemed shameful where they sat while I sat down on the other side. And Gabe was glaring at me over the edge of his cup as if I had just ruined his whole life.

It was quiet, unnaturally quiet to be the dumping ground. But I knew I couldn't send these three off to bed without saying anything. Even though the paper work and everything would have to wait until in the morning when I could also call back to Sarah and hear what was going on with this guy in Dover.

"Guys." I glanced slowly from one of the kids to the other while they started sipping from their warm drinks. "I get that this is hard. I do get that you have been through things and that it's hard to believe that you can ever trust another adult, or anyone really."

I could see in the children's eyes that they were all listening to me. But nobody said a word and it didn't seem any of them had any intention of doing so either. I had a feeling the best idea would be to send them all off to bed and get back in the morning. But I couldn't give in on this just now.

"I know you already know. But I'm going to say it again. There is a man in Dover who has been searching for his daughter- you, MiniMay. But if this man is mean, or doesn't treat you right in any other way. It is very important that you let us know. You, Gabe. Cannot do what you think is right just like that and take matters into your own hands?"

"Well it wasn't me who pushed anyone out of a car. Was it?"

Silence fell around the table for a split moment. Gabe had taken it too far. To talk about how children had been treated and ended up in care like that was never okay. And I was just about to scold him, calmly. When Libby said something before I had the time. Even though Gabe still ignored her.

"But Gabe. We saw when she was pushed out. The one who pushed her was a woman. So it can't be the same person who is looking for her now. Maybe this person really wants her with him to treat her well. Like a parent should. And not like someone who'd push her out of the car."

"That was mummy."

I froze, and barely even heard what was said when I realized who it was that said it. After all of the silence since even before she came here. Finally she had been speaking, and when I turned to her. After all of that callous that definitely wasn't four year old it had been turned into a trembling bottom lip and tears rising in her eyes.

"What?" I carefully took MiniMay's hand in mine. "What did you say? It's okay MiniMay. You're doing so well."

"Mummy pushed me out of the car. Daddy'd never do that."

MiniMay with two big tears rolling down her cheeks looked far more like any other four year old I had met. Like this was the way she was supposed to be. And even though I couldn't take a chance and send her to her dad right away. I believed every word she said. She wouldn't have had to say anything more. But she did.

"I want daddy and Michael."

"It's the same thing as she said that night when she woke up Gabe." Libby tried. "It's okay MiniMay. I believe you. We all do."

MiniMay wiped the tears with the back of her hand while I tried to understand the meaning of what Libby had just said. Maybe I should have scolded them, if there had been clues of what had happened and where MiniMay came from just as their stories- I would have liked them to tell us. But how could I scold them when I knew they wanted nothing else than to keep each other safe.

"You two." I sighed deeply and turned towards the girls. "Go to bed and get some sleep. And Gabe. You stay here, I need to talk to you alone."

I waited for a few minutes while the girls left the room, MiniMay was supporting on Libby and seemed more asleep than awake. Gabe still hadn't said a word to Libby since she told on them. And I waited until I heard the girls' room door closed behind them until I finally said something to Gabe.

"Look. I get that this is hard for you. All of you. But especially for you since you are trying so hard to protect the girls. But you've got to let us do our jobs. And you cannot take matters into your own hands like you just did. If anything at all that is what will get you in danger."

Gabe stared down into his cup silently. He seemed awkward and silent, and I could see I'd get no more answers for him tonight.

"You go off to bed too. And no more running away."

Gabe didn't let wait for it. He stood up and with his head lowered he walked out of the room and I could hear him continue up the stairs.

 **Gabe POV**

It was with slow and heavy steps I walked up the stairs and into my room I then slumped down on the bed and dropped my backpack before I put my elbows on my knees and wrapped my fingers in my hair.

I must have been sitting like that for at least an hour. Like it would make anything better and make an answer about what I should do pop up in my mind.

At last I tiredly sat up and pulled out something from my backpack. I had put some things that would be wrecked by water in a plastic bag, now opened it and pulled out a photo out of it- or rather, half a photo. The photo had once been of my mum and dad, from a school prom in their teens. But I had ripped away and thrown away half of it, the half that had my mum on it. I didn't need anything of her in my life anyway.

The teen guy in the photo, not many years older than what I was now was smiling brightly towards the camera. And obviously had no idea what this night had turned out to be. Or he probably wouldn't have been smiling.

I had made up my mind one day I would find him. Being here, it probably shouldn't be so hard if I talked to Mike about it or something. But why would I want to anyway? He'd probably push me out of his life and leave, just like everybody else.

And with that I ripped the photo into smaller pieces and threw them on the floor, before I laid down and pulled the covers over my head fighting the tears away as I couldn't fall asleep.

 **Gabe's mum and dad in the photo are portrayed by Eve Myles and Ben McKenzie.**

 **Random fact**

I have had the whole story for MiniMay planned out since I started planning for the story. I also have Gabe and Libby's since long. Chapters might come closer now than earlier when I have most of the rest of the story planned out.


	10. Who you are

**Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.**

 **Mike POV**

The morning after Gabe, Libby and MiniMay had tried to run away again I didn't mind go and wake them up. It was Sunday anyway so everybody just got up and had breakfast when they felt the need to. And for once nobody seemed to be fighting or causing a mess somehow. So I spent the morning and most of the forenoon doing paper work in the office. Sure my shift was over and I could have gone home, but once my concentration was going I figured I'd get it all done once and for all. And with that thought I continued.

It wasn't until about noon that I started thinking that at least the girls should be up by now. Of course, Gabe was a teenager and could sleep through the whole day and then stay up all night. But when I heard May-Li and Finn starting to make lunch in the kitchen I got up, finishing off a paper sheet and started making my way out of the office to go and see if the mysterious three were up or not.

RING.

I wasn't even out of the office when suddenly the office phone, after being silent all morning lit up and started ringing. I quickly turned, picked up the phone and checked the number before I pressed to answer it and put it to my ear.

"Hey Sarah."

"Mike?" The social worker didn't even mind greeting me and sounded stressed out speaking my name only. "Look. We've had a lot to do this morning and I thought that Serjay called you. And Serjay thought that I had called you. But obviously I should have known it was me because I'm Meredith's care worker."

"Meredith?" New kid was my first thought. Then I remembered. "Oh, MiniMay."

"Yes. She. You know that man who was searching for her in Dover? Apparently they got all the paper work done yesterday and there was only something little to sort out this morning. And they have been talking to the social services here in Newcastle and… long story short. Alistair Maynard and his little son Michael are on their way to Ashdene Ridge right now."

"Oh." After that "long story short" Sarah finally made a pause from speaking almost all in one word earlier and I could speak for myself. "Well… If they've come to the conclusion that he can come see her then that's great. I have to go and check with MiniMay too though. She has started speaking by the way, she just said that she wants daddy and Michael. So if this Alistair is who he says he is… How far away is he?"

For some reason I must have been thinking I still had a few hours to get ready. Dover was a bit to drive anyway. But they must have started only early this morning because so wasn't the case. And I didn't even have the chance to wonder how they were going to find us before Sarah had told me. Once again the whole sentence in almost one word.

"Actually, I'm driving up your street and Mr. Maynard is driving right behind me."

"Oh." I said after hesitating for a bit and not knowing what to say. "Now I get why you were talking so fast. See you in a minute then. I have to go upstairs and find MiniMay. I hope all of this works out. And I can't see a reason of why it wouldn't."

I hung up on Sarah and then hurried out of the office and looked around. Now wherever may MiniMay be? My first thought was to go and look in Gabe's room. After all, we hadn't been able to keep the girls out of there. But just then Gabe came down the stairs alone. I was on my way to ask him if the girls weren't with him, then he suddenly froze in the middle of a move and grimaced while his hand laid over his stomach as if he was in pain.

"Gabe?" I hurried over to him. "Are you okay? Does it hurt? Do you need…"

"I'm fine." I had laid my hand on Gabe's shoulder but he just pushed it away. "It's nothing. Get away from me." He hurried past me glaring up and then hurried towards the living room and out of my sight. I could feel a frown having formed in my forehead though. Gabe really had looked as if he had been in pain.

"JOSEPH." I shouted to the first, best who passed the hallway. "Sarah's arriving in a minute with someone. But I need to go and look for MiniMay. Can you just greet them at the door and show them to the office if they arrive please?"

Joseph nodded and sat down in the stairs doing something on his phone. I forgot to thank him in my rush to get upstairs and knocked on the door to Libby and MiniMay's room.

"Yes?"

I opened the door when I could hear Libby, well- Isabel answering and found them both awake and had started their day even if they hadn't been downstairs yet. Obviously Libby had been reading a book out loud to MiniMay for the moment. For how long I didn't know.

"MiniMay… Or well, Meredith. You know how there was someone looking for you in Dover?" MiniMay nodded and I sat down next to her on the bed. "Well. I just had a phone call from your social worker, Sarah. But it came a bit too late…" I made a pause when there was a ring on the doorbell and could hear Joseph go and greet them coming. "And I think that's them right now." I stood up and held out my hand for her to take it and come with me downstairs.

"DADDY?" MiniMay must have recognized her dad's voice. Because without any further ado she screeched louder than what anyone else I had heard before had done. "DADDY?" The smile on her lips was undeniable while she got down from her bed and ran past me to get out of her room and down the hallway. "DADDY?" I turned and hurried after her then came into the stairs just as I could see MiniMay run and jump right into the arms of a tan-skinned, dark-haired man I assumed must be Mr. Maynard while she wouldn't be silent for a single second in her happiness. "Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?"

"Yeah." Mr. Maynard finally responded in one word only. "Yes, oh thank God you're safe."

"Daddy."

"Meredith, Meredith, Meredith, Meredith."

MiniMay's brother was jumping around in circles around his dad's legs. Speaking her name over and over, then jumping another lap around them and reaching his arms up and jumping again. I couldn't help but smile watching them, even though in the corner of my eye I could see Libby and Gabe having come up through the hallway and (especially Gabe) weren't looking too happy about all of this.

"Come here then." Mr. Maynard took MiniMay in one arm, then leaned down and took Michael in the other before he lifted them both up. "Oh Gosh. You're becoming too heavy for me to be able to lift you both like this."

"But you're strong dad." Michael spoke while MiniMay was still only holding her dad tight silently. "You have to be strong when you're a ballet dancer. What was it that you said? Ballet built your body- something?" Mr. Maynard shook his head slightly. "You said so yourself."

"I did." Mr. Maynard agreed. "And that's true. Now…" He turned to me, then looked down on MiniMay who was holding tightly onto his leg, stroke her hair and then looked back at me. "Thank you so much for…. For taking care of Mer. I… I don't know what I would have done if… if something had happened to her."

"Actually..." I looked around on all the kids that had gathered. "We should go into the quiet room and… you and you…" I pointed to Libby and Gabe. "Come with us… Actually…" I turned to Mr. Maynard while we walked into the office, then showed him through it and into the quiet room. "…It's not me you should be thanking. Mr. Maynard… this is…" I gestured to Libby and Gabe. "…Well. I think they'll have to introduce themselves actually. Mike by the way." I held out my hand and shook his. "Mike Milligan."

"Nice name." Mr. Maynard glanced down on his son. "Is it short for…" I nodded, he didn't have to speak the full version. "One of the nicest names I know. Now… You don't have to be shy. What's your name?"

"Isabel."

It felt weird hearing Libby call herself by her actual, full name instead of nickname. After all, her nickname was the only thing I had known until just tonight. But still I knew we'd have to wait with that until after this, and just watched her curtsy politely and shaking hands.

"Pleasure to meet you Mr. Maynard."

"Well." Mr. Maynard smiled kindly down on the young girl. "It's a pleasure to meet you too Miss Isabel. And it's nice to be so polite- but please, just call me Alistair. That whole Mr.-Thing never really suited me. And that goes for you too." He looked up on me and Gabe. "Except for you…" He turned to the twins. "You may never, ever call me anything else then daddy. Has everyone got it? You all know what to call me? Pleasure."

"Ugh." Little Michael sighed and rolled his eyes. "He hasn't told a joke in ages. Now I kind of miss when he didn't and he hasn't actually told a joke yet. I can tell he's on his way."

Alistair just grimaced down jokingly down on his son. I would believe that little Michael was right about that joke. Because he silent for a bit, and I couldn't blame him. All of that worry that must be running off and leaving space for so many awfully bad jokes.

"Knock knock?"

"NOOOOOOOOO." Little Michael screamed when his dad started, oh those knock-knock-jokes. This would never end well. "Fine." He sighed when Alistair nudged his shoulder. "Who's there?"

"Isabel."

Alistair blinked at Libby, who just looked confused about him choosing her name for whatever bad joke this was. And Michael moaned, but seemed to realize this joke would never end unless he continued himself.

"Isabel who?"

"Isabel better than all this knocking?"

I had to give a short chuckle, dads and all of their jokes. Libby was laughing though. Even though Michael was just sighing and rolling his eyes and Gabe still seemed as callous as he always did when he reached his hand forward and shook Alistair's.

"Gabe."

"Wow, we have got both a Mike and a Gabe here." Alistair said and smirked slightly. Then pushed the tissue down his pocket and lifted MiniMay up on his hip again. "It's almost just like it is at home. Except at home it's without the nicknames." It's Michael." Alistair ruffled in his son's hair. "And then Uncle Gabriel isn't it? He's not really their uncle." He explained. "But he's one of my best friends and the kids don't have any real… biological uncles or aunts. And they meet him as good as every day anyway. Then suddenly, there it was. And that made it Uncle Gabriel."

Silence fell over the room. As if we had all forgotten we were here to talk about MiniMay and then hopefully she'd be able to go home. And nobody, not even Sarah seemed to know what to say next before Gabe said something.

"Let me just ask one thing. Just randomly…. But, this Gabriel- what is his last name?"

"Atwood."

At the mention of Alistair's friend Gabe suddenly flinched with a sharp intake of breath. Alistair raised his eyebrows, whatever it was there obviously was something with Gabe and that name.

"So he is… Gabriel Atwood?"

"Yes… Why?"

"Nothing." Gabe answered Alistair's question. "Nothing, I just… I was just curious."

"Speaking about that." Libby interrupted and caught Gabe's attention. "We still don't know your real name. You know mine is Isabel Chau, and we know MiniMay's is actually Meredith Marie Maynard. And she's going back with her dad and brother and we know he's really nice…"

I couldn't actually decide if I was going to frown at Gabe and he's callous state, want to know more about why he had flinched like that when Alistair said his friend's name, or smile at the fact that Libby seemed more open than I had seen her before. Or smile at the fact that Libby seemed to have accepted the fact that MiniMay was most likely going back to live with her dad and brother and she almost seemed happy about it.

Gabe on the other hand seemed as if he was about to start hyperventilating. But I was pretty sure that if I made the wrong move in this then this would all be over and we'd never be able to know anything about Gabe or where he came from.

"Are you okay?" Alistair asked. "Do you know a Gabriel Atwood?"

"No." Gabe answered a bit too fast, then started backing towards the door and shot MiniMay a nervous smile. "It's great that you have met your dad now. Take care, okay? I'm just… I have to go and do something." He turned quickly and then left the quiet room and then the office. Before we could hear him stomp down the hallway and up the stairs, while nobody said a word before we heard the bedroom door slam behind him.

"What was that all about?" Michael asked what we all thought. "He's not very nice… He is kind of weird."

I had expected Libby to start and defend him. But she too had frowned and looked to the door where he had disappeared and didn't seem to know up from down. After all, none of us knew anything about what had happened to Gabe before he came here- I had a feeling we were soon to find out though.

"Don't be so rude Michael. I'm going to be back here in just a minute…" Alistair lifted his daughter down onto the floor from his hip again. "Actually." Alistair was too frowning, and was looking quite thoughtful, as if he knew something I didn't. "Can I go talk to him?"

I looked to Sarah, as the social worker she'd be the one to decide whether it would be safe to leave Alistair and Gabe on their own or so. But I guess as there had been no signs Alistair would be abusive or ever having treated Michael or MiniMay wrong- she also knew more to this story than I did. And nodded.

"Lib… Isabel." I realized Alistair would get lost among all the millions of doors there were upstairs. "Can you show him to Gabe's room? I'll stay here with Michael and Min… Meredith." MiniMay looked as if she was about to cry when Alistair made her let go of his shirt.

"It's okay. I'll be right back. I just need to talk to Gabe for a second. Okay?"

MiniMay's bottom lip was trembling as she saw her dad and friend leaving the room. It did seem to get a tiny bit better when Michael came and hugged her from the side.

"I missed you Mer. I missed you loads and loads and loads."

I smiled slightly at the twins in front of me, but hearing Alistair and Libby continue up the stairs I couldn't shake that feeling off that Alistair did know something us others didn't. And something in it made my stomach clench.

Now, if he dared hurt my kids…

 **Alistair POV**

"This is his room." Isabel showed me to the right door, which had been closed behind him. "I… I don't know why he reacted like that." She knocked on the door. "GABE? ARE YOU IN HERE? MISTE… ALISTAIR WANTS TO TALK TO YOU."

"Come on or leave, doesn't matter to me."

I nodded slightly. Isabel left and I carefully opened the door. Making sure not to make any fast moves or loud noises if it would scare him. Something had made him end up in a care home after all. Maybe he had been hit and shouted at and all sort of things. I wanted to make clear from the start that I wasn't one of those.

"Is it okay if I close the door? I'm not going to hurt you or anything. I just need to talk to you in private."

"Fine by me."

Gabe sat by the head of his bed with his back against the wall, on his lap was an opened sketch pad, by his side a pack of pencils and a stuffed sloth. And while he was sketching on his pad, he didn't even care to look up at me when I stepped closer and looked for a chair that wasn't there.

"May I sit down?" I gestured to the foot of the bed. "It's okay. I'm not going to come closer."

"Fine by me."

He spoke the exact same words as he had ten seconds ago. I carefully sat down on the very edge of the bed, turned to Gabe. But he still looked down on his drawing, pulling the pencil back and forth over the paper in a way that didn't even seem to make sense to me.

"Do you like drawing?"

For a moment I tried to pull out on it. Suddenly realizing how weird and creepy this would seem to him if I was wrong at what I was thinking and something clenched in my stomach when I imagined what would happen if I was wrong- or if I was right.

"I guess."

Gabe obviously wasn't one for talking a lot, maybe especially not to me. And I forced myself to realize there was no point with slowing it down, pulled for a deep breath and gave up on trying to start a conversation so Gabe would look up on me. I wasn't so sure I wanted to see his expression now anyway.

"A while ago my friend Gabriel came to work with something he had bought. He said it was a gift and I joked a bit you know. Wow, did you get that for me? And it's not even my birthday- bad, dad-jokes like that. And then he said that it was for his son. But I just couldn't see… And I told him like- Logan's not even turned five years old yet. He has now by the way, how's he going to be able to appreciate a gift like that."

Gabe was still drawing and not looking up at me. His expression was still as callous and I could barely see it anyway since he sat with his face turned down towards his sketch pad. Yet something had changed, something in the way he moved or the way he looked- something I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.

"That's when he told me he's got another son. A teenager. Then he told me he's never even met the kid. And everything he knew was his birthday and age. And the name Samuel Gabriel. Because for some reason his mum gave him his father's name as middle name even though, when my friend Gabriel found out she was pregnant with him being the father. She just told him to go to hell."

Gabe still wasn't looking at me. But even though his pencil was still put towards his paper sheet he had stopped drawing and was obviously listening closely to every word I said. Even though he might want to seem as if he didn't and didn't care less about what I had to say.

"Why are you telling me this?"

At Gabe's question I hesitated for a bit. If I was wrong in this I would just seem weird. But those blue eyes looking into mine, the flinch when I told him Gabriel's name and the back story that seemed just as much a mystery to everybody else as it was to me. Even that name that he had made into a nickname.

Could there really be a single risk that I was wrong?

"You're Samuel. Aren't you?"

 **Random fact**

In the beginning of this, there was quite some time in between the updates. Then I planned the scene where MiniMay is meeting Alistair and Michael again, and I wanted to get to it and what else will come in the ending so that's when I started updating more.


	11. Father of a son

**Thanks to Justice237 and jenny. S. 72 for reviewing.**

 **Guys, you know polyvore? The page that I have made a lot of edits on for characters and for this story and everything? It's been taken down. No, I don't know why. And yes, it's the whole page and not just my account. It's been taken down without any warnings whatsoever.**

 **So, after all of that- you can no longer go see the edits I made for the characters "cries" But I hope the story's more important than all of those edits. Even though I would have liked to keep them there so you could see the characters.**

 **Alistair POV**

"You are in charge here about what you want to say or not. Or if you want to say anything at all. And I won't go and tell Gabriel about it either. Unless you want me to. But… I have to go downstairs and talk to Mike and Sarah now."

Samuel… well, Gabe nodded at what I said at last and I patted his knee when I stood up. Then left the room carefully closing the door after me.

I barely knew more than what I had a few minutes ago when I walked up the stairs. But there were a few things more.

First- Gabe and my best friend were father and son.

Second- They both wanted to see the other more than anything in the world.

Third- None of them knew about the other's wishes.

And at last fourth- Gabe and Gabriel were father and son. I would have to find a way to bring them together to meet. But with Gabe protected by the foster care system and…

I was pretty sure no one here were about to find out more about Gabe than what we already did. And I had promised him not to tell without his permission, which I wouldn't.

No matter how it would be if I had to go home and look Gabriel in the eyes without telling that I had met, knew I had met his oldest son.

"Well." I easily found my way back to the room next to the office. Meredith jumped up from the sofa and ran straight up to me throwing her arms around me in the move. "Hey. I wasn't long for that long." I lifted her up and when I sat down I put her on my lap. "Are you alright there Michael?" Michael had been given some pens and pencils and was more interested in his drawing on the table than in me. "Where were we?"

"I think the best thing to do right now…" Sarah began where she sat on the other side of the table from me. "Is if you Mr. Maynard, start from the beginning. When did the children so to speak- disappear, where were you? What were you doing?"

I had tried so hard to think about what I had done.

If I could just have gone back in time and change everything.

"I was only going to the bathroom."

Whenever I thought about the day that I and the twins had gone to meet Angela I felt like both crying and running away. Far away, so far and so fast I could run away from the feelings and memories of when I had come back to find the room empty. Then ran the fastest I could out to the parking lot only to barely see Angela's car disappear around the corner.

"But you must have known she couldn't be trusted to be left alone with the kids."

I paused and looked to the kids, ran my palm over and over against Meredith's hair only to really feel her. And Michael was right next to us, still working on his drawing. There was more to tell in this but I wasn't so sure I wanted the kids to hear- at least not until they were old enough to understand that it wasn't their fault.

"Mummy's in prison now." Michael said before I had the chance to say anything more. "The police took her. I was with her but she didn't take care of me, and she pushed Meredith out of the car."

"PRISON?" Meredith screamed so loudly into my ear it started ringing. "But daddy? Why did they put mum in prison for?" Tears were rising in her eyes and I tenderly wiped one away with my thumb.

"She wasn't allowed to take you two out. And she knew that. And she knew she'd get in trouble if she did anyway. And then, when she pushed you out of the car. And did… other things instead of taking care of Michael then she knew she'd get in trouble even more."

"But I was bad. That's why she pushed me out. She told us to be quiet, but I told Michael that I wish I was with you and that was why she was angry with me. Then she said that if I wanted to be with you so bad I should just go and find you. But I said I couldn't because we were with her then. And that's when she told me to go and then she pushed me outside, threw my bag after me and then drove away. But she'd never have done it if I hadn't said I'd rather be with you."

"I wanted to be with you too daddy."

A lump was rising in my throat and I forcedly swallowed it. If there was anything I wouldn't want to it was to put the children under more pressure and if they saw me crying…

"Maybe I should go find Libby and she can play with you two for a bit?" Mike must have more or less heard what I was thinking. Because he got up but Meredith clung to my shirt and screeched out.

"NO DADDY. I WANT TO STAY WITH DADDY."

"Meri." I tried softly with my arm still around her shoulders. "We need to talk on our own for a bit now. As adults. But I'm not leaving and I'm not going anywhere. And I will not be leaving unless I tell you first." Meredith still clung onto my shirt. "I will not be leaving now. But we have to talk as adults and I'll be staying right here. So if you want anything or something happens you can come back here. But right now I need to talk with Mike and Sarah alone. Understand?"

Meredith nodded, but seeing the hurt look in her eyes when she let me go, stepped down from the sofa and walked out of the room after Mike and Michael with her head hanging I wanted to grab her. Hold onto her tight and never, ever let go.

I flinched when the door opened and Mike came back into the room.

"They're in the living room watching Good Luck Charlie with some of the other children." Mike started while walking across the room. I nodded- they had watched that at home too. "Now. If she was pushed out of the car for saying something that would explain why she didn't want to say anything at all when she came here." Mike sunk down on the other side of the table from me again after closing the door. "She didn't say a word until you were in touch. Except for telling Gabe and Libby her name and age, and then right before you were in touch she told them she wanted daddy and Michael. And that was it- not a single word. She would be afraid to say too much if she said anything at all and she would be left on her own."

The thought of my little girl all silent, who would usually not be afraid to stand up for anything or anyone. Girls, boys, children, adults, people five times her age and size. If someone stood up for something she didn't agree with she was not in any way lacking words.

How much hadn't it taken to silent her all along?

It was like the knowledge of that pushed me downwards, I couldn't keep upright so I put my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. Rubbed my face and forced the tears away while I couldn't help to start.

"I was only going to the bathroom. Heck- I was about to wet my pants." Sarah cleared her throat. "Yeah, too much information. Sorry. But… I could hear them all the time, I hurried as much as it was possible and when I came back they were gone. And when I was going to follow in my car it turned out she had slashed my tires. And she can't have had the time to do that while I was in the bathroom so she must have done it before planning something. And she succeeded didn't she?"

The memories from how I had come back to find the room empty, slashed tired, police and the social services. Everything was spinning in my mind day and night and even though I knew I would have to give a more detailed story I didn't say a word before Sarah started asking questions.

"Your son said that your wife is now in prison and we also have that in our files. Will you give us a bit of more information about her and start from there and then take it in your own pace and everything. As long as you tell us as much as possible." Sarah took her pencil in a steady grip ready to note what I was saying.

I brainstormed for somewhere to start. Only to realize that this would be one of the hardest things I had ever done. Then took a deep breath, and started from the beginning.

"It's more likely that she'll end up in the psychiatric ward at the hospital than staying in jail. She has had… problems. With drugs and with depressions which ended with her taking more drugs. And before I met her she had been abused and… raped and… yeah, you can imagine. So she is… mentally… unstable. But she got better, we had the twins. Then she went into postpartum depression when we had the twins. Which wasn't unexpected of course but she… I don't know. Something happened and she just kind of broke. She lost custody of the kids when they were three and a half and Michael had called for an ambulance because she wouldn't wake up. That's when she tried to commit suicide and I was only working late one day. She stayed in hospital for a bit and then she came back and… It just didn't work. We had to split up, she got back doing drugs and she lost custody of the kids. Maybe a tad too late, because at the point she couldn't see them anymore Michael had broken his arm, Meredith had a concussion- twice, she also had some broken ribs and…"

I silent, I had tried to just keep on talking. It was easy being wise afterwards, seeing how things could have turned out. And there was no one I blamed more than myself for how all of this had ended up.

"And of course we ended up having contact with the social services and I did everything to prove I would never… lay a finger on them. Because I wouldn't. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had. I'd never. So I had custody and we could only meet through private meetings arranged by the social services. And… we only had the time to meet once. We ate for a bit, talked, had fun. She seemed fine. And I… had to go to the bathroom. And I had made the twins promise that if she'd ever want to take them anywhere they'd talk to me first. But when I came from the bathroom…"

I silent again, the moment I had come out of that bathroom and until now had seemed endlessly long and had been the worse time of my life. Not knowing where my children were, if they were safe. If they were even alive and I could do nothing but to sit and wait.

"We heard from the police two days later. Then Michael had been found with Angela, she laid drugged in some dark alley somewhere and was barely awake. And Michael… God, when I came to the hospital and saw him and he was safe. But then…" A lump was rising in my throat and I forced it down again. "…Daddy, mummy pushed Meri out of the car and I don't know where she is. And we had to start over again."

And after everything, it was like now when I had finally found both of my kids safe I finally felt how exhausted I was. And with every word and every move I had to force my eyelids open.

Then, as I blinked I saw something in the corner of my eye that startled me. I jumped and for the moment I was awake. At least awake enough to see Gabe through the windows in the door and the look in his eyes when I nodded towards him and he came inside.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"No, no. I could use a break. And now that you are here I think you three will have to do some talking."

"My real name is…" Gabe swallowed and turned to me then interrupted before anyone else had the time to ask him about anything. I nodded back at him and he turned back to Mike and Sarah. "My real name is Samuel Atwood- Samuel Gabriel Atwood and…" Every word was slow and forced and he was shaking where he stood. "Gabriel Atwood, Alistair's best friend and the one Meredith and Michael calls Uncle Gabriel is my dad."

Silence fell over the room, and Gabe only looked around as if to wait to get a round of applause, or rather for someone to ask a question because he obviously didn't know what to say next.

I stood up to leave, but Gabe turned to me quickly. He didn't say anything, but something flashed by in his eyes, something pleading. Normally I wouldn't have understood, but half standing I sunk back towards the sofa cushions behind me and Mike nodded slightly towards me I could see before we both turned to Gabe.

Gabe didn't say anything more. But Sarah had pulled up a notebook and noted something, before she too looked up on him and right away started asking questions.

"Tell me… how old are you Samuel?"

"I still prefer to be called Gabe. I just don't want the name that that… that… that my mum gave me."

"Okay Gabe. Then once again, how old are you?"

"I'll be fifteen in February."

Sarah noted something more in her papers and even though he put his hands behind his back he couldn't hide the fact that he was shaking from head to toe. Sarah showed Mike to come closer and they whispered something back and forth to quietly for me and Gabe to hear. Without knowing what else to do I laid my hand on his shoulder and stroke it slightly. Then Sarah noted something more and Mike came over to us while Sarah finally put down her pencil and looked up towards Gabe.

"This would have been another kind of story if you had been five, seven, ten, twelve years old. If you were still so young you couldn't protect yourself if something happened. You know what I'm talking about. And it would have been another story if you had lived with an abusive parent who then wanted to see you. So if you ever want to see your mum."

"I can't do that. She's dead."

"Oh." Sarah took her pencil again and noted what Gabe had told her. "I'm sorry… But." She looked through her papers one more time. "And Mr. Maynard. What is this Gabriel Atwood like?"

"What is Mr. Gabriel Atwood like?" I rubbed my neck and tried to think of a good answer. "He is great, just great. Kind, giving and… he tells jokes, loads of them- but in difference from mine they're actually funny." I took a pause for a second. "Sorry, he can also tell when is the right time for joking and not. I… We live just right next to each other and the children can just run right across the yard, through a small gate and through the back door into his house whenever they feel like it. He loves them."

"Does he have any children of his own?"

"Yes. Five year old Logan and also, his wife- Olivia is pregnant. A little girl this time."

Every time the room went silent except Sarah's pencil scratching towards the notebook as she noted something it seemed like ages before she looked up and something more. Ages filled with wondering about what would come next and if I'd even be able to answer- and even more, how on earth was Gabe still standing in all of this.

"And what does he work with?"

"Accountant. We are both accountants."

"Do you work in the same place?"

"Yes. That's where we met."

"I thought you just said you're neighbours."

"We are." As if I hadn't been nervous enough, the way Sarah noticed every word I said clenched something in my chest. "I started that job while I was looking for a place to live. The house behind his was for sale so he suggested it. And that was where we ended up moving."

Sarah nodded slowly and noted something else. Mike leaned to his side and whispered something in her ear that I couldn't hear. Sarah nodded back to him and then noted something else before looking to me, and then to Gabe and back to me.

"I know all of this seems just… random." At last I had to say something. "My story, Meredith's, Angela, Gabriel, Michael. Everything just sort of fits. But first of all, I know there has to be more work done before I can take her home with me and everything. But I just want to say that… you can trust me. Okay? I know you've heard that one before but… I love the kids more than anything else in the whole world and these days when I didn't know where they were has been the worst time of my life. I would never as much as lay a finger on them or hurt them in any way at all. And also…" I looked to Gabe, his expression cold and callous. "…I wouldn't be putting Gabe through this if I wasn't absolutely sure that… that my best friend who has been longing to meet his son for so very long is the guy Gabe himself has been wanting to meet."

I had to silent, there would be no point with begging on and on and it would do no good. So with my hands on my lap I looked down on them and wished there would be more I could do to make this go faster. For several minutes everything heard were breaths, children's voices from the rest of the house and Sarah's pencil scraping towards her notebook.

"I suppose this Mr. Gabriel Atwood has a phone?"

"Yes ma'am."

"And I suppose, being best friends you must have his number."

"Yes ma'am."

Sarah silently looked from me, to Gabe and back to me for what felt like ages over and over. Then she finally put a dot after something she had written, whispered something to Mike and turned to the both of us on the other side of the table from her.

"If you Mr. Maynard call Mr. Atwood now, then I'll go by the office. And before Mr. Atwood reaches Newcastle I can have it done so to the point that you can meet him." Gabe's chin dropped slightly. "But. I can only get a part of it done SO he cannot take you out anywhere. And Mike or May-Li needs to be in the same room at all times. It's only for your safety until we can see he can be trusted and get all the paper work done."

"It's fine." Gabe interrupted. "I'll… I'll accept everything just as long as you let me see him and… and talk to him."

"Then it should be fine and you can call him up now Mr. Maynard." Sarah got up. "I'll have to go into the office and do the paper work now and then I have another meeting so sorry but I have to go."

"I'll go…" I took my phone. "Wait here." I walked into the office, quickly pressed Gabriel's number on my phone and put it to my ear. Through the windows in the door I could see Gabe still trying to fight his feelings. But there would be no way for him to answer them all when one signal after the other went by. "Come on Gabriel, why do you never ever answer your phone?"

Gabriel did have a way with leaving his phone behind and then not picking up whenever there was someone calling. At least half of the times that someone called when we were at work I had to pick it up and run to find him. So when the phone at last clicked towards my ear I thought it would go straight to voice mail.

"Atwood."

"Gabriel." I breathed out in relief and barely let my friend have the chance to answer before I started. "Look. I'm in Newcastle now. And Meredith is here with me. She's fine, not a scratch." I could hear a sigh in relief on the other end. "But there is something else…"

How was I now supposed to tell Gabriel that I had his oldest son here? That I found him? That after all of the years he had been happy with buying gifts for Christmas and birthdays he would finally have the chance to meet him? Was that something that could be said over the phone?

"Al? Are you still there?"

"Yes, yes." I drew a deep breath and laid a hand towards my forehead in a distressed move while I breathed in. "Look. Something turned up here. But I… I don't want to tell you over the phone what it is so…"

"Did something happen? Is there anyone hurt?"

"No. But something turned up and I… I don't want to tell you over the phone. It's too important so… it's not even lunch time yet so… Get in the car- now, or as soon as you can and drive to Newcastle. You'll be here in the afternoon and then call me when you're nearing and I'll meet you up and take you… here."

"Where exactly is here? Should I bring Olivia or Logan?"

"No. Leave them back there. But you have to come here. And you need to get here as soon as possible."

I could hear Gabriel moving on the other side, then voices as he was talking to his wife and youngest son without holding the phone to his ear, and then more moving.

"I don't get it." He finally started talking to me again. "You really do sound like I must hurry and all of that yet you will not tell me what is going on. Why not just tell me over the phone and I can just drive in my own pace. Did someone get hurt or anything? Do you need something from me?"

"Nobody's hurt." I tried to sound calmer than what I felt. "And nobody's ill. I would tell you over the phone only… It's too important and I want you to know it said face to face. If I need anything from you? Well… Yeah, I guess."

"The tone in your voice isn't exactly soothing."

"I know." I held back a moan. "But… call me when you're coming closer to Newcastle. Okay? And you'll understand when you get here." I could hear a door being thrown closed after Gabriel on the other end of the line. "Are you on your way now? That was quick."

"Yes I'm on my way. Well, I wasn't doing much anyway. Is there anything I need to bring or think about when I get there? And don't tell me again to call you when I get closer to Newcastle because you've already said that. And that is something you could end up saying ten times if I wouldn't stop you."

"Yeah sorry. No, I don't think there's anything more. And yeah… Just drive safely will you please?"

"Rather safe than sorry."

"Of course." I took my phone in a steadier grip to hang up. "Have a safe ride. Hear from you later."

While hanging up I turned around and walked through the door back into the quiet room. Sarah was just packing up her things to leave but all three froze in their positions staring at me and waited for me to say something.

"He started driving right away. He asked if he should bring anyone or anything but I answered him no. Driving from Dover and here should be about five hours. So he should be here about…" I checked my clock. "In the afternoon, four, five- ish."

Gabe nodded slowly at me, Sarah gave me a small card with her phone number and email address and then left. Then they left the room, we could soon hear the front door close behind Sarah and then Gabe's heavy footsteps up the stairs.

"I wish I could tell him that Gabriel will be here right away."

"I know. Me too. That feeling when you just want to do what's best for the kids. But now." Mike closed the door after the two that had left. "As you probably do understand we cannot let you stay here over night. But since Gabriel is on his way and everything. I would appreciate if you stayed here for today. And of course, you can spend all of your time with your kids. Of course, as a care worker you can't be easily tricked if someone comes in actually trying to hurt the kids and acting nice. But you do seem like a nice guy. And I cannot see any reason to believe that a single word of what you told us in there was true."

"It was."

"And I believe you. Now come." Mike showed me to follow him. At first I thought he was going to lead me to the living room and back to the kids, but he showed me into a kitchen where an Asian- looking woman stood and riffled in a book with recipes. "This is May-Li. Our care-worker." I smiled, nodded and shook her hand. "May-Li. This is MiniMay's dad. Alistair Maynard. As you probably do understand Alistair. It will be another day or two before you can take Min… Meredith with you and go home. And you will be closely watched by the social services for the next six months or so."

"I know. It's understandable and I will absolutely not protest in any way."

"Wise. Now, as you will be here today and for what will happen later today…" Mike turned and breathed in deeply. "HOUSE MEETING IN THE KITCHEN. NOW."

I just had to raise an eyebrow- that Mike's voice could reach that kind of tone! And as there was a thunder of shoes hitting the stairs down towards the kitchen or through the living room all of the kids thoughtfully looked up at me as if they weren't too sure what to think.

Well at least Meredith run straight up to me and threw her hands up so I could lift her up on my hip as usual and Michael came and leaned against my leg so I laid my arm around his shoulders.

Well two kids and one parent- you do make the best of it. And finally together again all three of us I took a deep breath as if it was the first in years.

"I think everybody are here now. Everybody this is Alistair Maynard. MiniMay's dad. And Michael, her brother." I waved slightly and tried to ignore the glaring in the kids' eyes when they looked back. But Mike obviously noticed too. "Hey, guys. Don't be so judgmental on him. How Min… Meredith ended up here is a long and quite complicated. But this one…" Mike patted my shoulder. "Is a great guy. And also… Gabe. I'm not sure." Mike looked down on Gabe who sat on the other side of him. "Do you want me to…" Gabe shrugged. "You have to decide."

"I don't care. They're going to have found out before the end of the day anyway."

"Later on this afternoon. One of Alistair's best friends will be coming here. And as it seems right now… This guy whose name is Gabriel is except for Alistair's friend- also Gabe's dad. Now, because Gabe is protected by the social services' rules I or May- Li will have to be in the same room as Gabe and Gabriel…"

"Why do you two have the same name?" A small girl with curly, red hair asked. "Because Gabe is short for Gabriel isn't it? Or do you have another name that we don't know about?"

"That's a bit confusing." Another boy with short, dark hair said. "And we now know Libby's name is actually Isabel, and MiniMay's is Meredith Marie."

"FLOSS." Mike shouted to interrupt the questions. "And Joseph. I do get that you want to know more. But it is very important that you both right now and when he gets here that you let both me, Gabe and Mr. Atwood our privacy. If anyone of us can or wants to share anything else with you then we will. But until then, no more questions. Okay?"

There were spread yes's and nods in the room. Mike nodded back and patted Gabe's shoulder. Now again Gabe tensed as if he was afraid to be hit. And I couldn't help to feel bad for this boy, fourteen years old and scared to death about something that we barely knew about.

"And then…" Mike pulled up his phone from his pocket. "….What do you say if we just ordered some pizza for lunch?"

"YAAAAAY." Came from all directions- apparently all the children liked… "PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA! PIZZA!"

"Salads it is then. Now what do you all want on your pizza?"

"Pepperoni."

"No, I'm a vegetarian."

"We can order some different ones." I was quickly getting this was the way it was going in the house with everyone having different opinions. It was now that red-haired girl's turn to speak her mind. "I like ham and pineapple."

"Pineapple on pizza. Yuk!"

About three seconds later the whole room was a mess of kids shouting out different orders about pepperoni and chicken and God knows what else. Meanwhile Mike was trying to get everybody's orders and get them into the phone- not succeeding very well.

"You two then." I looked down on my own two kids. "Do you think I'll be able to guess what you then?" Meredith just smiled and snuggled into my shirt. Life with Gabriel Atwood and his family meant pizza every Friday and we'd join them every time. "Can you order one with chicken, curry, banana and pineapple please?" Mike stopped in his tracks and looked confusedly at me. "What? I know some people don't like fruit on people but we all love it don't we?" Meredith and Michael nodded agreeing while Mike sighed. "Can I help you?"

"I should learn to just go around the house and ask one and one what they want." Mike moaned. "What about you then Gabe? I think you're the only one that hasn't said anything. Do you have a favorite?" Gabe shrugged. "You can say anything."

"I guess chicken, olives and mushroom."

"And yes, then I want a small pizza with chicken, olives and mushroom." Mike grimaced and then looked back to Gabe. "Don't worry about it. You will have that one all to yourself. And then two vegetarian please." He continued his orders while everybody shouted out different toppings they wanted. "Excuse me? Can I just make a list and get back in five minutes. Thank you? Now. One at the time…"

"I can take some orders too." I shouted. "Now, you. With the dark hair…"

"Joseph."

"Joseph. What do you like on your pizza?"

I, Mike and May- Li managed to get the children's orders noted quite fast working together and calmly. Then ordered also a few drinks and pizza salad. Yet no one was quiet about how much they all loved pizza until all of the pizzas had arrived and all kids and adults were silently eating.

Well, most of us were silent.

"Is that one with olives and mushroom? Can I have a piece?"

"Really, Alex?" Mike was suddenly right by us. "We ordered a small one with that since we thought Gabe would be able to have it to his own." He grimaced again. Gabe shook his head and pushed the pizza box towards Alex.

"You can have the whole thing. I'm not very hungry."

"Are you feeling alright?" Mike ran a hand through Gabe's fringe and felt his forehead. "You look a bit pale and you haven't eaten all day. No…" He turned his hand and felt with the back. "You don't feel warm. How are you feeling?" Gabe just shrugged.

"I'm fine."

"You ought to be nervous with what's going on. But try to eat a little at least" I patted his knee slightly and tried to ignore how he tensed when I did so. As if he was afraid I might hit him.

"Can I just go to my room?"

"Yeah but…" Mike put his pizza to the side and put a couple of pieces of Gabe's on a plate. "Take these and then your glass with you. You have to eat something but…" He lowered his voice. "Don't tell anyone we're letting you do this because normally don't let the kids eat in their rooms. The last time we did it was this kid named Gus Carmichael and well…" Gabe raised an eyebrow where he stood filling up his glass with cola. "Let's just say that suddenly the whole house stank."

Gabe nodded and looked around to check he had nobody's attention. Then quickly- tip toed out of the room and out of my sight.

I had a really bad feeling it wasn't just about the nervousity. But of course, Gabe was old enough to understand if he should tell an adult about something… wasn't he?

"I was only wondering." I started talking to Mike and tried to get on other thoughts. "You work here, and you work in shifts like on many other jobs… I know that you were here this morning and everything. If you came then it's nothing but… Exactly for how long have you been here this time?"

"We end up with long shifts every once in a while. But since we sleep on our nightly shifts, at least they don't bother me much and I don't want to leave in the middle of something like this." I had to suppress a yawn. "Hey. You must be exhausted after everything. I'll show you to the quiet room and you can take a nap. As long as you're awake to meet Gabriel and introduce us we will take care of the rest."

"Thank you." I got up, Mike led me out of the room and upstairs. Michael and Meredith following my footsteps with every centimeter. "I guess I'll just take these with me then." I walked into the room he showed me and then more or less fell into the bed and rolled over to my back while my kids crawled up on each side of me.

And then, Meredith lying on her head on one of my shoulders, and Michael with his head on my other. I knew everything was okay and for what felt like the first time in a million years I fell asleep.

I woke up five minutes later, or at least that's what it felt like when I pulled my calling phone up and checked the ID.

"Gabriel?"

"That's my name." I drowsily sat up in the bed, my children had been here only a minute ago. "I'm nearing Newcastle now." Oh yeah. I had definitely taken a nap a bit longer than what I had intended to. "Now, will you come on and tell me what is happening?"

"Yeah." Stiffly I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Can you see anything? A store or a supermarket or anything. I'll come and meet you there."

"I can see signs that points towards Sally Simone's supermarket?"

"Awesome." I had seen that driving here. "I'll get there as soon as I can. Find that and drive into the parking lot. I'll be there as quickly as I can." On stiff legs I stood up and moaned. "Sorry. I had a bit of a nap. I'll just have to check so I know where the twins are…" I hung up and pushed the phone back into my pocket. "MICHAEL? MERI? WHERE A… Oh."

My twins sat right outside the door to the bedroom in which I had fallen asleep. With a bunch of pens, pencils and paper sheets they could have sat there for a while. And they both smiled brightly up at me.

"You had a long nap daddy." Meredith told me. "We were bored, but we didn't want you to be able to leave anywhere if we didn't know about it so May-Li let us sit here drawing. Did we scare you when you came out?"

"No it's fine." I leaned down to see the drawing Meredith was making. "That's really nice. But I have to go pick up Uncle Gabriel now." Both of the children started crawling onto their feet. "No guys. You need to stay here, I have to go on my own."

"But I haven't seen Uncle Gabriel for a really long time."

"I know you haven't." I leaned down and kissed Meredith's forehead while Michael crossed his arms over his chest, pouted and turned away from me. "Don't be like that now Mikey." I ruffled in his hair. "I have to talk to Uncle Gabriel on my own this time. I need to tell him about Gabe and everything. And I have to do that on my own."

"We could have helped you."

"I know Mer."

I didn't have any time to waste, so while both of the kids pouted and got back to what they were doing I patted their shoulders with each hand, then took a big step over their drawings and continued down the hallway where I met Mike right outside Gabe's room.

"Well good morning. You look like you could need a cup of coffee. Or eight."

"It's fine." I stopped and stretched for a bit. "Gabriel just called and he's getting closer so I'll just exchange a few words with Gabe and then go to pick my friend up." I stretched again. "It was probably good that I fell asleep because for Gabe this day must have seemed way too long… Gabe." I walked back to Gabe's room and knocked on the door. "It's time now. Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

"I just talked to Ga… To your dad." Gabe sat on the bed turned to me, he might or might not have moved since lunch. The plate with the pizza stood on his desk and was still untouched but the glass was empty. "He's getting closer. And I have a suggestion…" I walked into the room and closed the door after me, slumped down in his desk chair. "What if… I told him you're here and the story, not your story but how you and Meredith met and all of that. I think… I'm not going to make the decision but I'm trying to figure… What would you like me to do?"

"I think…" Gabe suddenly flinched, as if in pain, then made a paused. Even though just as I was on my way to ask if he was okay he continued. Even though his voice did seem a bit hoarse. "You should probably tell him before you come here. It is… I mean… It's a big meeting, for the both of us. So it might not come for an as big chock that he has a heart attack and drops dead if you tell him first without me."

"His heart is in perfectly good health." I stood up again and forced a chuckle. "But you are right and that's why I wanted to ask. Then I'll tell him and I will lead him right here so we'll be back in twenty minutes, half an hour or so. Okay?"

"Okay."

Although maybe I wouldn't have been quite as nervous if I had known that someone else would tell him. Because knowing I had to do it- my heart just couldn't stop beating and my stomach was in knots. Then just as I turned into the parking lot by the supermarket a car I very well recognized came from the other direction. I could see Gabriel saw me through both of our windows and pointed for him to get closer, while we rolled down each window right where we sat and I realized just how close I was…

"Now." Gabriel started through both of our open windows. "Will you tell me what is going on?"

"Exactly how fast did you drive? It's not even four p. m. Didn't I tell you to drive here safely?"

"I didn't break any rules." I would have wanted to believe that. "But Alistair, what is it? And don't try to change the subject" I could tell I was worrying my friend. "Is someone hurt? Where are the twins? You found Meredith, right?"

"Park your car here." I sighed, realized that I could drag out on it no longer and nodded towards an empty parking space. "Then come and take the shotgun seat in my car. I'll drive you to where we're going."

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

"I'll tell you once we're both in my car." I glanced down the pavement where people were going in and out of the supermarket and passing us. "We need some privacy."

Gabriel nodded, we both rolled our windows up and I parked not to be in the way while we talked.

I still hadn't found any of the right words to use.

How was I supposed to say that what he had waited and hoped and planned for, for the last decade and a half was finally happening? And that might not sound important- but this would be one of the most important moments of his life and it was up to me to figure how it would go and…

"Now." I was interrupted in the middle of my thoughts when Gabriel came and ripped the door open and sat down in the seat next to me. "Will you tell me what is going on? Is someone hurt? Or ill? Did something happen to anyone? Do you need anything? Money, some tips, someone to talk to? A blood transfusion? A kidney? Just tell me what is going on."

"I…" I said at last, then closed my wife and swallowed. Okay- now, this was it. "You know that when I was meeting Angela with the kids I was only going to the bathroom because I wasn't supposed to leave them alone. Then when I came out they were gone…"

"I already know this. You know I know this so why are you telling me again?"

"I just have to explain this from the start for you to understand something." I sighed and had to start over while my heart was beating a million times harder than ever before. "Then, that night as Angela was driving something happened, and she pushed Meredith out of the car before she continued driving and Meredith disappeared."

"I can tell there's something else. Why won't you just tell me what it is?"

"You have to let me explain. Just hear me out. But not until today I really found out where she's been. And as it turned out, when she was pushed out of the car there were two other children who saw her. Both of them on the run. They took care of her, and they all had each nickname for nobody to figure who they were. They ended up quite protective of each other and wanted to stick together. There was, and still is a nine year old. Libby, who's actual name is Isabel. Then there was Meredith who they called MiniMay. And then a boy, a fourteen year old boy they called Gabe."

"Nice name. But did you make me drive the whole way here to tell me there's a kid named Gabe?"

My heart was beating in nervousity I could feel the blood streaming in my ears. And that while I met the most important part.

The part that would change both Gabe's and Gabriel's whole lives.

"It's Samuel."

I turned my head and looked at him instead of right forward just as he turned to me. At first he seemed quite confused. Then his expression visibly changed when a light started going up for him about what I was telling him.

"Can you say that again please?"

My friend had heard what I said very well. Even though it had taken him a split second to what I had said I added parts. Because weren't there another billion of boys named Samuel in the world? But only one that mattered?

"It's your son. And his full name is Samuel Gabriel Atwood."

I was pretty sure I was almost able to hear Gabriel's heart beating hard when I told him that last and he had to realize that this wasn't a joke or some kind of cruel TV show. He then turned away from me, and I could see his fists clencing around the fabric of his jeans.

"Damn. Idid not expect this when I got out of bed this morning."

Gabriel didn't seem as if he knew how to react. It must have been at least five minutes where he just stared out the window, turned away from me. Then turned back and stared me straight into the eyes, still not saying anything for another couple of minutes. At last I lifted a hand and rubbed his shoulder for the little support I could give.

"Now I can see why you didn't think I should drive." He said at last, lifting his hands to show me he was shaking like a leaf. "Well are… are you sure?"

"Yes… And he wants to meet you. If you also want to meet him it has been arranged."

"Well yes." Gabriel answered a bit too fast. "I do. I do want to, you know I do. I have never wanted anything more but…" He silent. "But nothing. I want to meet him, I always have and I do now I just… I can't believe… are you sure? Are you sure it's him? This isn't a joke?"

"This is not some kind of cruel joke." I turned the key and the car started and then geared and drove out of the parking lot. "You know I would never do something like that. And yes, I am sure it's him."

We sat in silence for most of the drive towards Ashdene Ridge. I didn't know what I could have said and what must be moving in between Gabriel's ears I couldn't have imagined for my life. Despite the noises from the motor and the world passing by, everything seemed to have gone all silent.

"He prefers to be called Gabe." I said at last. "I don't think… He hasn't said much about his mum but… He doesn't want to be called by the name she gave him." In the corner of my eye I could see my friend nodding. And then as I drove up the block I started explaining. "There is still some paper work that needs to be done before we can get Meredith home. I left Michael there too so I could talk to you in private." Even though I had only gone up this road once before I was certain of each turn that had to be made and recognized every house. "I'll be going back to them now. You and Gabe can talk in private. But since this has gone so fast a care worker needs to stay with you. I know you wouldn't hurt him in any way but it's for their safety rules until you have gotten all paper work done too."

I slowed down, turned into the driveway of Ashdene Ridge's care home and then turned the key to stop the car.

"And this is Ashdene Ridge." I told him. "Care home. Are you ready?"

Gabriel looked a shade of grey and green when he looked up towards the big house. Then turned to me and nodded slightly.

"I'm ready." He opened the door and tried to get out but fell right back into the seat. "When I remember to unbuckle my belt that is." He reached back, unbuckled it and pulled it off before he tried to get out again.

Normally I would have laughed at his clumsiness and being forgetful. And I'd never let him hear the end of it, joking to everybody we knew with silly dad jokes we both laughed as hyenas at. But now wasn't the time for joking, and silently I walked around the car and up the driveway where Gabriel suddenly stopped and looked up towards the building of Ashdene Ridge again.

"Are you okay?" I asked him. "Gabriel… you have to breathe. Now you're hyperventilating."

"What do you mean breathe?" Gabriel sent me a kind of panicked look. "How am I supposed to breathe? In this house is my kid that I haven't ever met and I haven't heard about him since Julianna Ryan came up and told me she was pregnant with my child. And then told me to go to hell when I said I wanted to be a part of his life. But she promised me she was going to be a good parent. So how did he end up here? Where is Julianna by the way? What's she going to do when she finds out I am here? Will she find out? What will I say to her? What will I say to Sa… Gabe? Why does he prefer to be called Gabe?"

"Gabriel will you CALM DOWN?"

I laid my hands on my friend's shoulders and forced him to turn towards me when I looked him straight into the eyes. In them it almost seemed I could see what Gabe could see on the inside of his eyelids- memories from the past fifteen years.

"It is up to Gabe to tell you about where his mother is and why he prefers to be called by his middle name." Gabriel was still as good as hyper ventilating looking back at me. "But you need to calm down before you go see him. Seeing you all freaked out won't do any good for either of you."

Both I and Gabriel, side by side and looking up towards Ashdene Ridge.

"Can you imagine all the memories in between these walls?"

"Memories? Alistair Maynard, it's a freaking care home. Can you imagine all the trauma's stuck in between these walls?"

A few pictures of imagined flew by, a child holding his or her hand up to protect them against someone- someone big. A car crash with blood, a lot of blood and screams from someone who wasn't old enough to understand, someone coming in at night into their room and trying to put their inside their…

"I don't want to imagine that… Look Gabriel. I don't know where all the kids in here comes from. I don't know what happened to Joseph, or to Alex, or to any of Sasha or Dexter Bellman before they came here. But I do know about this place, I do know Mike and May-Li who both works here and Sarah who's a social worker. They're all great people. And whatever happened to all of these kids. I think this place is one of the best things that could have happened to them after everything they went through."

I looked up towards the house again not to stare at Gabriel and make him even more uncomfortable than what he already felt. I half expected for the door to suddenly fly open and all the kids and care workers coming running to meet us. But of course, that was just a fantasy. And as Gabriel's breaths was yet again and again interrupted by swallowing in his tries to slow it down finally succeeding.

We must have stood there for at least fifteen minutes and it hit me slightly how nervous Gabe must be after my naïve self had told him I would only be away for twenty minutes, half an hour.

"Are you ready?" I asked Gabriel again and in the corner of my eye I could see him nodding. "I guess it's time to move then."

"I have been ready for fifteen years." He said at last. "And this is all I ever wanted and here I am and…" He rubbed his face with both his hands. "Can you go inside? I'll be right there I just need to take a moment to breathe."

"Of course." I patted his shoulder before I knocked the door and walked inside. "Good luck."

"Hey." Mike nodded to Gabriel when he came and opened the door for me. "Will you be coming inside?" I gave Mike a meaning glare and more or less pushed him backwards before I could close the door after me. "He's not about to run away is he? Only… come this far to ditch and then come up with a perfect idea to run away… Like father like son?"

"No. He's not like that. He just needed a moment to think to himself before… well, you know. Hey." Meredith came running from the living room and up in my arms. "Let's go back into the living room."

"Is Gabe going to meet Uncle Gabriel now?" I nodded carrying Meredith on my hip. "I am glad I didn't have to wait for almost fifteen years to meet you daddy."

I couldn't help but smile sadly. From the day they disappeared it had only been a couple of days until Michael was found sound and safe. And after that only a few days until Meredith was found too even though I couldn't see her until today.

I couldn't for my life understand how a parent even survived fifteen years without knowing their kid.

"I love you daddy."

"I love you too Mer."

With that, and kissing the top of my daughter's soft, brown hair I carried her back into the living room where I sat down next to Michael who was drawing once again.

Then just as I sat down I heard another knock on the door.

 **Gabe POV**

Twenty minutes, half an hour or so Alistair had said it would take before he was back at Ashdene Ridge. This time it was with my dad with him. Well, however long it would take I spent the first ten minutes only sitting on my bed staring right ahead of me and tried to ignore my stomach cramping worse than ever. It would probably get better at the moment I met him anyway.

"Well here we go Slowen." I took my old, stuffed sloth from my pillow. "But I don't think I'll tell him about you just yet." I stuffed him in the bedside table drawer and closed it. "It's not like nobody's hit me for having a stuffed animal before."

I hadn't gotten a wardrobe yet, but when I at last realized there were things to do I started picking all of my clothes up from the floor and putting them all up on my bed I suddenly felt that I needed to go shopping.

A pair of red sweatpants, camo-printed trousers, two hoodies and four T-shirts, some underwear and socks. I usually didn't care much about my looks but at least I would have wanted to look presentable for when I was finally going to meet my dad.

I must have looked over all clothes I owned at least a thousand times before I had to realize I didn't own more clothes than these and none of it was representable for meeting dad for the first time. I neatly folded everything again, it was too late to go out and buy something new. But before I could decide to do anything else I took a deep breath, forced myself to swallow my pride and walked out into the hallway, then walked over and knocked on the door to Tyler's room.

"Yes." He opened almost right away. "Gabe? How can I help you?"

"I was just wondering… I… It's actually so silly but… I only have sweatpants and stuff and I was wondering maybe if you have something I can borrow that is a bit nicer?"

"That's not silly." Tyler smirked and stepped away from the door and I continued after him and watched him open his wardrobe. "And I have loads of clothes, they might be a tad big for you though. But, what would you want to wear? Tux? Tie?"

"No. Not quite that formal. Something nice, yet casual. Fashion- things aren't exactly my thing at all. But I don't know… A pair of jeans and some nice kind of shirt I guess." Tyler looked through a pile of jeans in his wardrobe and then shirts before he handed me a dark blue pair of jeans and a light blue button- up shirt. "Thanks. I'll just go into my room and get changed."

"Glad I could help."

"You…" I suddenly thought of another that might be for the best. "Don't happen to have a deodorant or something like it of some kind that I can borrow too. I'm sorry but…" Without fussing Tyler grabbed a spray bottle of Axe from his shelf and threw it over the room to me. "Thanks. You'll get everything back before the day's over."

On my way back to my room I suddenly realized I had already wasted nineteen minutes of the twenty-minutes-half-an-hour Alistair had given me. So ignoring how it made my stomach hurt I hurried into my room and closed the door before I ripped my clothes off and quickly got into the outfit I had borrowed from Tyler.

As I leaned down to pull the pants on my stomach suddenly cramped again- worse than ever this time. I dropped the pants, laid one hand towards the cramping point and stumbled over to my desk.

Fighting through the pain when I heard a car, and tried to ignore how every move caused a wave of pain hard enough to throw me right over. And sprayed some from the Axe bottle in my arm pits, pulled the shirt on and buttoned it just as I heard the door downstairs open and close.

I froze where I stood to listen, the voices were muffled by the walls in between us. But nobody shouted for me and in my nervousity I sat down on my bed and decided to wait not to come rushing onto somebody. Whether it was my dad or not.

Then I heard another knock on the door downstairs and I could hear Mike opening the door again.

If I had ever heard my dad speaking I would have recognized it. I hadn't ever heard him. But I didn't have to. With the muffled sound of Mike and dad's voices sounding up the stairs and through the hallway my heart started beating so loud and suddenly I just couldn't breathe.

It was like I had heard nothing except it- this was my dad's voice. My dad was standing in the hallway right down the hallway and down the stairs from my room and we weren't even minutes from finally meeting.

Then why was I so scared all of a sudden? This was all I had ever wanted and all I had ever fought for?

Now we were so close. And a big part of me wanted to climb out the window and run away. And then the rest of me wanted to go downstairs and meet him, but was absolutely sure that something would go wrong. That dad would never want to have anything to do with me. Just like everybody else anyway!

"GABE." I heard Mike's voice from the hallway downstairs and it woke me up from the middle of my fear. "HE'S HERE NOW."

I looked down on my hand that laid on my knee for a second. The green and white gold that I had worn every day since I was big enough for it not to slip right from my fingers. The one that dad had given my mum for me to have. And that she had kept and given me for God knows what reason.

I might have ripped the only photo I had of him into pieces just the other day. The photo where I had already ripped off the part with my mum in front of the camera so I could just forget about her. Then the part with dad when I wished to just forget about him. But I had barely even noticed the ring was still on my finger like it always was. I didn't notice anymore- it was always there anyway.

"GABE?"

Mike shouted from the hallway again and I suddenly realized it had been more than a second since he shouted the last time. So before anything else I flew to my feet, pulled the shirt, pulled up the jeans. Checked the zipper and the buttons while I walked through the hallway and then suddenly I was in the stairs where I could see my dad standing with Mike waiting and staring upwards to see me coming.

Gabriel Atwood, my dad stood in the hallway when I came down the stairs. It was nothing short of a miracle I didn't stumble and fall down the stairs. On my way still down one stair after the other I looked him up and down to take in as much as possible. Brown duffel coat, grey jeans, brown shoes, blonde hair, blue eyes… The same blue color that my eyes had.

As my dad looked into my eyes and neared me, my stomach suddenly clenched and cramped worse than ever. I suppressed a moan and in the move that I was going to lay my hand towards the cramping point I held it forward and walked over to him on shaky legs to start with shaking his hand.

After all of this time, every single decision I had made that had brought me here today. MiniMay being pushed out of the car and we didn't even know her dad's best friend was my dad. Running away before I could go into care, mum and George being shot for two different reasons at two different times and police. A bunch of police.

"Gabe? Are you okay?" I heard Mike's voice from right by my side, barely remembered that we had gotten from the social worker that Mike had to watch us like a baby sitter I wanted to shout at him to go away. After all this time I needed some time alone with my dad to get the chance to get to know him. To know what version of what mum had told me that was true about him.

My hand and arm fell lax towards my side while I, in loss of what to do looked from Mike to my dad, then back to Mike and back to my dad without figuring anything to do or say. And in everything, my thoughts spinning in my hand my stomach cramped worse than ever and I barely even felt the sour bile rising in my throat until it was too late.

"Ow."

I barely let a moan escape from my throat. I couldn't help it.

And that moan was enough for me to fill up with fear. I couldn't show I was in pain or someone would be angry with me. I looked quickly from dad, to Mike, back to dad. Then before I had the time to say anything, before I even had a warning I was going to I suddenly heaved and threw up- right on my dad's shirt.

After all of this time, all of these years that I had spent wanting nothing more than to meet my dad. See him and talk to him, tell him about me and let him tell me about himself. After everything I had wanted, dreamed and felt- and the first thing I did was throw up right on him. Then again- as if none of us had been thinking about moving or turning away.

I breathed deeply and forced the rest of the nausea down on my throat, I could still see my dad in the corner of my eye standing with my hands on my knees and looking down on the floor so I wouldn't throw up on anyone if I did it again.

"I'm…" I panted at last as my stomach cramping slowly eased again. "I-I'm so-orry."

But when I looked up at my dad, the only thing I could see was him raising his hand at me.

 **I hope the length of this chapter wasn't a problem. It ended up so much longer than I had expected it to. Anyway, now you have MiniMay's story and why she ended up in care. And you also have parts of Gabe's story- his mum is dead, she told his dad to go to hell and promised she'd be a good parent. Anyway, now she's dead and Gabe and Gabriel are finally meeting. And the first thing that happens- after going through the day where his stomach cramping on and off, Gabe throws up right on Gabriel. Damn he's been nervous but I couldn't blame him. And then that ending- maybe Gabriel isn't as nice as everybody thinks.**

 **Random fact**

Here it's mentioned that the name of Gabe's stuffed sloth is "Slowen" that comes from party of five- a series I like. In one of the episodes where a kid named Owen has some trouble reading his classmates call him Slowen from reading so slow. And wondering if the stuffed sloth should have a name and there it was.


	12. Mysterious three number three

**Thanks to Justice237, Umbrella0326 and x snow-pony x for reviewing.**

 **I just noticed that with the last chapter and the reviews I had on it, it was 11 chapters, 22 reviews and 33 thousand words. (This has now changed, but I thought it was a bit fun as long as it lasted)**

 **I put up an Instagram account for my fanfiction- pictures. If you're on Instagram and want to follow it- the account is called "Linneagbfanfiction" creatively enough!**

 **This chapter is told from Gabriel Atwood's point of view.**

Seeing my son for the first time in his life didn't exactly end up as planned. Or as I'd imagined it.

I couldn't help but worry when his hand finally slipped out of mine and his face turned more green-grey than its normal light. Then before I had the time to ask if he was okay, which he obviously wasn't he suddenly lurched forward and threw up right on me. And right on the coat that I was wearing. Then before anything else he did it again.

"I'm… I-I'm so-orry."

And then the first thing that my son, that I had been waiting for so long to meet was with panting and fear in his voice. And wanting to reassure him I took a step forward and lifted my hand to rub his back. But when he in the same moment looked up from standing bent forward something changed.

…If I ever saw that Julianna Ryan again.

How could she have done this to our son?

To my son?

"No." I didn't have the time to lay my hand against his back, or getting close enough at all before Gabe's hands shot up in a protective position over his face. "No please. Don't hit me. I'll clean it up. I'll clean it up I promise. Just as long as you don't hit me."

"Sam… Gabe." I quickly moved to the side when Gabe looked as if he might throw up again and then laid my palm opened towards his back. "It's okay." He flinched under my touch, but seemed to relax barely when I started rubbing circles. "It's okay. You can't help it."

"I didn't mean to throw up at you."

"Don't think about it kid. I guarantee you. You are not the first one who has thrown up on me, and you're not going to have been the last. The coat can be washed and you…" I waited for a moment while Gabe, still panting looked up again slightly and met my eyes. "…you've got nothing to be ashamed of."

Gabe kept his vision towards my eyes for a second. Then nodded barely noticeable and looked away from me as if trying to process what I had told him. During this I didn't move my hand from his back once.

"Do you want to borrow some clothes?" At last I let go and had to step back from my son and started opening my now very dirty duffel coat when Mike stepped over to me. "I think a shirt of mine would be the right size. I can go get one?"

"It's fine. It was only on the coat. But if you don't mind… I'd like to use the laundry machine."

"I can take that." An Asian looking woman took a step forward from the kids who had gathered when Gabe had started throwing up. "And get away all of you. There's nothing left to see here. There wasn't from the start. And you…" She turned to my son who had raised but then leaned against the closest wall. "…Are you finished?"

Gabe hesitated, he looked as nauseas as ever before. Then swallowed and raised from where he had been standing bent forward with his hands on his knees and wiped his mouth with the back of one hand.

"Yeah."

"Then go and get changed. I'll clean up here and then come into the laundry room and give me those clothes." Gabe only nodded, and with a last glance to me he turned towards the stairs and with heavy steps moved up them and out of my sight.

"We'll go to the quiet room. This way Mr. Atwood…."

"Just… just call me Gabriel. It'll be a bit confusing with the Gabe and Gabriel but." I followed Mike into an office, through it and then into another room that must have been what was called the quiet room. "Please, just Gabriel."

Mike gestured at me to sit down on the other side of the table from the door. I obeyed and sunk down while Mike left. Then came back with a bucket and a roll of paper. He then ripped a piece off and gave to me so I could wipe my hands.

"Thank you."

"Those bugs are spreading here every once in a while." Mike sat down on the couch facing me. "Sometimes it feels like they happen every other day and every single time the whole house catch it and I catch it worst of all."

Mike sent me a slight smirk and I couldn't do else than nod. We all knew it didn't we?

"Man-flu. Huh?"

"I think that's what it's called. And it only gets worse with age. Not that I've grown any older though. At least not since Tracy Beaker was adopted. Boy, that girl me at least ninety percent of my grey hair."

"What hair?"

Mike stroke his bald head jokingly and some nervous chuckles were exchanged in between us. I ran a hand through my own, blonde thatch. At least I hadn't start to lose it yet but I wasn't so sure how long it would take before it started falling off with a five year old, one on the way and now Gabe.

"I never had kids on my own. I mean- biologically. But I have worked on places like this one for so long… I've kind of lost count of ow many children I see and always will see as mine. If I knew that I'd have one and hadn't been able to see them for fifteen years…" He nodded slightly and it was like he was trying to make it comforting. "Know that I am here for both you and Gabe. And I am here to help. But what you've got to understand is too, I work for the social services. If I'm faced in a situation where I have to choose sides Gabe and his safety is going to be first priority."

"Of course, of course." I agreed. "I get that. And I'm not going to start a scene if someone tells me to go. I'm going to be heartbroken if I can't see my son anymore. But he and his safety will always go before mine. And if I was put in your position then I would do the same, without as much as blinking. Would do the same thing."

Mike nodded and smiled at me slightly. But that smile looked shaky and forced and for I don't know how long we only sat there in silence. We could still hear the children around the house, I could hear two voices shouting as if they were fighting. Then someone laughing and at least three voices cheering out loud for something I couldn't work what made them so happy. And I couldn't help but smile slightly.

"This has got to be an interesting place to be… well, unless there's a bug that everybody catches at the same time. I hope Gabe's alright. He is taking a while only to change clothes. When he gets here maybe we should check if he's got a temperature. He's obviously not well and maybe there's something slowing him down. Gabe?" Gabe suddenly came walking into the room, now slumped in sweatpants and a hoodie and more or less fell back into the sofa next to Mike, on the other side of the table from me. "Does he Mike? Have a temperature I mean? Maybe there's something we could do or give you Gabe? Like an Aspirin or something?"

I suddenly noticed how I was going on and on. Mike raised an eyebrow, but Gabe didn't seem to mind all of it and only tiredly looked back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go on like that. I just want to make sure that if there's anything I… we can do for you then we'll do it. Do you want anything? Is there anything we can do for you? Should I get some water? Is there anything else I could get? Like some medicine or something?"

"I don't know." Mike leaned over and felt Gabe's forehead, pushing away the fringe in the move and Gabe only glared silently back at him while Mike frowned. "And I don't know if you have a temperature. Maybe a little bit. I'll go get the thermometer. Is there anything you need Gabe?"

"Why bother? I probably just caught a bug or something. And now, the first thing I do is going to pass it onto…" Gabe's eyes lost their glaring glance when he looked at me. "I'm really so, so sorry. I just… I don't even know what happened. It was like I couldn't even feel it coming or even think about turning away from you."

"Gabe." I interrupted. "It's fine. That stuff… it just happens. You're sick and that is not your fault. If so then I could have stepped away but I didn't do that neither. And believe me, you are not the first one that throws up on me."

I remembered back slightly on all of the times that Logan had done so during numerous stomach bugs or eating something he didn't like. Or how we had actually figured Olivia was pregnant again with all of that morning sickness, like the story of how sick she had been when she was pregnant the first time happening all over again.

"Definitely not." Mike came back in the door with a thermometer and sitting back down took Gabe's ear and stuck the thermometer in. Gabe tensed, but didn't move away despite the grimaces. "Yeah, I know. Ear thermometers are so much faster than any other but it's terribly uncomfortable to have something stuck into your ear just like that." The thermometer beeped and Mike checked it. "So, what are the news doc?"

"38, 7. Yeah." Mike felt Gabe's forehead once again. "That's a temperature… I'll just go put this away. Hopefully not every kid in the whole house will catch it." He mumbled to himself when he left the room. "And Gabriel, stay where you are. I'm not supposed to leave you two alone even for a second."

"Not going anywhere."

Once Mike had left the room again I couldn't figure anything more to say. Trying to ignore the fact I was staring I watched my son up and down and couldn't help but notice the painful look in his eyes and how his hand kept on going back towards his stomach and I had a feeling that why he seemed so uncomfortable wasn't all because he had thrown up on me earlier.

"Mike…" I said once the mentioned called by name was back into the room I had figured something. "I'm just going to move over and sit next to you Gabe. It's only for a second and I only need to check something." When Gabe nodded slightly I got up and sat down on the sofa next to him. "It's okay. I'm not going to hit you." Gabe tensed, and Mike seemed ready to come and push me away from Gabe if he'd have to from where he stood. I just carefully laid my fingertips against Gabe's stomach over the fabric of his hoodie. Then prayed to God I was wrong- if I was right this would hurt. "Does this make it hurt more?"

"OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW." When I pressed a point right somewhere close to the belly button, towards the side of his stomach Gabe suddenly shouted in agony at the top of his lungs and I quickly pulled my hand back again shooting Mike a meaning glance. "OW. YES. STOP." Even though I had already let go he hit in the air to hit my hand away and with the other hand gripped for the fabric over his cramping stomach. "OW."

I predicted what was coming before it did and quickly reached for the bucket on the floor and held it under Gabe's chin just as he started heaving. Harder and louder this time. After the last time he didn't have much left to bring up and every heave was followed by a small whimper in pain.

"It's okay." He didn't notice me raising my hand this time while I started rubbing his back. "It's okay. Just try to relax."

"I can't."

"You can." I hadn't expected Gabe to answer me and flinched slightly at the half moan half whimper. "It will pass." Gabe grabbed the edge of the plastic bucket so hard his knuckles whitened and couldn't help the few tears escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks while he once again heaved painfully. "It will pass."

The second time I said it is was just as much to remind myself as to remind Gabe. And then finally, while I kept rubbing his back Gabe heaved once more- the last, at least for this time. And then leaned his now sweaty cheek against the edge of the bug.

"Here." I said and carefully moved his hand from the bucket. "Lay down. I'll go… clean this out." Gabe raised slightly again. "Mike. Can you show me to the bathroom?"

"I'll just take it. You can stay here."

I gave Mike a meaning glare when he tried to have me staying in here with Gabe.

"What?"

"I just have to go talk to Mike for a second. We'll be back in just a second."

Gabe, leaned back tiredly and sweaty against the sofa's cushions nodded weakly while I followed Mike. Who finally seemed to get that I was trying to tell him something and then I waited in the office while he emptied the bucket and then came back with a frown deeper than ever in his forehead.

"This isn't just another bug, is it?"

"No. My son Logan had it just a few months ago, and even though Gabe is older it seems like the same. I think he has appendicitis. And if so, and if he's been in pain ever since this morning. Then we have to get him to the hospital as soon as possible."

Just as I had said it I and Mike were both startled and we turned back towards the quiet room where Gabe started heaving again- this time with nothing left to throw up. He started dry heaving and the painful noises rising from his throat were more painful than it could ever have been if I had been the one in pain.

"Gabe." I opened the door and Mike followed me going into the room where Gabe had stopped heaving and leaned his head against the edge of the bucket panting out loud. "Listen." I sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulder. "I don't think this is just a bug. I think that you have… that you have something called appendicitis. Do you know what that is?"

"I…" Gabe hesitated tiredly. "I think I've heard about it but… I ca- can't remem- ember."

"That's okay." While Gabe panted almost too much to say anything at all I interrupted. "In your stomach. By your intestines. Right at one edge of your colon is something called your appendix. It doesn't really exist for a reason. It doesn't do any work for the body to function or anything else really. It's just there. It happens that it gets inflamed. And then you get some stomach-flu-like symptoms. Like stomach pains and nausea, it usually gets worse and worse for a day or so. And it ends up hurting a lot more than what a regular stomach flu would end up doing. And I think, that with how much pain you are in right now. Or what happened when I pressed your stomach and where I did- I think you might have appendicitis and not just a regular stomach flu."

"I was just nervous for meeting you."

"No kid." I tried as calmly as I could not to scare him more than what I would have to. "It wouldn't hurt this bad. And if I'm right, and this appendicitis. Then we are going to have to get you to the hospital so they can help you there as soon as possible."

Gabe finally looked up at me, his eyes wide open and fear shining from them. He shook his head weakly and then tried to sit up straight and stand- need I say it wasn't successful?

"It's okay. I already feel better. I don't need to… OW."

As soon as he tried to sit up straight he fell back into his crouched position with his hand towards his stomach, grimacing with a small shout that he wasn't able to help.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I reassured him. "Look Gabe. If this really is appendicitis. Which I'm pretty sure it is. Then we have to go to the hospital, and for the appendix not to burst and make everything a whole lot worse than what it already is they'll have to perform a surgery." Gabe's eyes opened, if possible even wider. "But it's only with a few, small cuts and it will be fast. You'll be asleep while they do it and when you wake up it'll be all gone. Then you'll be able to go home tomorrow or at the latest the next day. And if you want me to, I promise you. You won't have to be there alone for a single second. As long as you want me to I will be there no matter what anyone says. Okay?"

Gabe hesitated again, I bit my lip in frustration. Knowing that we'd have to do this but I didn't want to do anything and break the trust I didn't even know if I had the first thing I did finally meeting each other.

"Okay."

It wasn't more than a whisper, but more than loud enough for both myself and Mike to hear. Even though it looked like it took everything from Gabe to say that one, short word. And for what it would let us do.

"I'll go let May-Li know what we're doing." Mike said behind me, Gabe looked up at him but I couldn't take my eyes off Gabe, pale and weak only barely being able to sit up. "Go and get your jacket Gabe. Gabriel, do you want to borrow a jacket of mine?" I shook my head- The hoodie I was wearing was warm and thick enough. "Okay then, meet you by the car."

"Are you okay?" Gabe nodded weakly, but stumbled trying to get onto his feet still holding tightly onto the bucket, I took his arm and supported him. He looked up at me and met my eyes, but his eyes looked more afraid and weak than anything else. "It's okay. I promise I will let you know everything that's going on. And when it's done the pain will be all gone. Then we can get to know each other without all the throwing up and stomach pains." I heard what I said just as it left my lips. "Sorry, that wasn't very funny. I just have looked forward to meeting you since Julianna once told me about it and it feels like a thousand years ago. Now I'm nervous and then I say weird things."

For a moment Gabe froze. At first I thought he might be getting sick again. But he didn't move, more than his eyes looking me up and down again.

"Runs in the family then."

That was the last thing he said for a while, because making our way through the room, the office, out in the hallway where there were children watching us from every single direction. Gabe reached for his jacket staring into the floor and with the same slow and stiff moves walked outside where Mike was just starting his car.

"Let's go then." I said just as I supported Gabe while he got into the back seat, then walked around the car and sat down on the other side of the back seat. "And Gabe?" Mike backed out of the driveway, Gabe lifted his sweaty forehead from the edge of the bucket. "You've got nothing to fear. I promise."

I wish he would have believed in me.

Gabe didn't say a word on the whole way to the hospital. He just sat there, head leaned against the edge of the bucket as if having made up his mind if he threw up again it wouldn't be nowhere else. And every once in a while he tensed all over and held his breath in pain.

"It's okay." I didn't say anything until we must have been in the car for at least twenty minutes and patted Gabe's shoulder. "It's okay." Gabe turned his head away from me as in shame. "It's okay. Mike? Is there far left to the hospital?"

"No. We're almost there. I'll pull over by the emergency room. You two go and I'll park the car. Okay? And don't tell anyone about the arrangement. You know I am not supposed to leave you two alone whatsoever." Just as he'd said it he pulled over by a parking lot in front of what looked awfully much like a hospital. "Here we are."

Gabe's every move was slow and hesitant, his arm held tightly towards the side where the appendix was and everything stiff as if those moves were less painful. I was out on my side of the car in a second and over at his side to support him while he had barely stood up.

"Are you okay?"

Well, it was pretty clear that he wasn't.

"I'll be right there when I've parked the car." Mike shouted back at us. "Make sure you close the door properly after you." I pushed the door closed and then took Gabe's arm to support him while we slowly made our way through the automatic doors into the emergency room's waiting room.

Then just as we were inside Gabe tensed again and stumbled. I had the time to catch him. But so slowly led him over to a chair nearby so he wouldn't have to move more than he had to.

"My son needs a doctor." I walked up to the reception desk without greeting. "Hey." The receptionist didn't look at me or in any other way acknowledged I was there. "Didn't you hear me? My son…. The one holding a bucket over there… he needs a doctor and he needs a doctor now."

"Then fill up this paper." The receptionist handed me a form to fill up with Gabe's name, age and other things. "But we're a bit short of staff today so you might have to wait for a while."

I looked at the receptionist for a second, tried to take in what she had said. My understanding wasn't exactly made better or faster by the fact that she hadn't looked at me for a second but kept on watching her computer screen.

"Please." I tried at last. "Look. My son needs a doctor."

"So does a lot of people in this hospital." The receptionist didn't even turn to look away from her computer. "And you'll have to sit down and wait just as everybody else in here." I looked around the room, a kid with an arm in a sling and his mum. An old man who looked more grey and yellow than beige, and a heavily pregnant woman with what must be her husband.

And then my son with his head still leaned against the edge of the plastic bucket on his lap.

"Please." I turned back to the receptionist. "I think… He's got appendicitis." The receptionist only sighed and rolled her eyes, still without looking at me.

"Wow. The self-diagnosing ones. Are you sure it's not just a regular stomach flu? Because if it is we can't do nothing. Just like you're doing nothing except for taking him here and letting him spread it all over the hospital."

"It's not just a regular stomach flu. I know my…" I had to pause. "It's hard to explain." I turned when I heard the doors open. Maybe it could be a doctor that I could catch. No. It was Mike and I only nodded towards where Gabe sat by the wall and he nodded back and went to sit down. "Look. It's a long story but I don't think he'd be like this if he wasn't in a lot of pain."

"A lot of people who come here are in a lot of pain."

I'll give…" I pulled my wallet out of my pocket and checked. "I have… twenty pounds in cash. Will that help me get help any faster?"

"Wow. I've never heard anyone use this tactic before." The receptionist said. "And the answer is no. The only thing you can do, unless your son drops down dead or something. Is to sit down and wait for your turn."

Frustrated I threw my arms out, then let the ignorant receptionist be and walked over to sit down next to my son on the other side than Mike. He still sat with his head leaned against the edge of the bucket and breathing shallowly. And there was nothing else I could do than to sit down and rub his back.

"It's okay. I'm sure we'll get some help soon."

Gabe only looked at me, in shame that I couldn't help him more than I already had I laid the form and writing board on my lap and started filling up what I knew.

 _Samuel Gabriel Atwood_

Then it hit me that that was the only thing I did know. And I hadn't even known that until earlier today.

"Birthdate? It has to be somewhere at the beginning of the year, does it?"

"Valentine's day."

I scrabbled down February the fourteenth on the paper and skim-read the rest of the questions that were on the paper. Then started over again.

"Allergies?"

"Oranges and mint. Oranges are fine but if I use regular toothpaste then I'll kind of die."

"I think they're looking more for if you have allergies towards any medicines. But I'll add that too." I scrabbled on the paper. The rest of the things had yes-or-no-squares to fill up. "Heart failure? Asthma? Problem with the liver or kidneys? Things like that?" Gabe only shook his head and I crossed "no" on all of them. "And then at last. Are you on any medicines?" Gabe shook his head again and tensed. "Painkillers as soon as possible." I crossed another no and then went to hand it in at the reception looking pleading to the receptionist one more time. "Please? I don't think he would act like this unless he was in a lot of pain."

As if to make sure everybody in the room took what I was saying seriously Gabe started dry heaving loudly on the other side of the room. With one last pleading look towards the receptionist I left, slumped down next to Gabe and started rubbing his back.

"It's okay. You're okay. I know it's easier said than done but just try to relax."

Changing in between heaving loudly, then trying to breathe in and swallowing, trying to force the heaves down his throat. Gabe was now shaking when the doors from the emergency room opened just as he'd finished. And a short, dark-haired but balding doctor came in. Looking right at us I couldn't help but to look just as pleading at him as to the receptionist.

"Albert Clarence?"

I slumped where I sat again and rubbed Gabe on the shoulder when the doctor obviously called out for the older man on the other side of the room. But couldn't help but raise and straighten up slightly when the older man- Albert Clarence shook his head and wouldn't take his eyes off myself, Gabe or Mike as if he wanted for us to know something.

"No, no." Albert Clarence waved at the doctor towards us. "Help the young man. He seems very ill and in a lot of pain. Help him first, I can wait."

Albert Clarence waved towards us again. Knowing that my son was the one in need of a doctor didn't make it any harder to feel grateful to the man with the yellow- grey skin color who was obviously in a need of one too.

"Thank you so much." I jumped onto my feet and Mike on the other side so we could support Gabe on either side of him. Standing up, he seemed even worse unsteady and in more pain by every move by the second. And it wasn't exactly made better after we had to hurry after the doctor who showed us through the hallway and up to a bunk behind a curtain.

"Are you two his dads? Are you a… you know?"

"Oh, no…" As soon as I figured what he was as asking I shook my head quickly. And even if we were this wasn't about us right now. "Well, I'm his dad but I… It's kind of hard to explain but…" I bit my lip and stroke Gabe's hair when he grimaced and moaned almost all silently in pain. "It's a very long story." I glanced back at Mike who agreeing nodded. "A very… very long story."

I helped Gabe up on the bunk. Well there he put the bucket back on his lap and leaned against the edge just as he had during the way here. But this time the dry heaving seemed done and he was left only panting while the doctor noted something in a little notebook he had before he finally looked up on Gabe and started the examination.

"Well. What seems to be the problem here?" The doctor asked. "Except for the nausea?" Gabe hesitated. "You'll have to tell me or I'll have no chance of helping you with it. Come on, start from the beginning and tell me what is going on."

The doctor was obviously getting annoyed by Gabe's silence when he was asking questions.

"It's okay Gabe." Mike said, before I could have figured anything. "No one's going to hurt you. But you have to tell the doctor what is going on. Or- like he says, they won't be able to help you at all."

Gabe stayed silent for another few seconds. Then I thought he was going to start when he breathed deeply in. But ended up tensing again, and in his own silent way showed us all how much pain he was in.

"I'm a very busy man kid. And Mr. Clarence- who is a million times more ill than you are. Let you go first. I'm asking you again. What is going on with you? You have to tell me, or I will throw you out of this hospital with your head first."

Gabe pulled his breath in and hissed in fear. I rubbed his shoulder slightly and if looks could kill there wouldn't have been much left of the doctor. Come and scare my son like that. It didn't take a Brainiac to know that wouldn't help.

"It's okay." With fear shining from Gabe's eyes I did all I could to try and calm him down. "No one's going to hurt you. But you're going to have to tell us what is wrong or we won't have any idea of how to help you."

Gabe closed his eyes, it was as if he knew they told how afraid he was. And when he opened them again and breathed in, from somewhere he collected energy and explained what was going on so fast it was almost all in one word.

"My stomach hurts. It's been coming and going all day. Getting worse and worse for each time. I kept feeling nauseas but when I kept still it wasn't as bad. Then I started moving and it was then it got a lot worse and suddenly I started throwing up." Gabe stopped talking and suddenly closed his eyes and tensed. "It hurts all the time now. It wasn't earlier. But it's getting worse still."

"And when did it start?"

"Last night. I thought I was just nervous for… some things. But it just kept on getting worse and worse."

"Okay." The doctor's tone was still rude. "Well, sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. That happens… My name is Dr. Jones. Can you lie down on your back on this bunk, pull your shirt up and I can feel your stomach?"

Gabe bit his lip as if to keep himself from grimacing. But he did as he was told and slowly, slowly moved and laid on his back and pulled his shirt up to his chest. Dr. Jones didn't let wait for it, the same second Gabe was on his back he started putting his hands towards Gabe's stomach and pressed slightly on certain points. Gabe was tense and was once again breathing irregularly and fast and I slightly rubbed his head and hair- hoping it would give only a little bit of comfort.

How could it though? After everything that had hurt him so much?

"Does it hurt when I do this?" Dr. Jones asked pressing Gabe's stomach. "Worse than when I am not?"

"No, not really. A bit but… not too bad."

"How about here?"

"Yeah." Gabe flinched and grimaced. "That's worse."

"What about here?"

"OOOOOWWWWW" Gabe screamed at the top of his lungs. "OW. YES, YES. STOP STOP IT."

"Sch." I tried to comfort while the doctor took a step back but Gabe still was whimpering in pain. "Sch, sch. It's okay. It's okay. It's done now."

"Well that's only this part." I held back my wish to roll my eyes at Dr. Jones. Did he really have to make this worse? "I will send some nurses in here to take some blood tests. After taking some looks at those I will be right back. But if you excuse me. I am a very busy man."

With that, the doctor left muttering to himself. Gabe on the other hand was still as a mouse and didn't say a word. Even when a nurse came over to the bunk and started laying up things for blood tests on a small, metal table next to the bed.

I shivered slightly and looked away from the needles they put up. I could never stand needles and even though it wasn't me having them they made me want to either throw up or faint.

"NO."

Being concentrated on that there were needles at all I jumped high at Gabe's shout. Then noticed the nurse had pulled the needle and syringe out of their packs and Gabe was trying to get off the bunk. Stopped when his stomach hurt again and he fell back towards the bunk.

"No, please. No, I'll do anything. No needle, please."

"Sch, sch, sch." I tried again and stroke his hair. "It's okay kid." I looked up on the nurse, she hadn't let go of her things. "It's okay. It will just sting for a second and then it will be over. They're just doing this to help you."

Gabe wasn't looking up at me now. He laid with his face half pressed towards the bunk and all of him shivered- whether it was in pain or by the fear I did not know. For the needle and for everything else.

"Is there no other way to do this?" I asked the nurse. "Without the needle?"

The nurse hesitated. Then she suddenly looked like she thought of something. And without a word she disappeared. Maybe she had figured something, either way I breathed out slightly and I could hear Gabe doing the same.

"Well I guess that runs in the family then too." I tried to joke with Gabe and Mike. "When my son Logan got his vaccines I was crying more than he did. I hate needles." Mike chuckled slightly, Gave didn't move. And just then the nurse came back from the hallway and held up another kind of syringe than she had had with her earlier.

"Samuel?"

"My name is Gabe."

"Whatever your name is…" The nurse held up a syringe with a chord from it where Gabe could see. "You're still going to need a needle that we put in your arm. But this is what we call a cannula. Using it, if I put it in with the needle now and leave it. If we do need more blood or need to inject something then we can do it through this and won't have to put another needle. But we do need it for tests now and if we have to we are going to hold you down."

"NO."

At the thought of being held down Gabe shouted again, and this time actually did get onto his feet before he sunk back towards the bunk and crouched in pain.

"Nobody's going to hold you down son." I tried, as calmly as I possible could trying to fight the shiver in my voice down my throat. "But I don't think there's a better way to do this." Gabe slowly lifted his feet up and got into the same position as before. I carefully held his arm up towards the nurse. "No, don't look at the needle. Here, look at me." Gabe slightly turned to me, but of course he was a bit too old to be fooled so easily. "Don't think about the needle. It will only last a second. Tell me though? Is there something you like doing or anything like that? I want to know everything about you?"

"I'm not so sure."

"You're not so sure?" Mike suddenly interrupted. "You do know what you like doing. Even I know what you like doing- you like drawing and painting. And you're really good at it too."

"Well that is something I cannot." I continued. "I couldn't draw a stickman without somehow messing it up. So that is something you did not get from me." For a moment, Gabe only looked up at me almost as if he was afraid of me. Then suddenly he tensed all over and gave a small shout. I turned my head, looked down and saw that while talking, Mike and the nurse had taken each grip of Gabe's arm and the nurse had pushed the needle into his armpit. "It's okay. It's okay." I stroke Gabe's hair while he fought to get away. Getting hold down by the nurse and Mike holding onto his arm. "There, the worst part's all done."

"Ow."

Suddenly Gabe stopped fighting. And while the nurse drew blood in a couple of different test tubes he wrapped his arm around his stomach, closed his eyes. And I could almost see the way he forced screams in agony down his throat.

"There, that's it." The nurse collected the test tubes and put a plaster by the cannula to keep it in place. "I'll go hand these in at the lab and then I'll come and give you some painkillers. They should at least help until we know what is going on."

Gabe nodded slightly towards the bunk he laid on. But obviously still in a lot of pain he didn't say a word while the nurse left or even when the same doctor as before came inside while pulling a pair of plastic gloves on.

"Pull your pants and underwear down and roll over onto your side." The doctor commanded. "And do it now."

I could as good as sense Gabe's embarrassment. But he didn't make a fuss, I looked away when he unbuttoned his jeans and rolled over pulling them down while the doctor pulled plastic gloves on and then, without a warning whatsoever put his finger up Gabe's rectum.

"OW."

Gabe couldn't help a short shout in pain while his whole body tensed in pain and his shout turned into panting irregularly.

"Does it hurt worse when I do this?"

Gabe didn't say anything. And I couldn't see what the doctor did differently this time around. But Gabe tensed and moaned again, but biting his lip hard and grimacing the answer was pretty clear.

The doctor had moved his hand away and Gabe so relaxed slightly relaxed but still panted as fast and as irregularly as before. And the rest of the world seemed to have gone all silent while my son's fast, panicking breaths sounded through the room and ripped my dad's heart into pieces.

"It's okay now." The doctor said- why did I have so much trouble believing in him? "I just have to know this in case we figure you're in need of surgery." Gabe flinched, but didn't make a fuss at what the doctor said. "Have you eaten anything today? When did you eat last?"

"I had a glass of cola by lunch." Gabe said weakly. "But that's all I had since last night. I didn't feel very hungry."

"Well, that's understandable." The doctor muttered to himself. "I ordered for the results of your blood tests to come as soon as possible. "I am thinking your father might be right about this appendicitis part. Because this too seem worse than only a regular stomach flu. Well… Either that or you are just being a baby."

The last sentence wasn't more than a mumble. I wasn't so sure if the doctor had meant to say it out loud. Even though none of us had the time to answer before the doctor was out the door and had hurried away while anger for him boiled up inside of me.

"Don't worry about him or whatever he thinks." I forced away the angry shiver in my voice. "You aren't being a baby. And if you were, which I don't think you are. Then that would be okay. Because I want you to know here, and remember. That while they have to do their job and do whatever and everything they can to make you feel better. Then you are going to be in charge of all of this. Okay?"

Gabe didn't answer, he laid with his eyes closed and if I didn't know better I'd think he was asleep. But still, he looked as comfortable as he could possibly become at the moment. And, no matter how slowly the time passed by all we could do was wait.

At least it was better for Gabe than if someone else would start stressing and only make him more nervous than what he already was.

"Now…" The doctor came passed the curtain in between us and the hallway all of a sudden and Gave opened his eyes and looked up. "…I have gone through your blood tests, today's history and also what I did when I put my finger up your… yeah. You know." Gabe turned bright red but didn't say anything. "And everything points to a quite classic case of Appendicitis. And since you haven't eaten today we can make ourselves ready to take you in for surgery any minute. Someone will come in here and take you to surgery in… half an hour or so."

Gabe only nodded back towards the doctor. But was going on inside I could only imagine. Geez, everything happening and now surgery on top of it all!

And on top of it all. Then suddenly, Gabe started looking green or grey rather than his regular skin color and his breaths slowed down shakily.

"Are you going to be sick again?"

"No." Gabe barely mumbled. "Nothing left to throw up."

"Well neither was it the last time either."

I glared at Mike. He blinked as if he had barely even knew what he was saying himself. Then turned away from me and Gabe and slumped down in a chair a bit away.

Something told me he was as nervous as me in this.

And that he wanted just as bad for this to go well.

"Here." The nurse came by again and placed a small cup of water and four pills on the bedside table. Then pointed to the pills. "That one is a painkiller. That one is against the nausea. It will be working both now and after the surgery. Those two are sedatives. I also have some that we need to give you through the cannula. I'll just go get it while you take those pills."

Gabe started picking up the pills and the small cup of water in front of him. Only half sitting up every move seemed painful and as much as I could, I helped and held him the pills so at least he wouldn't have to reach so far.

God! If I could only do this myself so he wouldn't have to.

I would have in a second.

The nurse came past the curtain around us again. Then pulled some fluid from a small bottle into a syringe that she put into the cannula leading into Gabe's arm and pushed it.

"Does that hurt?"

"No. It just feels uncomfortable."

"By the time you come into the recovery room you'll be in your own room." The nurse glanced to me and Mike and smiled a bit. But it never reached her eyes and she looked down again and pulled the syringe out of the cannula in Gabe's arm. "There. That's all the medicines you need for now. If I'm understanding this correctly I think you might need one."

"Yeah." Gabe was starting to get weaker and weaker by the medicines and only looked back on the nurse while I answered. "That would be very helpful. Thank you."

"Don't mention it. I'm only doing my job."

I couldn't think of anything more to say. But tried to smile at the nurse to do anything at all. It ended up more of a half-hearted grimace for a split second before she was out of the room. And I turned back to Gabe who had laid down again and closed his eyes.

"Are you still with us kid?" Mike asked, Gabe opened his eyes tiredly and only nodded back. "Try to stay awake for a little while longer. I know the waiting is way too long. But I think it would be for the best if you stay awake until… well… you know."

"I know…" Gabe sighed and something changed, even though I couldn't quite place what he did. "…But…" He turned slightly and looked up at me. "I might say a bunch of weird things because for the moment I practically don't know what I'm saying."

It would almost have been funny if I wasn't so worried.

"Still. I'm sorry if I'm putting too much pressure or being too much of a burden to you. But if you keep on talking to me then it will be just a teenie tiny little bit easier to stay awake. I really just want to fall asleep…"

I and Mike looked to each other as if one of us suddenly would come up with some brilliant idea about something to talk about. I looked up, closed my eyes and sighed deeply. The thing was I didn't want to pressure Gabe into answering anything- especially not this.

But maybe…

I just couldn't come up with anything to say.

"You don't have to tell me anything so don't feel any pressure but... Thank you." I sunk down on a chair the nurse lifted over closer to Gabe's bed for me to sit and kept on running my thumb through his fringe. "But… when your mother told me to go to hell. She did tell me that she was going to give everything she had to be a good parent."

Maybe it was a bit too early to ask. But I had been waiting for so many years to find out anything.

I could have asked a million more questions.

"She was at first." Gabe at last told me weakly after hesitating. "And she had a boyfriend who then moved in with us. George. Then… She was happy, she had everything. She was happy she had me. She had George, she had a job, she had money. Then, when I was turning five we went to the store to pick up food and a birthday present. George had forgotten his wallet in the car so he went back. We were waiting for him, then we could see a man with a gun and a balaclava running up… George told him something. But still, that guy shot him. Twice- in the head. And he was dead instantly and just fell. And then in the chest when he was on the ground, right by the heart. And then that was it. And he was all gone."

The nurse that had given Gabe the pills he had gotten came into the room again. Holding a small bottle with a fluid and a syringe that she pressed into the cannula that was already put into Gabe's arm.

And Gabe didn't move an inch. Despite the fear of needles showing earlier.

"Next up is surgery. We'll be back in here when it's time to go."

The nurse left again, Gabe had gone from fear to suddenly not showing any emotion at all.

But this callous, suddenly so very little boy was more heartbreaking than anything I had ever seen before.

"It's okay." I rubbed Gabe's hair again in a comforting move. "You can go on if you want to."

It was hard knowing what to say. On one hand I wanted to know what had happened. And I knew that Mike and the social services would have to get the whole story. But on the other hand I didn't want to pressure Gabe into anything at all. Maybe risking to lose his trust before I had even gained it at all.

"She always blamed me. My mum, for George's death. But… she wanted to forget about it. Forget about George and what happened to him… and she blamed me. She never let me forget about that if she had never had me her life would have turned out a whole lot better. She'd still have you, she'd still have her parents. She'd still have her youth and the chance to get a job. Then she hit me, told me things like… like it's ironic my birthday is Valentine 's Day because…"

I wasn't so sure I wanted Gabe to continue by now. My stomach was in knots and how it felt for Gabe I couldn't even have imagined. And when he continued, at first his voice came out in only a whisper.

"Because I'm the most unloved kid in the whole wide world. Or the kid with the least worth of loving."

I could see Mike reacting and moving in the corner of my eye only. Could hear a slight gasp from his direction and barely even knew how I reacted myself. I could probably have screamed out loud and wouldn't even know about it.

"That's not true." I whimpered only at last still stroking Gabe's hair. "Do you hear me Gabe? That's a lie!" Gabe only sighed deeply and seemed ready to keep on talking. "And I don't know who or what it was talking…. That just doesn't sound like the Julianna Ryan I once knew. But whatever happened you have to know- that's a lie. As far away from the truth it could possibly get."

"It's okay…" Gabe sighed again and then continued without making any intention of showing that he had heard me talking. "That's when she started drinking. She lost her job soon after that. We kept on moving around after that and she took her own job as a…" Gabe suddenly silent, and with his eyes still closed almost whispered. "As a hooker. And she just kept on blaming me, me and me."

Gabe silent again, his breaths short and shallow and the pain shining from his eyes. And every little piece of me wished I hadn't asked him to tell what had happened.

This was so much worse than I could have ever imagined.

And I had a feeling it was about to get a whole lot worse.

"It's okay." I told him and barely noticed it. But I hadn't removed my hand from his head and hair. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I won't pressure you."

"It's okay." Gabe's voice was weak while he lifted his head and looked at Mike who sat a bit away from us. "They'll have to know sooner or later anyway. Anyway- there was this day. I broke a plate doing the dishes or something, I can't quite remember. But she was angry with me and she… locked me in the closet. Then… there was this man, a customer of hers who came around. I couldn't see them but…. I could hear them. And he… he wanted it rough so to speak. But… she didn't want to. So… he shot her."

No!

It wasn't okay. And Gabe could tell me it was a million times. It wasn't okay. None of this was.

I knew I should have been there from the start. If I hadn't listened to Julianna. Insisted I was going to be there. Been with Gabe every single day since I had heard about him.

And then the boy in front of me might have been like any teenager. Of course he wouldn't have ever been any teenager to me. But he'd be in school, he'd be longing for weekends and holidays. He'd care for skateboards or computer games or football.

Everything broken might be a bone.

But broken bones healed faster than this whole person in front of me who had just been through so much. And until now, all of him was broken and desperate to try and hold himself together in one piece in front of me.

"Then I just ran. And ran, and ran, and ran. And the only thing I planned was to find you. But I didn't want to use the name… she gave me. So I changed it and started calling myself Gabe… and the rest is what we call history."

Gabe finished his story with a slight shrug.

The rest of the hospital was only on the other side of a curtain from us. But it felt like a million miles away and the whole world seemed to have gone all silent. In which moment I only let my hands fall towards my sides while Gabe laid slumped on that bunk, panting and with his eyes closed.

I just didn't know whatever could be said. Or if there was anything.

The thing was, nothing that I said could take away everything, or anything that had all during all the time I wasn't in his life.

"I'm so…"

It wasn't more than a breath. I would have been surprised if Gabe had made any intention of having heard me.

Then I was surprised.

I could see he had heard me in the second I had made my words hurt, opened his eyes and then silent when I was startled by Mike's voice behind my back.

"Gabriel. Gabe." Mike who sat further away from the bunk Gabe laid on could see it before us. "It's time now." Just as he finished I too could see two nurses pushing a rolling bed in between them coming up close.

"No." Gabe weakly tried to get up but I laid my hand gently towards his shoulder. "No. No I don't want to. I'm fine. I feel better. I have to." He tried to sit up again. "No, I don't want to. No, no, no, no. Don't let them. Don't let them."

"You're going to have to move over to this bed. Then after you've woken up in the recovery room you'll be taken to your own room. But whether you like it or not- move over and let us do our job."

"No."

God knows where Gabe suddenly got all that energy from- Adrenaline rush or whatever. Because he really was trying to fight against everything. Whatever it was. Because even when we all just took a break and waited it was like he was trying to get away from someone grabbing him.

"Gabe." I carefully got up from the chair and sat down next to him on the bunk. As if I was afraid any move too much would startle him. "I know you don't want to do this and have this… surgery. But you have to. I know that's not what you want to hear but… everybody in here are only doing their job. And their job is to help make you feel better. Okay?"

"Don't let them take me away from you."

I was startled, opened my mouth to say something. Then closed it again when I couldn't think of anything. Then opened my mouth again and couldn't think of anything so I was left with my mouth hanging open.

"If you want to come with him you have to come now. You can come with us, and stay with Samuel all until he is asleep." One of the nurses told me. "But then you have to come now because we can't wait. Or the whole appendix might burst before we get the chance to get it out. And that…" She turned to Gabe while she spoke. "…my friend would be very, very painful and a lot harder to treat than now when we can just do the surgery and remove it."

I could see tears rising in Gabe's eyes and he angrily lifted his hand and stroke them away with the back. He mumbled something about that his name was Gabe and sorry. But I couldn't quite hear what he said especially not as the nurse started talking again and seemed angrier and more annoyed.

"Samuel!"

"I'm not going to leave you. I'll stay with you every step of the way until you fall asleep. And then when you wake up I will be there again. Okay?""

"Okay."

It was barely a whisper, not much more than a breath and I had to fight the tears away. Seeing my child hurting like this was a million times worse any kind of pain I could ever be in myself.

"Mr. Atwood?" The nurse's voice once again brought me back to reality. "If you want to come with us you have to come now."

"Of course. Of course."

While standing up I had wrapped my fingers around a metal railing in the bed.

I didn't realize I had gotten stuck until the nurses started pushing the bed over the floor and I just had to run along. Of course, I would have followed anyway. But in that case it would simply have been without all the pulling and twitching my hand trying to get away from it.

"Well." Somehow I only ended up letting someone know I was stuck until after through a hallway, down with an elevator, through a basement hallway, up with another elevator, through a hallway and then into the room for the surgery. "Looks like there's some higher power that doesn't want me to leave. Thank you." The nurse, seeming used to this grabbed my hand and the metal railing and then pulled my hand out. "Ow…. Well then Gabe…"

I ignored the fact that most of my fingers were almost numb and ran my hand through his fringe again when I saw him moving his hand in the corner of my eye. Then looked down and saw that he was trying to grip for something so I lifted my empty hand and gently gripped it.

And the look in Gabe's eyes just slightly changed as if that was what he had wanted all along and could relax just a little bit.

"Gabe." A nurse came over on the other's side of the bed holding the mask in one hand that would put my son to sleep. "It's time now. It won't hurt at all, I'm going to place this over your nose and mouth. And you just relax and breathe and then all of a sudden you'll wake up and this whole thing will be over."

"I don't want to." Gabe whimpered, barely aloud enough to hear it. "I don't want to."

"I know you don't want to kid. But you have to. Now… just lay still, it doesn't smell bad or anything. It smells a bit like garlic and pizza I've heard."

"Well now you've ruined garlic and pizza for me."

"I've used that for every surgery I've been helping out at for twenty years and still I never learn not to use it." The nurse gave a faked sigh and I couldn't help to give a distressed smile. "Now kid, this won't hurt at all. I'm just putting this mask over your face and then you'll fall asleep."

His eyes just had such a pleading look in them when he looked back up towards me.

"It's okay." I laid my hand back towards his forehead, clammy after his temperature rising and then being put out and colder by all the medicines he had been given. Then had to move to the side so the nurse could come and place a big mask over Gabe's mouth and nose. And Gabe's eyes flew open in a way more afraid then ever while he tried to push it away.

"Don't do that." Gabe weakened by all the drugs he had already been given didn't even have a chance to sit up before I gently pressed him down towards the bunk again. "I know you don't want to do this. But it will feel like it's over in just a second."

"I don't want to."

It was somewhere in between a whisper and a whimper. Either way it broke my heart and if I didn't know I would have to be strong for Gabe I would have choked up right then and there. I looked up on the nurse, who carefully placed the mask back over his mouth and nose.

"I know you don't want to but… I promise you it's okay son." I didn't look away from his blue eyes for a second even though, just like the nurse had said they started closing right away. "Just breathe and it will feel like just a second before suddenly it's all over."

Gabe didn't take his eyes off me until his eyelids had at last fallen closed as the narcosis and breathing mask put him out and he was ready for surgery.

"Well now." The surgeon started gathering his equipment. "Now kid, when you wake up again you'll be one piece of an organ shorter than what you were when you are right now. But before so, Mr. Atwood. You have to leave and let us do our job."

"Yeah. Yeah, just a second." I had barely noticed Gabe's hand fallen lax in mine when he fell asleep with one hand still holding on and with the other time and again running the fingers through his hair. "It's okay." He didn't hear me at this point but I just had to say it once again and pretended not to hear the annoyed sighs from the surgeon and nurse right next to me. "The worst part's over now."

"Sir, you'll have to leave now." I heard behind me. Still seeing nothing else but my son, pale and put out under heavy medicines "SIR!"

"I know." I said, still without moving. "I know I just have to…"

"You have to leave." I sighed and finally looked up at the surgeon who was getting ready to do his job. "NOW!" I looked down on Gabe, let go of his hand and ran my hand through his fringe one more time while I leaned down and almost had my mouth right by his ear as if I wanted to make my very best to make him hear me even though he wouldn't.

I just had to make a promise and keep it this time.

"I promise I'll still be there when you wake up."

 **Random fact**

It might seem to you as if Gabe just told everything that had happened to him a bit too easily. But I promise he's got a reason and it will be mentioned in the future. Either way I hope you liked it. Credit for Gabe's history goes to GleeJunkie007


	13. Family

**Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.**

 **This chapter is too told from Gabriel Atwood's point of view.**

" _I promise I'll still be there when you wake up."_

"Aw." The surgeon said ironically only standing waiting for me to leave so they could start. "Well, very cute. Now you have to go so we can do our job so your son can get better."

"Yes of course." I raised from having leaned down towards Gabe. "I'm leaving now."

With thoughts spinning in my head I turned and walked away.

I sure hadn't expected something like this when I got up this morning. I already knew Al was on his way to find Meredith, but finding my own lost son. Then meeting him, he threw up on my coat, spending all of the afternoon in a hospital….

"Hold on a second Mr. Atwood. I can see something we forgot here."

"Yes?" I spun around quickly. My heart beating hard in fear of something might have gone wrong. "What is it?" I could see the surgeon taking Gabe's hand in his, and didn't notice the ring on Gabe's finger until I watched the doctor pull it off and came to me holding it up.

"You have to hold onto this." The doctor dropped the ring in my hand when I held it up and open. "Now go."

I nodded, closed my hand around the green and silver-colored ring and was led out by one of the nurses who had led us here. Through a room with a couple of empty chairs and then out in a hallway where Mike already sat waiting.

"I always wanted one of these things that goes from a parent to their child through the generations." I said and held up the ring, then pushed it down into my pocket so I wouldn't drop it. "I gave this to Julianna- Gabe's mum when she told me to go to hell. And asked her to give it to our child. I always wondered if she'd given it to him. I remembered it earlier today but with everything Gabe told us I figured there was no way…" I spun the ring in between my fingers. "…Then the doctor called on me before I'd left the room and handed it to me so it won't get lost during the surgery…"

I span the ring in my hand a few laps back and forth. Then stood up and pushed it down my pocket so I wouldn't drop it somewhere myself. The silence falling in between me and Mike was thick and awkward but what more was there to say…

"I haven't known Gabe for very long but…" Mike suddenly began and pointed to my pocket where the pocket was in safe store. "…I noticed that ring when he came that night. And I've never seen him without it…"

"Mike. I promise…" I interrupted. Make it or break it, I had to say it. "…I did believe Julianna Ryan was going to be the greatest as a mum. She was always a bit childish, impulsive and naïve but she was kind. She was giving and she spent… I guess a bit of too much fun hanging out with her friends. And daring… She… slept with me on a bet. I guess she never thought about the fact that doing… such things can actually result in a pregnancy… I guess I didn't either but I wanted to be there. But when she told me I should go to hell I granted her wishes. She was the mother, I let her be in charge. But I swear to you if I had ever known it was so bad…"

Mike was only silently looking back at me as if he suddenly had lost all of his words. But as the thought hit me about what might happen if they thought it was for the best to take Gabe away from me. If they thought I had been a part of all of Julianna's terrible actions towards our son.

I just couldn't lose him. Not when I was finally so close after years of waiting, worrying and hoping that someday, sometime things would change.

"I would have been there without a blink. I'd have… I'd have…"

All of a sudden my voice broke and the words turned into sobs and tears streaming down my cheeks. I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and wrapped my fingers in my hair, while the other hand lying on my lap still held onto the ring.

"I'm sorry." After a minute or two I sat up and forced the last few of the sobs down my throat. Mike wore a distressed wrinkle in his forehead where he looked back at me while I pulled a deep, shaky breath and started over.

"I would have been there for him. I promise you. If I had known it was so bad."

After only looking back at me silently for what felt like a thousand years while I went on and on with every word I could think of. Mike suddenly raised his hand and held it up with the palm open to interrupt.

"I believe you."

It felt like I had waited for Mike to say something at all. But never known what I wanted to hear. Maybe I would have wanted to hear that if I just said the right thing before Gabe came back from surgery he could come with me when going home.

"Thank you."

Mike changed his position in the uncomfortable plastic stool and sighed. I was about to start again, nervously speaking anything I thought could help me. Instead I bit my tongue, waited and then listened closely when Mike started talking.

"Big decisions and paper work aren't up to me to make though I'm afraid. And it's more than likely social services from both Newcastle and Dover will be involved. It will probably be at least a couple of months before Gabe can come and live with you and much longer before they leave you to yourself. One step wrong and Gabe gets hurt by one of you. And he could be taken into care again."

"Of course." I nodded and agreed, no matter how much I knew it would hurt me if Gabe would be taken away from me again after everything. "Of course. As long as he is safe and unharmed nothing else matters."

Mike nodded at me. And with something new glancing in his eyes- maybe he was finally happy with something I had said before he stood up and started pacing back and forth in front of me.

"Sorry. These plastic chairs… My back. Now, maybe. While we're still waiting. You can tell me a bit more about your family. Alistair told me you had a son. If I don't remember it right the same age as Meredith and Michael."

"Oh yes. Yes. I live with my wife Olivia and our five year old son Logan. Liv's also four months pregnant. We just found out that it's a girl and we've decided her name will be Emmalee. Emmalee Grace Atwood. She's due to be born in March. And Logan… who's always wished for a big brother was mildly pissed off when we told him we were getting the exact opposite…" I couldn't help but smile. "Now isn't it thoughts of… weird things one's children has done that can just make you smile in any kind of mess."

Mike smiled slightly nodding back at me still pacing back and forth. With all the kids he had seen and taken care of as his own I could only imagine.

"We've talked a lot to your friend Alistair. He said you do work together and you are neighbours. Is that correct?" I nodded. "Can you tell us a bit more about yours and your family's relationship to Alistair and his kids?"

"Of course. Well, first of all. We live very close. It's like someone's taken a yard and built a fence in the middle of it. Then built a… relatively big house on one side of the fence and one quite small house on the other side. To get from one to the other you could take the street and walk around the whole block to get there. Or you could take the back door on each of the houses, run through the gate in the fence and through the back door into the other house."

"I'm guessing the smaller house belongs to Alistair and the twins."

"Correct."

"Can you just tell me though?" Mike seemed a bit confused "On exactly how many levels do you and the Maynard's know each other. Well, that sounded wrong but you seem like great friends, neighbours, he mentioned you two work together. Do you ever get a break from each other?"

"Haha." I gave a short chuckle. "No. Not really. I and Alistair are both accountants and we both ended up working in the same place when he needed a job in Dover to get a bit away from Angela- the twins' mother. By then the twins and Logan were two I think. And the house next to ours was for sale. I found out Alistair was looking for a fairly cheap house since he didn't have all too much money to spend. Angela was already… Like she was and she couldn't be trusted with the kids so then he had two fairly cheap baby sitters when he needed. And being an only parent- he needed. Working late or flu going around. Chores are piled up or Angela's around again causing trouble for Alistair claiming she wants the children living with her. He seldom asked for it. But I guess I and Olivia had a way with knowing what nights he was struggling and those were the nights we ordered pizza and played the wii, or did homework as they got a bit older. Or painted, stuff like that. And also… I don't know if he told you but Al has got another job as a ballet dancer and teacher? Sorry, he didn't tell you that?"

By the look on Mike's face I could quickly guess the answer was "no"

"Oh wow. That's a big part of his life so I thought he had had the time to mention it. Anyway, seeing both his best friends- Michael and Meri doing it- ballet. Logan wanted to try it out too. So one night a week Al has all three kids, gives them dinner, teaches them and fifteen other kids the beauty of ballet. And then lets Logan spend the night at his while I and Liv do… cleaning or shopping or whatever else needs to be done. But is hard to get done with a five-year-old around. And in return we take the twins over for one night a week. And even when it's not planned the kids run back and forth over the yard and through the gate and Alistair always has ice cream I'm going there instead." I smirked forcedly. "Sorry." I admitted at last. "It's a bit hard knowing what to say so I'm just going on and on. I've never actually been in this position before."

"That's alright. There's not much else to do here than wait and talk. And anything you tell me will also go to the social services. I think you get that." I nodded. "But the more we know the better. I'm afraid though- the next couple of months or so might be a whole lot of going back and forth being Newcastle and Dover. I'm sorry. But since Gabe is already registered into our system here it is what it will take. And also, of course. We will have to meet Olivia and little Logan too."

"Whatever you do. Don't let Logan hear you calling him little. He hates it." For the first time in what felt like years I didn't have to force a smile when I thought about his latest tantrums. "He's usually calm and kind in every way. But like any five year old he does have his pet peeves and he can throw a tantrum like something you've never seen before."

"I have worked with children my whole adult life." Mike started off calmly and I couldn't help but smile slightly- I hadn't been thinking about that. "Believe me. I have seen every kind of tantrum there could possibly be in a child of any age."

I laughed, as did Mike. And as with the smile just second ago it felt as the first that I didn't have to force out only for the sake of it.

"Well, they say laughter is the best medicine don't they. As is smiles… and love… And if that is true then only the love for my family- heck, only the love for Gabe now when I'm finally with him after all of this time. I shouldn't ever have to get ill and I should live forever if it's true… But now. Talking about family." I couldn't figure how to continue about tantrums since I had proved myself wrong anyway so I switched the subject and pulled my phone out of my pocket. "I haven't talked to them since Alistair called me back at home. And they were away so I only left a short note and out the door I was. I should probably call. If I know Liv right then I'll probably have about fifteen missed calls by now."

I silent and looked down on the phone while I pressed the button on the side to turn it on. The seconds passing by as the phone buzzed and then turned on felt like ages. Even though it must have been only a couple of seconds…

"Excuse me. Sir, with the phone." I didn't have time to turn the phone on before I was interrupted and looked up. "You have to keep your phone turned off in this part of the hospital. If on and working it might interact with how the machines are working." I gave a slight nod and pushed to turn it off again while sighing deeply. "Hold on. I have an idea." The nurse smirked a bit mischievously. "Come with me." She led me down the hallway, then into a staff's lounge and pointed to a door on the other side of the room. "The balcony. You can go out there and make your phone call. I'll wait here, so if anyone comes in I'll explain this…."

"This is so simple it's brilliant." I interrupted and grabbed the phone to turn it on again. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She held the door towards the balcony open, I walked out and she closed it after me. I wasn't so sure how on earth working cellphones could work with respirators or whatever everything was called. But sure, she was the boss. I'd better just go along with it and as quickly as I could I pressed my pin code and the phone started and then beeped with all the messages I had gotten.

"Twenty three missed calls. My God Liv. Are you mad?" I asked more to myself than to actually be able to ask my wife. "Probably mad with worry about now." I quickly searched her name up in my contacts and put the phone to my ear. "Come on now…"

Only about half a signal went by before the phone clicked and I heard her voice on the other end.

"Olivia?"

"Hey Love. It's me."

"Gabriel? Where on earth are you? I and Logan go to the store. We come back, you've gone away with a message that Alistair called you about something. You didn't even say what it was. And then nothing. Do you know how many times I've called you? Or how many times Logan's asked where you are? Why haven't you been answering? Where are you?"

"You know I always turn my phone off when I'm driving. And you know Alistair went to Newcastle today because Meri's here. And the thing was… I didn't tell you in the message what it was about because he hadn't told me. He didn't want to tell me over the phone that… ehrm… that…"

Everything that had happened the last few hours was on replay in my mind and suddenly I could see why Alistair hadn't been wanting to tell me what was going on over the phone earlier today.

"That what? Gabriel? What's going on?"

"Meri wasn't alone. And… do you remember that I told you I have a kid, a son? Not Logan or Emmalee but… I think I've mentioned it sometimes so I guess you must remember. A kid with a woman named Julianna… it's quite a long story. I think you know most of it really but… the kid... my son Samuel? Do you remember what I've told you about him?"

Olivia on the other side of the line went so quiet if I didn't know better I'd have thought she fainted or something. Which I actually started thinking when it had been quiet for long enough for a car down below to drive up and park.

"Liv? Are you alright? You should say something soon."

"Well…" Every sound was slow and hesitating. I couldn't blame her! "Yes. I do remember what you've told me about him but... What about him? Meredith wasn't alone? Did somebody hurt her? And what's this got to do with your son?"

I bit my lip and hesitated, then quickly went through in my head what I knew and what would be the best way to say it. Maybe piece by piece or just…

"Angela pushed Meri out of the car after she took them away. Meri spent her time with two other children on the run. One of them is my son- Samuel. We were meeting, then he had appendicitis so now we are at the hospital and he's in surgery."

And there it was said.

And there Olivia was very quiet, and so was I.

"Wow… This was not what I expected for today when I got out of bed this morning."

"Yeah. That was about my first reaction to hearing that too."

My wife wasn't a quiet person. Really. She was known wherever she went for the fact that she could speak on both breathing out and breathing in for a full ten minutes if she got started.

Maybe knowing that was the fact that when Olivia silent on the other line of the phone call I was suddenly more eager than ever to have something to say that was better than anything at all else.

"It all just feels like magic. After all of these years. We kind of found each other- well, really. Meri and Alistair did. And none of us were searching. So there's got to be magic or fate or God or whatever one believes in involved in all of this. These things don't just happen."

Olivia still didn't say anything. And I couldn't think of anything more so I glanced over the parking lot while I waited. She would for sure think of anything to say before I did again.

"Gabriel?" She spoke at last and her voice sounded shaky and more hesitant than I was used to hearing it. "I know that's not what you want to hear. But think realistically about all of this now. Is it really possible that this is Samuel? Or has maybe Meri told him about her friends- including you. And then he has put himself in it to get something from you?"

I suppressed a sigh and forced a lump down my throat. Olivia just seemed way too calm in this situation and I would have wanted to look her in the eyes and say all of this- this just seemed wrong.

"No… He's my kid. Gabe is definitely my kid."

"Gabe? I thought his name was Samuel."

"It's a long story. But I don't want to tell you over the phone and I don't want to do it without him here. I just don't know enough and it's his own private story to tell. Anyway, he started our meeting with throwing up all over my coat- he had appendicitis. We're in the hospital and he's in surgery now."

"That sounds…" Olivia seemed to have about as a hard time finding the right words as I had. "…Wow. But… are you sure? Are you absolutely sure it's him? I'm only… Don't be angry with me. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'm not angry." I said back as calmly as I could. "I wouldn't be angry. And I'm pretty sure that in this whole process… he's in a care home. So he is very protected by all kinds of laws there are. And I'm pretty sure that in this whole process there will be a DNA-test from each side involved. But he is my kid… I know it. He looked me in the eyes and I…"

I hissed and put my empty hand over my chest when I was in loss of words and my eyes filled with tears once again. Then it was almost like Olivia somehow saw me not quite being able to speak because she was silent all until I sighed and talked again. Twisting and turning nervously I could see that nurse on the other side of the window and was reminded once again about where I was and what was going on.

"Look. I have to go. There is… a lot going on over here. I'll know more tomorrow or so. But I'm not coming home today just so you know. I'm not sure when Alistair's coming back but when he does you can expect a visit from him and the twins. I haven't met Meri by the way. But from what I've heard she's alright. But…" I glanced over the whole big parking lot a couple of floors beneath and ahead of me while trying to think of a good way to end. "I'll have to turn my phone off before I go back. The signals from it can cause machines here to act up. But hear from you in the morning? Give Logan an extra kiss goodnight from me. But don't… don't tell him all of this. I don't want him to know until we're all sure that I know… that I know what's going on really. It all feels so unreal. But I have to go now. Goodbye, goodnight."

I barely even notice I didn't give my wife a chance to say goodnight before I turned the phone off and the nurse then opened the door for me to come inside the staff lounge again. I didn't even notice how cold it was outside until I came inside and so pulled my hands into my sleeves.

"Thank you so much. You're a real angel. I think I can find my way back now."

As if I already knew I had to be back as quick as possible, with big and fast steps I hurried over to the door and ripped it open until I found myself back in the hallway. Right where I could see Mike pacing back and forth in one direction, and Alistair, Michael, Meredith and a girl I didn't recognize coming up the hallway from the other direction. The girl- about eight or nine had some Asian looks. Which was the only thing I had the time to notice before Alistair put Meri down after holding her on his hip.

"Hey guys." I leaned down when Meredith ran up to me than lifted her up. "Oh my. We've been so worried about you" She threw her arms around my shoulders and leaned her head against my shoulder as I lifted her up. "Are you okay?" She nodded. "That's good. Hey." Meri moved slightly and snuggled into my shirt- right by the collar and I couldn't help but remember her comment, ages ago when she had told me I was a good hugger always. But especially with this shirt that had such a soft and big collar. "We all missed you so much. Logan misses you loads and loads back at home, and so does Olivia. I know it's still going to be a while before you can come home with us. But I can't wait until then."

"I can't neither." She sniffled and snuggled into my collar once again. "I missed you all loads and loads. And now I want to go home. And sleep in my own bed. And drink hot chocolate out of my own Moana-cup. I want to be home with daddy and Michael. I want to have a sleepover in our living room with you and Olivia and Logan too."

"Yeah. That sounds like fun."

I couldn't help the thought creeping up about the social services' rules about girls and boys not being able to share room. Then tried to shove the thought away into the back of my mind. If we could then we would. If not then…

"Maybe we should try and do that as soon as possible."

And maybe that was a stupid thing to say if it turned out we wouldn't. But if everything worked out like it should I would guess we wouldn't be closely watched by the social services forever. And I wasn't some kind of monster who could tell a five-year-old she couldn't do anything she wanted so bad.

"This is Libby." Meredith waved down towards the Asian-looking girl and I looked past her thatch and down on the other girl. "Now let me down."

"Whatever you want my lady."

It was just a joke. Something I would say when Meri wanted something from me. When she wanted something from someone she wouldn't give in until she had it. And I could never tell her no.

Still I couldn't help but wonder if to Mike. It would sound like something else…. What if…

Then, before I had the time to explain or say anything at all. "Libby" took a step towards me and caught my attention.

"Is Gabe going to be okay? Where is he?"

"He…" I sat down on one of those hard plastic-chairs so I would reach the girl's height. "He had something called appendicitis. And when you have that the best cure is to do surgery and take the appendix out. It's quite harmless. The appendix doesn't really have a function anyway….. Gabe is in surgery now. But he's going to be fine and he should be able to go home tomorrow already. Now…. Can you tell me a bit about who you are so we can make time go by until he comes back? Libby, was it?"

"Yes. My name is Libby… Well… Actually, sorry. My name is Isabel really. Isabel Chau."

"Well then Isabel Chau. My name is Gabriel Atwood. Meredith and Michael always calls me Uncle Gabriel even though I'm not their uncle. You can do that too if you want to- or just Gabriel. Now, what's in this box you brought? Is it for Gabe?"

"We just brought some things we knew he would want with him. Here is Slowen." Meredith picked out a stuffed sloth from the box and handed it to me. "But Gabe had hidden him for some reason. He was in the drawer of the bedside table. I don't know why Gabe would hide him like that."

"Don't tell me you went through Gabe's private things now Meredith Marie." Alistair lifted his daughter up on his hip again. "You know you're not supposed to go through another person's things if they're not there."

"I know. But I had to find Slowen. Gabe can't sleep without Slowen."

Alistair sighed. But didn't start giving a lecture or anything and this certainly wasn't the right time to do so. Meredith put Slowen back into the box.

"Now, what else is in this?" I asked. "Or don't you want anyone to know until Gabe is awake and can see for himself?" Mike came over and he and Alistair started talking about something I couldn't hear.

"It's fine. You'll have to show him when he wakes up. Some of the others made some get-well-cards." Libby picked one up that was covered in glitter. "Floss used a lot of glitter. And then, we thought he might want something he can do even if he can't get up. So we brought his sketch book and loads of his pens and pencils. Then there's some bags of candies that he likes. Then that's all really- Candi-Rose had a shoebox from some shoes she bought. So then, that's it. It's not really things that can be used for much. It's not like they're going to make much good anyway. Not when he's still in surgery at least."

"No. But I bet he's going to be out of there any minute now." I took the box from Libby and tried to make my smile look reassuring to her instead of forced and nervous. "And when he's awake I'm sure he's going to be very grateful that you brought these things. Then you can come by tomorrow…" I sent Mike a questioning look who just shrugged. "Maybe… You'll see each other soon anyway. And I'll make sure he knows it was you who brought these."

"Can't we stay until he wakes up and tell him ourselves?"

The thought hit me right away that that probably wouldn't be a good idea. Then of course- I was protective of Gabe for obvious reasons. And somehow I felt terrible for suddenly feeling how badly I wanted and needed to be alone with him.

"Listen MiniMay… Libby." Mike started and I breathed out slightly that I didn't have to explain. "When Gabe wakes up he's going to be very tired and drowsy. So he's going to be needing some peace and quiet around him. So I think it would be better if you either come back tomorrow or meet him when he comes home- depending on how long he's staying." I could see Meredith's disappointed expression. "I'm sorry Min… sorry. Meredith- But that's just the way it was going to have to be. And you'll be going to sleep soon so tomorrow will be here in no time. Okay?"

"Okay." Meredith almost whispered and I could see Alistair taking Michael's hand on the other side than the arm that was holding Meredith. Then Libby just followed while they waved goodbye and started walking down the hallway again towards the doors.

And somehow, watching Libby walking slightly behind the Maynard's I just couldn't fail to notice how incredibly lonely she looked.

"It's so weird hearing and watching Meredith speak like that." Mike exclaimed while Alistair and the kids were just leaving the place and I slumped down into one of the chairs next to him again. "I mean, she hasn't been at Ashdene Ridge but until just the other night. And from when she arrived- she didn't say one single word out loud. Not one!"

"Wow. To me Meredith without talking… my heart just breaks for her. Whatever she must have been feeling. Usually she talks all until it feels like your ears should start bleeding. And she doesn't ever give in on anything she thinks or wants. She can be such a diva sometimes. Some time when she was and I gave into something I started calling her my lady. Or Madame or whatever sounded the best for the moment…"

I and Mike both flinched and looked up when the doors to the surgery opened and Gabe, still unconscious, pale and with a breathing mask over his nose and mouth was pushed out on a stretcher.

"Everything's gone exactly as planned." I hurried to my feet and took the shoebox with Gabe's things quickly so I wouldn't forget about it. There's no more reason for concern. The appendix was- like we suspected severely inflamed. We're lucky you came in when you did, an hour or two more and it might have burst. As you can see he's not woken up from the narcosis yet. But he should be in a matter of minutes. He needs to have that mask on until he wakes up. But if he then finds it uncomfortable he can take it off. Now. I was ordered to show you to your own room… " The nurses led us into an otherwise empty room where he and the other nurse pushed the bed over to the wall. "I'll leave you to it. If anything happens then you've got that red button on the wall. I'd rather see you push it ten times too many than one time too little. But like I said. There's no more reason for concern. The recovery room is that way. These nurses will show you there."

I barely remembered that we had been promised a room to ourselves. The nurses seemed stressed like never before so I decided not to mind it- most important right now was that we wouldn't lose each other completely again. And therefore I was relieved when the nurses led us past a line with beds with people and into a single room at the end of the hallway.

"Thank you." I nodded at the nurses and had to catch for my breath once we stopped. "Wow, you guys can move fast. And you're not even out of breath. Now…. How long will it take before he you know… wakes up?"

"It should only be a couple of minutes before the narcosis wears out and he wakes up. But he will probably be quite drowsy and many patients wakes up for a minute only to fall back asleep right away. You've got that red button on the wall if you need anything." The nurse pulled a sick bag from a hanger on the wall and laid it on the bedside table. He might feel sick, it's a side effect from the narcosis. But nothing to worry about. Is there anything else you need now?"

"No. I don't think so. What about you Mike?"

"If someone from the social services asks then I never left you two alone. Okay?"

"What?" When I looked up and turned I could see Mike had stopped right inside the door and he held it open as if just about to leave while I sat down next to Gabe. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, that I'm going to go and buy myself some coffee in the cafeteria before they close for tonight. And then I'm going to sit down right outside the door here. Where I can see you through these windows. I'll only be gone for a minute and then you won't be able to leave or move at all without me watching you. So you won't be able to leave and I trust you to not try anything that you shouldn't. I think you get what I mean."

"Of course. And I'd never try and take him away or hurt him or anything."

"Then I also think that you two, now too. Then when he wakes up- you two could need some chance to be on your own. And I don't think there's a chance of anyone from the social services visiting before we're back at Ashdene Ridge. But if anyone asks- I'm actually not supposed to leave you two alone. So I never did. Okay?"

"Of course not."

A shadow, something like a smile yet not quite passed over Mike's face. Then as he turned around and started talking to the nurses. Don't think I didn't notice the way one of them stopped right outside peeking through the windows discreetly to make sure I didn't try and do anything while Mike was away.

"Here we go. Meredith and Libby knew you needed this." I picked up the stuffed sloth from the carton and laid it next to him. "Slowen is a very creative name for a sloth. Suitable!"

I pulled the ring out of my pocket and spun it a bit in between my fingers. I would have wanted to say more but I couldn't come up with anything- and what was the point when he was still asleep anyway?

I was startled and jumped high when Gabe suddenly moaned and moved. My beating hard slowed down slightly while I watched him as he did again. But didn't open his eyes and stayed asleep. Even though he was moving his hand as if he was gripping to hold onto something. And carefully, carefully I slipped my hand into his and rubbed it with my thumb.

"It's okay now… It's just you and me son. It's just you and me."

 **Well. I know that both this chapter and the chapter before is a whole lot of explaining things in conversation. But thinking about it, if it was for real everything would have to be told. And I hope you like this way even though it's just an easy way. And there are still details that needs covering that will turn up when they happen.**

 **Random fact**

So, as you can see. The title of this chapter is "family" which is suitable for this chapter. Anyway, it's the first word of a quote. That's got two more parts. So the chapter of this chapter and the two nearest chapters will kind of… belong together. I guess you'll see what I mean what you see when they're called.


	14. Where life begins

**Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.**

 **This story and five others are getting close to their ends. So right now they are prioritized. I currently have thirteen stories going on which is tad too many. And I don't really have time for it all. I had already planned when this story will end, but from now on this and the others will be updated so I can finish some. The other five stories that are getting finished are**

 **-Unpretty hurts  
-The one where rawr means I love you in dinosaur  
-Dancing in the rain  
-Stranger defended  
-The little girl **

**So, if you're a fan of this or any of those listed you could expect to see more chapters until they're finished.**

 **Okay then. Everybody's got it? Great! This chapter is too told from Gabriel's pov.**

It shouldn't take many minutes after Gabe had been taken off the narcosis, it still hadn't been more than thirty seconds after Mike left when I had a worried feeling in my stomach. What would happen if he didn't wake up? Or if it happened to slowly? If something happened that would mean complications were on?

I took the stuffed Sloth that I held in my hands and hugged it tight, mostly to have something to hold onto than if a stuffed animal could give me comfort. I then noticed patches of fur being ragged off.

"What have you been through my friend?" I tried as I wiped one of them with my thumb. "You must have spent a lot of time along with my son. Have you? Maybe you could tell me a bit more about what happened? Was there something Gabe didn't tell me?"

I was interrupted from talking to Slowen when Gabe moved and moaned, this time for a few more than when he had the first time. And then his eyes fluttered open with a deep breath. Something in between a yawn and a sigh while he stretched out every piece of his body.

"Hey." I reached out and pushed my hair through his fringe feeling his forehead. "How are you feeling?"

Gabe didn't answer. But his eyes fell closed again. And if I didn't have to understand how tired one must be only vaguely waking up from the narcosis I would have kept on talking making sure to keep him awake.

I didn't even have to anyway, having kept his eye closed for a couple of seconds they tiredly fluttered open again and he lifted his hand towards me.

"Are you making sure I'm really here?" I took his hand and pulled out the ring he had been wearing earlier. "Is this yours? The doctor only spotted it when you'd fallen asleep and they gave it to me so I'd take care of it while you were out." Gabe nodded. "Here. Ring finger?" He nodded again and I pushed it onto his finger as with a wedding ring. "Isabel and Meri came with a box of things while you were in surgery." I held up Slowen. "I think I can guess why you had tried to hide him. But a stuffed animal is nothing to be ashamed for. I've got them too. They make perfect sleeping buddies." I laid him right next to Gabe and Gabe rubbed its head slightly. "You've been together through a lot? Haven't you?"

"Yeah I guess…"

Gabe turned his head away and let go of Slowen. We both let the silence fall across the room while he stared towards the windows were we could see the hallway. Mike was just coming back up and only sent the two of us a quick look before he slumped down into a chair with his back against us.

"If social services asks then Mike is sitting right in that chair…" I pointed to one at the other side of the room. "…and keeping an eye on the two of us. Of course he never left us alone and surely. When he didn't come back, because he never left he didn't sit down on the other side of the wall with his back against us. Okay?"

Gabe only looked back on me in confusion. His drug-ridden mind was too foggy to work out what I had just said. I felt bad for not getting that when he slowly lifted his hand to his head and exhaustedly leaned it backwards towards the pillow.

"I'm sorry. I just mean that. The social services doesn't have to know that Mike left us alone. He's not supposed to do that. I think you probably get all of that… How are you feeling?" Gabe didn't answer, only sighed and kept his hand against his head. "Should I go get a doctor? Maybe you could get some painkillers or something."

"No. I'm fine."

Fine?

I couldn't help but frown, Gabe was just coming back from being put out under narcosis and God knows what else, had had surgery and before that been sick. Put in a hospital that he obviously hated, he'd been in pain. And after everything he had told me as much as he had about what had happened to his mum and stepdad. Of course he'd done great, been so brave anyone could ever ask of him.

But there was no way he was fine. Not right now.

I wanted to say something else. Gabe was obviously forcing his eyes open, refusing to fall back asleep. But I didn't want to pressure him into anything or tell him what to do. So I looked back towards the box with things the others had brought. I didn't want to mess with Gabe's things but I couldn't help but feel curious and nodded to the sketch book sticking up from the box.

"They brought your sketchbook and some pens and pencils as well. For when you feel better. Can I take a look on your sketches? I'm only curious. But I know some artists doesn't like people seeing their drawings."

"It's fine… But they're not that good."

I took the sketchbook from the box I'd put on the bedside table and then left it lying on my lap as if I was waiting for something before I started riffling through it.

It suddenly felt like I was about to read someone diary, or read somebody else's private letters. Gabe was so groggy. Maybe he wouldn't said it was fine if he wasn't as groggy from the narcosis as he was and…

Changing my position the opened sketchbook fell out of my lap, opened to the first page and landed with the covers up on the floor. Gabe didn't comment on it, so I looked up only to check if he maybe had fallen back asleep.

"It's okay…. If you want to I'd really want you to see them."

I leaned down to pick the sketch book up from the floor and turned it. The first page was covered in several drawings of different people. There were probably ten people or so all sketched off on one sheet of paper. Yet none of them seemed to have anything to do with the other.

But I couldn't help but to look over the drawing for, for sure five minutes from one face to the other. Impressed by the details and how correct the proportions seemed.

"I was only learning how to sketch faces with that one." Gabe suddenly moaned. "None of them are very good at all."

Well, weren't all kinds of artists only so hard on themselves always?

"Not very good?" I changed pages in the sketching book to one that looked to be sketched of a picture with grass in the front, one tree, then two mountains right behind and clouds. "These are really good." I held up the drawing in front of him. "Where's this? Somewhere you've been or something you saw a picture of or something you just took from your mind?"

"Somewhere I've been."

"Wow." I looked back on the drawing. "Looking as if it must be somewhere beautiful. Where is it?"

"Norway."

I guess I'd been expecting something like Scotland or somewhere not as far away as freaking Norway.

"Wow. Norway? Now that is a place I always wanted to go. Have you been to any other cool places? Like… I don't know. China or New York or somewhere like that? How far have you been?"

"Only Norway."

As if hypnotized by the drawing I stayed by it without turning the page. What made me freeze I did not know. But Gabe must have noticed how I was because after a while he started talking. And it only a took me a few seconds to get that he was talking about the view in the drawing.

"I was three." Gabe was looking away from me and towards the window while he talked. "I was on a road trip with mum and George. We stopped for mum to get to smoke a cigarette and get out of the car for a bit. I was running around since we'd been sitting still for so long… Then I saw mum and George talking and stopped as if I knew something was going on. That was when George pulled a ring out of his pocket and got down on one knee."

Gabe paused in what he was telling me tiredly. The sketch book I had in my lap but was mostly forgotten. A part of me wanted to go back in time and made sure I and Julianna stayed together. Not that there had been anything wrong with that George but for Gabe to have a childhood without everything he had been through.

He was too tired to hide it. Even though what he was telling me about was a good memory pain was shining from his eyes and even more when he sighed and then kept on talking. Still while looking away from me.

"I always wanted to meet you. I would always have done anything or gone anywhere to meet you. Even though I liked George and he was great and everything… I guess at that moment, I was only three and don't remember clearly. I'm not sure I got much. But I knew I wanted to see you more than anything else. But at that moment. When I saw George and mum together…. It was like I knew everything would be okay. I can still feel what I felt then and… I still wished to meet you someday." Gabe finally turned his head without lifting it from the pillow. "It was like I felt I was going to be alright even though I didn't…. Then I can't remember anything more of that… And I guess… I guess things have changed."

I wanted to say something. Something at all that would be any kind of good answer to what he was saying. But no words appeared, and when Gabe looked down towards the sketch book again, then up at me and nodded slightly I turned the page again, and again, and again.

The drawings were of all kinds, mostly in black, white and different shades of grey, but some in color. There weren't any more of views like the mountains there had been a drawing off in the beginning, but of people, of dogs, birds and all kinds of things. On most pages there was more than one drawing, as if Gabe had been afraid he was running out of paper sheets to use.

Maybe he was.

I lost count on how many pages I had turned. There was nothing for a while that caught my attention. Until suddenly there was one.

One of a park bench, where there sat a man- maybe a dad, with a boy. It might not have been easy to tell in a drawing but in it he looked about five or so. And with his head leaned back against the man's shoulder they were both laughing. Both looking so happy I could almost hear them laughing to myself.

"I used to dream…" Gabe was looking down on the drawing and not at me. I flinched when he started talking, I had thought he was asleep again. "That you could come and sit next to me like that. Or just hug me and… it would make everything that hurt just go away."

I swallowed and tried to fight away the lump in my throat. It didn't exactly shrink by the fact that I knew Gabe might have forgotten everything he said right now in the morning. Still being so drugged by whatever medicines he'd been given.

"I'm sorry son. No can do."

 _I wish I could. But I can't make all that pain go away._

I looked down on the drawing again and on the way there was a man holding his arm around the boy's shoulder. They might have been father and son, or maybe brothers or friends. I couldn't help but wondering who the two in the drawing were.

I'm not so sure what made me do it. I was still scared to death I'd scare Gabe away or do something wrong so we'd be taken away from each other again. But from that drawing and what Gabe had said I stood up, pulled my shoes off and then crawled up next to Gabe.

"If you don't want me to do this then you can tell me. I won't get angry. But I just wondered. Is something like this something like you meant?"

Gabe didn't say anything, he seemed to be getting more and more tired. But he didn't protest either while he looked around in the room, his eyes stopping at the windows towards the outside wall facing the parking lot outside the hospital.

And then, for I don't know how long we only sat there, I laid my arm around Gabe's shoulder hoping that whatever I was doing I was doing it right. Gabe didn't make a move under my touch, but he didn't say anything else neither. And all of a sudden I just felt I needed to say something at all. Whatever it might be.

It was looking towards the window and the cloudy night outside I finally thought of something.

"I never liked the dark. I wouldn't say I'm afraid of it nowadays but I am very happy if I don't have to go outside at night. But then, there's always this thought I had…. I think I was about your age when someone said it. And it helped me not to fear the dark as much as I used to… It was that it only gets dark for us to be able to appreciate light when it does come around. Because it will, and every time a new morning rises there comes a day that haven't been yet. And to those we are left without any mistakes at all to start off with. While the mistakes we made yesterday we can leave behind… My dad, he always used to tell me in the mornings. Gabriel, remember that today is the first day of the rest of your life. And remember to seize the day as much as you can. Because even at its very best it can suddenly all change within a second."

Gabe didn't answer. But I could tell he still heard and understood what I said. Even though he looked half asleep and mostly just tired while he looked up at me. Still keeping tense with his head only a centimeter or two away from my shirt.

"You can sleep you know. I can see you're exhausted."

"I don't want to."

What Gabe said was something in between a mumble and a whimper. And I couldn't help but hear the desperate tone of trying to keep awake while he forced his head up not taking his eyes off me for a moment.

And that was when I understood.

Maybe I had understood already earlier when I had promised I would still be here when he woke up. But at the time Gabe had been unconscious and not heard me. And I had still been too stressed out, barely known the words spoken…

" _Don't let them take me away from you."_

Whatever reason Gabe had for not wanting to fall asleep at this very moment it had to have something to do with wanting to stay with me.

"It's okay. I ran my hand through Gabe's hair one more time in a move as comforting as I could possibly make it. "I won't leave. And I think that when you wake up you will be feeling better… and… well, at least it doesn't feel like this could be real right now. But from today on… we'll have every day of the rest of our lives to get to know each other. Okay? Because I promise you. I'm not going anywhere. Not now and not ever. Okay?"

"Okay…." Gabe still had his head barely lifted and his eyes were falling closed while his ear was coming closer and closer to the fabric of my hoodie. "Okay…"

"Do you want me to go and sit down on a chair again or do you want me to stay here?"

"Please stay."

It wasn't even a whisper, only barely more than a breath. But I couldn't have heard it more clearly if he had shouted it at the top of his lungs. And so, very slowly Gabe's head sunk down towards my shirt as he leaned into the soft fabric.

"Meredith, Michael and my Logan all call this shirt my best hugging shirt. Soft fabric, isn't it?"

I'm not sure anybody else had seen any reaction at all, Gabe didn't smile or say anything. But I could see the way his eyes fluttered to almost open. And then, while his head felt heavier and heavier against my shoulder and Gabe's breaths slowed down as he fell asleep.

"Well then…" I whispered under my breath to myself while I looked up through the windows where Mike stood watching us. "…I guess this day is the first of the rest of our lives. Now son…" When Gabe had fallen asleep I suddenly felt how tired I was and I couldn't help it when my own head fell backwards, half against the pillow and mattress, and half against Gabe's dark brown thatch. "And here's for a new start…" I looked up towards the clock on the wall that just passed midnight. "…I can't wait for the part of our lives that we'll finally be able to spend together."

And even as I faded away from reality and let myself be surrounded by dark, I couldn't help but smile when I heard my old man's words in the back of my hand.

" _Don't forget son. Today is the first day of the rest of your life."_

 **Random fact**

There are lines in this chapter referring to the story's title and cover picture. And if nobody noticed, the picture that Gabe had drawn of something he saw in Norway, is supposed to be what is in the photo on the cover. And yes it is in Norway. I've forgotten exactly where it is now but I know we do pass it when going to Lofoten…. And now I've realized I don't even remember if it is before you get there, if it's at the "Lofast" (the road tying together the main land with Lofoten islands. So you don't have to go by boat) or if it is there… Hmmm… Maybe mum will recognize it…

Nope, she didn't know where it was. And now I think about it you guys probably don't care. Anyway, it's in Norway.


	15. And love never ends

**Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.**

 **I'm sorry it's been a while since I updated last. I haven't yet finished any of the stories that I mentioned by the last chapter. I have only one chapter left on my friends- fanfiction. But then I'm trying to update this and the others a bit more so I can update several at the same time. And then I can't decide if I should do it like this or if I should just write the last chapters just after I've finished the rest. Help me decide. Which way should I do it? All at once or one by one?**

 **This chapter is told from Gabriel's pov.**

"Gabriel?" In the middle of my dream world someone spoke my name and shook my shoulder. "Mr. Atwood. Gabriel?"

"Yeah? Yeah?"

I flinched awake and looked up expecting to see Olivia or Logan calling out for my attention. As well as the insides of my bedroom- or Logan's room in case I had fallen asleep trying to put him to bed. Again!

Opening my eyes I was met by the insides of a hospital room. A bald man I recognized from yesterday and two nurses I had a feeling I'd seen before but couldn't quite place. And then, I also held my arm around the shoulders of a boy still asleep.

And then, after having been awake for a split few moments I remembered and everything that had happened the day before. Samuel was Gabe, he was the boy next to me. The bald man was Mike, owner of Ashdene Ridge care home where Gabe lived. And then of course, he had never left us alone in the hospital room.

"What time is it?"

"Four." One of the nurses told me. "Your son is still asleep but his vitals are looking good and everything. So we can move him up to a ward instead of this recovery room. But then you have to get off the bed." I nodded while yawning and got up. Gabe only groaned in his sleep and didn't open his eyes.

Drowsily still I scratched my head and turned for a second to Mike trying to search for an explanation of why I had gotten up in the bed next to Gabe. Well those words sounded so wrong and I wasn't so sure he or anybody else from the social services liked it.

"Remember. I never left you alone. And you sat to the chair next to the bed all night. Okay?"

"Of course." I said and sleepily turned to the right page in Gabe's sketch book. "This drawing. I was looking at it and Gabe told me about it. That's when I sat next to him. Of course, if he had asked me not to I would have sat right back on the chair within a moment. I can promise you that. I don't want anything else than what's best for my son."

"I believe you."

Mike patted my arm, and while I took the sketch book and laid the stuffed Sloth under Gabe's arm where he laid Mike took the box with the rest of Gabe's stuff while we walked after the two nurses leading and pushing Gabe's bed through a corridor, into an elevator, two stories upwards and then through another hallway before he was taken into another single room.

"Sarah will be here when she starts work in the morning. And besides, we don't want the staff to snitch so I will actually stay in the same room as you two during the rest of the night. But I will not interfere with anything you do unless you're obviously hurting each other and I don't think you'll be doing that. I'm also suggesting you stay in your spot if you're sleeping more because Sarah has a way with coming into work early and if she comes in and finds you next to Gabe on the same bed it might not look good for you. I don't believe your intentions are anything but loving and good-hearted but I am not in charge. And if all of this is meant to be then we need to make you look good for the people who are."

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at Mike, as much as every single detail between me and Gabe suited. As little as the risk seemed right now that Gabe after all maybe wasn't my kid. Of course, his safety was the most important of all. And what if I had just been some strange guy who knew about Gabe's story and had spent Lord knows how much time to make my story suit it.

Of course I knew every word was true, but Mike could impossibly know. Even though, if we had been just two random people about the same ages me and Gabe- how to be explain we had the exact same color on our eyes?

Well, blue eyes weren't rare anyway.

Gabe hadn't woken up while being pushed to his new room on the children's ward, Mike sat down in a chair by the wall and fell asleep. Yet awake enough to be ready to act if someone would try and take Gabe away or anything else that wasn't meant to be done.

I sat back down in a chair by the Gabe's bed and watched my sleeping son. But through the whole rest of the morning I couldn't fall back asleep. Despite only having gotten a few hours of sleep before. The fear of anything in this moment going wrong. Turning out Gabe wasn't my son, turning out some choice I had made earlier made it inappropriate for Gabe to move to me, Olivia and Logan in Dover.

And what would Olivia and Logan say. Olivia already knew pieces since I had spoken to her earlier. But of course, speaking eye to eye was a whole other thing than on the phone.

With all worries my stomach clenched so bad I felt like getting sick, but not having eaten for the last twenty four hours I couldn't do that either. And sleeping for the rest of the night was nowhere near possible.

When there was a knock on the door, at just after seven and a woman I didn't recognize, but Mike obviously came in Gabe flinched awake at least partly. And looked up tiredly while Mike and the woman greeted each other.

"Sarah." The woman reached her hand towards me and shook my hand when she was done. "Social worker. I'm sorry I couldn't come and meet you yesterday… How are you Gabe? Appendicitis I heard." Gabe nodded slightly. "I would have come to Ashdene Ridge when you came there. But something else turned up and then May-Li from Ashdene Ridge called me up and told me you were in hospital. And you are Gabriel Atwood? If I got this right?"

"Yes ma'am."

"And you are Gabe's father? If all of what we've heard so far is correct?"

"Yes ma'am."

Sarah pulled up a notebook and a pen from her bag and started noting the few words that had been said so far. A nurse came in through the door on the other side of the room and started asking Gabe what he would want for breakfast. After all, he hadn't been able to eat for the last twenty four hours neither.

"I don't really feel like eating." Gabe mumbled tiredly and his eyes were closing by themselves.

"You should try and eat something." While talking to him the nurse took Gabe's vitals. "Maybe some ice cream. Most people think it's easier to eat if only it doesn't have to be chewed. Do you have a favorite kind of ice cream?"

"Peanut butter."

"I'm afraid we don't have that honey. I know what kind you mean but we can't bring it into this hospital because so many people are terribly allergic to peanuts. How about chocolate? That's almost the same. Or vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce."

It seemed the nurse wanted that ice cream more than Gabe. But at least Gabe looked as if he wanted to eat something. Which was important at this point.

"Only chocolate ice cream is fine."

His voice was hoarse and he ended with coughing weakly. Maybe dry throat was a side effect from everything he had gotten during the surgery.

"I'll go get something for you then." Gabe nodded tiredly. "Try to stay awake honey. At least until you've had a beat to eat. It'll help you heal to get something in you."

Sarah had kept on noting things into the notebook on her lap while the nurse was still in here and Gabe was given a bowl of that ice cream. I wanted to make sure he was eating before I turned back to her and Mike.

"So…" I started. "I'm sorry but, I haven't been in contact with the social services before. So will you tell me how this is going to work out next?"

 _I'm guessing I can't just pick Gabe up and take him home with me._

I could have continued with such a bad joke. But of course I couldn't risk looking bad in front of the social services and bit my lip. Letting Sarah speak up and continue before anything else while I could feel my heart beating hard in my chest.

"First, before we leave this hospital we will make a DNA test from your and Gabe's saliva. The test results will come by letter to the social services within a couple of days and should be so before the end of the week. Then, I'm guessing if it turns out you really are the father of Gabe we will work from there. But until then and for the next couple of days there's nothing you can do. So I suggest you go home and come back maybe Wednesday night. We should get the results probably Thursday or Friday and we'll call in for a meeting then."

I was trying to remember every word that Sarah said and what they all meant. But my head was spinning and most of the words passing by.

"It is understandable if you can't remember it all now." Mike was the next one to continue. "In fact I would be more surprised if you did than if you didn't. That's why I agree with Sarah, once some nurse has taken some saliva test. Then go home to Dover. Spend the next few days trying to understand what is happening. That is usually the way it works best. And maybe even before you're back here- I too suggest Wednesday night, I'd think Meredith, Michael and Alistair are back home too."

Meri, Michael and Alistair- I'd almost forgotten all about them.

"During your time back there is nothing more you can do over there. But Gabe…" Gabe tiredly looked up from his ice cream. "…We will ask you a lot of questions about what's happened to you before. And it's very important you answer them all truthfully. Then of course. If the DNA tests turns out positive and everything seems alright. We'll of course want to bring you two together so to the point Gabe can move in with you Gabriel. While we still have guardianship of Gabe. We'll be moving it more and more over to the social services in Dover. If everything goes smoothly and Gabe moves in with you. Then it will be put on them as Gabe moves there. But as long as you Gabe is on Ashdene Ridge. You're under us. But then Gabriel, social services in Dover will pay you and your family a visit any day this is happening. And they're going to want to look through your house without any of you or your family members. And it's actually better if you leave it as it is, some people just clean and tidy every single spot and hide away things they don't want us to see. But we're after seeing what it looks like from day to day. We just want to see what a normal day looks like, including the house."

"Of course."

"Excuse me." A nurse came into the room holding a plastic bag with some things in her hand. "I've got the DNA tests you ordered. Should we do them now?"

"Absolutely." The nurse looked around in confusion. "Them." Sarah gestured towards me and Gabe. "You don't have to worry about us." The nurse laid the things on a rolling metal table in the corner of the room and rolled it over to us.

"I will take one of these." She held up a small stick. "Stick it into your mouth and only rub it towards the insides of your cheeks to take a bit of saliva. It'll only take a few seconds. It doesn't hurt but it might tickle a little bit. Who wants to go first?"

Gabe held up one hand and I moved to the side so the nurse could come closer to him. But I couldn't let go of that this part was way too simple. Not even when I was the one sitting "aah" with that damn stick towards the inside of my cheek. And maybe that feeling came from everything else complicated.

And maybe it seemed too simple and too complicated since I had barely slept, and not eaten.

Either way, my head was shaking as everyone went silent and the nurse picked her stuff up and put everything away again.

"You'll get a letter with the results ho…"

"The letter will be sent to us." Sarah interrupted her. "And… well. Gabe was fighting so hard to stay awake." I turned to him and surely he seemed asleep again. "Now. Mr. Atwood. We won't get the news from this paternity tests for another few days. My suggestion- once again, to you Mr. Atwood. Is that you go back home and talk to your wife and your son. Then, by Wednesday night or Thursday morning you come back here. We'll call you when the letter with the news come. And then we'll be meeting at Ashdene Ridge and we'll have the news. If the answer is positive Gabe won't be able to go with you right then. But it is then the social services in Dover will start asking questions, coming over to your house- you name it. Everything is to keep Gabe safe of course."

"I…"

I tried to answer but couldn't think of anything that sounded good. Instead I just turned back towards Gabe.

"I wonder how long it's been since you slept last." I asked, more myself than Gabe or Mike or Sarah. Then took the stuffed sloth from the bedside table and laid it by Gabe's hand. "Like, really slept."

 _God, I love you son. More than anything._

I didn't dare say it out loud. Not yet.

After all those billions of times I had told Logan I didn't even dare say it to Gabe once. With the words still in the back of my head I nodded goodbye to Mike and Sarah, then left the room and the hospital, and then walked back into the room.

"Maybe one of you could give me a ride, my car is back at Ashdene Ridge."

"Oh, of course. You stay with him." Sarah got up. "I take it you took Mike's car here?" I nodded. Well, don't worry. Come with me."

On the way here, to get Gabe into the hospital the way from Ashdene Ridge had seemed endlessly long. Now when we were here and Sarah the social worker gave me a ride back to the care home I did notice it couldn't have been ten minutes.

"I'll be back in Newcastle Wednesday night. Mike's got my phone number if you need anything. Thanks for the ride."

"You'll hear from us again Thursday or Friday. No worries."

I got into my car and started driving. And not until at least an hour I thought that maybe I should have made a stop in Ashdene Ridge and have a talk with Alistair, then I also remembered that my jacket was also back there. And then it took my stomach cooping loudly until I remembered I hadn't eaten since breakfast the day before.

I was only lucky I wasn't even a car crash during the five hour road in between Newcastle and towards Dover. Because my thoughts were everywhere but on the road. Mostly on Gabe and Mike and Sarah. But then on the food from McDonald's I had on my lap and ate while driving (I just hoped the police wouldn't see me) and on the phone I still hadn't turned on. When I did there would probably be a hundred and fourteen new messages and eighty five missed calls.

Still I didn't stop to finish eating, turn my phone off or call up my wife to tell her I was on my way home. Instead I just kept my hands on the steering wheel, my foot on the gas pedal, and wow! I really was lucky I was still in one piece when I got up our porch steps and into the house.

"Hey guys?"

"DADDY."

When Logan came running up to me it felt so light to lift him up right away onto my hips when he threw his arms around my neck. It was as if he had gone down to his size and weight of two years ago or so during the twenty four hours I had been away.

"You didn't even tell us you were going anywhere. Where did you go?"

"I went to…"

For the millionth time today I felt my stomach clench knowing that even though every little detail was right I couldn't know for sure Gabe was my son until we had those test results.

If there was one thing in this world Logan wanted more than anything. It was a big brother. And who was I to give him the hope that he was getting it when it might get taken away from him again.

"Do you know what? I went to see Alistair, and Michael and Meri."

Well, I wasn't lying.

"Are they coming home soon?" I nodded. "Meri too?"

"Meri too."

I couldn't help but to hold on a little second longer. Hold on and just know that he was my son, I was his dad and for us it hadn't taken any care homes, phone calls or DNA tests. It wasn't that I had anything against it- I'd do it all over if it was for my son. But for this moment I was just happy.

"Hey Logan." Logan kept his arms around my neck but leaned back slightly and nodded. "You know I love you, right son?"

All of a sudden I felt like the luckiest person in the world I had gotten to be here every day for Logan's life. From holding him as a screaming newborn, all those sleepless nights, not eating, rash, vomiting after every single meal on freaking everything. To learning how to walk, to learning how to ride a bike, scraped knees, slow reading out loud to learn the letters. Counting one plus one, one plus two. Standing at the store, him holding onto a billionth toy looking up at me with those big, brown eyes hoping I would give in and buy it for him.

I usually did. I just had such a hard time saying no to those eyes.

"I know you do. You told me that loads of times. And I love you too."

"Well. Then I'm saying it again. I love you." I placed a slight kiss on his forehead. "Forever and ever."

"Now let me down. I'm going to go make Meredith a card for when she gets back. I haven't seen her for ages. I can buy her something, I have a bit of money. I can buy her something to let her know I'm happy to see her again. Maybe I can come with you to the store. Hmm… some Moana- thing should be good. Now let me down dad. I need to go make her a card."

Logan smirked slightly and then turned and ran up the stairs to his room. It was with tiredness and heavy steps I wished I could just magically be in my bed and fall asleep. And thanking God at least my and Liv's bedroom was on the ground floor. But then, once I had more or less fallen into it on my back I barely felt tired anymore and only stared into the ceiling despite my eyelids feeling so heavy only seconds ago.

"Gabriel?" I heard Liv ask. "You didn't tell Logan what you were doing." I could hear her footsteps and then she came lying down on her side of the bed and I turned to my side so we could face each other. "He's been asking a thousand times where you went and what you were doing. He probably will ask you soon."

"I know." I rubbed my face with my palm. "I don't want to tell him. They did a test over there. And I won't know anymore until in a few days when I will know if Gabe is my son or not. I don't want Logan to know before I find out. He would be so disappointed if… if…" I couldn't finish the sentence but only looked into Liv's eyes and hoped she'd understand. "Did you notice Logan said he'd buy something for Meri? I'm not going to stop him, he's got an allowance and he likes to save it until he can buy something. And we both know Meri's his crush so he's going to be happy with that. But it's just that… kids these days… maybe we… some people have been the same in all times but it's just that… things mean you feel something in certain. Things that can be bought with money. Don't you think that's' wrong somehow?"

"I never really thought about it. But yeah, now you mention it… It does seem wrong somehow. Like… material thing with no feelings should buy other people's feelings. I like the thought of making a card though. Those are the things with feeling behind… or when he picked out some flowers from the side of the road last summer."

I couldn't help but laugh slightly when I remembered Logan giving Meri some daisies he had found. He had been so very cute for nothing else, so had Meri when she blushed and thanked him so quietly it was almost a breath.

"Well then… I have a feeling Gabe is not like that. Maybe he can teach our family some new lessons. As well as for Emmalee… I'll be going back to Newcastle on Wednesday afternoon. The answers of that paternity test should be around Thursday." I pulled for my breath all of a sudden. "Alistair, Michael and Meri should be back by then so you and Logan won't have to be alone. I'll be staying during the whole weekend there if it then turns out Gabe really is my son."

"Gabe? I thought his name was Samuel."

I bit my lip when I was once again reminded of Gabe and his past. Then hesitated some, Gabe's story was his to tell and I didn't want to tell someone he didn't know without him in control.

"Well, as it turns out his name is Samuel Gabriel. But… he has got… a lot to his past. He's been abused and… he ran away, and decided not to go by the name that… she gave him. Then of course, name or not. Thanks to the social services' rules- and they're there for a reason I need to first wait for the test results on that DNA test. And then there will be a lot of questions for us both, people coming over here and it will be a while before he can move in. And then… I hope you understand though. If it turns out Gabe is my son and you for some reason make me choose- Gabe will come first. I am not choosing a spouse in front of my child. I'm not saying that to be a terrible person."

"Of course not." Olivia asked, stroked over her belly and looked down. "If someone asked me to choose in between you or Logan and Emmalee it would be the same anytime. I love you Gabriel but the love in between a parent and a child is nothing like that. And I wouldn't make you choose. I think you actually know that. I love you and I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"Not knowing where my son have been during the latest fifteen years have hurt me more than anything else. Just like hearing his story of what has been happening to him for those years." Liv nodded slightly towards the pillow. "Every little detail fits. There is no way this kid isn't my kid. All we need are those news from the test to confirm it."

Olivia raised her hand from her belly and reached it towards me and slightly stroke my cheek. But without the frown over her eyes leaving her complexion and it was deeper than what I had seen it before.

"Have you told your parents about it?"

"No. I will tell them if I tell Logan. If I told them now and it turns out Gabe isn't my kid it would break their hearts."

I turned over on my back and stared into the ceiling. Then sat up and turned my back against Olivia to get out of the room and walked up the stairs where there were two doors. One to the left and one to the right. Right behind the wall right ahead of us was another wall put in between the two rooms that were exactly the same size and shape. Although mirror- turned to one another and with a door in between them.

"Hey Logan." The door to the right was Logan's room. He sat on his bed with a book and waved happily at me and his mum. "Ehrm… I and mum were just talking about how you should go out and buy something to have for dinner. Some pizza or something." I gave Olivia a meaning look. "Should you go to the restaurant around the corner and buy something? I don't feel like making dinner right now."

"Cool. Pizza." Logan jumped out of his bed and put the book to the side. "But won't you be coming daddy?"

"I'll wait here. You guys go and buy some and surprise me with what you get." Logan nodded and smiled mischievously while I mimed a thank you to my wife and stayed at the top of the stairs. Not until I could hear the door close after the two I got out the key to the room to the left from a cupboard on the wall, unlocked the door and walked in.

I and Olivia had decided to lock both of the doors to the room so Logan wouldn't get in here with all of his stuff. In here was only a couple of boxes of baby stuff that would have to be unpacked again when Emmalee was arriving soon. The walls were white, a naked light bulb hung from the ceiling and from the window you could only see our front yard and the road outside.

There really was no sign that someone had ever lived in this room. In difference from the room right next to it there weren't stuff spread across the whole floor, there weren't sheets or lamp or furniture that showed about the style of a person living here. Even the view was quite callous in some way. From Logan's window one could see the window of Meri and Michael's room on the other side of the yard. From this it was a parking lot, half the front yard and the road.

Although maybe Gabe would be happy with it.

While sighing and slumping down to sit on the bed I needed to remind myself once again that we hadn't gotten the test results of the DNA tests back. But of course Gabe was my son, every little detail fit. It could never have done so much if this wasn't meant to be. Thought after the other came up and made my head spin.

I was just so tired…

"DAD? WE'RE HOME."

I flinched awake and looked up when Logan's shout sounded loud through the house and I could smell the pizza they had brought with them back home.

"COMING."

I was stiff from falling asleep sitting up. Even more so since I had been upright all through last night. And before I had stretched out my back, aching of course. And made my way down the stairs Logan was on his way up and saw me coming from the spare room. I hoped he would let go of the questions and at first it seemed like it when he turned in the stairs and skipped before me into the kitchen where Liv was just cutting up the two pizzas they'd gotten.

"What were you doing there? We never go in there?"

I looked to Liv for a second trying to think of an answer. I still didn't want to tell him about Gabe but that I just wanted to go in there didn't seem like a good answer. And if I told him I'd gone in there to get something he'd only ask me what.

"I was just thinking what we should do about the room. And no, before you ask. You cannot have it as yours. You already have one room."

"But it will be my little sister's won't it? Right now she's in mummy's tummy. But she's going to be out of there and then she's going to need a room of her own. Won't she?"

"Well, for the first year or so she'll be in mine and mummy's room. So we're close to her if she needs something at night. But then yes, she's going to bed a room sooner or later."

I hadn't exactly thought of that. But if Gabe was the one to get our spare bedroom…

…Maybe we could put up a wall and split the living room into two rooms. All of our clothes was put in a walk-in-closet. If we got away all wardrobes and hangers from there it would make a small but perfectly okay bedroom.

"Maybe. What do you think she's going to want then if she has her own room? Is she going to want it pink?"

Logan only shrugged, he seemed mildly interested any time his little sister was mentioned and right now he was mostly concentrated on kicking his leg back and forth under the chair, restless as usual. Oh, and on the pizza of course.

"I'm getting a little sister. Yuk. I just wanted a big brother. And I told you that."

 **Random fact**

The dry throat after surgery- ugh. It really is. I had surgery a couple of years ago to remove a lump. And several hours after I woke up, back at home my voice was still hoarse because my throat was so dry from having a tube stuck. And water didn't even help.


	16. The story of Isabel

**Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.**

 **Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. I have finally finished one of the stories I was working on. That's one story down. I don't know which one will be finished next as I'm not sure how many chapters there are left on each and every one. But I'll keep on trying to update as much as I can and soon they will be finished too.**

 **There are some new characters introduced in this chapter- it's Bridget, Maisy and Sam. They are portrayed by Hilarie Burton, Sabrina Carpenter and Ava Kolker.**

 **This chapter is told from Libby's point of view.**

 **R. I. P. Ella the hamster.**

I could hear Gabe come home right after lunch the day after he'd left.

I didn't move from my bed. I didn't actually feel like talking to him. I didn't feel like talking to anyone.

"Hey."

I didn't look up from my book when I heard Gabe greeting me from the doorway. I could feel tears burning behind my eyes- it was not like I didn't understand what would happen next.

"What are you reading?" Gabe slowly walked over with an arm held towards his stomach and sunk down to sit on my bed. "Is it so good you can't even look up to greet me or is it that you just didn't want to?"

I only shrugged. I knew Gabe knew the answer by then. And the tears burning in my eyes kept me from reading the text right in front of me.

"What is it Libby?" Gabe asked and laid his hand on my knee. "Why are you crying?" I sniveled, looked away from him and down on my purple- patterned sheets. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

Well anything except for this.

"Yeah. I know that."

Silence fell over the room. Gabe didn't ask anything more for a while and the lump in my throat kept me from speaking. Only things heard were the others in the house and my regular sniveling.

"Where's MiniMay?"

"She's out with Michael and Alistair. She'll come back in a couple of hours. They're probably going to be going home tomorrow or the day after that. All of them."

I could almost hear the way Gabe frowned. And then of course, I couldn't help to hear my voice breaking.

And then I felt even worse feeling bad about that our youngest friend was going back to her old life.

"You do know Libby. I get it if you're worried. I am too. But when Meri gets back to Dover the social services there will be on Alistair, keeping a close eye on them for as long as it takes. If the twins' mum comes back I bet she's in trouble. Loads of trouble."

"Meri?"

Things were starting to change, I could feel it. Even if it only were about the nicknames we had used so far.

"And Isabel."

It felt like a million years ago since anyone had called me by my real name. And now I really couldn't help but to completely break down crying, I pulled up my knees and supported my elbows on them burying my face in my hands.

"But Libby." I could hear and feel Gabe move and then felt him sitting down again right next to me and putting his arm around my shoulders. "Can't you tell me what's wrong? Is it that Meri will be going home? Don't you want to have a whole room to yourself? Is it something I did? Were you worried when I got ill?... Did Alex… someone do something while I've been away?" I shook my head, drew a few deep breaths and looked up again. "Then what it is?"

I brainstormed a bit for the right words to use.

"That man who came. The one you threw up on?"

"Don't remind me." Gabe moaned. "His name is Gabriel. What about him?"

"Was that your dad?"

The silence fell again. And for a bit Gabe didn't answer. I turned my head and looked up on him to see if he was reacting. But he didn't say anything and his expression was still as stone.

"Yeah…." He started at last. "…It seems like it. I would say yes. But Sarah and the social services insisted we'd make a DNA test. And the answers from that won't come until Thursday or Friday- and then we'll know for sure."

"If he is your dad… will you go to Dover to live with him then?"

"Yes…" Gabe nodded slowly. "At least that's the plan. I hope I can. But it's going to take a while with the social services and everything. Even if it would turn out he is my dad- which he is. I'm about ninety nine percent sure. They need to make all kinds of visits and tests before I can go there. It's going to be a while before I can go live with him and his wife, and my little brother Logan."

"How long is it going to take?"

"About a month I guess."

The tears had had only just stopped falling came streaming down my cheeks again. My vision was blurred by all the tears but I could see Gabe frowning and felt his palm against my back.

And I hated it, I hated it more than ever.

"Don't you see what's going to happen now? MiniMay goes back to live with her dad and you go to live with yours. You're going to be hours away from here. And I'll be all alone."

"Oh…."

It seemed Gabe didn't know what to say. He fidgeted a bit where he sat, grimaced and then fidgeted a bit more. I just moved away from him, leaned back against the wall and held my stuffed puppy Ella close to me, let my warm, salt tears drip into her soft fabric-fur.

"You won't be alone." Gabe said trying to reassure me. "You'll have Mike. And May- Li. And you'll have Sarah, they're all here to make sure you won't be alone. And you'll have Candi- Rose and Chloe. You've made some great friends here in difference from me. Everyone loves you. You won't be alone."

"It won't be the same." I sobbed. "You and MiniMay are not just my friends. You're my family. But you have your own families. MiniMay is going back to her dad and brother. And you're going to live with your dad who you've barely even met. I'll be all alone. I spent all time with my parents and they're not here. And they're not going to come back for me. People can't come back from the dead."

At the mention that Gabe had barely even met his dad something dark went over his face. Like a shadow. Some kind of shadow of anger or fear or sorrow.

Either way he did not look happy. And while I hugged my Ella close and sobbed my heart out he stood up from my bed and left the room. And I was left alone with my stuffed animal as only company.

"Libby?"

The door opened slowly and May-Li came in. I shook my head and bit my jaws hard together and the hair fell over my face so she wouldn't be able to see I was crying. But my tries didn't matter, she had already seen and heard. And closing the door after her she walked across the floor and came sitting down and laid her arms around me.

"It was the first night at the summer holidays." I heard myself say. "I was staying at a friend's. Mum and dad wouldn't let me first but I kept nagging so at last they gave in."

May-Li was quiet as a rock as she only sat there with her arms around me while I just kept sobbing. I barely knew what I was saying, I barely knew that I was speaking at all. But as the sobs wrenched my body I heard the words slip out of me that had been pressuring to make me explode for the past few months.

"I wish I had been home… If I was home then I would have died too."

May- Li still didn't say anything. Yet I could almost hear the way she frowned while she kept rubbing my back. I didn't know how many more minutes passed by while I just sat there, May- Li's arms around me and my hands around Ella pressed towards my cheek.

"Oh Libby."

At last May- Li let two short words. Well words or words, one sound and then my name slip from her throat. The tears streaming from my eyes had slowed down slightly and I noticed my hands shaking while I changed my grip around Ella. Then at last whimpered the one thing that had gone on and on but now was stronger than ever.

"I want my mum and dad."

 **Flashback**

"MUM." My best friend Sam ran up to her mum just as the clock neared the time my mum she had she would come to get me. "Now when Isabel have been here tonight. Can't I go home with her and spend a night at hers?"

"Well…" Sam pouted and looked up on her mum while she hesitated. "I couldn't see…"

"Then we can go watch that movie we've been talking about." Sam's older sister Maisy said from the other side of the kitchen. "It's only in the cinema for a few more days. You said we'd go watch it some time. We can go watch it if these two are out of the house."

"What movie? I want to come to the movie too."

"You're too little for this movie. And what would you rather do? Go to the cinema with us two or go to a sleepover with Izzy."

"My name is Isabel."

"Whatever."

"You know the three of you. I still haven't answered…" Sam put her hands together and with her best puppy eyes looked up on her mum. "Yes. Of course Samantha. You can go…" I and Samantha high- fived and Sam stuck her tongue out towards her sister. "And none of that. Or I'll change my mind. You can go with them when Stephanie or Brian comes to pick up you Isabel. When were they coming by the way?"

"They were supposed to be here to come pick me up half an hour ago… And I tried calling on both of their cellphones but there's no answer. I have no idea where they might be or why they're not answering. Sometimes they just turn their phones off when they're alone. They said they would tonight. So I guess they just forgot about time and forgot to turn their phones back on."

If I had known how wrong I was…

And if I had known how long it would be from the last day of the summer holidays until the next time somebody would call me by my actual name.

I went to try and call my parents again. But none of them picked up their phones.

"We'll have lunch now then I guess." Bridget told us. "Then you can try calling again. And if they don't pick up I can drive you. I have to bring your mum something I borrowed anyway. Don't worry. They've probably just forgotten about time and have their phones turned off."

I wanted to believe in Bridget. I wanted to believe in myself when I had said the same thing and given the same explanation. But I couldn't fail to notice the frown in Bridget's forehead and I had such a weird feeling in my stomach that something was about to go wrong.

Lunch was fish and chips- one of my favorites. Somehow I forgot what was going on and I and Sam kept talking about what the childish boys at school had gotten up to cause mischief right before the summer holidays.

But the feeling struck me again when I tried calling mum again and still nobody picked up.

"Bridget is giving me a ride home." I left a message after the tone. "So if you and dad are home you can just stay where you are. I hope you'll say yes that Sam can stay tonight. It would be so much fun. Love you."

I would guess those words would be in my mum's messages forever.

Except I hadn't known it right then. Only put the phone back in my pocket and went to get my bag to go home while Bridget took a baking machine she had borrowed from my mum from the kitchen and Sam packed her own sleepover bag.

I sat down on the bench in the hallway and glanced over the wall of pictures on the opposite side. Pictures of Sam and Bridget and Maisy. Then a dog I didn't know whose it was, a grandmother and a grandfather, I was even in one picture too.

I had never had grandparents. They had died long before I was born.

And I had always found it quite weird that Sam was only living with her mum and her sister. Her dad lived in Wales somewhere and they rarely met. But for me, who lived with both of my parents who just wouldn't ever leave like some other parents did I found it strange that some parents did.

But then of course, Sam had Maisy too. Her five years older sister. Who was annoying and who found us just as annoying as we thought she was. And they had their mum Bridget. So even though they were only three girls they did well on their own.

For some reason I couldn't wait to see my parents for the moment. I just had to ask them if Sam couldn't stay the night. Maybe then we could buy candy, chocolate and cake and stuff. And maybe rent a movie. I had wanted to see Harry Potter forever. Maybe we could now with the both of us.

But I couldn't shake that weird feeling away while I sat down in the back seat of Bridget's car and only listened to Sam talking about her new stuffed cat. Or her favorite types of candies or horses. I just couldn't get myself to concentrate enough to answer or know fully what she was talking about.

The door at my home was locked.

"They probably just forgot to unlock it this morning." Bridget told me. "There is a spare key somewhere here right." I nodded and the two by me closed their eyes while I got the key from a flower pot right by the porch steps and unlocked the door.

"HELLO."

When I shouted coming into the house there was no answer.

"HELLO. MUM? DAD? I'M HOME NOW." I looked onto the floor, their shoes were here so they would have to be- unless they bought new ones again… no. The car was in the parking lot. "MUM? DAD?" I shouted for them each and continued through the hallway looking into the kitchen and the living room and even my room. "DAD? MUM?"

Still no answer. And at the end of the hallway was my parents' bedroom.

"Mum?" I almost whispered as I opened the door. "Dad?" It was all dark but I could see enough. And turned back to Sam and Bridget for a second only to tell them. "They're still in bed… You can't be asleep now." I walked into the bedroom and over to mum's side of the bed. "It's way past noon. Although, maybe you just decided to have a nap after lunch. I know you like to do that every once in a while. But come on. Wake up now. I have to ask something. Mum." I shook my mother's shoulder. "You forgot to come and get me so Bridget gave us a ride. Can Sam stay here tonight?" I shook her shoulder again. "Mum?" Still no response. "MUM." I crawled down from the bed, ran around it and tried my dad's shoulder on the other side. "Dad. Can Sam stay here tonight? DAD…"

I took a step back in confusion. What was it when they just wouldn't wake up? Dad would normally wake up if I as much came out of my bed to go to the bathroom. I had gotten a lecture from acting too loudly then loads of times.

But not now.

At last I walked around the bed again and out in the hallway where Bridget and Sam stood waiting for me. Bridget holding the kitchen machine that she had borrowed from mum.

"They're asleep and they won't wake up."

The thought suddenly struck me that maybe they weren't only asleep. That maybe it was worse than that and maybe they'd never wake up again. I was nine years old. I knew what it meant to be dead.

But they couldn't be dead right? What would they have died from? They'd only been sleeping in their bed tonight. People didn't die only sleeping in their bed.

Suddenly my whole world was spinning and the floor rocking beneath me. I stumbled towards the wall, then leaned against the wall and shook my head. It didn't help and the world just span more around me.

"Girls…" For a moment Bridget looked very worried, then she shook her head and drew a deep breath. "Go and open all windows and doors. And I'll go check on your parents. Okay?"

"Okay." I was still dizzy, and I noticed Sam didn't look too well either. "I don't get it. But I guess we should do as we're told. Can you open the balcony door in the living room? And the windows there can be opened as well?" I opened the front door and almost as soon as I drew a first deep breath of the fresh clear- after- rain air outside the dizziness got better.

But for some reason I just knew I had to do as Bridget had told us and went into the kitchen and then my room and opened all windows that could be opened.

Despite the summer day it was quite cold and windy so I pulled my hoodie sleeves down over my hands and hugged myself to stay warm. I was about to go ask Bridget how long the windows and doors would have to stay open. But inside mum and dad's room I could hear her talking to someone and didn't want to interrupt.

She was probably talking to my mum or dad anyway. Or the both of them. They must have woken up by now.

But I couldn't hear any of their voices answering back to Bridget.

They were probably tired and only mumbling drowsily. Yeah, that had to be it. Especially dad would only mumble when he was newly awake and I was exactly the same.

Things changed when distant, I could suddenly hear the sound of an ambulance, a police car or a fire truck.

"Sirens… Have you ever gone with an ambulance Sam?"

"No. But it would be cool to go with one some time. Although. For that I'd have to be sick or hurt quite badly and I wouldn't like that…" We could hear the sirens of an ambulance, or maybe a police car or a firetruck coming closer and closer. "Can you see fire somewhere? Maybe something's burning?"

"No I can't." I looked out the window and leaned my head out. "It's probably an ambulance or a police car then. Here it comes…" An ambulance suddenly came around the corner and from behind me I could hear Bridget coming out from mum and dad's room and into the kitchen. "An ambulance and… there's a police car after it too. It's coming this way. Maybe something happened to the old ma…" I silent when suddenly the two vehicles turned into my driveway. "Bridget?" I looked up on Sam's mother who looked heartbroken and more like she had just seen a ghost. "What is it? What's wrong? Why is there an ambulance and a police car stopping here?" She was breathing shallowly as if on her way to start crying. "What? Why? Does mum know? MUM." I ran through the hallway and up to mum and dad's room and once again started shaking mum's shoulder- harder this time "MUM WAKE UP. YOU'VE GOT TO WAKE UP NOW. MUM." I looked over to dad's side on the bed but when I heard voices as Bridget let the paramedics and police in I continued with mum. "MUM?"

"Isabel?"

It was about then I started realizing mum wouldn't be waking up.

"MUUUUUUUUM"

 **End of flashback**

"My best friend was Sam- Samantha Williamson. I lived with her and her mum for the summer after that. But I didn't want to be a burden to them and everybody kept on telling me they were sorry. And I had to go to my old house and sort out all things… At last I just couldn't take it anymore. So the night before school started for the autumn I ran away… And that's when I met Gabe."

I sat up, still leaning back against May- Li's shoulder and she kept rubbing my arm. I was still crying but the sobbing had stopped and there were only few tears a time rolling down my cheeks. Even though I felt like crying more than ever.

"I just wanted to get away. And I did. My parents are still dead but it was like… as soon as we met I, Gabe and MiniMay were family. But now they're leaving. With their real families, and I'll be left here on my own with them two in Dover. Like a million miles away."

I sniveled and once again new tears rolled down my cheeks when the thought really hit me. When spoken out loud it really hit me what was going on and what it would mean.

Trying to wipe the tears new ones kept on coming out. May- Li still didn't say anything and only kept on rubbing my arm while I sat leaned against her shoulder. For a moment I didn't know what to say, then it just came.

For everything there was nothing I hated more than what I hated myself and what I was feeling.

"I'm supposed to be happy for them. I'm supposed to be happy that they get to go back to their families after everything. But I can't go back to mine. So I'm just jealous and then angry because they're going away without me. How can I think like that? I'm such a bad person. I can't even feel happy for them. I'm a bad, bad, bad person. And I'm the worst friend in the world."

For another moment it was still quiet. Then slowly May- Li started talking while I wished more than anything that she would.

"You are not a bad person Libby. You are a very good person but some very bad things happened to you. And while you were still in chock you made some decisions. Now reality is catching up with you and then we're stuck where we don't know up from down. But you are a great friend no matter what you think. And you are happy for Gabe and MiniMay. And do you know how I know that?" I shook my head towards her shoulder. "Because if not, you wouldn't be neither as jealous nor as angry as you really are. And sometimes people tell you that you shouldn't feel that. That it's shameful or bad. But it's really not. And we're only human and we can't help what we feel. So don't you feel bad for what you're feeling."

"But I should be happy for them. I really should."

"And you are. I know you are. But happiness doesn't always take the form we expect it to. Do you get what I'm saying?" I nodded and sniveled. "It's okay to be angry Libby. You can be angry with MiniMay and with Gabe. And with their parents and with your parents. You can even be angry with yourself. Think that you made the wrong decisions whenever. And that's okay."

"I have made all the wrong decisions. All I've done has hurt people."

In that moment, for the first time it suddenly hit me what it must have been like for the people I left behind when I ran away. I had seen myself on the headlines a couple of times since but had been wearing Gabe's peaked cap and a hood up at all times and nobody had noticed me. Then I had been happy about it. Now I wasn't so sure…

If they had really been searching for me. How wouldn't it have felt for them? How didn't it feel still now when people seemed to have given up? Had they given up?

"Do you know what I think you should do?"

"No."

"I think you should think remember back to where this all began. Before you met Gabe and MiniMay. And then wonder where you can go from there. You can't change what you did then. But you can make sure it's all okay so you can move on from it."

"I couldn't just move on after my parents died could I?" I asked more angrily than anything. "If you haven't gotten it yet… my parents died. And I can't just move on? They died, they're not coming back."

"I know they died. And I'd never expect you to move on from that because I know it's not that simple. But what happened after that? With your best friend? Where were you after what happened to your parents? Before you met Gabe and MiniMay?"

"During the summer holidays I lived with my friend Sam and her sister Maisy and their mum Bridget. That's it. I ran away from theirs the night before the schools started again."

And then it was quiet again.

"Where do they live? I don't think you ever told us where you came from before you ended up here? Are you from Dover too?"

"No, I'm from Northampton… I remember the phone number to the Williamson's. Do you think Mike would let me make them a call if I ask him? Maybe I should at least tell them I'm safe after everything. I think they were searching for me after I disappeared."

 _I'm from Northampton_

Everything about Northampton, about my parents, about Sam and her mum and sister, about my parents and everything about my life felt like it must have been in another life that wasn't mine.

I barely even knew up from down or what was right now.

"I think you're right." I said at last, took Ella in one hand and stood up. "I have… I should probably start… I really need to talk to them."

I just couldn't tell May- Li how I had hurt everybody around me. When I as much as thought about it I just froze and didn't know what to say, my stomach clenched and made me want to throw up. And I knew I could never make it right.

But I could do my best and start somewhere.

Walking down the stairs I would wish the hallway only was a million miles so I wouldn't ever have to make that call.

It wasn't for nothing I had pushed away this thought away all through the fall. Making sure I went to do something else as soon as the thought hit me I'd have to do this. Naming random numbers in a row when I thought about the phone number and did my best to forget all about it.

"Mike? Can I borrow the phone and make a call?"

I asked him quickly, almost all in one word and without breathing. That way I wouldn't have the time to hesitate. Mike was interrupted in his work on the computer and, looking tiredly back at me pulled his glasses off and nodded slowly.

"Of course you can as long as you tell me who it is you're going to call."

"When I ran away I ran away from my best friend Sam, and her mum and sister. I haven't talked with them since. I'd like to call them so they won't have to worry about me anymore. Because they're my friends and I think they have."

"Okay then. But for you to make a phone call without the social services' help now then we need to put the speakers on so I can hear what you're all saying." I nodded- I couldn't even make a phone call without the social services? "I know Libby. But rules are rules and they're there for a reason. Do you know the phone number?" I nodded, Mike pushed the table phone towards me and put the speakers on and I pushed in the correct numbers.

"Hello this is Bridget."

Bridget picked the phone up almost at the second the call started. For a moment I couldn't even breath and took a step away from Mike and the phone. I didn't know what to say or what to do. They probably hated me no matter what I said.

All they had done to help me and I had run away.

"Hello. My name is Michael Milligan and I'm a care worker. Am I talking to Bridget Williamson from Northampton?"

"If you're selling anything then I am not interested."

"I am not selling anything. But I have someone here who wants to talk to you." Mike laid a hand on my back and gently pushed me forward waiting for something that I would say. I could feel my breaths going quicker and wanted nothing more than to throw up over the whole thing. "Just wait a minute… It's okay Libby." He rubbed my back. "I'm right here. But you need to say something at all. Start with saying who it is…" He rubbed my back again and I leaned closer to the phone.

"Hello? Hello-o?"

"Hey Bridget. It's me- Isabel."

 **Flashback**

I couldn't have the sound on for the wake- up- call. It would wake Sam up. And I couldn't risk that.

Instead I had only vibration on, on my phone the last night of the summer holidays and when it started vibrating at half past three I woke up with a flinch right away.

As quietly as I possibly could I sat up, leaned down and pulled up my backpack that had been lying under the tent bed I had been sleeping on every single night of this summer. It was almost full, I had almost everything packed. Everything except for my stuffed puppy Ella and the clothes I pretended I was going to wear for the school start tomorrow.

With every move I made I was afraid Sam would wake up. But she only moaned and turned in her bed a few times and stayed asleep. Her new dress and sandals laid on the foot on her bed, her backpack stood down on the floor. Everything for her was like it should be.

For me it wasn't, it would never be again. And for weeks now, I knew I couldn't ever learn to pretend it was. And it was since then I had planned to wake up tonight and make sure I'd get as far away as I could from everything that had once been normal.

Within a few minutes I was dressed, took my shoes in one hand and threw my backpack over my shoulder. Then suddenly I was hesitant, maybe I should just go wake up Bridget and tell her what I had been planning. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

"I'm sorry."

At last, forcing myself not to hesitate I stood up and tip- toed out of the room and towards the door. Then didn't put my shoes on until I was outside and closed the door as quietly as I could.

Without locking the door I ran down the porch steps and down onto the road the fastest I could.

I knew the way to the bus station.

But once I was there I sat down on a bench and didn't know where to turn. I didn't want to go back to Sam and her sister and mum. But of course, my parents were dead and buried and I didn't have any other family to go to.

It was past midnight after all, this place was usually crowded but right now there was only two adults- I'd guess there were the parents of three children that stood next to them. Apparently ready to take the night bus that had pulled over.

Well, it was them and then a boy who sat down on the other side of the bench that I sat on. He watched me for a second, then turned and watched the bus driver that came out from the bus and opened the lid to the baggage and started talking to the family who stood by the bus door.

"Did you run away?"

I looked back towards the boy and hesitated, he couldn't have been more than a few years older than me. Still I remembered all of those stories I'd been told about men who tried to kidnap, or abuse, or something even worse.

The boy with the blue eyes and dark hair could easily have been one of those I had been warned about no matter how young or old he was. Maybe this was the way he did- he sat down on some random spot and hoped he would find a victim for the night, someone he could take away to never take back again.

I took my backpack again and was ready to leave and go back to the Williamson's.

But I did already know, and right then it hit me with full power that that was not where I belonged. Exactly where I belonged I did not know. And was pretty sure I wouldn't know, at least not for a long time forward.

"Yes."

It was only a whisper, barely more than a breath. But I could see on the boy's expressions he had heard me and he took a few sips from the cola bottle he had in his hands and only watched as a bus pulled over in front of us.

"Welcome to the club."

"Well then." Both I and the boy turned when the bus driver spoke out loud. "Are you two coming with this bus?" I didn't answer but the boy shook his head. "Well, then I suggest you two go home. It's not safe out here at night." He turned back to the family. "We're leaving for Oxford in five minutes. You can just go into the bus and wait there. I'll come and take the tickets in a minute. I'm just going to go buy a cup of coffee."

With that the driver left and we saw him go into the small 24-7 kiosk next to the waiting room. The boy then stood up and took his bag, stuffed the cola bottle into the side pocket of the bag and threw it into the baggage compartment.

"But you said you weren't going with this bus."

"If you're going to succeed with running away there are a few rules you will have to learn." The boy said back to me, and when he did I noticed that he had very blue eyes. Although what did that matter now?

"So… what were you saying. Are you running away?" I nodded, although I wasn't so sure anymore. "Well… whether you're coming or not…" He crawled into the baggage space under the seats of the bus. I looked towards the small kiosk and could see the driver about to pay for his coffee- it was now or never.

Before I could let myself hesitate I stood up, threw the backpack inside the baggage storage and crawled after the boy into. He crawled as long in as he possibly could. Then turned and sat with his back against the wall in the corner.

"SEE YOU TOMORROW."

I tensed when I heard someone shouting. The boy turned his head and looked down on me and put a finger to his lips. We then heard footsteps coming closer and towards the bus.

"You need to be very still now or someone's going to notice we're here."

I noticed and recognized the lower halves of the pants of the bus driver's uniform when he came walking, whistling to himself. We could hear his footsteps continue and into the bus and the boy breathed out.

"What's your name by the way?"

"Isabel. What's yo…"

"Sch." The boy showed me to be absolutely silent and I held my breath while I heard someone moving outside, then the lid to the garage space was closed and the room around us turned absolutely pitch black. "…Rule number one as a runaway. Never let anyone see you or what you are doing. Rule number two, get yourself a nickname and never tell anyone what it's for… Rule number three…" Suddenly we heard the motor of the bus being turned on and I flinched and tensed.

"I don't want to do this anymore." A lump rose in my throat as I felt the bus started moving. "No, no. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to…"

"Rule number three…" The boy repeated. I had a feeling he was turned to me and watched me in the dark. "…Stick together with your friends." I tried to relax slightly towards the hard floor but I couldn't get myself to do it. "We can't get out of here now. But if you want to get out, then we can wait until we stop the next time. You can get out and tell someone who you are and where you come from. But don't tell them about me. Okay?"

"Okay." I leaned back and tried to relax, which was a hard thing to accomplish and as the bus started moving tears came rolling down my cheeks. "But what is your name?"

"Gabe… but like I said. You have to come up with a nickname and then stick to that. No full name, no last name. Not to anyone." I had always gone by my last name but then remembered back to something Maisy had said. "Izzy? Will Izzy do?"

"Probably. But if you want to be more secure then get a nickname that isn't so alike your full name."

I remembered back to what he had said his nickname was.

"But if your name is Gabe then your full name must be Gabriel. Right?" Gabe didn't answer. "That is very much alike your real name then… Should I or should I not come up with something else?"

"Well that depends on how important it is to you to stay a runaway… And about my name… Well… it's complicated. If you have a nickname that is too much alike your actual name and they start searching for you, you're probably not going to be able to stay hidden much longer."

I flinched and gasped when the bus hit a bump in the road. Gabe seemed used to this, he didn't make a sound.

"My dad sometimes called me Libby. Maybe that will work?"

I couldn't see Gabe's reaction since it was so dark but my eyes were starting to get used to it and I could see him moving slightly. This time he didn't say anything, but I did have no intention to go back to where I came from.

And I'd always hated people using Izzy anyway.

"Libby it is then."

Just as I had said it the bus hit another bump in the road and I couldn't help but reach out for something to grab, there was nothing there and at last I reached out in the only direction I knew where there was something and grabbed onto the jacket sleeve of Gabe's.

"I don't want to be here."

I couldn't help but to let the short sentence slip in a whimper when the bus moved and I then felt it turning.

"Well, if you're going to run away from running away I can't stop you. But remember what I said. If somebody asks then you never met me? Okay? One last. Rule number four- don't break any promises."

 **End of flashback**

On Tuesday afternoon I sat in the quiet room almost shaking with fear and nervousity. And that while Bridget and her two daughters were in the office talking to Mike.

I wish I could at least have talked to Gabe about what was going to happen now. But I had once again screwed up and he hadn't talked to me since. Not that I had talked to him or even barely looked at him since.

More than ever or anything I was ashamed that I had ever run away. Talking to them over the phone… Bridget had really sounded…

I didn't even know what she had sounded like. But I knew it had sounded like she had been crying. Or was trying to stop herself from crying more and fighting the tears away.

"Libby." May- Li sat down next to me on the couch and held me a glass of water. "Here, have some water." I shook my head and pushed her away. May- Li didn't move away, but put away the glass and rubbed my back. "Libby… please, take a breath. Here, breathe with me, in…"

I just couldn't.

I was just able to shake my head slightly, then held my breath and stood up when Mike led the three girls through the door and from the office into the quiet room.

"Isabel?"

It was a bit weird seeing my best friend of my whole life after all the time that had passed. For the first time I ended up why and so did she shaking her head so her blonde hair fell over and covered the side of her face. I on the other hand held tightly onto May-Li's shirt.

"Mrs. Williamson…" Mike started calmly and I finally breathed out, even though my breathing was still fast and May-Li put her arm around my shoulders. "Maisy, Samantha- this is May- Li. Our care worker. May- Li, this is Mrs…"

"Miss actually… Divorced."

"Miss Williamson, and her two daughters Maisy and Samantha."

"Sam."

"Sam… Well. I'm afraid we can't leave you alone due to all the security rules revolving around Libby. But I can go so it's only you and May- Li. Or May- Li can go and I hope you won't feel quite as watched."

Nobody said anything, but Mike must have gotten an answer from somewhere anyway because he nodded and left the room. To be able to look away from the three pair of eyes looking so blaming towards me I watched him through the windows as he left the office and then disappeared into the living room.

And Bridget, Maisy and Sam were still all staring at me while my fingers of one hand was tightly wrapped around a piece of May- Li's cardigan. At last I let one, short word slip from my lips. But it just felt so strange and forced.

"Hi…"

Then Bridget took a few steps forward, I took one closer to May- Li, but that didn't stop Bridget when she took two hard grips around my shoulders with each hand.

"Do you… have any idea… of how worried we've been?"

The low, hoarse tone in Bridget's voice scared me and sent shivers down my spine. I would have preferred if she had shouted at me instead. My stomach clenched and if I hadn't known what to say ten seconds ago I knew it even less now.

"I'm sorry."

It was somewhere in between a whisper and a whimper. And Bridget didn't let her grips around my shoulders go.

"Stop that." May-Li laid a hand on Bridget's arm and she backed away half a step. "You're hurting her."

"Hurting her? I'm hurting her? Do you have any idea of how she has hurt me? How she has hurt my family? How many sleepless nights we've spent since she just disappeared from us. After being there for her for every day after her parents died?"

I wanted to say that she didn't have to talk about me as if I wasn't there. But I couldn't get a word out and I only took a step to the side so I stood near, almost pressed up against May- Li who had her hand lightly towards the back of my shoulder.

"And then after we've done for her. She just disappears. Without a thought of how it would feel for us when we got up in the morning and found her bed empty and all her things gone. And not a word since then until just a few days ago. So what is it you need now Isabel? Why are you suddenly back? Don't be shy. We all know I, Maisy or Sam wouldn't be coming here if you didn't need anything from us so just spit it out."

I hesitated. For a moment I had thought this was a good idea. After all, I had lived with the three in front of me when my parents died. Couldn't I do so again?

"I found two friends…" I spoke so quietly it was only barely more than a whisper. "…Gabe and MiniMay… But they're going. They both have dads who they'll be living with and then I'll be here and I… I…."

"You want to come and live with us again so you won't have to stay here alone?"

I hesitated for what felt like an hour at least. Then very slightly bobbed my head up and down. It was probably barely noticeable but I could see on the look on Bridget's face that she had seen it very clearly. Even though May-Li was the first one to say anything.

"That's not how it works Libby. And I think you know that. It's going to take a while…"

"It's not going to take a while because you won't be coming back to live with us. You were living with us if you have trouble remembering that. And then you ran away, scaring us out of their minds and we didn't hear a single sound until you wanted something from us. As you also may know I'm barely getting by on one paycheck with both me and these two…" Bridget gestured down to Maisy and Sam on either side of her. "…So the answer is NO." She looked up at May- Li for a second. "And I'm not going to change that answer. If we didn't mean more for you than for you not to care enough to stay with us the answer will always be no…"

New tears rose in my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. For what felt like an eternity my vision was blurred by tears even though I could still see the people in the room around me and didn't know what to say.

"Please?"

"I said NO… Do you know what? I am done with you."

Bridget turned around and stormed out of the room, stopping in the hallway with her hands on her hips and paced a meter or two back and forth. Maisy only shook her head and walked after her mother but Sam still stood watching me.

"I'm really happy you're safe."

"SAAAAM." Bridget shouted from the hallway. "WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU."

Without looking at me again Sam turned. My vision was blurred by tears and when May- Li hugged me close to her I started sobbing again. I could see Mike coming from the living room and saying something about that that went fast.

I just cried, and then heard the door slam after the Williamson's as they hurried out of my life. The people that had once meant the very most.

Then once again, and more than ever. I was all alone.

 **Random fact**

I wanted to change some of the names from Libby's friends. Sam/ Samantha- Samuel, Gabe's first name. Maisy- alike MiniMay and Bridget and Brian are alike (Brian is Libby's dad) And I thought that was a bit random. But by the time I thought about that they already had their names and changing them would have been too confusing and I would have started calling them by the wrong names all the time.

 **Those who review will get a shoutout.**


	17. So close yet so far

**Guys, guys, guys, guys. I have finished one more of the stories I told you about. I now finished "Stranger defended" A story that was for me boring and slow to read and I didn't like it much. Yet I still wanted to finish it. And now it finally is so YAY. One story less to worry about. And a little bit more time for each of the stories that are left.**

Only hours before I was leaving for Newcastle again I sat on the bed in what could become Gabe's room and looked around, trying to figure what we would need more for this room so it would suit a teenage boy.

There was the bed I sat on in the corner, it wasn't new but useable. Maybe Gabe would have liked his own, new one though. It wasn't a big room but we could probably fit in a big bed and other things like he would have to have, a wardrobe or a dresser, a desk and a chair…

We might want to pay a visit to the IKEA in Newcastle if nothing else. And too of course get some new color or wallpaper for the walls. Unless Gabe would want to keep them white and instead keep frames and pictures on the walls so he could change it when he felt like it.

I had worked Monday and Tuesday and I didn't want to tell Logan what would be going on, so I hadn't gotten the chance to move the cartons that still stood in the spare bedroom.

Maybe we should sort out Gabe's bedroom before he came here and make sure he got to choose everything still. Or maybe he would want to save it and we'd have something to do as a project together right after he came.

The thought suddenly hit me what Gabe was about to do when he came here. It was by now November, the school year had started months ago and who'd know how much of school he had missed in the last couple of years on the run…

And then at last the worst thought of them all hit me. That what if all of this wasn't what it seemed? That it hadn't been confirmed yet that Gabe actually was my son. But it just fit too much. It couldn't fit all of this if he actually wasn't.

But then what if something went wrong? Even if Gabe could move in with me we'd be closely watched by the social services at least for a while. And it would have to be that way and of course I wanted nothing more than for everything to be made for my children to be safe. But what if they found something out that actually wasn't there?

I couldn't imagine a better family to grow up with and to come into. With the minor exceptions that neither I nor Liv had siblings. And her parents had died in a car crash before I even met her… It was just in that normal not-so-perfect-but-still-perfect way despite not having loads and loads of relatives.

It was me, it was Logan and Liv and little Emmalee. And it was my parents.

At least those would be the biological family, minus maybe Liv. But a child living here wouldn't be able to get away from meeting Alistair and the twins as good as every single day.

I couldn't see any faults no matter how much I searched. Still I kept on going through everything we lived and did as a family over and over again to find something.

The guns and medicines we had were locked in, we were not friends with anyone who I'd think could get violent, for the twins it was Angela who had done things wrong and she wouldn't be able to get out of the asylum she was in for very long. Alistair on the other hand was as great as a dad and as safe as could be.

My parents were kind and caring, they wouldn't want to miss any chance to meet or spoil any of their grandchildren and having grown up with them, as well as then living on the same street as them when I grew up I couldn't see wherever they could be a problem neither.

So why did it feel like there had to be something? What in my whole world could be so unsafe the social services could choose to take my own child away from me?

Or what would happen if this wasn't what we thought? If Gabe wasn't my son after all? Would we just go split ways and never think about it again? My son or not, I loved the guy to bits. Maybe I could then help him find his actual real dad.

But this was the way it had to be. I simply had to be his real dad. Even the names were right.

 _There are seven billion people on this earth. Sure there are more than one Gabriel Atwood- it's not a unique name._

All until now I had tried to keep myself occupied after I came back from Newcastle. I had been at work, I had even worked for longer than I'd have to. I had visited my parents both with and without Logan, wasn't it hard not to tell them what was going on? I had gone on a visit at the midwife's with Liv and everything looked fine.

But now, Wednesday, nothing from earlier this week had stuck and I was left home alone with Logan at school and Liv at work. I had packed a suitcase with clothes and laptop and other gadgets for a few days, I had done the dishes from last night and breakfast by hand instead of putting it in the dishwasher. And in every way tried to make it last.

But it didn't, and thoughts about what would happen for the rest of this week was spinning in my mind so badly, from time to time it almost made me get sick.

With the only comfort being that soon, soon we'd find out. Soon I would go back to Newcastle. But what if…

My thoughts weren't interrupted a single time during the whole forenoon and I kept on walking around and around the house to try and find something to do. Failing every single time.

Then at last I could hear a car pulling over on the driveway behind our house. And that could mean one thing only- Alistair and the twins were back home.

"Hey guys."

Maybe I had been more excited if I hadn't seen them all last weekend, maybe I had been more exited if Gabe and meeting him wasn't taking up most of my mind. But I still couldn't help to let a big smile form on my lips when I jogged over our gardens and to Alistair's car where Meri had just gotten out of her special car seat.

"Meri…" I grabbed her and lifted her high into the air and she screamed with laughter. "Oh my Gosh." I lowered my arms again and held her towards my side on my hip instead. "I forget that you guys go bigger and heavier."

"Did you almost drop me?"

"No of course not. I'll always do it so you don't get hurt. But if you get heavy and I do that then I might get hurt… Does it feel good to be back home again?" Meri nodded with her head leaned against my shoulder, but then sighed as if her heart was breaking. "Are you sighing like that? Why? Was it hard to leave your friends back at the dumping ground?"

"It was hard to leave Libby and Gabe."

Alistair had told me only passing by that as it turned out. From when Meri had arrived at the dumping ground a weeks ago, until just a few days ago Meri hadn't spoken a single word. And more than telling Libby and Gabe her name and age she hadn't said much when she was with them neither.

It just broke my heart knowing how much Meri would usually talk. Talk and talk and talk until our ears were bleeding.

The thought had never hit me about what would happen if that changed. Or if any of the children's whole personality and everything changed.

"Libby's sad because I and Gabe are leaving. And someone Libby knew came. But she wasn't very nice and then Libby was even sadder. And Libby and Gabe are fighting. I don't know about what but Libby is really, really sad. When I had gotten my things from our room she put things in front of the door so no one could get in. And she didn't even come to say goodbye."

I hadn't actually thought about that, now it just slightly passed me by that Gabe, Meri and Libby had arrived at the dumping ground together. And now what would happen when Meri, and probably also Gabe was leaving?

But there were a lot of other kids and adults on Ashdene Ridge weren't there?

"Are you really Gabe's daddy?"

Meri asked from what she had managed to understand from the last week. But she did look quite confused… and I had to force away the slight voice in the back of my head that all of this might be wrong and might not be happening.

"Yeah…" I hesitated about my answer. "It seems like it. But I'm going to go back to Newcastle and at the hospital, right after Gabe had his surgery they did some tests to confirm I am. It's called a DNA test. And if my test and Gabe's test looks alike it means that I really am his daddy."

"When were you leaving?" Alistair asked. "For Newcastle. Mike mentioned something about tomorrow?"

"I'm leaving right now." I let Meri down on the ground and gave Michael too a quick hug. "I just wanted to see you guys when you came home. I'm so happy you're back home again Meredith." She showed me a big smile back and ran into the house.

"Good luck then."

Something in the way Alistair said it had me feeling that somehow he understood more than others did. That his children had disappeared had him understanding just slightly. But so much had happened it felt like at least a thousand years at least must have passed since the evening Alistair had been scared out of his mind, pacing back and forth over the floor in our kitchen, so scared he wasn't even able to sit down and even less sleep or even relax.

"My kids were missing for a few days, respective a few weeks. I couldn't imagine what you're going through after fifteen years."

I tried to swallow through my thick throat, then gave Alistair only a nod before I turned around, walked back through his yard, through the gate and through my yard. Only to get my phone, my wallet and my keys before it was finally time to leave.

During the whole five hour drive I forced myself to concentrate on the road, the still only thought that kept it going was that if I didn't get to Newcastle safely nothing would change for me and Gabe anyway. It was early evening when I finally arrived at my destination and got a room at a small hotel on the roadside.

Every minute felt like hours that evening. I changed into a pair of thin sweatpants and T-shirt and ordered some strawberry and blueberry pancakes with whipped cream and a jug of orange juice through the room service.

I did not sleep well that night.

It took me an hour to nibble on one pancake until it was all gone, and every bite was growing in my mouth. I just left the other two and put them in the small fridge in the room. They could be eaten cold as well. I tried to ignore how long it had actually been since I'd eaten a proper meal and was so nervous I just didn't feel like eating.

Leaving my phone on the loudest sound and lying on the bedside table I tried to sleep, but ended up only throwing myself back and forth going in and out of consciousness the whole night.

And every time I woke up I was certain the phone would call from the social services. Or that it had called. Before midnight, right after, half past one…

And then at last. A few hours after I'd finally gotten out of bed realizing I wouldn't sleep more, another jug of orange juice and two cups of coffee my phone suddenly lit up.

 _Social worker Sarah_

"Yes. This is Gabriel."

"Hello. This is Sarah McKinley from the social services in Newcastle. Are you back in Dover or have you come to Newcastle like I asked you to?"

"I'm in Newcastle. I arrived last night, I'm at a hotel."

"Can you find your own way back to Ashdene Ridge? I've got the news from the DNA tests and I'd like to take them eye to eye rather than over the phone for the both of you."

"I can find my way." With my phone pressed towards my ear with my shoulder I quickly made myself ready with changing into jeans and getting my jacket. "Should I go right now?"

"Yes. I'll be driving towards Ashdene Ridge myself right now. I'll meet you there."

Without waiting to say goodbye I hung up and took the wallet and my car keys from where they laid on a shelf right by the door…

…and then started running around the room searching for my phone until I realized I still had it in my hand.

"Get yourself together Gabriel Atwood" I said to myself while I pulled a blazer on instead of the ugly rain jacket from yesterday. "You're only going to make yourself and everybody else feel worse if you're confused like this."

With one last sigh, looking myself in the mirror fast pulling my fingers through my hair I considered myself finished at last and once again forced myself to concentrate on the road when I left the hotel.

I had of course only been there once, but somehow I knew the exact way to Ashdene Ridge without having to hesitate a single time before I pulled over in the driveway. And that at the exact same moment as Sarah came from the other direction and parked next to me.

She waved a letter in front of me when we both got out of our cars and walked up towards the door. The envelope had been opened, I guessed she had already read the letter in it and put it back. But whether Gabe was actually my son or no she must know, but could not be read on her expression with the way she looked at me.

"I called up Mike too." Sarah rang on the doorbell while I was just a couple of steps behind her. "He and Gabe should be ready to meet us. "Hi May- Li." An Asian- looking woman I knew I had seen when I was here to meet Gabe first but couldn't quite place in my memory came to open the door and stepped away so I and Sarah could get in.

"Mike and Gabe are in the quiet room."

A part of me wanted to rip the letter out of Sarah's hands and check for myself what it said. My heart was beating harder than ever and I could hear the blood streaming in my ears, in the quiet room Gabe looked as callous as a stone- but only he would know if he was as nervous as I felt, he covered it well without showing anything.

"Can I get you something?" May- Li asked. "A drink or something."

"No. No thank you." I didn't notice myself, but I only kept staring at Sarah, then towards Gabe, who was still as a stone but pale as a sheet. And then towards Sarah again when she breathed in to be able to speak and finally started speaking.

"The letter with the news you've been waiting for came to us this morning and I've got it right here as you can see. I have opened it so I do know what it says and that is…"

 **Sorry not sorry, I just had to leave a cliffhanger there.**

 **Random fact**

Searching for something that you have in your hand like Gabriel searches for his phone… I promise you I've never done that "whistles innocently" except like searching for my wallet that I've already gotten out of my pocket when I'm about to pay at the store… or searching for my phone when I've still put it in the pocket I always put it in… So yeah… I lied, I have done things like that. Including searching for my glasses when I was already wearing them- dad did get a good laugh from that one.

 **Those who review will get a shoutout.**


	18. So far yet so close

**Thanks to breather89 and Justice0327 for reviewing on chapter 16. And Justice0327 for reviewing on chapter 17.**

 **I finished another story guys. Well… almost. I have the second and last chapter of "Fire in my brain makes fire in our hearts" finished and I'm just going to go through it and fix what needs it. It's going to be put up December the first. So that is three down- four left.**

 **I also started a new story. It's called "A candle in a dark corner" and is for the fandom Good witch.**

"Why aren't you and Libby talking to each other? And why is Libby so sad she won't even come out of our room to say goodbye?"

It was Wednesday morning and MiniMay should have been dancing with joy over finally going home. Alistair was just signing some papers with Mike and Sarah and Michael had already crawled into his car seat.

But MiniMay wasn't dancing with joy. Neither jumping or singing or anything else. In fact she didn't even look happy. Only distressed after I and Libby hadn't talked to each other since she'd commented on how I'd leave her and MiniMay when they had been my family. And at the same time I hadn't ever known my dad…

But Libby was right though. But how was I supposed to explain to MiniMay- or anybody else that I didn't want to let anything. Neither friends nor any other people come in between me and Gabriel Atwood after I had spent so much of my whole life searching for him.

But this just seemed way too simple.

And it still hadn't been confirmed if Gabriel was in fact my dad. There was no way he couldn't be. Our stories just fit. He had to be.

Right?

Then how was I supposed to explain all of this to our beloved Meri?

"Don't worry about that." I hugged her tight when Alistair came out onto the driveway. "You're going home now. Finally. With your dad and your brother." MiniMay still didn't look to sure but when her dad smiled brightly at her and took her from my arms her smile grew wide.

"Come here." I winced when my turning had the still fresh wounds on my stomach burning. But this was something I was used to and they had enough to do without worrying about me more than they already had. "There you go." Alistair lifted her into the car seat. I'll be here in a minute. I just have to exchange a few words with Gabe." He closed the door and behind the window MiniMay was looking happier than ever. "I could never thank you enough for taking care of my daughter. The time when she was gone were the worst of my life. But I feel calmer now when I've got both of my kids with me here again. And especially so when I know Meri was well taken care of along with you and Libby."

"I just…" I was meaning to shrug but that if anything seemed wrong. "…I did what I had to, to keep them safe. Libby and Meri are like sisters to me. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I shouldn't. I'm sorry for… well. We sort of had some problems when we first found out someone had been searching for her and thanks to Libby we didn't run away…" Alistair raised an eyebrow. "It's a long story. I was… only trying to keep her safe."

After all of this I felt ashamed I had tried taking MiniMay away from everything she'd ever known and loved.

Boy, was I thankful for Libby having running back to the dumping ground to tell Mike that we were going? Boy, was I thankful for everything having ended up here. And if Gabriel really was my dad…

No. It just suited too well. Things didn't just happen like these.

"I'll meet Gabriel when we come home. Only briefly, but I've spoken to him on the phone and he will stay home to meet us before he leaves to come back here. Tonight he should be back here in Newcastle. And I guess you'll be meeting again tomorrow or Friday. And you're going to get the news you are hoping for… I just know you will."

He just knew it was. And with a pat on my shoulder Alistair turned. Got into his driver's seat of his small, blue car and turned the motor on. The last thing I saw of what had been with MiniMay was her sticking her hand out the window and waving. Then Alistair turned around a corner, and the car disappeared out of my sight.

When I came back into the house Libby was on her way through the hallway. But at the sight of me she turned around and ran up the stairs again.

"Libby… ISABEL?"

She ignored me and I heard her running footsteps continue down the hall.

It was hard to imagine by now that I, Libby and MiniMay had been the three to roam the streets day and night. That I'd stolen and hidden and tricked the police for nothing to happen to the girls. Myself too, but mostly the girls.

And now, here we were. MiniMay was back with her family and Libby wasn't talking to me.

And just like that. Through them I had found the ones I'd been searching for all along.

A woman and two girls Libby had known since before had been yesterday. Only for a few seconds really. But I had heard the adult woman shouting something angrily and it just set something off and my heart started beating so loud.

" _USELESS BOY. I WISH I NEVER HAD YOU. YOU KILLED GEORGE AND NOW I AM STUCK WITH YOU. I HATE YOU."_

The days after I had come home from the hospital after the surgery had gone slow yet too fast. But during the closest twenty four hours after MiniMay left I just couldn't be happy and comfortable with anything I was doing or anywhere I was. I wanted for time to move by fast for my dad to come here and it being confirmed. And for the moment I could get out of the dumping ground and move on to my family.

But then I changed my mind in the middle of my thinking and wanted time to pass by slowly. That if this turned out wrong and Gabriel wouldn't be my dad. If so I wanted time to move by slowly so that I could hold onto believing it was right for a little bit longer…

I couldn't sleep that night. I laid awake with everything keeping me awake. The bright color on my walls, the light from the hallway, the still burning pain in my wounds as soon as I moved the tinniest little bit, the noises of other people moving or talking in the house. Someone went to the bathroom and I clearly heard their footsteps and then there were the actual reason I couldn't sleep- Which was the thoughts spinning in my head that maybe, just maybe. This could turn out as we believed it would. As I hoped it would.

I had once run away to find my father. Now when it seemed I had. What was I supposed to do next?

"Are you okay?" When I came down for breakfast on Thursday morning I had wanted more to stay in my bed but known then someone would come wanting to talk to me instead. "Should I get those painkillers?" I just shrugged at Mike. "I'll get some. You grab some breakfast." I slumped down on a chair and reached for a piece of toast. But then I could only nibble on a corner and take a few sips of apple juice before I couldn't get anything else through my thick throat. "Are you okay?" I wasn't looking up but heard Mike asking and felt his hand against my forehead while I swallowed the pills he'd handed me. "You're not getting some sort of infection from those wounds right? Do they hurt? You're not warm. Are you…"

I just had to sigh at the questions he asked when the phone in the office rang out loud and he disappeared quickly to take it. I knew he was only caring for me but I was just too tired and with too much in my head all at once and when he kept asking questions without giving me a chance to answer…

"That was Sarah." Mike soon came back and slumped down on the chair next to me okay. "The test results from the hospital came today." This time I couldn't help but look up and felt all the tiredness only running off. "Are you going to eat more?" I shook my head- more nervous than ever? How was I ever going to eat again? The others around me had silent and I felt their vision burning on me from every angle. "Come on. Let's go to the quiet room. Sarah should be here soon and also Gabriel."

I felt more or less like a robot when I, with heavy steps walked before Mike into the quiet room and sat down in the corner of one sofa. Not knowing what to say next I kept quiet and so did Mike while every second felt like a split one but at the same time like an hour.

But so came the moment when we heard cars pulling over in Ashdene Ridge's driveway and I felt something clench in my stomach. I made sure I wasn't showing a smidge of the storm going on inside of me and looked up when Sarah and Gabriel came into the quiet room.

They greeted, but I didn't dare say anything in case I'd start screaming or throw up- again.

"Can I get you something?" May- Li asked. "A drink or something?"

I just wanted to shout at her to skip the talk and let us get on with this. Couldn't she see I was breaking here? After all of these years and I'd finally find out who my dad was.

Well, at least I would if this Gabriel Atwood really was my father. And how could he not be? I had his eyes and our stories made sense.

But what if he wasn't?

"No. No thank you."

For a moment, while he sat down on the opposite side of the table from me he looked towards me and my blue eyes met his. The second we stared like that felt like an eternity. The seconds felt short when I did my best not to show anyone, anything about what I was thinking.

If this turned out in the conclusion we were wrong and Gabriel wasn't my dad…

I didn't dare to think about what would happen before we all turned to Sarah who was already holding onto the letter we all knew what it held before she started pulling it up of the envelope and started talking.

"The letter with the news you've been waiting for came to us this morning and I've got it right here as you can see. I have opened it so I do know what it says and that is that you Samuel Gabriel as a matter of fact is the son of you Gabriel."

For just a moment, when I dared to look up and met the vision of my dad's eyes- the same eyes as mine, the whole world had frozen and stood still.

"As you understand…" Sarah started talking. "..I know you might wish for it. But you Gabe can't go with Gabriel in this very instant. Gabriel- you will have to go home today or tomorrow… and I've already explained this to you. But the social services in Dover will be involved so I or Mike won't have to go back and forth for the long hours. And once you step over the threshold at your new house Gabe. Then they are going to take over your case."

I tried to hear every single word Sarah said and understand the all. But still, it felt like every other word just fell off and I didn't understand a thing.

Once she had made a pause my chin had dropped and I was left staring dumbly towards her, then towards Mike and at last towards Gabriel.

All this time I had imagined finding and meeting my dad. Now I had, now it was confirmed. This was no happily ever after. And I couldn't help but feel that it was never going to be. For the moment I couldn't do anything else than stare anyway.

"Gabe?" Mike patted my shoulder. "Are you okay? Can you hear me?"

"Uh- huh."

I was only staring for what felt like hours, in one direction yet the other. And could see all three of the others staring back at me…

Then Libby walked by outside and I saw her through the window, and with a shake on my head I just woke up somehow.

"What? I mean… what happens now?" I turned to Sarah along with Mike and… and Gabriel. "What happens now?" We all waited for a moment while Sarah riffled in some papers before she started talking.

"I'll sort out some papers that need to be signed and I and Mike will take care of them from the start. Why don't you two get some moments of your own? You can't leave in the car, you can't go and meet anyone. But you can go to your room Gabe or you can take a short walk around the block. Weather's nice so I suggest the latter. But be back within an hour. Okay?"

I opened my mouth to answer, then closed it again. Thoughts were spinning in my mind so fast I couldn't catch a single one of them.

"Doctor's said it would be good for you to get up and move Gabe." Mike told me. "You could show him to that park only down the street from here."

"Yeah… Yeah if you want…" Gabriel nodded. "Can we go now?" This time it was Mike's turn to nod while I stood up. "Well… Sorry… I just… wow. This way…" Libby was gone by now from the hallway, and I didn't meet her. Which was probably good because I wouldn't have known what to say to her while I got my jacket and shoes on and walked in front of Gabriel out the door and down the street.

"Is this what you want then Gabe?" Gabriel asked and broke the silence in between us. "Do you want to come and live with me in Dover, or would you rather stay here with your friends?"

 _I've never wanted anything more than to find my dad and live with him._

It was strange to try and figure that my dad was after all the man who walked right next to me.

"Because if you'd rather stay here then I'm not going to take you away."

We walked in silence for a bit and I showed him to the park only a few minutes walking away from the dumping ground. There we sat down on a bench and I tried to ignore how bad the wounds on my stomach were burning.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Gabriel asked and I realized I was tense and holding so tight onto the edge of the bench my knuckles had whitened. "Is it your stomach? Should I run back and get Mike? Or should we go back?"

"No…" I managed to get out when the pain slowly eased. "It's just the wounds. I'm okay now." I relaxed for a bit. "They're just a bit sore."

But that was when Gabriel raised his hand.

And before I knew it my mind was filled of flashback of my mum, George, guns…

"No, please no."

"Gabe…" Gabriel lowered his hand. "…First of all… I'm sorry. But second… I am not- not now, and not ever going to hit you. Was that what you thought now?"

I hesitated for a moment, waited for the pain in the wounds to ease slightly after I flinched in fear. Then at last, I gave a small nod that must have been barely noticeable for the man in front of me. Then despite my dry mouth and how I should have known other things to say…

I just had to ask.

"Can I ask you though… If you don't hit me…" He gave a slight shake to his head. "…But when… if I live with you. And I do something wrong… what will you do?"

"To be honest…" I looked up on Gabriel who rubbed his chin. "…You're almost fifteen years old. So it's not going to be a long time before you're a bit too old for me to punish like I do with Logan… But. If something. I can talk to you about it, try to understand what really happened. Maybe give you chores or take away something like your phone for the afternoon or something." He looked me sternly in the eyes and laid a hand on my shoulder, slower and more carefully this time. "But I will never EVER hit you. Or kick or push or anything else physically. Okay? Do you hear me? Never. And neither will Liv, my parents or Alistair or anybody else."

 _I wish I could have believed him._

It just wasn't exactly that simple.

I tried to go through what he had just said… Liv or Alistair or… wait? What was that?

"I have grandparents?"

"Yep… They actually haven't known about you… I wasn't ashamed or anything it was just that I thought it would hurt them too much if they knew they had a grandchild they never met. But now when they will. I bet you they're going to spoil you rotten."

I could see people coming down the road and all of a sudden I couldn't take my eyes off them. There was one little boy- presumably four or five years old, a man and woman who should be his parents. And then an older woman- grandmother maybe.

They were too far away from me, for me or Gabriel to hear them when they were talking at a normal volume. But when the man lifted the little boy up holding him high in the air like an airplane the boy screamed out loud with laughter.

Something like that was what I had dreamed about for as long as I could remember.

"Hey." I suddenly felt Gabriel's hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

I hadn't even noticed I was until Gabriel said it. But he was right, tears were silently falling from my eyes down my cheeks, and annoyed I wiped them away and cleared my throat.

"Don't worry… Wow…" I looked back at the little boy and his family and tried to smile slightly, while forcing the rest of the tears away. "I never had any grandparents before. I was always jealous of people who had. Sorry... I don't know why I told you that."

"I will worry though. And I have- for fifteen years. That's just the way it is, and should be when you're a parent so never apologize for neither that nor telling me anything about your life or your feelings. Because… now, and for every day of the rest of my life… I want to know everything…" He rubbed my shoulder again. "…I want to know everything that matters to you. Everything you want me to know… Everything that matters- and everything matters to you because you're my son… Don't say you're sorry. But I get it… you've been through so much and I wish I could take it all from you. But I know it isn't going to happen so quickly."

I looked back into Gabriel's blue eyes. The same blue eyes as my own.

Barely even noticing I had started to shiver during the cool day in my thin rain jacket.

"I was so used to these kind of temperatures…" I said, barely knowing I said at all. "Now when I'm suddenly living inside of the dumping ground where it's always warm… and one never has to go hungry or thirsty… I'm just not anymore."

"Are you cold?" Gabriel asked with a distressed look on his face. "My Gosh" He slightly took my hand in his. "You're freezing. Come on… Let's go back."

I made sure to keep my back straight when I stood up but still winced at the scars aching when I moved again. Gabriel sent me a distressed look but didn't say anything and I was grateful for that. I didn't exactly feel like talking right now.

It was in silence we walked back up the street, knowing that once we met Mike and Sarah and Gabriel left this place it might be a while until we saw each other again.

But what would a week or two be after almost fifteen years?

It wasn't until today that I had thought about that this waiting must have been at least as long for him as it was for me. Giving that I had lived without understanding that George wasn't my real dad until I was at least three or four. And then…

…Maybe if George hadn't died. Maybe if mum hadn't changed the way she did. Maybe if she hadn't died.

Sure, some time I must have wanted to look for my dad and meet him for real. But maybe if I'd had a good life I wouldn't feel the same need to have a good life coming.

Now for the first time, a tiny little thought creeped up in the back of my mind that maybe my future would be something way different than my past.

"As you know I've been doing most of the talking…" Gabriel stopped in the driveway for Ashdene Ridge. "But if there's nothing else you want to say- you can if you want to. There's just one thing I want to hear. I do know that I want you to come live with me. But even more I do know that this is about you. And for you I would do anything. So if you want to stay here with your friends, then I'm not going to take you away. So the only thing I need your word on. Is do you actually want to come with me to Dover or not?"

The words had been in my mind for years. Now when I was finally about to say them my mouth went all dry and I couldn't get a sound out for several minutes.

Gabriel had been talking since we left the house last…

Wait… Gabriel?

When the thought that I was calling him by name struck me like lightning. At last I took a deep breath in and said what I needed to say as calmly as I could.

"I've never wanted anything more… dad."

 **Random fact**

Gabe and Libby were both sent in as syoc's to me with only a few details that I needed. And I honestly cannot believe how much they both suited the story I'd planned out. This just felt like the way it was always the way it was meant to be. There are still some chapters left of this story and I have a feeling it's going to be perfect.

 **Those who review will get a shoutout.**


	19. Nana, pops and Logan

**Thanks to Justice237 and Braxton54 for reviewing.**

I couldn't stay at Ashdene ridge for more than a little while after I and Gabe came back from the park.

It was just to keep Gabe and all of the other kids safe before they had figured I was a good guy. But I would have wanted to take him with me there and then and never ever let him go. Never let anyone ever hurt him again and keep him away from everything that scared him so bad.

That wasn't the way things would work though. And I had to accept every single detail that that meant.

The whole second night at the cheap hotel I stayed at I laid awake and stared into the ceiling. Thoughts were spinning in my mind so fast I couldn't catch a single one of them. I tried to fall asleep but as soon as I closed my eyes I had the picture of my son and how hurt he was on the insides of my eyelids.

Then finally, at six in the morning I found myself in my car. I couldn't fall asleep anyway so I might as well drive back home. About halfway I stopped by a gas station and bought myself a hotdog and a coffee and then just drove again.

When I got there Logan was at school and Liv at work. My dad worked as a bus driver but only in the mornings and the afternoons, and mum didn't work Fridays so when I got out of the car outside my own house I only dropped my things inside and walked down the street to my parents' house.

"Mum?" I knocked on the door but opened it before I had an answer. "Dad? Can you come here?" Mum, who was always in the kitchen baking or cooking something I found right away. Dad didn't show himself right away and when he did he was rubbing his eyes drowsily. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. There's just something I have to tell you."

My voice broke at the start of trying to explain what I was about to do. I thought I had already cried enough but obviously not. I was exhausted, I was furious for what had happened to my son, I was furious at every single person who had hurt him. And I was super- nervous. Nervous that I couldn't do this right and I'd lose him all over again. And all of these reasons and a bit more the tears started flowing again and were quickly running down my cheeks too fast for me to wipe them all away.

"But sweetheart…" My mum, as caring as ever embraced me. "What is it?" I sobbed too much to give her an answer. "Did something happen to Logan or Olivia?" I shook my head towards her shoulder and only kept crying. "Or to the baby? Or to Meri or Michael or Alistair?" I kept shaking my head. "Well…" She took a step back and dad reached me some tissues from another side. "You know you can tell us anything. Even if you did something bad."

"I don't think you could ever imagine something as bad as this." I said in a thick voice. "You have no idea…"

"Well… we might get mad. But if it's done then there's nothing we can do to change it. And you're still our son and we still love you no matter what. And we're always going to be here for you and help you with whatever we can."

I tried to make up a plan fast to how this would be told and hurt as little as possible. So I might as well start at the beginning.

"Do you guys remember a girl I went to school with? Julianna Ryan?"

"Oh I remember her." Dad said with a suppressed laughter. "She's the girl you lost your virgi…"

"DAD!"

"Rufus!"

"Sorry." Dad cleared his throat. "Sorry. This isn't funny. But I didn't think you ever met her again after that one night stand. What? Did you meet her again? Now? Why did you go to Newcastle by the way? It was just hey. I'm going to Newcastle and we didn't even get a reason…" I sighed. "Sorry. I'm going to let you talk for yourself now."

"Yeah…" I gave a deep sigh. Then realized that whatever I said now I'd end up with no plan at all so I decided to just go. "I actually did meet her… one more time after that. And then she contacted me again to tell me that after… one night stand. That she only did as a dare anyway… she was pregnant. With my baby." Mum let go of my hand in chock and I could see dad's eyes had grown big where he sat. Dad already sat but mum slowly and shakily sunk down on a chair. "Then she told me she didn't want anything more to do with me, that she was going to raise our baby on her own and be the best mother."

"Why didn't you ever tell us about this Gabriel?" Mum asked and I tried to ignore the heartbroken tone in her voice. "We could have helped. We could have made sure you got to know your son. That we got to know our grandson… Why didn't you tell us?"

"I… I thought it would break your hearts to have a grandchild you couldn't meet. And I decided to respect Julianna's wishes. She was the mother after all. A few months after I met her the second time I had a message from her that she had given birth to a boy whose name was Samuel Gabriel Atwood. But Lord knows why she gave him my name because she wouldn't let me see him. And after that I didn't hear one word from neither Julianna nor Sa… He prefers Gabe…. But… I didn't hear anything from them… until last week."

My mum was a talker, dad not as much but for them both to be all quiet like this was a rare occasion and only made me feel worse.

I couldn't stand this quiet so I drew a deep breath in and then continued. About a story so unbelievable I didn't yet know if it was true myself.

"Alistair and Michael went to make sure this child in Newcastle they had heard about was Meri. Which it was thankfully. Meri had been on the street from the moment Angela pushed her out of her car. And on the run with two other kids. One of them a nine- year- old girl named Isabel whose parents have died. And the other one… the other one…"

"Samuel Gabriel?" Mum said, only a bit more than whispering. "The other child is your son… our grandson."

"Yes."

She hadn't ever done anything like that before. But it wouldn't have surprised me if mum had hit me right there and then.

"Maybe… Maybe you should go home… let us think about everything for a while and… just get some time of our own."

"Of course." I got up from standing leaned against the kitchen counter. "Just… one thing… I've told Gabe that in this family we do not ever hit or in any other way hurt each other… I wouldn't be surprised if you hit me right now. But he has been abused and is afraid of yet one thing yet the other. So I'd appreciate if you don't… don't act angrily or anything in front of him. If you want to be angry with someone then be angry with me."

"I am." Mum said shortly. "We are… But we have to think for right now so please. Please just go."

With a nod I turned around, didn't dare to look any of them in the eyes so I just left the room. Walked out of the house and back to my house where I went up the stairs where I had put all of the gifts for birthdays and Christmas I had ever gotten for Gabe and they all laid on top of the bed.

 _Welcome to the world Samuel._

I carefully took the first present. Then laid the first birthday present I had gotten for my oldest son to the side and picked up the next present. One I remembered as a Christmas gift for his very first Christmas.

There were a bunch of presents even though only one present for each birthday, and one more for each Christmas. Big and small, hard and soft, some of them I remembered what was in them and some I didn't.

 _Merry first Christmas._

 _Happy first real birthday_

 _Merry second Christmas._

 _Happy second birthday_

 _Merry Christmas_

 _Happy birthday 2006_

I had always felt kind of silly noting the years on every present's tag. I had never actually expected that I and Gabe would be brought together like this. But picking them up from the box one by one and sorting them as of a timeline along the floor, the bed wasn't long enough to fit them all.

Then at last, there was a birthday present for 2017 and his fourteenth birthday.

At least this Christmas I would finally get the chance to get something I was a hundred percent sure he would like.

It was only a bit past one, Logan would be at daycare until Liv got off work after five. And I wasn't sure what I was doing because I probably wouldn't have thought I could. But standing up after sitting on the floor to sort out all the presents. Instead of looking around the room wondering what we could make out of it again I fell into the empty bed and fell asleep before I hit the pillows.

"Dad." I didn't wake up until Logan stood by the bed almost five hours later. "What are you doing? You can't sleep now." I lifted my head from the pillow and looked up on him. And it was first when I did that that everything that had happened the past forty eight hours came crashing down on me all at once. "Why are you sleeping now?" I sat up and rubbed my eyes tiredly. "Are you ill? And who are all these presents for? Are they for me?"

"No." I answered him and stopped him before he had time to start ripping them open. "HELLO LIV. JUST A MINUTE. I HAVE TO TALK TO LOGAN." I could hear her reply but I knew I needed to do this now or I would never know when it would happen. "Come on. You know Logan, how you keep saying you'd rather have a big brother than a little sister?" Logan nodded and I then I him up onto my lap. "What would you say if I actually told you that you do have a big brother?"

"I would say I didn't know that. And I know I don't have a big brother because when you and mummy have babies together all of them will be younger than me. And you didn't have any baby before you had me."

Well, that was all correct. But how was I supposed to get through this without having to give my five year old "the talk"

"You know. I and mummy love you very much. And we had you…" Logan smiled and nodded. "Well, years before I met your mum. There was another girl I liked really much. Her name was Julianna. And we had a little boy. Just like you. It was just that… Julianna had some problems. And I don't know why really. But she wouldn't let me see him. His name is Samuel Gabriel…"

"Gabriel like you daddy?"

"Yeah. Like me. But it was just that… things went wrong both for Julianna and for Samuel- who prefers to be called Gabe. And she couldn't take care of him. And you know… You know what mummy's parents did? You've never met them because…"

"They were so hurt they couldn't make it. So they became angels and went up to heaven? It's called dying."

"Yes…" I breathed out slightly. This would have been way too hard without having to explain that part. "And Julianna was hurt. And she… became an angel and went up to heaven. And Gabe was left alone… I didn't hear from them again until last week when Alistair went to Newcastle. And Gabe and MiniMay had found each other. And without even knowing who the other were they made friends. But when Alistair and Gabe met…"

"So is that why you went to Newcastle all of a sudden? Because Samuel Gabriel was there?"

"Yes. And since Gabe can't live with his mum. Some work will have to be done… but then. He will come to live with his other parent. He will come and live with us."

"And I'll finally have a big brother?"

"Yeah."

Logan looked thoughtful. And for a moment I was afraid that maybe this wouldn't work. That maybe Logan didn't want a big brother after all and would only be jealous having to share my and his mummy's attention with another kid…

"Cool!"

I guess I wouldn't have had to worry. At least not about Logan's reaction.

"That's good… I'm not sure when you'll get to meet him. Because he was so badly treated before he now have a bunch of adults that are putting different rules and making sure he's safe. And if he's not- these people will look at our every single detail to make sure we're nice. And if they do, Gabe will come and live with us. But before then they have to make sure you're nice. And I'm nice, and mummy and nana and pops are nice too. So it will take a while…"

"But we are all nice people."

"I know that." I nodded. "And we all know that. But these people don't know that and they have to make sure that Gabe is safe wherever he is. Maybe some time in a couple of weeks Gabe will come and stay for the weekend and then maybe a couple of weeks later he'll be able to move in. But before that, there will be people coming here. Wanting to see how we live and looking at all different rooms. And they'll be asking lots of questions. And it's very important you tell them the truth when they ask whatever kind of questions."

Logan nodded. I would have thought he'd ask what kind of questions. But before he had the time we both heard from downstairs that Liv needed help to do the cooking. So I got up, lifted Logan to stand on his own two feet and took his hand.

"But what are the presents for if they're not for me?"

"Well…" I glanced over the long line of presents. "…Even though I couldn't meet Gabe. I was always buying a birthday present and a Christmas gift for him every other year. And I just… I just couldn't do anything else with them hoping that some time he would be here to open them all himself."

"He will now. Won't he?"

Before I and Logan started walking out of the room I looked around the room one more time with his hand in mine.

"Yeah… I guess he will."

 **Random fact**

I knew Gabe's grandparents (whose names are Hope and Rufus and they're portrayed by Imelda Staunton and James Fox) would have to react when Gabriel told them about their unknown grandchild. Who wouldn't, right? But it wasn't easy to just come up with anything. But when I came up with the right reactions and wrote them I was kind of happy with the way things turned out. While Logan who is so little takes it a bit calmer. I hope you liked it.

 **Those who review will get a shoutout.**


	20. Reyna, Patrick and Sarah

**Thanks to Jusice237 for reviewing.**

 **Reyna Lopez looks like Gina Rodriguez, Patrick Wembley like Abraham Benrubi.**

"Yeah… So I can safely say there's a lot going on now. I can guess Alistair already told me a bit. But I've decided it's probably for the best if I take time off… I don't know for how long but… I don't know. I don't want you to be left doing way too much and stress because I'm not coming but… but… I don't know quite how to explain it."

"As for your guessing…" My boss told me back over the phone, calmly and steadily. "He didn't want to give away information that wasn't his to tell. But yes, he did tell us enough to understand that you have a child you never met. And it's now possible you'll get to know him and he might come and live with you. That's about all we know over here."

It was all they had to know.

"That's correct."

"Wow. Sounds complicated. To say the least."

At least I had a nice boss and not one that would give me a long lecture for staying off work for long, moan and complain about it or get me fired. He could even say it in a joking tone so I could smile for just a second.

"It is." Suddenly I jumped when the doorbell rang through the house. "Sorry. But there's someone at the door now. I can call you back in a while when we have more news… But for now I'm taking time off until after New Year's. Thank you." I hung up into his ear and hurried through the hallway just as there was another ring on the doorbell. "Yes?"

On the porch steps were standing two people I didn't recognize and had never met before. One man and one woman. The woman had dark hair, the man was so large and tall he looked as if I said the wrong thing he could crush me with the weight of his body. Each of them was carrying a shoulder strap bag and each notebook and pencil.

"Hello. My name is Patrick Wembley, this is my colleague Reyna Lopez. We're here from the social services. About a fourteen-year-old boy named Samuel Gabriel Atwood. Is that anyone you know?"

"Yes." I nodded in surprise. "Yes… sorry. I was just… I didn't expect this so soon…"

"This is how we work Mr. Atwood. We come unannounced and as soon as we can. To make sure we get the correct picture of your household and not a picture of a perfectly clean and pretended household that's going to be gone within minutes after we've left. Can we come in?"

"Yes of course…" I stepped away from the door and let them in. "Well… this is my house. Should I show you around?"

"Yes please." Patrick Wembley looked around in the hallway, about fifteen different pairs of shoes of varied sizes stood around the whole floor, one jacket laid on the floor and the shelves were covered by beanies and mittens that we didn't have to use quite yet. "Can you show us around and then we'll look through it more on our own and then we'll meet the ones closest to you- hopefully. But… let's start with the house."

We started with the house, the kitchen counter where the dishes laid in the sink and the microwave was opened. To the living room where I had been lying on the couch until my boss called. I had trouble sleeping at night so I had napped and my hair was tousled and I was rubbing my eyes, the bathroom hadn't been cleaned in a little bit too long and none of us had made our beds this morning.

I had never seen our faults as clearly as I could right then. What if it was all the junk food in the fridge that was wrong in their eyes. What if it was the baby stuff still standing in the hallway upstairs, or if it was the fact that I hadn't locked the door to the attic because I knew Logan knew he wasn't supposed to get up there without me or Olivia coming with him.

And then at last…

"This will be Gabe's room if… when… if he moves in. Right now there's only an empty bed and some other things here- none of which belongs to my son. But that's because we haven't used it since we moved in. Now when we will we're planning to let Gabe… Samuel…"

"We know he prefers Gabe and we know why."

":..Gabe say what he wants about his room. Of course. We couldn't afford the newest, most expensive TV or computer for him. But it will be made his room and his room only- however he wants it."

Patrick nodded, I'd hoped that he and Reyna would show a single inch of something of what they felt. But they both wore poker faces and noted something in their notebooks and didn't say a word.

"As I've understood you're in a close relationship with your neighbor." As on a given signal I heard Olivia's car pull over in the driveway which would probably mean that Alistair and the twins were coming home too. "…And you have a wife and a son if I'm getting it right. About five?" I nodded again. "And your wife is pregnant? With a girl?" I nodded again. "And when is she due?"

"Mid- February."

Not until then I heard how big the chance must be that Emmalee and Gabe would have to share their birthday.

"Of course. There is a bigger chance she will be born too soon or too late and she will not have to share her birthday with her big brother. But then, if she does that's just as well and we will always make sure we celebrate them both separately and not celebrate them both with one celebration…" I suddenly noticed how much I was talking. "…Here comes my younger son. Hey Logan:" He came half running into the room and I lifted him up onto my hip. "This is Patrick and Reyna. And this is my son Logan… but I already said that."

Patrick and Reyna didn't seem to react at all. But the way they noted something in their notebook had me certain that I had somehow messed it all up.

"Dad… who is it?"

"They are social workers." I explained to him while I let him down to stand on his own two feet. "They're going to make sure we're all nice people. And if we are, then maybe your big brother can come and live with us."

"He can come and live with us." Logan said sternly. "I and mummy and daddy are nice. And so are Mikey and Meri and Alistair. And nana and pops too. We're all nice people. And I always wanted a big brother. So please can he come live with us soon?"

"I think that's enough Logan." I told him and rubbed his shoulder. "These things happen in their own time and they're meant to. Do you remember I told you that your brother has been very hurt?" Logan nodded. "Well that was by a person that did seem nice at first… But why… These are going to see nana and pops and also the Maynard's. So why don't you tell them a bit about yourself for so long?"

Logan bit his lip, looking from one to the other of the strangers in our house as if wondering if he could trust them.

"Start with telling them your name, yeah?"

"My name is Logan pops Atwood."

I frowned, of course Logan's middle name wasn't Pops. It was what he called his grandpa and…

"No Logan…" At any other moment this had been funny. "Your middle name isn't Pops. Your middle name is Pops' name. Rufus. Your middle name and pops' name is Rufus."

Maybe Patrick and Reyna could find this funny at a point like this. They must be doing these kinds of visit day in and day out.

None of them moved and none of them said anything. The only person saying anything was Liv walking by.

"Hey guys… You must be the social workers. My name is Olivia, Gabriel's wife and Logan's mum. Excuse me I have to go…" Without finishing the sentence, she went into the sentence her kind smile had said enough while I turned back to the social workers hoping they would say something so I didn't have to think of anything.

"So…" I started at last. "What happens next?"

"We'd like to look around for a bit on our own. If that's okay with you?"

"Yes of course." I rubbed Logan's shoulder. "Or do you think there's anything in this house we should hide from them? Anything at all that's dangerous or forbidden?"

I would have expected him to talk about something that he'd hidden from me or Olivia.

But from drunks and children you always heard the truth right?

"There is a gun cabinet in the attic, and a medicine cupboard in the bathroom. I don't have a key and I must take mummy or daddy with me to go to the attic at all. Dad says he's going to hand the guns into the police so he doesn't have to worry at all about them. But then he never does anyway…"

I felt my cheeks burning red- how on earth had I forgotten about those? They were there of course but I had barely even touched that gun cabinet and just gotten something as a twenty- year- old because among my friends it seemed awesome to own a gun at all. The medicine cabinet was only used for aspirin and nasal sprays…"

"Logan… Don't you think you should stop there…" I looked from Patrick to Reyna and back again- oh dear, what if this was the thing that messed it all up. "…No wait. Did you need to see the Maynard's and my parents too?" Patrick gave a nod. "Well… Why don't you show them the way we take to the Maynard's Logan? Unless there's something else you want to look up in this house…"

"Can we see the medicine and gun cabinets?"

I was so handing in the guns at the police' and all of the pills- needed or not at the pharmacy first thing after these two had left.

"Yes of course."

This wasn't the moment to give Logan a lecture about what he had done. He hadn't done anything wrong after all, so in silence and holding his hand lightly I showed Reyna to the medicine cabinet and showed her where the key was. And then led up Patrick to check the cabinet in the attic.

"These stairs are very steep…" I left Logan to go to his room at the second floor when we went to the attic. "…Logan isn't allowed to go up on his own. And here's the key." I took it from a lose nail behind a plank. "And the key to the cabinet is here." Hidden behind another plank. "And then the cabinet isn't… exactly… light… there you go." I stood up and next to it while Patrick looked up the interior. "I'm sorry… I should have told you about these when we first went around the house. But there was just so much to tell you about I completely forgot."

"Hm."

Patrick still didn't show much reaction, he just noted something in his notebook and then closed and locked the cabinet and handed me the key.

"I think that's everything… What was it more? The Maynard's and your parents?"

Patrick went into my parents' house after I introduced them to each other. I sat on a bench in the hallway while he talked to my parents too quietly for me to hear exactly what they said and then felt my heart pounding hard while they went around the house I had grown up since ever I could remember.

"Well then." I and Patrick had arrived before Reyna and Logan came back, silent so thick in between us it could have been cut through with a knife. It was a relief when they came back. "I guess we've seen and heard everything we need. We'll head back and then you'll hear something back from either us or the social services in Newcastle before the end of this week. Have a good time…"

How was I supposed to have a good time now?

With heavy steps I walked back further into my house, upstairs and then sat down on my bed. Already having pulled my phone up from my pocket and waiting for it to call. As if it hadn't been only seconds since Patrick and Reyna left.

I could probably have stayed by the phone day by day until they called from Dover's social services.

But how was I supposed to do that?

"Gabriel?" Olivia suddenly came into the room and I looked up to see her standing leaned heavily against the door frame. "I'm just… so tired. The baby was kicking all night and kept me awake… I thinks she's asleep but… Can you sort out dinner today so I can lie down?"

"Yes of course." I jumped onto my feet and took my phone from the bedside table, then held my arm out to my wife and she supported against me walking around our double bed and lying down on her side. "Is there anything else I can do for you? A glass of water? Some crackers? A cloth? Another pillow?"

"Gabriel please." She sighed tiredly and laid down. "I don't need any of those things, I just need to lie down. I'll call out for you if I need anything. But now please… just be quiet and go. Oh… and make sure Logan stays out of here for now."

"I'll do that." I rubbed Liv's arm and she gave a slight sigh. "Don't worry about it."

Don't worry about it was an easy thing to say.

Worrying was everything I did that afternoon and evening. And the next day when nobody had still called. Thought back and worried about everything I had showed, did or said to Reyna or Patrick, visited my parents and worried about anything they had said or did. And visited the Maynard's and wondered if what Angela had did would interfere with me and Gabe in some way.

But right when I went to sort out dinner only minutes after Patrick and Reyna had left I didn't know when or where I would be when they called. I laid my phone with the cover open and on loudest volume on the kitchen counter. With this way I would both see and hear if or when it started calling. But still, I couldn't make them call any faster.

Was it so much to ask for that I wanted to know as quickly as possible if I could take care of my son or not?

And then while the seconds of one evening, two days and one morning had passed with me keeping my phone close at all times, finally it lit up. It said there was a private number calling it and my stomach clenched when I picked it up as quickly as I could.

"Atwood?"

"Hello Gabriel. This is Sarah McKinley from Newcastle Social services."

 **This chapter was a lot of talking, I'm sorry about that. I hope you liked it anyway.**

 **Another cliffhanger for you all. So what will happen next? Will Logan telling Patrick and Reyna about the gun- and- medicine- cabinets interfere with what happens next. Did the Maynard's or Gabriel's parents say something they shouldn't have? Is Patrick really so big he could crush all of them in one single move? Well you'll have to wait and see.**

 **Random fact**

My laptop broke when I was just about to start this chapter. I've picked out a new one and yes, it's… it's dead now. It can be turned on but no… there's no hope left for it ever working again. I've picked out a new one but I haven't gotten it yet. I'm currently using my mum's. And this chapter would probably have been up sooner if it hadn't.

Rest in peace my Dell Vostro 3350, brown. 2011- 2018. You've been a very loyal friend to me.

And another fact, Abraham Benrubi- who portrays Patrick, like- he's really, literally huge. He's two meters tall! There's a scene when he plays Jerry, a receptionist in ER, when there's another new receptionist named Frank who comes along played by Troy Evans. And Troy Evans isn't short either. He's quite tall at 178 centimeters. Yet Abraham/ Jerry is more than head taller than him… Geez!

 **Well, Merry Christmas, or Chanukah or… what's it called? Kwanzaa?... Well, happy holidays and a happy new year.**


	21. Two sons and a wife

**Thanks to Jusice237 and x snow- pony x for reviewing.**

 **I had sort of forgotten Olivia in this story. But I have an idea to that she will finally give a reaction to everything that's going on, because she would react to it. So there's an idea and it will be… I haven't actually started the chapter yet so I don't know if it will be in this chapter or in a future chapter. It will be in this one and I hope you'll like it.**

 **This chapter is told from Gabriel's pov.**

 **Oh, and happy new year.**

Once in Sarah's office in Newcastle I sunk down on a chair on the opposite side of the desk from her, and even though I had just spent five hours behind the wheel and that after two days of waiting for a phone call it didn't feel as if I had ever been as far away from this ever before.

"You wanted to take this eye to eye rather than on the phone? Am I right Mr. Atwood?"

"Yes…. Yes. When it's about my son I want it eye to eye."

Clenching my hands on my lap I regretted it though. Why couldn't I just take it over the phone and I'd have known what the news were by now. By five hours ago actually. I hated every single meter of the road in between Dover and Newcastle.

"We have been talking to Patrick and Reyna. Whom you know, we've gone through what they found and what it means. Looked up your history and also Gabe's past. Now, there's pretty much no one that comes this far without any concerns…"

Sarah hesitated slightly and my stomach churned. Clenching my hands hard I could feel them shaking while she looked up something on her computer.

"There was something about a gun cupboard…"

And yes, this was the main part about why this whole story made me want to throw up.

"…And looking you up about that did take a bit of time. It is however finished now. You did have a license for the gun in that cupboard. Unfortunately, that license expired quite a long time ago… But then we had to ask ourselves… Did you use the gun anything right now? Or have you used it at all for ten years… The thing is, the license is expired- but this law doesn't say anything clearly about owning a gun if not using it."

I could hardly breathe- that damn gun. Why hadn't I handed it in?

"It was a gun- not loaded. In a locked cupboard. And the key was hidden where a young child would be able to reach it. Nobody would have found it if not knowing it was there. Is that the one and only key?" I forced myself to nod forcedly. "Where is that gun now?"

"I- I- I… I han- an…"

"Mr. Atwood. Please take a breath and then start over. I'll have no chance of understanding you when you stutter like that. Would you like a glass of water?"

"No thank you…." I forced myself to slow down that hysterical hyperventilating. "…I honestly don't think swallowing anything at all right now… sorry. I don't know why I told you that… Just give me a second."

Why did I say that? I just wanted to get through this.

"Mr. Atwood… There's something you should know about me… I have met a lot of people at this job. Adults, children, family members, foster family members, people who are abused and people that have turned out abusive… I feel terrible if I find out a child I've had here turns out to be abused or even worse…. But there is nothing you could say here today, nothing. That would surprise me. So take a breath, clear your throat and then answer my question… I know this is scary for you. Scarier than I could ever imagine. But freaking out like this isn't going to help… Okay… What happened with that gun after the social services had left your house on Tuesday."

I closed my eyes for a second, then did as I was told- drew a deep breath and cleared my throat…

"I handed it in at the police station first thing on Wednesday morning."

Sarah nodded slightly- it looked like that decision would help me.

I waited for her to say something but she kept the same straight face as Patrick and Reyna had done on Tuesday.

"And if I can say it myself…" She suddenly started. "That Patrick Wembley is so big he looks like he could crush you with his own bear hands. And now that's enough to scare anyone at all…" She checked something else on the computer and then turned on her rolling chair to be able to look at me.

"Yeah… I thought something like that when I met him too. That guy is huge."

For the seventieth time I rubbed of my palms on my jeans. It felt as if every second was at least ten years when I watched Sarah McKinley take a look on her computer screen and I just wanted to rip it around so that I could see what it said.

"As for Gabe and you… You can go and see him any time you want. You can too take him out over the day or so. But he has to be at Ashdene Ridge before the end of the day." I nodded and tried to take in it all. "And… We don't want you to have to pass in between Newcastle and Dover too many times since it's such a long way. But it would be good if you brought your family here… and we'll do our paperwork. And then you can take Gabe with you when you go back home."

If there was one moment I was left frozen with my chin dropped…

"You mean… I… wow… I… I don't know."

One part of me was just frozen in shock and didn't know where to turn or what to do or say. Another part of me wanted to jump high and starts screaming and jumping like a little girl. And I was left doing exactly the first…

"There has to be a lot of feelings going on right now." I could barely even nod. "I have a suggestion. Take in at a hotel. There are a few good ones of them downtown, in that direction…" She pointed. "I will now go and talk to Gabe and give him this news. But I'm going to suggest you don't meet until you have both calmed down slightly and obviously can breathe again. Maybe tonight or even tomorrow. I know neither of you really want to wait for that long but it's for both of yours best."

"Can I…" A million thoughts were spinning in my mind about what I wanted to ask and what I wanted to do. "Can I call my wife? Can I bring my son? My other son- Logan?"

It suddenly felt like one of the first things I needed to do before anything else was to see how they got along together. Maybe if Logan or Gabe just kept fighting, maybe if Liv was too much like Julianna and something scared Gabe or…

As soon as possible we all needed to know if something went terribly wrong. And I wanted them all to meet before Gabe could at last permanently move into our house.

Nothing was better than spending the good times along with your whole family. Wasn't it?

"I couldn't see why not…"

And that was the first time that day that I smiled. I didn't even have to force it, without anything my lips reached from ear to ear and I couldn't have stopped if I tried.

"And that's everything I have for today. But I'm guessing you know that this isn't the last contact you'll have with the social services. Later on you will meet someone new on the social services in Dover. But as long as Gabe lives here, you just have to give me a call if you're wondering about something. And I'd rather hear you're asking ten questions too many than that you'll be going wondering about something…"

"I'm not…" I panted. "…I think I have everything for now."

For a second my memories brought me back to when I picked up my phone when Alistair was calling, the one when he'd asked me to come to Dover. And how he had then told me about Gabe and then Gabe throwing up on me the first thing he did and that nice in the hospital…

It felt as if all of this must have taken at least a million years instead of a few weeks.

And then, when I had left the social services and walked down towards Newcastle's downtown, as I called and one signal after the other went by I didn't answer why it took so long before Liv picked up her phone. That wasn't like her.

"Yes?"

Then as soon as she answered I couldn't help but to start before I had even greeted her.

"Is it possible you think… It's still. It's two o'clock so it wouldn't be too late. But maybe you and Logan could get in the car… now. And then drive towards Newcastle?"

"I don't know Gabriel. You know I have to work."

"A day and a half won't do any harm. If that makes it any better then I'll call and…"

"Fine. Fine. I'm coming."

I frowned- Liv was sounding unusually annoyed. This wasn't like her. Then I shook my head and tried to let it go. If I had been pregnant and was in her situation too then I'd be annoyed too.

"So… You will come?"

"Yeah… I'll go now. I'll call when I'm getting closer."

"Thank you love."

Just as I hung up I saw a sign that said Newcastle comfortable hotel and figured that sounded like something fairly cheap yet nice and I walked up to check it, soon having booked a room with one king size bed for my wife and me. And one very soft couch that Logan could sleep on.

Every minute ticked by slowly, while one possible scene after the other passed by in my mind about how it could end up when I finally let Gabe meet my wife and then my other son. Everything from love to jealousy to hate passed by and the whole day I did everything to try and force the worse away.

With everything I tried to fight thoughts about whatever could go wrong, I took a walk, had something to eat (pancakes from the room service again), then went to a store and paced the lines of clothes for almost an hour just to have something to do.

I looked up where IKEA was in this town, checked the car and filled up the fuel which was almost full anyway, bought some snacks and then found myself back at the hotel zapping in between boring soaps and sports while it was still at least at least two hours until Liv and Logan would arrive.

I tried to shove away bad thoughts creeping up from the back of my head so badly I jumped when my phone suddenly started buzzing and called. And I didn't think about even see who it was before I put it to my ear.

"Atwood?"

"Hey… ehrm… dad."

"Gabe." I shot up into a sitting position from lying on the couch. "I… You… I… I guess you have my number."

"Yeah… ehrm… Sarah gave it to me. And I was just going to call and check so it was the right number and yeah… she wanted me to call you and check if we got it right. So… I guess it was…"

"Yeah I guess it was."

Some awkward seconds passed by. Thoughts were spinning in my mind just as before but worse- would there ever be a time when I spoke as easily to my oldest son as to my youngest or to my own father?

"Actually I called my wife. And I asked her to take Logan and come to Newcastle. You'll be getting a chance to meet them today or tomorrow or this weekend. Do you think that's okay? I'm not going to force you into anything of course."

"Well… ehrm…"

"I'm suddenly noticing how many ehrm's and well's there are in this conversation. We'll have to work on that…"

"Yeah… I guess we should. Ehrm… About your family. I guess my stepmum and half-brother… wow. I never thought I'd have such… Sure, I don't mind."

He sounded way more nervous than what he probably wanted me to know.

"I was thinking. Maybe the two of us or all of us. Well. You're going to have your own room and right now that room is empty. So I was thinking either we set the room up before you come. Or we buy the things you like… Or at least we need to buy a bed of your own and a lamp for the ceiling before you get there. And there's an IKEA here in Newcastle. So I was thinking if you see something you like. Just point at it and say "I want that" and we can get it for you… So maybe we should go to IKEA someday… or what do you think?"

The phone went all silent for a while, a few seconds. I was about to ask if he was still there but I had to remember who I was talking to and I didn't want to pressure him.

"I… Ehrm… I've never really been to IKEA. But I think I've heard about it… they sell furniture. Right?"

"Something like that. Furniture is the main thing I guess but then they have these fake rooms where they have books and stuff, and bags I think. So if you count everything I really think they have all kinds of things. Plus meatballs, don't forget the meatballs."

The phone went silent again. With hearing Gabe breathing I was sure he was still there.

"Actually, I think I was at IKEA once. I didn't buy anything I just… ate. I had meatballs and yeah. That was kind of eat… Wait for a minute…" I could hear him hold his phone down and someone talking. "…I have to go… But tomorrow. If you still want to meet up…"

"Of course I do."

"…Well. Maybe you can text me and tell me where you are and where we can meet. Mike said he could drive me if he just knows where we're going to be."

"That's great… I can do that… Goodnight then I guess."

"Goodnight."

The world seemed weirdly silent again when I hung up and the phone went silent. I laid it on the table where I still could reach it, and laid down on my stomach- with my head turned to watch the TV. But I barely knew what was on…

I was so far gone into my own thoughts I barely heard it when my phone lit up again with Liv calling and couldn't exactly come up with a creative, loving way of answering.

"Yes."

"We're getting closer to Newcastle now. Where am I supposed to go?"

"Downtown. I'm at something called Newcastle comfortable Hotel. So… if you can just use the GPS. And if you could… If you could just call me when you get here and I'll come outside and show you in. I have two keys here so you can have your own later. I have… I mean wow. I can meet Gabe. You can meet Gabe… I guess we're meeting tomorrow. Gabe already said it was okay and I… I can't wait."

Liv didn't answer, being so quiet wasn't like her. Neither was it when I went outside, lifted Logan up from his car seat and carried him with her going by my side to the hotel room where I laid him on the couch I had set up.

"Couldn't you have gotten a room with three beds instead of this? There isn't even a real bed for Logan to sleep in. And not that I have anything against it but you and I have to share. Still in the same room as him."

I suppressed a sigh. It wasn't like her to be this easily annoyed and maybe if I still hadn't been so touched about everything that happened earlier today I would have thought more about it and asked her what was wrong. But now I didn't- I just stood up and kissed her forehead slightly.

"It will be fine. You can take one day at the time and if you'll be staying for more than one night then I can ask for another room. Okay?"

Liv sighed, shrugged and went into the bathroom to get changed and ready for bed. I laid down and thanked whatever higher power there was that at least there were two single quilts instead of one, wide one. Liv was annoyed enough- if so had been I would have to sleep without a quilt too…

I must have dozed off in the middle of my thoughts, because suddenly I flinched awake and the first thing I saw was Liv standing up, standing by the sofa and Logan, she just slightly pushed her fingers through his hair, ending on his forehead- a mother's secret move to feel for a temperature…

"Are you okay?" I glanced to the clock. "It's two in the morning…" I got up and walked around the table so I could put my hands on her shoulders from behind. "Can't sleep?"

"No…"

"Is it the baby?"

Liv didn't answer to that, what she did was to push her hand through Logan's brown tresses once again and sigh. And it was with that sigh that I started realizing something was very wrong.

"He's just so innocent."

I tried to smile but it was too hard. And I just knew that whatever came next it would not be in my favor. I gave a slight sigh instead and when Liv lifted her hand to cross her arms over her chest I couldn't help but lift my own hand and started playing with his hair.

"All terrible stuff there is out in that world and he just doesn't know about it yet. Because where he's grown up we have been able to protect him from it."

I could sense what was coming. I had been afraid it would.

"And in will come this other boy who has been through so much. And he… he is just not this innocent. And I don't know… I know what you think Gabriel but I don't know… The decisions you are making right now… Will they be good for Logan? Will they be alright for our family?"

"Liv… He's my son."

"Logan is mine!"

I carefully ran my hand through Logan's fringe and stroke over his hair. Logan stirred in his sleep but turned on his other side and didn't wake up.

How much could I have ever known how I could love a person before I had had children?

"Logan is ours."

Something clenched my heart when Olivia didn't answer to my almost whisper at first. She just shook me off when I tried to put my arms around her and even from the back I could see how tense she was.

Then at last she turned and looked at me sternly.

"I think that you might have to make a choice about what is more important to you. The son you haven't met for fifteen years. Or the rest of your family. I know that makes me a terrible person to say so… But I don't want to put my son at risk of getting hurt."

Olivia went back to the bed without saying goodnight. If she had done so ten minutes ago I would have followed her and laid down right next to her- as the married couple we were side by side. But right now that just didn't seem right and instead I looked around, hesitated and then lifted up Logan. Logan stirred slightly in his sleep, but he didn't wake up, neither when I put him down in the bed next to his mum. He just turned slightly and I then took his stuffed bear and put it by the pillow before I laid down on the couch.

I could hear as Olivia fell back asleep. But once again I just couldn't, and instead I laid tossing back and forth during the whole night.

Was Olivia right? Were the decisions I was making the ones that would make it better for my family? For all of my family? Or would it make things better only for me and the conscience that had bugged me ever since I knew Julianna was pregnant.

Logan wanted a big brother, would he still want that after meeting his brother? When I had given more attention to Gabe? Those times when Gabe was hurt- and it was showing?

There would be such time. There couldn't not be after everything he'd been through.

Olivia was right, Logan was innocent. That would all change somehow sooner or later.

But was it any good to have it changing in the one place none of us would never be able to get away from. Our own home?

 _Don't be stupid._ A little voice in the back of my head said. _Logan is surrounded by people who loves him and cares for him. Gabe does not- he only has you._

"He doesn't have only me." I mumbled to the voice, under my breath. "He's got Libby and Mike and…"

My stomach hurt when I tried to figure everything Gabe must have been through to get up us until this point.

I had promised everyone that if the choice I was put was in between Olivia and Gabe I would choose Gabe in the blink of an eye. And I would have- but what about Logan and Emmalee? And their health?

Was I about to hurt my oldest child, that had already been so hurt, for the purpose of not having to risk my wife and my other two children to get hurt too?

 **Another cliffhanger! Mwahahahaha.**

 **I'm not sure it made any sense that Sarah thought they should wait until the next day or so with meeting up. But due to the storylines I felt it was suitable. I also thought it might make sense that they'd get asked to wait until that worst rush of happiness is over. As people have a way with letting feelings control them whether they're good or bad ones… Please tell me you agree?**

 **Happy new year guys.**

 **Random fact**

Have you guys ever been to IKEA? I And had meatballs? Haha, I have. I've been to IKEA in Sundsvall, Umeå and Haparanda. The world's biggest IKEA is in Stockholm. I'd like to go there.

And yes. I checked it. There is an IKEA in Newcastle.


	22. Past catching up

**Thanks to Jusice237 for reviewing.**

 **This chapter is told from Gabe's pov.**

"Are you ready?"

On the Friday morning when I was going to meet my dad, my stepmum and my little brother I had changed clothes three times.

First because Mike told me it would be too nice and uncomfortable to last me a whole day at IKEA- or any store for that matter.

Then because May- Li said it was cold outside and I'd need at least a hoodie or a sweatshirt. And then getting one on the pants didn't feel right either.

And at last because I wanted to make a better impression on my stepmum than I would in sweatpants and a hoodie about five sizes too big.

Then when Mike asked that one question I looked down on my clothes, jeans and a hoodie that was only one size too big (big clothes were comfortable!) along with my black rain- jacket and sneakers.

"Don't worry. You look great."

I tried to swallow but failed at what Mike said- I could hardly even breathe as a matter of fact. And I couldn't let go of the fact that something felt as if it was to go terribly wrong. And why wouldn't it? Everything else had gone terribly wrong so far in my life so why wouldn't this too?

And the feeling was stronger than ever when Mike had pulled over in front of the large entrance painted in blue and yellow and I was just frozen.

"Here." Mike pushed a fifty- pound bill into my hand. "Don't tell the others. You lot usually don't get this much at once so if they know you got it they're all going to want it. I know it won't last long in here but if you completely run out of money then bring the receipt and I can sort it out somehow… And now…" Mike glanced upwards and through the window on my side. "Are you ready? Do you want me to come?"

I looked up towards the entrance again, a part of me wanted dad to come walking right up in front of my eyes so I could walk right up to him. But he didn't…

"No. I'll go on my own. He's probably inside already."

Mike gave me a nod and slightly patted my shoulder when I pushed the bill down my pocket and then opened the car door and got out.

Already in the parking lot it was obvious this store was for families. There were parents yelling at kids when they let go of their hands and ran straight out into the road. There were people about my age walking with their phones and looking quite bored. Most of them seemed to want to be anywhere else but here today.

For everybody I must seem like one teenager among many.

But this was no way feeling like this was something all teenagers went through. And I knew I had been through things most other people won't go through in a whole lifetime. Yet I had just always sort of dreamed that my dad would show up and he'd take away everything that had hurt me so bad.

I would have lied if I told someone that I'd never have imagined my dad as the knight in shining armor coming on a white stallion to take me away.

And then he turned out to be, just an ordinary guy. An accountant, a father of Logan and a still unborn baby, a husband... my dad.

I wasn't disappointed by any means. I couldn't have. But somehow I had thought that if that knight turned up I would have known what to do. But with this accountant, father, husband. Right now ahead of me where he stood waiting inside of IKEA's doors I didn't. And it scared the hell out of me- what if I said or did anything wrong? I had done so many wrong's…

What would happen if he found out that I'd been running away, that I'd hurt people, that I'd stolen to as much as stay alive…

"Hello Gabe."

I lost my breath at last when my dad saw me and greeted, and the little boy who stood next to him lit up while also the woman who stood right next to him with her hands on the boy's shoulders stared at me. And the way she did made me feel like she could see right through me. And ruin everything I had just built up with a snap on her fingers.

"Hey…"

"Don't be nervous." He mumbled into my ear. "They're not as dangerous as they look… now. Gabe, this is Logan- Logan this is Gabe." Logan smiled brightly at me. And I couldn't notice the look on my dad's face when he went on to his wife even though I couldn't quite place it. "And this is my wife Liv."

"Olivia."

Logan was still smiling brightly up at me, but Olivia's smile seemed cold and it sent shivers down my spine.

"You're my half-brother." He said smirking. "And I am yours. It doesn't mean I am half, and it doesn't mean you are half. It means we only have one parent that's the same. We have the same dad. Then my mum's name is Liv and your mum's name is Julianna. But she wasn't nice so that's why you're with us now."

That summed it up pretty well.

"So. Let's get to shopping shall we?" Dad grimaced slightly and when Logan wasn't anywhere near him anymore he leaned closer to me. "That's about everything I told him. Your story certainly isn't my story to tell. But I still needed to tell him something."

"It's fine. I get it."

I did get it! Only the name of my mother's made me want to get sick.

"JULIANNA."

I jumped high when we walked into the living room department of the store first of all filled with couches and fake living rooms. When I looked around I saw it was a dad, Julianna was a girl maybe Logan's age smiling brightly and toothlessly up at me.

Wouldn't it have been just a little bit better if my mum would have had a unique name? One that I wouldn't have had to hear ever again in my life after she died?

Dad had too looked up and I saw him glancing towards little Julianna. Then he looked up at me and smiled in distress.

"Let's go sit down." Dad pulled up his phone. "I can show you some pictures from what will be your room. And if you see something you want for it or for your room or anything else then just tell me and we'll look at it. Here… This is your room. As you can see it's not huge- although now we've emptied it so there isn't even a bed. But I think it could fit a large bed if you want. And then of course a desk and a chair and a lamp. And frames on the walls and just tell me if you want something and we can check it out and… Logan, don't you want to go to the playing room by the entrance instead of running around us like this?"

And Logan was literally running around and around and around the sofa that I and dad sat on so fast it made me dizzy. Olivia stood a bit away and only watched him…

"I want to go to the playing room."

"Liv? Can you take him?" Olivia nodded and then took her son by the hand, Logan first smirked at me again and then half walked half skipped back towards the entrance and a big sign with "Småland" written on it. "I wonder what Småland means. Now, when we can get back to this. Liv will probably be back in a few minutes. And Logan can be there for an hour. So we were thinking when we have to take him again we'll go and eat and then Liv and Logan will leave. Don't mind that Liv told you her full name." It made me shiver again and it probably wasn't a sign that she liked me exactly. "She's just nervous. But I don't want to lose her in this great ocean of people so we'll keep going once she's back. And here she is."

Just like dad had commented on Olivia came walking back towards us, I quickly got up and so did dad.

It still felt too weird calling him dad. But calling him by name didn't feel right either.

"Don't you think it's great that while they have put up furniture like this in lines. They have also made these fake rooms, even fake flats. And put it up as if there were real people living there. Like this." He gestured towards one fake living room that had been put up and then showed me into it. "And then here's an open door and here we go through it and here's a kitchen, and to this side is a bathroom."

It would be for that I could count on one hand how many times I'd met my dad. And this was the first time it was for more than half an hour if we didn't count when I was in hospital…

But I could see that something was up today. And it was not only that we had noticed how many "well's" or "ehrm's" it was in our conversation. Dad hadn't just decided that it would have to be more than that.

Something was up! And I had the weirdest, strongest feeling that it was bad news.

"Hey Liv. How do you like this table?"

"We already have a table in the living room. I thought we were looking for things for his bedroom. That's what our budget is through the roof for and I'd like to get to it before I have to get Logan again."

As if dad hadn't looked tense before he now looked as if he was about to explode, bright red in the face and with his jaws shut so hard together it wouldn't have surprised me if he broke at least half of his teeth.

"Liv…" His whole skin was still burning bright red. "May I see you in the blue room? Just for a minute. I'll be right back son. Then we'll go straight through this part and to the part we're actually here for. And don't worry about the budget. We can afford this easily as long as you don't want a room makeover every other month or so. Now come on. I need to talk to you."

I did not appreciate the feeling I had that they were hiding something for me. And wasn't it quite obvious when dad asked to talk to her and walked away from me into one room that was almost completely in blue.

I would have tried to eavesdrop- but I had to hesitate about what kind of impression that would make. If I hadn't made a good one and it seemed Olivia or Liv actually hated me already so I better behave…

And before I was finished hesitating dad and Olivia came around the wall and into my sight once again.

"Well Gabe… I don't know why I said that. But just like your dad does you can call me Liv. I never liked my full name anyway."

I hesitated once again, then looked at dad slightly and he gave a half smile and shrugged…

"Well then… Liv. I guess we should go on."

And we did go on, all three of us together even though it was stiff and nervous and I barely dared to do as dad had asked me and just tell him what I wanted if I wanted anything. And that while Liv's voice played over and over in my mind and told me I didn't want to and shouldn't waste their money.

But with dad we literally had to go into ever one of those fake rooms and check out every little detail of them to finally be able to go on to the next. I tried to act like I didn't care and not see whatever I liked. But then something caught my eye and was just too important to ignore, in one of those fake rooms hung a photo frame with place for eight different photos. And suddenly I had an idea and stopped by it.

"Do you want one of those?" Dad asked as soon as he saw me holding it. "What kind of photos are you going to put in it. Of me?"

"No. I just had an idea. Lib… Isabel is very upset that first Meri left and now I'm leaving too. Her parents are dead so it's not like they're going to come back for her which is so sad. But she's not alone and I wanted to show it to her. There aren't exactly a lot of photos of me or her or Meri. But I was thinking with one of these I could fill it up with different photos of people at the dumping ground. Because they are her family and I want her to see it. So maybe I could give it to her when I'm leaving. To remind her that even if I'm not there or Meri she isn't alone… and now I'm realizing how cheesy that sounds."

"I don't think that sounds cheesy." Dad took the frame from my hand. "We'll get it."

"It's okay. Mike gave me a fifty so I can pay for it myself…" I took it back when he was about to protest. "It's okay. I want to… I want it to be from me and… I really want to do something for her…" Dad nodded slightly.

"We can still put it in this basket though. And we only need to remember it when we get to the end and go to pay." I nodded and put it with a couple of other things in the basket we had. "Now…" We went back into the hallway where Liv was waiting and looking at her clock. "What time is it?"

"Time to get Logan and then eat. Wait here and I'll find you when I get back."

Before anything else Liv had left us standing.

"Logan has really been looking forward to meet you by the way. But… He's five years old and you have to admit- at that age staying with your family on a furniture store isn't the most exciting thing in the world. And Liv's great but also pregnant so standing up all day isn't to recommend. Hmm. This couch look good. Doesn't it? Your room isn't big but I think it could fit in a small couch in case you want one. Well, this is just one for this fake room so maybe we should go back to the start and the living room area."

I frowned, it was as if dad was suddenly talking a lot and being all eager to cover up something he needed to say. And I couldn't let go of the feeling that it was just as important as it must be if he didn't want to tell me.

"You seem so weird." I suddenly heard myself say, even though I still didn't really want to. "Something's changed and you won't tell me what it is." It wasn't a question. "I don't like people lying or keeping secrets for me. What is it?"

"Well." Dad gave me a smile and slightly hit his fist into his other, open palm. "Wouldn't anyone go very strange from the situation we're currently in. I've had a kid for fifteen years and then suddenly Meri disappears and Alistair goes to find her and then that phone call and yes… That would make anyone go strange."

As if my stomach didn't hurt enough. I felt about as nauseas as I did when having appendicitis- only worse.

I knew there would only have to be one thing this all meant.

"You don't want me anymore do you?"

"I do… Believe me. I do. I've never wanted anything more. And I trust you… I'd trust you with my life if I had to. But… it's just that… Liv doesn't."

"And?"

It wasn't exactly like me to nag anyone at all like this but suddenly it felt way too important to know what was going on. And obviously it was because my dad just bit his jaws hard together and ran his fingers through his hair- as if to hesitate about what before he said anything more.

"And she's afraid that if you're around Logan or Emmalee, you or everything you have been through might hurt them."

I froze, then I slowly sunk down on the couch behind me. In this fake bedroom we were in it only had three walls while the fourth was away to be opened towards the hallway. Still it felt as if room was shrinking and the walls moving closer.

"I'd never hurt them. Or you, or Liv. Or anyone else we know. And if that's what it takes I will never talk about my past ever again. I won't say a word about it. I…"

 _I don't care for what I'm doing for the rest of my life as long as I can stay with you._

"Stop that Gabe. The problem's not with you but with Olivia." I hit my lips and jaws so hard together my whole head shook. "Listen. I remember that years and years ago I asked my dad who he loved more- me or my mother… Which is a strange thing to ask but I was a kid and I was like Logan. My dad told me he loved me more. Which was of course the answer I hoped for but I couldn't for my life understand why. He and mum had been together for very long. And then he told me that a partner you can stop loving. You can never stop loving your kids. And no matter what happens they come first."

I knew there was something that was up. Dad had been weird all day and he hadn't been like this…

Quickly I fought the tears away and brainstormed for any way there was so the social services would have the least reason to take us away from each other again.

Because even if I would have wanted to forget about them I knew that if any move here was wrong then everything would crash and I and dad would be stuck never ever again getting to see each other.

"If things are bad in between you and Olivia then you're going to have to tell the social services about it yeah? I mean, they're always… So you're going to have to tell them. Believe me, I wish you didn't have to but they're going to find out in one way or another and then it looks better if you tell them than if you let them find out by themselves,"

I tried to believe in the little hope in my mind that if we did this the right way it was just another bump in the road and wouldn't take me and dad away from each other again.

But it certainly wasn't that everything else in my life had gone wrong already so why should I?

 **I might have been going back and forth using both the word sofa and the word couch… I hope you get it at all points and if you do then we're okay and everything's fine.**

 **Småland- the name of the playing room at IKEA basically means little land. And whoever thought of that probably thought they were very creative because Småland is also a part of Sweden.**

 **Random fact**

When I was little I used to ask my dad what Gabriel asked his- who do you love more? Me or mum? And he'd answer his wife he could stop loving but never his kids. And I'd think my parents would never stop loving each other… Now they're divorced and I guess they did.


	23. Don't speak

**Thanks to Jusice237 and BizarrePineapple16 for reviewing.**

 **A picture of the things they buy is up on the Instagram "Linneagbfanfiction".**

 **Guess what? I finished another story since I updated this one last. I updated one called "Dancing in the rain" and while I've had a lot of fun writing it before, the chapters always ended up really long, like 10 000 words and more, and I'm relieved I've finally finished it because I felt so pressured finishing those long chapters that took me weeks. So next, I'm moving onto finishing this and "break, broke, broken trust". I also finished a oneshot called "A boy's best friend"**

 **Gabe POV**

"Dad."

The first section after eating and leaving the restaurant was the children's section. And while Logan nagged through the whole meal to get to come with us, he and Liv were about to leave I and my dad soon, but Logan had wanted to come with us here- this section was probably the most interesting one for him and I wasn't the one to start protesting. Why would I anyway?

Right now dad gave me a meaning look, hadn't he told me that Logan was going to ask for, and probably get something he wanted?

Right now he came running up to us with a large, stuffed moose towards us.

"Can I have this? Please?"

"Logan, you have a thousand stuffed animals. And you always say you like it, and it's special, and you've never had this one animal before. But then, as soon as we get home you put it in a drawer in your dresser where there are all of the other stuffed animals are."

Logan looked to the floor and his smile faded while his hand dropped down and he turned around to lay the soft fabric- moose back where he found it.

"No…" While dad was still looking at me he suddenly lit up as if he had an idea. "Logan, wait. I have an idea. You can have this one today, but this one only. And then when we get home I have something to talk to you about. Now, do you want that one or one of the others? They have a whole lot of different animals here. Mice and dogs and…"

"I haven't got one of these… It's like a horse… or a unicorn… or…"

"It's a moose Logan." Dad sighed and we reached the end of the children's section. "Well, there you go. I'll see you two later and we'll continue through this ginormous store. Now Gabe… haven't you seen anything you liked?" I shrugged. "Listen Gabe, I know this is confusing and hurtful and God knows everything for you… It is for me too. But I promise you, if it will take me the most part of the rest of my life I will fight… I will fight…. All of this. I've been waiting for you for fifteen years, I'm not letting you go now… Although of course you're the boss. And if you wouldn't want to live with or meet me ever again then I'd respect that…"

I didn't answer. I couldn't! How could I ever had found the right words to answer that?

There was nothing I wanted more…

"No…" I barely knew myself I had said anything until I heard it myself, as from the other side of the wall. "…There's nothing I want more than to be with you. And it's been for as long as I can remember…"

 _But I don't want to be any trouble_

 _I don't want you to think this is more trouble than I'm worth…_

I didn't dare continue, because what would I do if he agreed with me if he heard the words he was going to agree.

During a couple of seconds memories passed by for my inner vision again, the time I had sneaked past the clerk in another IKEA restaurant with pretending I was a part of a group of kids who were being paid for. I could see all of the times I had pushed sandwiches and drinks and anything else that would still my hunger and thirst down my pockets in a supermarket or a gas station…

…"Maybe we should just be done here." Dad looked down in what we had gotten except for the meatballs with mashed potatoes we had gotten in the store, a set of sheets, that frame I was going to fill up with pictures of all her family and friends and give to Libby and the moose Logan had picked out.

"Yes… I think we should."

For the rest of the way through the large store I only saw enough in front of me to make sure I didn't walk right into someone or something, looking down on the floor to see the points pointing in the direction towards the checkout.

"Well then." After what felt like a year, but at the same time way too short my dad pulled over in front of the dumping ground, and I would have taken the frame I had bought and walked into the house but for some reason I couldn't move. "Well… I'll go straight to the social services' office and see what I can do. But…" I felt dad's hand on my shoulder. "I know it's not that simple but… there's no point with worrying, it's not going to help. So you just, try and have a good time and then we'll see what happens next… one of these days… One of these days this will be over and done and we can… We can just leave this behind. Now… I thought you were going to fill that frame with different pictures of people here and give it to your friend Libby."

I held the frame up in front of me and nodded slightly, then unbuckled my belt and out the door I went. Trying to ignore the wish to get right back in the car and refuse to leave like a stubborn five- year- old.

"Are you back already?" Mike came out of the office when he heard the door. "I thought you'd be away all day."

I couldn't even answer him, I hurried past him and ran up the stairs, taking two stairs in every step to make it as fast as possible before I went into my room, slamming the door after me and dropping the frame on the bed before I just froze and didn't know what to do for a few seconds…

With my back towards the door I could hear it opening, and at first I thought it was Mike. But when I turned around, slumping down on my bed it was instead my little, half- Asian friend that I had meant to give the frame too.

And suddenly the words were just rolling out of me.

"You must be happy now."

It was a mumble and barely louder than a breath, and if I'd just stopped for a moment I would have known it was unfair and not true, and when Libby asked me what I'd said I would have just said it was nothing.

But I didn't think about it, I was just angry at everything. At Libby for the fact that she didn't want for me to live with my dad because she wanted me back at the dumping ground, I was angry at myself for taking both her and Meri under my wing- if I hadn't I could have just one on with my life and I'd never be put under social services' protection.

And then this wouldn't be this hard. I could have just moved right in with dad, screw what Liv thought of anything. I hadn't spent all of the time since mum died trying to find her… I had tried to find my dad and then ended up with a bit more than that.

And here I was.

"I said you must be happy now." I stood up breathing heavily and faced Libby. "You never wanted me to leave anyway. Well guess what? My dad's wife doesn't want me around and it's screwed up everything with the social services. Probably this whole thing will crash and then I'm never going to be and live with my dad no matter how much I wish for it. Instead I'm going to spend the rest of my times under the social services' system for protection. And I… I don't know if I can take that after all of this."

Libby was silent for a few seconds and seeing tears glittering in her eyes I was pulled back to here and now and knew what was happening and that I was being unfair.

"Look… Libby…"

Libby didn't care listening to me, she span around and ran away from me, slamming the door after her while I sunk down on my bed and put my head in my hands.

This wouldn't have felt half as bad if it wasn't for that I knew I had just been exactly like my mum.

 **Gabriel POV**

"Well, this requires some more paper work and it might mean you have to have another visit at your house because your home situation is changing."

"Yes of course."

Once again I was by Sarah McKinley's desk at the Newcastle's social services. But the earlier time I had been so hopeful and leaving with so joy… Now when I had told her what was going on currently I sat leaned back in the chair and felt callous more than anything else.

"Well then." Sarah riffled in her paper sheets like she always did. "I think that's all we can do for today and for now. I think you should go back home now, and then maybe I, or somebody from Dover's social services will call you up within the nearest few days. But honestly… I'm not so sure what's going to happen next or how long it will take. So I'm suggesting you go home and spend time with the rest of your family… And that's it for now."

I could have done without and felt safer if she just hadn't said that she wasn't so sure…

I still couldn't believe how I had gotten back and forth in between Dover and Newcastle so many times without getting in a crash. Because every single time my thoughts was on everything that wasn't the road ahead of me.

"Hey."

I would have wanted to continue with "Hey you traitor" but I knew that Liv did too have her role in all of this and I couldn't blame her for what she was thinking. So instead of talking to her when I came home, right after they must have because Logan was by the table with McDonald's- food so it couldn't have been long since they were, I walked into the house and without a word grabbed a backpack from the back of a wardrobe where it had been since I graduated college and threw in some clothes, a pyjamas, toothbrush and a book before I made my way towards the door of our house.

"Daddy?" I sighed when I realized I'd forgotten the moose in my car and gestured at Logan to come after me. "Where are you going?... Why aren't you answering me? Where's Gabe? Isn't he coming to live with us? Daddy? Why aren't you answering me?"

"Look, Logan." I took the stuffed moose from the car and kneeled by him. "Gabe will be coming to live with us. But I'm not sure when and your mummy does have some problems with it. And since she didn't tell me about them right away this is going to have to start all over again and it's going to take much longer than it would have to. And that's hurting me. So… I and mummy will need some time away from each other, so I'm going to go to grandma and grandpa's for a day or two and then we'll see what happens… Are you okay with that?"

"Are you going to get dissolved? My friend Kara's parents did. And now uncle Alistair and Angela aren't together anymore."

"Look, Logan. It's not as simple as that. And it's divorced… I don't know what is going to happen between I and your mummy now. But whatever happens we both love you very much, and we'll always do what's best for you. Okay?"

Logan had tears in his eyes and hugged the stuffed moose pressed to his chest in between us when I hugged him tight. Geez, the boy was five years old. How was I supposed to explain this all to him when I barely understood myself?

"Can you go inside again? It's getting late and you're going to bed, I must go to my mummy and daddy. But I'll be just down the street if you need me. And what you must remember in all of this is that we all love you very much. And that's what matters. So, hug your moose tight and then I might come back already in the morning. Okay?"

"You said you had an idea when we got this moose? Weren't you going to tell me about it?"

My head was pounding when I remembered I had thought that I'd tell Logan that he could take all his stuffed animals, keep ten or so. And then give the rest away to a hospital or some other charity that needed them more.

"I'll tell you about it then. Okay?" I stood up. "Go inside now and finish your meal. I'll come by in the morning and if you need me, you know where I am. But for tonight I really need some time of my own. Okay?"

"Okay?"

I turned and feeling my shoulders slump I knew Logan was standing on the top of the road and watched the point where he had seen me disappear. But ignoring it I soon turned a corner to go into my parents' house for the first time since I told them about Gabe.

I had lived in my parents' house from since age three. And never once could I remember I had knocked on the door and waiting for someone to answer. This time I did though, and soon mum came to the porch and opened.

" _I know you're angry with me and you've got every right to be. But at least for tonight I really need to get away from Liv and Logan so I was hoping I could stay here…"_

"… _You have told me all my life that no matter what I did wrong I could always come here…"_

"… _I can' even look at Liv right now. It seems she's trying to force apart me and my son…"_

" _I was so close but now I'm losing him all over again."_

" _They told me he could probably move in with us before Christmas but now I don't know if it'll be before next Christmas, the Christmas after that or ever."_

"… _I just want to be able to give Gabe all the Christmas gifts and birthday presents I've given him through all of these years. It shouldn't be too much to ask for…"_

I had quite a few ideas of things I could have said in that very moment I stood on my parents' porch, but none of them felt quite right. So I ended up only standing there in silence, which also my mother did right in front of me.

When I felt her hand on my shoulder and leading me through the hallway it was like I woke up from a half-conscious stage and turned towards the door to my room after sending a slight nod towards my dad when I saw him at the end of the hallway.

This room had been mine since I was one and could start sleeping in my own bed instead of with mum and dad. In here had happened more than I could remember and more than I could imagine. I had twisted and turned through sleepless nights and nightmares, I had been looking at the clock anxiously before my birthday or Christmas and just waiting for it to happen. I had sat by the desk and studied until past midnight to pass all tests and school assignments. I had been in bed with cold's and stomach flu's and then there was that one night when I had been here, knowing what I had just done after coming home from another house, lying like now- staring up into the ceiling while I thought through and through about the moments I'd had sex for the first time.

And then once more when I found out I was going to be a dad.

And so many more times after that…

I had spent so many nights wondering about Gabe, what he was thinking and how he was doing. Now it killed me to know the answer.

"Is there anything at all I could do for you love? Are you hungry? I haven't got anything right now but if you want I can make you of that chicken pasta that you like so much."

I couldn't find the words or even the very slight movement in me to answer her, I felt almost like a stubborn, angry teenager again when I turned my back against her rolling over to my side on my bed and stared into the stupid, ugly brown wallpaper we'd gotten when I was seven. And for the moment being I thought back to the empty bedroom back at home and promised o myself when we knew what he wanted we were going to make it absolutely perfect for Gabe, something he could like as well as thirty-four as now at fourteen.

"Thanks mum." I mumbled after a while, that could just as well have been thirty years as thirty seconds. "But I'm not hungry."

Mum left the room and I felt myself breathing out, but then she soon returned and without turning around I could see she was carrying a tray and I could hear her putting it on my bedside table before she sat down on the edge of the bed before she laid her hand on my back.

"Gabriel? You have to eat something,"

I didn't even turn towards her this time, let alone say anything. And for the moment being I wished she wouldn't say anything at all. Because if she did I'd never be able to answer.

And I guess mum sensed what I thought and felt, because I felt her leaning down and kissing my cheek slightly from the back, then I heard her footsteps moving towards the door and it then closing behind here.

I could hear the voices of her and my dad, but couldn't tell what they were saying and therefore couldn't have given any less about what was going on, they could just as well have been talking about the weather…

For this moment I just wanted to lie here, minding about myself staring into the wall.

If I could just have fallen asleep and then when I woke up this whole process would all be over…

 **Random fact**

The title of this chapter is a title of a song made by a band called no doubt. And check it out guys, it is an absolutely amazing songs and is one of my favorites.


	24. I'm going home

**Thanks to Jusice237 and BizarrePineapple16 for reviewing.**

 **I've decided to make a time skip in between the last chapter and this one. Because I didn't want to go on and on about Gabe's story. Or well, continue doing that. So that left me with this chapter.**

 **This chapter is told from Gabe's pov.**

The first time I, Isabel and Meri had been led over the porch step to the dumping ground felt like it must be a whole lifetime ago.

Now, at last it seemed both I and Meri, by her actual name this time and talking was leaving this place forever.

But here we were, Meri, her beloved dad and brother, my dad and the whole group of kids and staff at Ashdene Ridge. The latter only watching as our two fathers and the Maynard- twins stood right in front of us, and my dad dressed in a silly pink tutu skirt over his jeans the outfit only was enough for everyone whispering and giggling.

Alistair put the music and I held back a moan when I heard it was the same song that Floss Guppy had played over and over again weeks ago. Then suddenly remembered that was when things had started changing, that I and Isabel had seen Meri dancing to and the way she had seemed to be dancing with another, invisible person.

He wasn't invisible now though, now we could see clearly the person she had been pretending to dance to that time. It was her one and only twin brother Michael and even their dad behind them, trying to show my dad how to move. My dad was clumsier than anything else and lifted his arms over his head in the way Alistair showed him and…

And when Alistair showed him to raise on his tippy toes my dad ended up falling right to the floor.

Kids all around me screamed with laughter, I stopped and looked up- he wasn't hurt was he?

Then, I realized his moves, the way Alistair helped him up and the way the twins moved together. That fall was obviously choreographed, and I couldn't help but laugh too when dad clumsily got up. Alistair gestured to the twins that had, "if my four year- old's can do it why can't you?" all over it.

There were a few days left until Christmas of 2017, Meri and Isabel had helped out with the social services and pretty much told them all about me and how I'd cared for them during our times on the street.

And with it, what felt like decades after I had been so nervous I'd ended up getting sick when I as much as tried to eat anything…

And now here we were, Meri wanted to end this time with showing me and Isabel and Mike and everybody else what she could do. And she could do amazingly too. I didn't know anything about dancing but I knew enough to recognize the beauty that was in Meri's moves and when she cooperated with her twin brother's.

We all laughed when it was nearing the end of the song and dad pretended to fall- again. Well, that was all except for one. On the other side of the room from me sat Isabel, and she wasn't even looking up from where she sat with her head lowered so her dark hair hung like a curtain and covered her face.

"YEAH."

At the moment, when Meri and Michael stood holding their hands up with the palms against each other's and dad had thrown himself into Alistair's arms and let himself be lift up.

Well Alistair was strong for sure, when he reached out his arms to catch dad I could easily see the muscles in his arms tense under his thin, long- sleeved shirt.

"I didn't know you could dance like that." We all clapped for the four when they had finished and Floss was the first one to say something- to Meri now. "But I can dance too."

All of a sudden the next track in Alistair's Spotify list started playing, he reached to turn it off but before he had Archie had gotten up, made a few steps and span around. I could see Alistair was surprised, but happy and when he didn't reach for his phone anymore also Floss got up to show him and nearby Jody was turning a cartwheel and then breakdancing.

Alistair cheered for Floss and Archie in the moment when Mike suddenly got up and reached his hand out towards May- Li, she protested at first, then sighed, put her hand in Mike's and let herself be led to stand up and start dancing with him. And then there it was, and one after one everyone got up and tried to find a spot where they wouldn't hit or push anyone and then started dancing in whatever way they could think of.

My dad first looked at me, I looked back and was about to get up when I heard a snivel. I looked to my side and sure enough- there was Isabel.

With another look towards my dad I stood up and made my way past the crowd before I sat down on my knees in front of Isabel.

"Come on," I took her by the hand and she finally looked up when I pulled her onto her feet and then started moving randomly. Isabel gave a small smile but suddenly span around and ran out of the room. "Isabel? Libby?"

Just as the song ended and everybody were cheering and laughing I ran out of the room and up the stairs and after Isabel and into her room. Where she sat with the frame that I had filled up with different pictures of the people in the dumping ground. Down on the glasses dripped warm, salt tears and the noise from downstairs seemed to have gone away when I heard nothing else but Isabel's sobbing.

"Hey." I sat down next to her on the bed and laid my arm around her shoulders. "Look. I know you don't want me to go. But… We'll always know each other. And look at these pictures…" I gestured over the frame. "You have loads of friends and family here."

"But none of them are you or MiniMay."

I sighed deeply, I didn't want to leave anyone in this. But no matter how I did this someone would be upset.

"I've always wanted to live with my dad. It's always been my biggest dream out of all and that's why I ran away in the first place. And then I met you, and it's been the best time ever. Having you and Mini… Meri. It was like having two sisters. And you guys were the best and at first I didn't think I'd been taken care of you properly since we ended up here…" I suddenly heard footsteps and my dad came and showed up in the doorway. "If we only knew how perfect it would all end up… But I don't want to leave you behind still but…"

I didn't know what words to choose right then, that I had to didn't seem right. I didn't have to. But I wanted more than I had ever wanted anything else.

"I know." Isabel wiped the tears from her cheeks with her hands. "But everyone's disappeared already…"

"I'm not disappearing. I'll call as soon as we're there and we'll always know each other. And then you can come and visit some time. Maybe this summer. Although Now is December, so the summer feels like ages away. But suddenly we're going to be there and you can come and meet both me and Meri and then we'll be together again."

Isabel didn't answer at all to that and I could hear how stupid I sounded and sense her devastation. But what was I supposed to say.

"Excuse me." Dad interrupted and with the best timing May- Li also turned up next to him. "I don't want to interrupt or stress you. But we have to go now or we'll miss the bus."

I nodded, knowing he was right. I was trying to hug Isabel but she only pulled away and May- Li smiled slightly at me when she patted my shoulder for goodbye.

"I'll talk to her. Don't feel bad."

Don't feel bad. Well that was easy for her to say!

"You really do love those two, do you?"

The answer to that question was more obvious than of any other answer that I'd ever gotten before. My throat felt thick though and the only answer I could give right then was a slight nod while we made our way down the stairs and I forced myself to smile at Mike.

"How could I have ever understood who you were?" Mike asked me. "And how you were going to live… Now you two, I hope you live happily ever after." Mike gave me a quick hug and seemed himself close to tears. "One always loves a happy ending right? Now, what are you still doing here? Get lost."

I forced a laugh when I walked through the hallway, took my backpack and my jacket and then walked outside and to the driveway, where I finally was able to say anything at all when I saw Alistair helping Meri into her car seat.

"Libby and MiniMay are like sisters to me… Sorry. I mean Meri and Isabel. But saying it with their real names didn't feel right."

"I could never imagine having as much courage as you do son." Dad said and got into the front seat of Alistair's car and looked back at me who got into the back. "Never doubt that. Okay?"

Alistair got into the driver's seat, turned the car on and I looked back at the big house of Ashdene Ridge. Leaving this behind felt like a whole new life becoming…

The twins were chattering and singing along to songs from Moana while we drove away, I couldn't hear nor see anything else than the building of Ashdene Ridge. And the building that held so, incredibly much more than I could have ever put in words.

Then we turned around the corner, and it was gone.

"Are you alright?"

It was dad's question and it took me a second to know he was asking me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked outside to make sure we were headed the right direction.

"Yeah, I'm okay."

After going around and around the country in the baggage space of buses I had wanted to take a bus from the bus station in Newcastle and to the one in Dover, I was pretty sure my dad wouldn't have wanted. But the smile forming on his lips when he answered me seemed truthful.

Now we were going to the same spot- or as good as, Alistair would take the one bag I needed to fill up all my things and take the kids and drive down to Dover after he drove us to the bus station.

"Thanks for the ride Al." Dad said once we were at the bus station. "And thank you for the fact only that you came here."

"It's our pleasure. And Meri wanted to come too. Didn't you Mer?"

"Yeah."

I just smiled, not being able to find one single word to say right now as I stepped up on the curb and saw the right double- decker pull up.

"I tried to take the girls away from here." I suddenly remembered, and I had started telling before I had the time to stop myself. "When Mr. Maynard… Alistair first got in contact with Mike and Sarah and everybody else I thought Meri was on her way to be taken away and to something where she wouldn't be treated right. To someone who could just as well push her right out of the car by the driveway like her mum did… So I tried to get away."

It had gone step by step, but I had found myself telling dad about yet one thing yet the other about where I had been and what I had done… It didn't come easily and I could still count on my fingers (without counting the blurry memories of when I had told him what had happened to my mum) how many stories from my past I had told him. But it did come, and when I started them it wasn't half as nervous and hard as it had been the first time.

"But Li… Isabel didn't want to go. I told her not to tell Mike but she ran right back and did… I wasn't sure what I thought about it right then when she and Mike came up to the bus station. But now I do… I do know you and Alistair and Michael and everyone… it still didn't feel right leaving Isabel behind but I do know she's well cared for."

The double-decker bus we were taking pulled over right in front of my feet and I was really starting to get that I was leaving my old life behind…

Neither I nor dad said anything before we had taken our seats except for dad paying for our tickets. Then I hesitated a bit about what seat to take, before I walked up the thin stairs to the second floor and walked over to the seats in the front where there was a big window we could see right forward.

"Is this good?"

"Yeah." I sat down nearest the wall in the corner and dad sat down in between my seat and the aisle, I laid my backpack in between my feet on the floor. "You know, for quite some time you were the only person to take care of yourself. And then you were the only person to care for Isabel and then Meri. But it's okay now… You can care for them just like another big brother would do. You don't have to keep them safe."

I looked down on my dad for a second, there were thoughts spinning in my mind. The knowledge that I had spent so much time, so many hours in the back of the bus, unsafely and without the belt that I put on when I saw dad doing it just as we heard the bus's motor roar when it started.

Sometimes dad just seem to read my thoughts….

There were so much happening now, every single moment seemed so special. My whole back story, then ending up on the dumping ground, the Maynard's, dad and Liv and Logan and now finally being able to be with the person I had dreamt about for so long.

It was big when Sarah came and told us that they had all the paperwork done, now paying the respect also to the fact that the family had changed when Liv started protesting, and then Meri and Isabel's meetings with Sarah and then the Maynard's staying around and here we were now.

Taking the bus all around I of course hadn't been able to watch out any windows, quite a few times I had gotten out all dizzy and nauseas with motion sickness. But seeing the road from where we sat and being as far up as possible in the bus while it pulled away from the bus station, out on the road and passed the stores and houses and boulevards lit up with colorful Christmas lights.

"That's where the police found us." I pointed into an ambush. "Right then I wasn't happy about that and didn't think I had taken care of the girls properly… Some things are just meant to be, aren't they?"

Well, was it meant to be when George or my mum died too?

I shook my head and tried to decide to forget about all of that. But how could I when it was about most part of my life?

I looked down on my bag where Slowen's head was sticking up. He would constantly remind me of what had been if nothing else. The thought stroke me hat maybe I should have already gotten rid of him. But quickly I shook my head- getting rid of Slowen? Was I losing my mind?

"You're awfully quiet." Dad said after I had been sitting quiet for almost an hour only watching out the window on the roads, cars and Christmas lights there were all around. "I suppose there's a lot happening right now? So I won't pressure you. But I can tell you so much that when we get home Liv and Logan won't be there, Logan might come in a day or two but… I don't know what's going to happen with Liv right now."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't mention it. Liv's an adult person, capable of making her own decisions. Also the decision about how she refuses to listen about how you took care of Meri and Isabel. And still seems to believe you'll hurt Logan and Emmalee on purpose."

Dad shook his head and I couldn't help but to feel my stomach turn at what he said. My past was something that would never leave you alone.

"It's not your fault Gabe. Neither what Liv is thinking nor anything else terrible that has happened to you… It's not your fault."

He really did seem to read my thoughts sometimes.

I leaned my head back against the seat's neck support and only watched all around, cars, streets, houses and the rain falling against the window. Every now and then the bus turned into a downtown to go to another bus station.

And for every second we drove closer and closer to Dover…

We started talking every now and then, about every- day things like the weather, Christmas, foods we did like or not. Even when we did the time seemed to go by slowly. I just wanted to be home already.

My real home this time…

We were about half way from Newcastle to Dover when the bus turned into a downtown in a town I couldn't remember the name off, when I suddenly recognized this place and I still didn't remember the name. But still I counted the houses, and then pointed as we got to the fifth house from the left.

"Of course, since you knew my mum and everything she lived in Dover. Before I could remember she met George and from then and until she died we lived in a flat… it's the house over there."

Inside of the window, in the room that had once been mine I could see white curtains with a pink pattern, maybe there was some little girl living there now. Maybe just a baby or a toddler…

"Would you like to go in there some time and see what it looks like now?"

"No."

I could only imagine the memories that would strike me coming in here. And that was without the spots that must be after the blood that had scattered across them when mum was shot and…

"Gabe…" Dad rubbed my back. "…Breathe… Come on kid, listen to me." I blinked and shook my head and realized I was hyperventilating. "Listen to me, that part of your life is over. And it will never be again."

 _And it will never be again._

But it haunted me, day and night and all the time. Meeting Liv and Logan, meeting Alistair and the twins… Nothing I did wouldn't ever come from the decisions I had made and what had been during most part of my childhood.

"Gabe… We've all got pasts that haunts us from time to time. But yours is a whole lot worse than most others'… If you need any help with it- from a phycologist or anything like that, I will make sure you get it… because that's it. You don't have to be so proud and stubborn, and now is the time for you to take care of you."

The thought struck me that once again it really was like dad could read my thoughts. But that was it and I just couldn't slow my breathing down.

"Gabe?"

And there, it was my name and nothing else, it reminded me of something. I had to slow down my breathing. And with that I leaned back with thoughts still spinning in my mind but I tried to decide that some time there would be another, better time to take care of that.

Right now there was something else. And during the few minutes it took for me to cool down with the help of deep breaths and a bottle of water, and then my dad's soothing words I finally calmed down enough to ask the one question I just needed to.

"Can I change my name?"

"What?"

"Can I change my name? Since I'm not eighteen yet I need your permission to do it. You know, everyone calls me Gabe now. But I don't want to be Samuel Gabriel… Is there any name in certain that you know you had picked out if you were going to name a kid on your own?"

"Ehrm… well… I'm honored. But I can't just give you a name. A baby you can of course not ask what names they like or don't like. So… what do you like?

"Anything except for Samuel…" I muttered. "Or Jules or Julian, you know why. But if we choose one on G I might still be able to keep Gabe as my nickname… At least until I'm used to a new name. Only getting used to Isabel instead of Libby and Meri instead of MiniMay took its time… So what names are there?"

"Well, sure you can change your name if you want to. But we might want to wait for a bit or the social services and everyone will think it's something I made you do. Well, there's George… Oh yeah, sorry I'd forgotten the George you knew… Well… There's Gavin or Graham." I just shrugged, none of them so far felt quite right. Dad pulled up his phone and held it so we could both see the screen while he Googled and took up a page with what seemed like five thousand different names- all starting with G.

"Well, here we go?" Dad scrolled through it quickly. "There's international names, like Gomez, Giovanni or Gösta." I didn't have a chance to see the text on the screen while dad riffled back and forth. "Or Gaylord?"

Well that was it, he wasn't being serious.

"I think we could find something better, at least British or American names so I won't have to explain how it's pronounced to anyone and everyone. And Gaylord… in the 2000's." I snorted with laughter while he stopped the screen and I had to look at what it said., "Goodluck? A parent named their kid Goodluck? What were they thinking?"

"Goodluck is bad. Imagine being named Greenberry." He snorted with laughter and so did I. "Well, seriously now. There is Greyson."

"No." I shook my head after not even a second of thinking. "I don't like that."

"How about Gale? It's nothing to make a nickname out of but it's almost the same?" I just shrugged. "Well, don't worry about it. If there's any time it's important to be picky it's right now. So how about… Griffin?"

Dad must have been reading my thoughts

"Griffin…" I tasted the name. "So that makes Griffin Atwood. Or Griffin Gabriel Atwood… That doesn't sound too bad does it?"

"No it doesn't… In a series that I used to watch when I was younger there was a Griffin. And I always thought it was a nice name… Sorry, sorry. It's just that, that's the only time I've heard the name before… Now there's something else and it sounds perfect to me. Look, now we're getting off, there's Alistair waiting for us." Dad stood up before me almost before the bus had stopped. "Come on now." Dad took his backpack and I took mine. "It's time to go home."

"And here we are." What felt like a second but at the same time a year since we got off the bus Alistair pulled up in front of a very small house that I quickly understood was his and the twins' "To get to your house, you either go around the whole block. Or you just run across the yard, through the gate and then up through the back door of yours… And I sure can't wait for the rest of our lives."

I smiled and was about to come up with an answer…

"DADDY. ALI…" Logan suddenly came running across the yard, and the thought that dad had told me he and Liv would be away for the rest of the day passed by in my mind until I saw the fear and stress shining from my little brother's eyes. "MUM'S BLEEDING. BADLY. AND IT WON'T STOP. I CAN'T WAKE HER UP."

"Bleeding?" Dad hurried after Logan and I hurried after dad. "Where?"

"Well, you know. Down there…."

Dad stopped, frozen for a moment, but just for a split second before he turned straight to running and I barely could follow fast enough, through the gate leading in between our yard and the Maynard's, then ran straight up to the back door that was already wide open to the living room and across it where he threw himself on his knees by Liv.

Thanks to the door being so open both I and dad could see Liv before we were inside, sitting on the hallway floor, seeming unconscious leaned against the wall, in a pool of her own blood.

"Liv…. Liv talk to me." Dad threw himself on his knees in front of her. "Please…"

"I think…" Liv mumbled deliriously. "…I think we're losing her."

I could feel the nausea creeping up my throat- and a flashback after the other passed on the insides of my eyelids and all the blood when my mum had died…

"Gabe… GABE" My dad's voice reached through my fear and I forgot about the blood. "Call for an ambulance. NOW. And tell them to hurry."

When I pulled up my phone and dialed 999 I felt Logan coming slowly up behind me, I was going to tell him to leave. But was struck by the thought of how little he was and how…

"I don't understand." He peeped and looked up at me. "I don't…"

I shook my head and put the phone to my ear, and almost without knowing how I Was moving myself patted his shoulder when he came and leaned against my side.

"Neither do I."

And as every second ticked by slowly, the only voice that was heard was Liv's. When she said that one sentence that made my whole stomach turn for the second times in what couldn't even have been thirty very long seconds.

"I think we're losing her."

 **Songs  
** Gabriel and the Maynard's dancing- how far I'll go Auli'I Cravalho  
Everybody dancing- You're welcome- Dwayne Johnson

 **Cliffy, cliffy, cliffy.**

 **The next chapter will be the last. And now, as soon as everything's going well everything turned around and here comes Liv and Emmalee and both of their lives are at stake. So what's going to happen next? Will Gabe's misery just continue in this life too, or will they all get their happy ever after?**

 **You'll have to wait and see.**

 **The series Gabriel mentioned- the one with a character named Griffin is "Party of five"**

 **I know it might seem like that whole dancing- storyline in the beginning might seem like it is taken from when Taz plays the piano in the end of one episode. But I actually had the scene in this chapter planned before that episode aired. I still decided to keep it and I hope they weren't too much alike.**

 **Random fact**

The front seat in the second floor of a double decker is the best place ever on a bus haha. I ride by bus as good as every day but there's only for longer rides there are double decker's and the few times I've been riding with those I made sure to get that seat.

Well this one was a boring fact, but I couldn't come up with another.

 **See you for the epilogue.**


	25. Almost happily ever after

**Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.**

 **Hey guys. I came up with an idea. That means there are two chapters left of this story. This one and then an epilogue. I know I'm liking the idea, even though I'm a bit nervous because I don't want to be seeming like I'm just dragging on. But I think I have something and I think it's good.**

 **This chapter is told from Gabriel's point of view**

 **I finished "Break, broke, broken trust" last night. So it's only this story left of those that are finishing. Did you know that first planning it I actually thought it would end up in between five and ten chapters. And well, I blew that didn't I? But I quite think this story ended up well. I hope you think so too.**

 **February 14** **th** **, 2018**

"That's it then." I pulled the hand breaks stopping outside my house and looked to my side and at Mike Milligan, then back at Isabel. "Let's go give him the best birthday present of this year… Although I think he might be asleep."

I showed the two to be quiet, I had just gotten them at the bus station. And like I had said- best birthday present ever!

Since he left I had often heard Gabe talking on the phone to Isabel, and he met Meri as often as ever. But then meeting Isabel too would be something else. Even though she couldn't go across the country and bring Mike too…

We tip- toed into the house, through the hallway and into the living room. And just as I had expected Gabe was asleep on the couch, on his back, and lying on his chest his little sister Emmalee.

"As long as she was in hospital he was with her from early morning to late night. Of course Liv lost a lot of blood and had some other complications, and then went into a post- partum depression… He hasn't left Emmalee for one second longer than he had to… She slept in our room at first, but Gabe came coming in at night, we put her bed in the hallway. And if there wasn't that rule about girls and boys sharing we would have put the cot in his room. He's always up first when she starts screaming… And she's got a lot of tummy aches at night so she screams a lot."

Sure whispering like this was nice, especially as Gabe didn't move an inch, and neither did Emmalee. But it wouldn't get us anywhere, so I smirked at Mike and Isabel and then tip- toed over to the couch.

"Gabe?" I shook my oldest son's shoulder, he stirred and rubbed his eyes before his eyes fluttered open. "Happy birthday."

The look on his face when I gestured towards Mike and Isabel was indescribable…

"Hey guys." He said hoarsely, I lifted his little sister from his chest so he could sit up. "hey, Isabel… don't be a stranger. Come and give me a hug. It's okay Emmie. You'll just go to be with your dad for a bit."

Emmalee mumbled slightly in her sleep but didn't stir meanwhile Gabe put her in my arms and then hugged his friend tight.

"What are you doing here? How did you get here? What are you… you should be in school, shouldn't you?"

"I would. But… Mike and Gabriel came up with a birthday present for you and now we're here and happy birthday."

"Yeah…" Mike and Gabe gave each other one quick hug too and Mike handed him one wrapped gift. I laid Emmalee in her cot in a corner of the room and showed them to wait while I got the huge plastic bag that I had put all of Gabe's birthday gifts in. Or at least the ones from earlier years.

"You asked to get these ones for your birthday instead of opening them as soon as you got here. Just like you opened your Christmas gifts on Christmas and…." I took the one that I'd wrapped for when he was born "Just like them, some of these are a bit out of date."

Gabe was just unwrapping a plush, Mickey Mouse rattle that would probably suit his sister more than himself.

"I know but…" He smirked a bit. "Maybe I can keep all of them anyway… At least for right now."

"Of course. They are your things. You can throw them in the trash for all I care- you decide what to do with them. Although I wouldn't be too happy if you threw them away then…"

I looked up and Gabe was interrupted while he was opening his very first Christmas (a baby mobil with dolphins) when the door to the house opened and his little brother came rushing in.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BROTHER." Logan shouted at the top of his lungs when he came running into the living room, still wearing his warm winter jacket, beanie and mittens when he pulled a wrapped gift up from his pocket. "Here, I got you a present. And I bought it all with my own money."

I sent a quick glance towards my dad with a raised eyebrow while unwrapping it. And dad nodded- thought I could understand where Logan got all his own money from. And pulling up a plastic item, that I could hold in my palm and spin in between my fingers I couldn't quite recognize it as anything I had seen before…

"What is this?"

"It's a pen holder." Logan explained happily. "And it looks like a butt. And it even farts too!"

Gabe nodded and ruffled in his little brother's hair with a smile. He then smiled up at Olivia who came after Logan, the given up look on her face, the dark circles under her eyes and her hands shoved deep down in her cardigan- pockets with it tightly wrapped around her she looked as miserable as ever.

"Here." I got up from my chair. "You can take this chair. I have to take out the cake anyway."

Olivia sat down, she didn't smile and nothing else while sitting down. Seeing her like this broke my heart. When Logan was born it had just been nothing but happiness and… sleepless nights and changing diapers and everything one expected to go through having their first child.

To hide the tears that had risen in my eyes I walked into the living room to check on Emmalee in her cot. And for the first time in a while I wished that she would wake up so I would have something else to do. More than greeting my parents and Alistair and the twins when they came walking in the house without knocking.

Why would they be knocking? They knew very well they could walk in and out of this house like they wanted to…

"And you're just in time for cake." I told them, mainly Michael when I showed them into the kitchen and pulled out chairs and got the one that was in the hallway and hoped there would be enough for everyone to sit. "They had some quite interesting cakes at the café I went to get this… And at last I decided on a one with orange, strawberry and coconut. So…" I put the cake on a plate, then when I turned around with it in my hand I saw the look on Gabe's face. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Well, I hate to disappoint you. But I can't eat that cake and neither can Isabel."

For a moment I froze. Then I suddenly had a memory popping up into my mind. Of the one night at the hospital when Gabe had had appendicitis. And the question about what allergies he had…

"No. Sorry, I'm… Gosh… I should have remembered."

What kind of dad doesn't remember his own son's allergies? And here I was trying to be the best dad ever after not knowing my son for fifteen years.

"It doesn't matter. I can eat it anyway. Although not Isabel… Haha. Do you remember the first day at the dumping ground when you tasted of Candi- Rose's milkshake in the morning?"

"Don't remind me." Isabel moaned. "I threw up about everywhere." At first she held her head lowered and then she looked up. "And now I mentioned that and no one's going to be able to eat because they're so disgusted."

"Don't worry about that honey." I couldn't help but smirk. "I and Rufus, we have one son and two grandson. There's nothing like that that could disgust us so to the point we can't have cake…"

"Cake!" Dad seemed childishly happy. "I like cake."

Although, if one of us couldn't even eat the cake and another one could but with a reaction afterwards what were we supposed to do?

"I can go and get another cake." Alistair got up without me having to ask him. "There's a store only five minutes' drive from here that makes the best."

"It doesn't matter." "Gabe tried to protest. "We've still got candy and stuff."

"No worries. It will be my birthday present for you. I will just be a little while."

"I can come with you."

Alistair sent me a meaning look when Meri didn't even ask. Yet she had come back after being gone, she had been unusually clingy to Alistair and not wanting to ever want to let him out of her sight. And at school she spent all her time with Michael.

And then the day the Maynard's had gone to see Angela at the hospital and Meredith had absolutely freaked out.

I couldn't ever forgive Angela Jacobs from hurting her daughter- whom I loved as much as if she was mine own until the point she sat at her dad's lap with her face pressed into his shirt instead of only watching her mum. And then Angela trying to defend what she had done.

" _She should have done what I told her to."_

" _She's fine now, isn't she?"_

" _She just wanted you."_

Michael had been clingier than before too. He had gotten better but he hated worse than ever to have fights with people and always made sure to say goodbye properly. Even if it only was for going to school in the morning.

"We can go with him outside." I left the cake on the table for anyone that would still want to try it and got up too. "There's something in the driveway that I want to show you…." I walked after Alistair and Meri and showed Gabe to follow me, also the rest of the people here came after us. "There is one thing that every father needs to teach his son… Well, there are a lot of things you and I have done or need to catch up on but I just thought. I think you told me at some point you never learnt how to ride a bike." Gabe blushed. "No, don't worry. It's not your fault you never got the chance. But… I thought that now finally, when we're together finally." I took a bike helmet from the shelf in the hallway. "Take this on."

Gabe rolled his eyes jokingly and pulled the helmet on. Then pulled the ribbon around his chin and got his jacket before he followed me out into the chilly February- air.

"Is that mine?" Gabe stopped still standing at the porch, my old, ragged bike who stood in the driveway and I nodded. "Cool. Thanks dad."

He got off the porch and jogged over to it, ran a hand over the light- purple frame and tried to bell. Then tried the grip on the black handles while I walked down to him.

"It's not a new one." I told him. "This took me many miles. But I was thinking that while you learn a hand- me- down might be enough. And if you then come to the conclusion that you like bike- riding then we can get you your own, new one."

"It's perfect…" Gabe ran a hand over the frame again. "I don't mind that it's yours- the opposite actually. But… maybe we can wait until there are not so many people watching us until we try it, yeah?"

"Yeah." I looked up towards the porch and at my parents, Mike, Michael and Logan. Then felt as if someone had punched me in the gut when I realized Liv hadn't moved from her spot in the kitchen. "And it's going to be even more ragged after the thousand times you will have to fall so that's probably good. Come on now, it's freezing here."

When we walked inside we could hear Emmalee start screaming and it soon escalated to screaming on the top of her lungs. That such loud noises could come from such a small body.

I looked into the kitchen and found it empty in difference from Liv sitting here when we walked outside, then I heard her voice by Emmalee's cot and the tones from a lullaby. Then when Liv came into the hallway there was something in her eyes I hadn't seen for so long.

Gabe was on his way to get Emmalee but hesitated when he found Liv with her.

"Don't worry about her now." Liv said softly. "You just go with the others… and happy birthday."

I sent Liv a smile before I, with the others (except or Meredith and Alistair) walked back into the kitchen where my dad was the first one to try the cake I had bought.

"Geez." I just had to comment when Alistair came back with a large cake box. "You couldn't find a bigger one?"

Alistair stuck his tongue out at me, then took out another plate from a cupboard and carefully opened the box and lifted out the cake.

"It is chocolate… mostly chocolate."

"You don't say?"

Gabe's eyes had grown big, looking at the, to say at least, large cake that had four layers, each of them brown in different shades. And topped with whipped cream, something that looked like vanilla cream, other creams and then a pink marzipan rose on the top.

"I think that's a wedding cake."

What my dad said was probably the most obvious thing I had ever heard him say.

But I couldn't neither be quite impressed by the cake Alistair had gotten.

"I want to try it." Logan almost shouted. "Can I try it first."

He reached over the table but I took the cake server and handed it to Gabe.

"Soon Logan. Be patient."

Logan pouted, and so did my dad at the thought of not being the first ones to get to try out the massive cake. Instead Gabe got to take the first piece as the birthday boy he was, and he then handed the server to Mike who put up pieces for himself and Isabel before he handed the server to dad…

"Aren't you going to try the cake?" I had to ask when Gabe hadn't touched the piece while all of us others had tried it. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine… I just… For the moment I was just happy with only watching this and… well, it could only get better by one thing… and this cake tastes amazing."

Silence fell over the table while all of us got lost in the eating, silenced by chewing and wanting to eat it all.

"I'm so full." At last Gabe leaned back with his hands on his stomach. "I couldn't eat a piece more no matter how well it tasted. Thank you so much for getting it Alistair."

"Don't mention it." Alistair leaned down and took up a wrapped present that had been lying on the floor. "Here's a gift from us. We hope you'll get some use for it."

Gabe looked more like a five-year-old opening presents. There was something about knowing very well that Gabe couldn't remember ever having a birthday celebration like this.

"Awesome." He unwrapped a leather messenger bag of the well-quality, expensive kind. "If I'm going to have some use for it? I sure will. Thank you so much."

"I was thinking, if I'm going to do like I said and give you those ballet lessons you'd need something to carry your things in back and forth." Gabe smirked- he had told us he was an about as good dancer as I was but he watched Alistair with Logan, Meri and Michael and he wanted to try and that was it. "But… I know there's one more gift that that bag will carry and it will be more suiting for that than clothes…" Alistair glanced towards my parents.

"Oh, more gifts." My dad had gotten up one more gift and handed to him. "Now what may this be? Wow." Gabe got out a box under the wrapping paper, holding a brand-new laptop. "This is awesome. Thanks nana… pops…. Wow."

Gabe still wasn't much of a hugger- well, that was except for with his grandma who wrapped him tightly in her arms in that tender way only she could and kissed his cheek.

"This is new…" Gabe started and he suddenly seemed insecure. "I mean… how much did this thing cost?"

"Don't worry about that honey." Mum leaned back and let dad come close enough to pat Gabe's shoulder and laid his arm around his shoulders. "We haven't gotten the chance to spoil you before and that's the main task as a grandparent. It's also not only for fun, Gabriel's told us about school for you so you're going to need that one."

Gabe was twisting and turning the box and reading what it said on the box as if he was afraid that if he didn't see every single little detail it would disappear or someone would be here to take it from him.

"Is there a school nearby?" I suddenly heard Mike mumble next to me, and I realized that even if he wasn't the care worker for my son anymore. Giving Gabe had moved across the country, he would still like to be kept updated. "We're in the middle of the school year so how are you planning to do this?"

"There's quite enough happening right now without new classmates, teachers and homework." I smirked slightly. "No… He's missed school when on the run. Now, we've decided and talked to the school and the social services. And we've decided he will get the rest of this year off. Then, from the fall, he will read in all of the grades he's missed- in one year… It will be tough, but it will mean that the year after that he can get back to those his own age. And he's a smart kid- if anyone can make it it's him."

Mike nodded agreeing. And I could see his smile growing bigger while he watched Gabe looking at the gifts he had gotten.

"You know…" Mike spoke quietly for only me to hear. "There are kids out there who wouldn't ever be happy with the few gifts he had gotten today. Or with anything really… Gabe is… he just seems so grateful. And that is true admirable for someone who's gone through the things he have."

It was my turn to nod agreeing. Then I and Mike looked to each other, we both knew very well there was one gift, and the very best and biggest of them that no one had spoken about yet. And with a glance to my mum I caught her attention and then nodded at her to go on. She did and turned towards Isabel…

"I know we don't know each other Isabel. But you see… After meeting Gabe and getting to know him I and Rufus were talking a bit, and we talked back and forth about how we were going to do this and… we've sort of decided that our house has been way too quiet ever since Gabriel moved out. And… we're a little bit in contact with the social services since our son and grandson's story but… we were thinking, that if you would like it…"

During a few, very long and very silent. Both Gabe and Isabel's chins had dropped and they were staring at my mum with big eyes as if they didn't dare to believe what she was obviously saying.

"…That if you would like it and we could get the social services with us. Then maybe you could come here and live with us."

A few seconds passed again and I looked around to see the kids' reactions. Gabe had wrapped his fingers in his hair, looking as if he couldn't quite believe what was happening. And the half- Asian on the other side of the table had tears rolling down her cheeks.

It was probably those tears that made my mum speak again.

"We do get it if you don't want to. We won't force you into anything. But Gabe told us all about how you and him and Meredith May found each other and how he took care of you. So if you want to…"

"More than anything else."

Isabel's words were barely more than a whisper, only just loud enough to be able to interrupt my mum…

Then the tears came streaming down her cheeks and she looked downwards to (unsuccessfully) hide them. Gabe leaned towards her and embraced her while still staring at his grandparents.

"Well… Maybe you would like to come with us home." Mum asked Isabel. "We were thinking you'll have Gabriel's old room. Lord knows that room needs a makeover. And it's only down the street from here."

"Can I?" Isabel looked hopefully to Mike, who hesitated, then nodded. "Can you come too Gabe?"

"I…"

"Actually." Mike interrupted and Gabe, who had looked like he wanted to come too. "I think we should go, only I and you Isabel and then you two. This whole fostering will take months and I'm not a social worker. But it for sure wouldn't harm if we could get some time for all of us four and I could talk you through it. Does that sound good?"

Isabel agreed, but still looked longingly after Gabe when they exited the room.

"Maybe we can all get our happily ever after." Meredith said smiling, she had been very quiet during the last while along with her dad and brother. "You and uncle Gabriel, and Isabel with Rufus and Hope."

"And then us." Alistair said kissing the top of Meri's hair. "You and I and Michael… Perfectly happily ever after… But… I think we should get home now. And each of us will get to our own… Happy birthday Gabe. And thanks for letting us come here."

"Of course."

All of the Maynard's stood up, Gabe hugged Meredith before he started helping me clear off the table and put the cutlery and plates in the dishwasher.

There was something in his eyes when he looked at or even thought about Meredith or Isabel. Something that was only there too when he was with Emmalee. And after everything we had gone through, I was pretty sure that if Liv had never gotten ill. Maybe she would have never been here to see the look on Gabe's face. And maybe Emmalee would never get to remember her parents being together.

I could have done without that scare though. For a while we had all thought both Liv and Emmalee had been taken from us in an instant.

From the living room we could suddenly hear Emmalee starting to scream bloody murder again, and then Liv's breaking voice trying to calm her down.

"Sch, sch Emmie. Sch, it's okay. I'm right here, it's okay."

"I'll go help her." Gabe wiped his hands on a kitchen towel. "Kind of scream number two, she's hungry." I heard his footsteps when he disappeared out of my sight. "Do you want to breastfeed her or should I get the bottle?"

Every day I would think that there was no way I could love my children or feel prouder than what I already did.

And every day I was proved wrong. Even the small things was enough to prove me wrong. Like the way I knew Gabe would hear Emmalee screaming and just know somehow what it meant. Then seeing him while Liv went to bed and holding onto his sister with one hand, he took a bottle, water and formula and heated it up in the microwave to just the right heat.

Other fifteen year old boys might have cringed at the thought of having to take care of a baby sibling, but Gabe seemed to enjoy every moment of it. Even as she spit up all over his shoulder and new shirt, and when he had to change her diaper and then rock her for two hours more before she finally went to sleep enough for him to be able to put her down in her cot without her waking up again.

"Hey guys." Mike and Isabel had returned earlier during the afternoon from my parents' house when Gabe finally came into the kitchen again. "I'm sorry about that… she started screaming bloody murder as soon as I changed my position. So whether I would have been here or not I couldn't exactly follow a conversation."

"I and Isabel will get going." Mike said, and Isabel's eyes were shining in some way when she stood up and then hugged who was as good as her older brother. "We can't stay here obviously because of the rules of the social services' but we'll take in at a hotel and I already booked a room. So, see you tomorrow." He patted Isabel's shoulder. "Soon enough it will be Libby and Gabe and MiniMay once again kid. And this time there won't be anything to split you up again, will there?"

Isabel shook her head, Mike seemed to remember something when he looked up on Gabe and then at me.

"I'll come and drive you to the train station tomorrow." I promised him. "But right now I think it's way past bedtime for a certain mister."

There had been so much around Gabe's birthday I had almost forgotten. But Logan hadn't even managed to stay up but fallen asleep on the couch so I had to But when I couldn't find him I walked upstairs and then found him in his room, sitting on his bed and surrounded by all the gifts I had gotten for him, just finished sorting them and then unwrapped the gift for his first birthday. A wall plaque with led lights and text.

"Shoot for the moon… Even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

He was looking down on the Led board. But I could see a small smile forming on his lips and remembering the day that had been I knew it had been perfect and that made me happier than anything else ever could.

Gabe moved onto the next present, the gift for his second Christmas and then went on and on and on. A pencil case that looked like a frog for his sixth, the first Harry Potter book for his eleventh…

And then at last the camera I had once showed Alistair for his birthday last year. It was after that Gabe and I had finally gotten in contact with each other. And as for last Christmas two months ago I had already given it to him.

Gabe had acted gratefully all day, he always was as if what I or we or somebody else had given him was a treasure. But then, all of a sudden as he got up to move all the gifts from his bed so he could sleep he suddenly didn't look so grateful anymore. More like disappointment and sad for something.

It couldn't be about the things though…

"Penny for your thoughts." I said at last, a bit scared if the answer I would get was one of that I hadn't done enough. "Was there anything that you thought was in there or wished for that wasn't in that whole pile of presents?"

"Oh no. No, absolutely not." Gabe promised. "I'm so happy for everything and it's all so nice things. But .. I was just… remembering the day that I ran away. The day I decided that I was going to find you… It feels like it has to be a whole lifetime ago. Like it was a whole other person than me doing it but… it wasn't."

"I hope you understand Gabe. That if I could I would take away all memories of those terrible things you have been through, gladly take it myself. But…" I wasn't so sure what to say. "I can't. Everything I, and you, and everybody else can do is to get on with our lives and make it as good for everyone as it possibly can. And today was something good, wasn't it?"

"It was." Gabe agreed. "It was the best. And… that Isabel will be coming here too… Just that would have been more than enough."

I moved a wrapped gift in my hands, it was long and slim and round and held just one more…

"I actually have one more gift for you…" Gabe looked as if he'd already had enough but I ignored it and handed him the wrapped present. "…Here you go."

He slowly unwrapped hit, as if he did it too fast it would disappear out of his hands. And at last sat there, with a bunch of wrapping paper and pieces of sticky tape around him and in his hands a rolled up poster.

"Look here." I rolled it up. "As you can see it's a world map. But, I already got some…" I pulled up some thumbtacks that I had had in my pocket. "Point at where I should hang it up on the wall. Anyway, this is a special map. Because this color on every country is only the top layer. And then you can scratch it off every country you've been too. So… Well, you can scrape off the top layer on Norway so you can see what color is under." I pointed to the country across the ocean from us. "And… about that… There's something more I would like to show you. But since it's dark outside now there's no point with going there now."

Gabe nodded and took a coin from his wallet and started scraping on the area of Norway on the map.

"There is more to this. But I'll tell you about that tomorrow. We can drive Isabel and Mike back to the train station and then there's something I have to show you." Gabe nodded, then yawned. "Now get to bed. And so will I."

I didn't have to tell him twice, even though Gabe was now fifteen years old I was still his parent. Although I couldn't force him into something like going to bed I could advise him to do it when his eyelids seemed to be closing by themselves- like now when Gabe collapsed on his bed with all clothes on.

"Dad?" I turned when I heard him call my name just as I was in the door. "I… ehrm… I just wanted to say… ehrm. I just wanted to tell you that I love you… and thank you… for everything."

"Don't mention it. It's what a parent does… should do." I felt my heart beating strong and couldn't help the tears burning behind my eyes.

All of these years I had wished for nothing more than to hear him say that.

"I love you too son."

 **Random fact**

I've only heard about those scratch off maps, where you scratch off the top layer of the country you've been. I think they look really cool. I'd get one for myself if it wasn't for the fact that I don't like travelling much since I'm so desperately afraid of flying.

 **Those who review will get a shoutout. See you for the next chapter, that will be the last.**


	26. End of the beginning

**Fanfiction have some bug again so it's not showing when chapters are put up. So I'm deleting the chapter and then putting it up again until the bug is fixed.**

 **Thanks to Justice237 for reviewing.**

 **Well, here you go. The last chapter. It will have two parts, and both are told from Gabe's pov.**

"I PAID YOU. YOU WH*RE"

I held my hands over my ears where I sat in the cupboard under the stairs in the small house I lived in with my mum.

Whenever she had a costumer this is where I would have to lock myself in my room upstairs, but… I had just broken a plate and as for punishment I had been locked in here for the whole day.

Now there was a great big man who had paid my mum to have sex with him and mum had probably forgot all about letting me out.

"Mr. Morrison… please…"

I could hear more shouting and pressed my hands hard over my ears.

But it didn't help when I heard something click. A noise I knew way too well…

BOOM

I flinched where I sat.

BOOM

I stopped breathing. Then I heard over my head someone running down the hallway and continuing out the front door to the house.

"MUM?" I shouted. "MUM?"

No answer….

I hesitated looking at the inside of the door to the cupboard.

If my mum was…

"MUM?"

No reply, and without hesitating I threw myself towards the door so I hit it away from its hinges and I fell right over it.

"Mum?" I hurried to my feet and stepped closer to her, where she had been in the kitchen, starting what they were doing with pouring up a glass of wine. Seeing the wounds in mum's head and in her chest I was brought right back to the day and the moment George had been lying in front of us at that parking lot with blood floating out towards the asphalt. "Why couldn't you just do as you were told?"

I backed away, with every second I realized more and more that my mum was dead and with that the only person I had in the whole wide world. Despite that mother had treated me like something the cat had dragged in I always had someone, and always somewhere to stay.

What was I supposed to do now?

I couldn't stay here.

Without thinking I ran up the stairs and threw my bedroom door closed after me, it was a small room. But big enough for me to take a few steps towards the window while hyperventilating, then back in the same track, and again, back and forth and back and forth.

And then suddenly something lying on my bedside table.

I could have sworn I had hidden it in my wardrobe…

It wasn't special by any means. It was just a prom picture of my mum and her current boyfriend at the time.

With hate running through my body I ripped the photo in half, and with only my father's, smiling face looking up at me I ripped the half of my mum in pieces. And still, without even thinking I decided that with this one photo she was out of my life.

I barely knew anything about my dad, only his name.

And the fact that I needed to find him.

Throwing things in my backpack I couldn't even notice the fact that I was hyperventilating, two pairs of sweatpants, a pair of jeans, two hoodies, three T- shirts, I put all of my drawing things in a plastic bag so it wouldn't get soaked and ruined when I went out, then also put the photo of my dad in it. And so the phone mum had bought at a moment she was back to the old self she had been so very long ago, phone charger and a few bags of candies.

At last I ran to mum's bedroom, where she hid all money she ever made in cash in a glass box. She had thought that I had no idea about where it was. Now I took it all and pushed the bills down my pocket before I took my bag, pulled my jacket on. And then, with one last look towards the body that had been my mother, I ran outside and down the street as fast as I could.

Someone must have called the police, because a police car with sounding sirens and blue lights passed me just before I turned and I saw them pulling over in front of my house.

No! Not my house. Not anymore! And never again, during any circumstances would it be my house again.

I started running again, when I finally stopped and slowed down it had stopped raining.

I opened my bag and pulled up the photo I had of my dad- Gabriel Atwood and put it in my pocket to have it close.

I suddenly froze and looked around. I had never seen this place before, so how was I supposed to make my way to anything where I knew what to make myself.

 _Samuel!_ I thought to myself. _There is no one in this world you can trust except for yourself. And you have to find a way to… to… to…_

I looked down on the photo again and knew exactly what I needed to do.

And the first thing I needed to do was to let go of who I had been- Samuel.

Samuel Gabriel Atwood.

…"No way." I whispered to myself. "She gave me that name. And never ever do I want to use it again."

But the name Gabriel was from my dad.

"My name is Gabriel." I said to myself to taste it, but it didn't sound right. "My name is Gabe."

A little girl who had been out to throw the trash out by the street. She now looked towards me, then frowned and ran back into the house where her parents were probably waiting for her.

I froze and pulled the photo of my dad up again.

Now where on earth could he be?

 **XxXxX**

"Here we go. This is one of my favorite places."

Dad pulled the handbrake where he stopped and showed me to get out of the car, I stepped out to the bottom of the hill and he showed me to walk up the great, big hill.

"Well. You'll never going to get or see something beautiful without working for it." He was panting a whole lot more than I did as we reached the top and a whole meadow of grass stopping right in the emptiness of the edge of the cliff towards the great, big ocean. "I like coming out here. I haven't had the time to do so since before Logan was born."

I didn't answer, I had never known water could look so beautiful and literally everything we could see was water for a hundred miles away from where we stood.

"When I was little mum would tell me a story that if I held a stone in my hand, wished for something and then threw it over the edge, into the water it would come true…. And the last time I went here, when Liv was pregnant I was the happiest man of the world for that but… it reminded me of Julianna and… and you. So everything I wished for was that one day I would have both of my boys with me, happy and safe. It took a while for it to come true. And maybe it didn't happen in the way I would have wished it for. But it's well enough."

I couldn't help but wonder about what it was that hadn't worked out the way he had wanted. I would know that that was the part of everything I had gone through before being here, about George, about mum, about blood and gun shots.

Still, there was that little voice in my head that told me that was all my fault. That I wasn't good enough.

"This place, watching this also makes it feel like you and your problems are so tiny in this whole, wide world. Doesn't it?"

My dad's voice sounded louder than that criticizing one in the back of my mind.

I looked over all of what I could see, tried to suck in every wave and every gust of the winter wind, the sunshine shining over all of us and the clear blue skies.

This was a whole big world wasn't it?

"Watching this makes me think… maybe. Not right now, but maybe some day I'll be able to forgive my mum and leave my past behind me."

Watching this, with those few but meaningful words and remembering the night I had ran away was when the tears came.

Sure, I had cried before. But it wasn't like this and I had always tried to shove it away. But I knew right away these tears wouldn't let themselves be stopped and those were of the heavy kind. As if every new tear rising in my eyes and running down my cheeks carried just a piece of what had been so heavy on my heart and mind for as long as I could remember.

I sniveled, then felt my dad's hand on my shoulder while I once again ran my vision over everything I could see, the waves hitting the cliffs under us hard by the wind and I had to wrap my arms around me to try and keep warm.

"So in all of this…" I started as soon as I found my voice again. "…It's you and me. It's finally you and me."

I looked up and still with tears running down my cheeks turned to look at dad who nodded agreeing.

"You and me kid… And everyone and everything else but yeah, finally you and me."

That was all the answer I needed, and trying to stroke away the tears. And then all of a sudden I couldn't help but laugh, every chuckle lifting what was left of the weight of my shoulders.

"Well..." I laughed at last. "At least we won't ever have to complain it's boring, will we?"

 **Random fact**

Hmmm… what to put here… Have you ever seen the cliffs of Dover? I have. And I chose Dover because that is a place where I have been. Even though only travelled through.


End file.
